You Can Win Part 28

SMILE*

A smile costs nothing, but it creates much.

It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who give it.

It happens in a flash, and the memory of it may last forever.

None are so rich that they can get along without it, and none so poor that they cannot be richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in a business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be begged, bought, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is worth nothing to anyone until it is given away.

109*

* from The Best of . . . Bits & Pieces, Economics Press, Fairfield, NJ, 1994, p.l70.

110*In the course of the day, some of your acquaintances may be too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours.

n.o.body needs a smile so much as those who have none Ieft to give.

Cheerfulness flows from goodness. A smile can be fake or genuine. The key is to have a genuine one. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. It is easier to smile than frown. It improves face value. A simile is contagious and is an inexpensive way to improve looks. A smiling face is always welcome. Who likes to be around a grouch? No one, except maybe a bigger grouch. A warm sincere smile shows through just like an insincere one.

Step 7: Put Positive Interpretation on Other People's Behavior

In the absence of sufficient facts, people instinctively put a negative interpretation on others' actions or inactions. Some people suffer from "paranoia"; they think the world is out to get them. That is not true. By starting on a positive note, we have a better chance of building a pleasing personality resulting in good relationships.

For example, how often have we put through a call and not gotten a reply from the other party for two days and the first thought that comes to our mind is, "They never cared to return my call" or "They ignored me." That is negative. Maybe:

they tried, but couldn't get through they left the message we didn't get they had an emergency they never got the message

There could be many reasons. It is worth giving the benefit of doubt to the other person and starting on a positive note.

Step 8: Be a Good Listener

Ask yourself these questions. How does it make you feel when you wanted somebody to listen to you and

They did more talking than listening?

They disagreed with the first thing you said.

They interrupted you at every step.

They were impatient and completed every sentence you started.

They were physically present but mentally absent.

They heard but didn't listen. You had to repeat the same thing three times because the other person wasn't listening.

They came to conclusions unrelated to facts.

They asked questions on unrelated topics.

They were fidgety and distracted.

They were obviously not listening or paying attention.

All these things show disinterest in the person or the topic and a total lack of courtesy.

111*Do the following words describe the feeling of not being listened to?

Neglected Belittled Rejected Annoyed Dejected Stupid Let down Worthless Unimportant Embarra.s.sed Small Demotivated Ignored Disheartened

Let's reverse the scenario. How does it make you feel when you want someone to listen to you and they

make you comfortable.

give you their undivided attention.

ask appropriate and relevant questions.

show interest in your subject.

Do the following words describe the feeling of being listened to?

Important Good Pleased Happy Satisfied Appreciated Worthwhile Encouraged Cared for Inspired

What are some of the barriers to effective listening?

External Barriers Internal Barriers

physical distractions preoccupation or absent-mindedness noise prejudice and prejudging people fatigue no interest in subject or speaker

There could be intellectual barriers, such as language, comprehension, etc. In order to inspire others to speak, be a good listener.

Listening shows caring. When you show a caring att.i.tude toward another person, that person feels important. When he feels important, what happens? He is more motivated and more receptive to your ideas.

An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.

--David Augsburger

112*

In order to be a good listener: