You Can Win Part 20

CAUSES OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

We start forming our self-esteem, positive or negative, from the day we are born. We develop feelings about ourselves that are reinforced by others.

Negative Self-Talk or Negative Auto-Suggestions

This is when we say to ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, statements such as:

I have a poor memory.

I'm not good at math.

I'm not an athlete.

I'm tired.

Such statements only reinforce the negative and put ourselves down. Very soon our mind starts believing these statements and our behavior changes accordingly. They become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Environment

Home

The greatest thing that a parent can give to his children are roots. The best part of a family tree is the roots. Noticing a little girl's courteous and polite behavior, the teacher asked, "Who taught you to be so courteous and polite?" The girl replied, "No one. It just runs in our family."

Upbringing

"Fellow citizens, why do you turn and sc.r.a.p every stone to gather wealth and to take so little care of your children to whom one day, you must relinquish it all?"*

In order for our children to turn out well, we need to spend twice the time and half the money. It is less painful to learn in youth than be ignorant as an adult.

Parents with high self-esteem breed confidence and high self-esteem in their children by giving them positive concepts, beliefs, and values. The reverse is also true.

It is a great heritage to have honest parents. Parents who partic.i.p.ate in crooked business deals unfortunately set bad examples for their future generations.

A strong role model or mentor could be a parent, relative or teacher who is held in high regard. During their formative years, children look up to adults in positions of influence.

Even as adults, we look to our supervisors and managers as role models.

* Socrates 82*

LITTLE EYES UPON YOU**

There are little eyes upon you and they're watching night and day.

There are little ears that quickly take in every word you say.

There are little hands all eager to do anything you do; And a little boy who's dreaming of the day he'll be like you.

You're the little fellow's idol, you're the wisest of the wise.

In his little mind about you no suspicions ever rise.

He believes in you devoutly, holds all that you say and do; He will say and do, in your way, when he's grown up like you.

There's a wide-eyed little fellow who believes you're always right; And his eyes are always opened, and he watches day and night.

You are setting an example every day in all you do, For the little boy who's waiting to grow up to be like you.

BUILDING CONFIDENCE.

A young couple used to leave their daughter at a day-care center every day before going to work. As they parted company, the parents and child kissed each other's hands and then put the kisses in their pockets. All during the day when the little girl got lonely she would take out a kiss and put it on her cheek. This little routine made them feel together even though they were physically apart. What a wonderful thought.

What Makes a Child a Delinquent?

? Teach him to put a price tag on everything and he will put his integrity for sale.

83*? Teach him never to take a stand and then he will fall for anything.

** From The Moral Compa.s.s, edited by William J. Bermett, Simon 8~ Schuster, New York, 1995, pp. 52~24.

84*

Make him believe that winning is not everything. It is the only thing and he will make every effort to win by hook or by crook.

Give a child everything he wants right from infancy and he will grow up believing that the world owes him a living and everything will be handed to him on a platter.

When he picks up bad language, laugh at him. This will make him think he is cute.

Don't ever give him any moral or ethical values. Wait until he is 21 and let him "determine his own."

Give him choices without direction. Never teach him that every choice has a consequence.

Never tell him he is wrong, he might develop a complex. This will condition him to believe that society is against him when he gets arrested for doing something wrong.

Always pick up things that he leaves lying around--books, shoes, clothes, etc. Do everything for him so that he will learn to push all responsibilities onto others.

Let him read, watch and hear anything he wants. Be careful what he feeds his body, but let his mind feed on garbage.

In order to be popular with his peers, he must go along to get along.

Quarrel frequently when he is present. This way he won't be surprised when things fall apart at home.

Give him as much money as he wants. Never teach him respect for or the value of money. Make sure he does not have things as tough as you did.

Provide instant gratification for all sensual desires such as food, drink, comfort.

Deprivation can cause frustration.

Side with him against neighbors, teachers, etc., as they are prejudiced against him.

When he gets into real trouble, excuse yourself by saying, "I tried my best but could never do anything with him."

Don't put your foot down because you believe discipline takes away freedom.

Prefer remote control to parental control in order to teach independence.

What children get, they give to society.

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE.