The Man of the World (1792) Part 6

[_A very loud laugh without_.

_Lady Rodolpha._ [_Without._] Ha, ha, ha! weel I vow, cousin Egerton, you have a vast deal of shrewd humour.--But Lady Macsycophant, which way is Sir Pertinax?

_Lady Mac._ [Without._] Strait forward, madam.

_Lord Lum_. Here the hairbrain comes: it must be her, by the noise,

_Lady Rod_. [_Without._] Allons--gude folks--follow me--sans ceremonie.

_Enter Lady_ RODOLPHA, _Lady_ MACSYCOPHANT, EGERTON, _and_ SIDNEY.

_Lady Rod_. [_Running up to Sir_ Per.] Sir Pertinax, your most devoted, most obsequious, and most obedient va.s.sal. [_Curtsies very low_.

_Sir Per_. [_Bowing ridiculously low._] Lady Rodolpha, down till the ground, my congratulations and duty attend you, and I should rejoice to kiss your ladyship's footsteps.

_Lady Rod_. [_Curtsying very low._] O! Sir Pertinax, your humeelity is most sublimely complaisant:--at present, unanswerable;--but I shall intensely study to return it--fyfty fald.

_Sir Per_. Your ladyship does me singular honour:--weel, madam--ha! you look gaily;--weel, and how--how is your ladyship, after your jaunt till the Bath?

_Lady Rod_. Never better, Sir Pertinax:--as weel as youth, health, riotous spirits, and a careless happy heart can make me.

_Sir Per_. I am mighty glad till hear it, my lady.

_Lord Lum_. Ay, ay--Rodolpha is always in spirits, Sir Pertinax.--Vive la Bagatelle is the philosophy of our family,--ha? Rodolpha--ha?

_Lady Rod_. Traith it is, my lord; and upon honour I am determined it shall never be changed with my consent. Weel I vow--ha, ha, ha! Vive la Bagatelle would be a most brilliant motto for the chariot of a belle of fashion. What say you till my fancy, Lady Macsycophant.

_Lady Mac_. It would have novelty at least to recommend it, madam.

_Lady Rod_. Which of aw charms is the most delightful that can accompany wit, taste, love, or friendship;--for novelty I take to be the true _Je ne scais quoi_ of all worldly bliss. Cousin Egerton, shou'd not you like to have a wife with Vive la Bagatelle upon her wedding chariot?

_Eger_. O! certainly, madam.

_Lady Rod_. Yes, I think it would be quite out of the common, and singularly ailegant.

_Eger_. Indisputably, madam:--for as a motto is a word to the wise, or rather a broad hint to the whole world of a person's taste and principles,--Vive la Bagatelle would be most expressive at first sight of your ladyship's characteristic.

_Lady Rod_. [_Curtsies._] O! Maister Egerton, you touch my vary heart with your approbation--ha, ha, ha! that is the vary spirit of my intention, the instant I commence bride.--Weel! I am immensely proud that my fancy has the approbation of so sound an understanding, and so polished a taste as that of the all-accomplished [_Curtsies very low._] Mr. Egerton.

_Sir Per_. Weel,--but Lady Rodolpha--I wanted to ask your ladyship some questions about the company at the Bath;--they say you had aw the world there.

_Lady Rod_. O, yes!--there was a vary great mob there indeed;--but vary little company.--Aw Canaille,--except our ain party.--The place was crowded with your little purse-proud mechanics;--an odd kind of queer looking animals that have started intill fortune fra lottery tickets, rich prizes at sea, gambling in Change-Alley, and sic like caprices of fortune;--and away they aw crowd to the Bath to learn genteelity, and the names, t.i.tles, intrigues, and bon-mots of us people of fashion; ha, ha, ha!

_Lord Lum_. Ha, ha, ha! I know them;--I know the things you mean, my dear, extremely well.--I have observed them a thousand times, and wondered where the devil they all came from; ha, ha, ha!

_Lady Mac_. Pray, Lady Rodolpha, what were your diversions at Bath?

_Lady Rod_. Guid traith, my lady, the company were my diversion,--and better na human follies ever afforded; ha, ha, ha! sic an a mixture--and sic oddities, ha, ha, ha!--a perfect Gallimaufry.--Lady Kunegunda M'Kenzie and I used to gang about till every part of this human chaos, on purpose to reconnoitre the monsters and pick up their frivolities; ha, ha, ha!

_Sir Per_. Ha, ha, ha! why that must have been a high entertainment till your ladyship.

_Lady Rod_. Superlative and inexhaustible, Sir Pertinax; ha, ha, ha!-- Madam, we had in one group--a peer and a sharper,--a dutchess and a pinmaker's wife,--a boarding school miss and her grandmother,--a fat parson, a lean general, and a yellow admiral,--ha, ha, ha!--aw speaking together--and bawling and wrangling in fierce contention, as if the fame and fortune of aw the parties were to be the issue of the conflict.

_Sir Per_. Ha, ha, ha! pray, madam, what was the object of their contention?

_Lady Rod_. O! a vary important one, I a.s.sure you;--of no less consequence, madam, than how an odd trick at whist was lost, or might have been saved.

_Omnes_. Ha, ha, ha!

_Lady Mac_. Ridiculous!

_Lord Lum_. Ha, ha, ha! my dear Rodolpha, I have seen that very conflict a thousand times.

_Sir Per_. And so have I, upon honour, my lord.

_Lady Rod_. In another party, Sir Pertinax--ha, ha, ha! we had what was called the cabinet council, which was composed of a duke and a haberdasher,--a red hot patriot and a sneering courtier,--a discarded statesman and his scribbling chaplain,--with a busy, bawling, muckle-headed, prerogative lawyer;--all of whom were every minute ready to gang together by the lugs, about the in and the out meenistry--ha, ha, ha!

_Sir Per_. Ha, ha, ha! weel, that is a droll motley cabinet, I vow.--Vary whimsical upon honour.--But they are aw great politicians at Bath, and settle a meenistry there with as much ease as they do the tune of a country dance.

_Lady Rod_. Then, Sir Pertinax, in a retired part of the room--in a bye corner--snug--we had a Jew and a bishop--

_Sir Per_. A Jew and a bishop!--ha--ha--a devilish guid connection that;-- and pray, my lady, what were they about?

_Lady Rod_. Why, sir, the bishop--was striving to convert the Jew,--while the Jew--by intervals--was slily picking up intelligence fra the bishop about the change in the meenistry, in hopes of making a stroke in the stock.

_Omnes_. Ha, ha, ha!

_Sir Per_. Ha, ha, ha! admirable! admirable! I honour the smouse:--hah! it was develish clever of him, my lord,--develish clever.

_Lord Lum_. Yes, yes--the fellow kept a sharp look-out.--I think it was a fair trial of skill on both sides, Mr. Egerton.

_Eger_. True, my lord;--but the Jew seems to have been in the fairer way to succeed.

_Lord Lum_. O! all to nothing, sir; ha, ha, ha!--Well, child, I like your Jew and your bishop much.--It's develish clever.--Let us have the rest of the history, pray, my dear.

_Lady Rod_. Guid traith, my lord, the sum total is--that there we aw danced, and wrangled, and flattered, and slandered, and gambled, and cheated, and mingled, and jumbled, and wolloped together--clean and unclean--even like the animal a.s.sembly in Noah's ark.

_Omnes_. Ha, ha, ha!

_Lord Lum_. Ha, ha, ha!--Well, you are a droll girl, Rodolpha,--and, upon my honour, ha, ha, ha!--you have given us as whimsical a sketch as ever was. .h.i.t off.

_Sir Per_. Ah! yas, my lord, especially the animal a.s.sembly in Noah's ark.--It is an excellent picture of the oddities that one meets with at the Bath.

_Lord Lum_. Why yes, there is some fancy in it, I think, Egerton?

_Eger_. Very characteristic indeed, my lord.

_Lord Lum_. What say you, Mr. Sidney?