The Handbook of Conundrums Part 10

When is a pie like a poet? When it's Browning.

What best describes and most impedes a Pilgrim's Progress? Bunyan (bunion).

Why are Addison's works like a looking-gla.s.s? Because in them we see the "Spectator."

Was Oth.e.l.lo thinking of his wife when he killed her? No, 's mother.

What toe would you rather kiss than the Pope's? Mrs. Beecher S-towe.

Who was the first whistler, and what tune did he whistle? The wind,--"Over the Hills and Far Away."

Who wrote most, d.i.c.kens or Bulwer? d.i.c.kens. He wrote "All the Year Round," while Bulwer wrote "Night and Morning."

What countryman was Burns? A Scorchman.

What change of ident.i.ty did the "Beggar's Opera" effect? It made Gay rich, and Rich gay.

When was the greatest destruction of poultry? When King Claudius of Denmark "did murder most foul."

Why are the abbreviations of degrees tacked on to a man's name? To show that he is a man of letters.

"Why," asked Moore, the poet, "is love like a potato?" Because it shoots from the eyes, "and," added Byron, "gets less by pairing."

If Falstaff had been musical what instrument would he have chosen after dinner? The sackbut.

Why is it almost certain that Shakespeare was a broker? Because no man has furnished so many stock quotations.

Why is a statistician like a writer of one of the Six Best Sellers?

Because he is the author of well-figured fiction.

Why are Parliamentary reports called "Blue Books?" Because they are never re(a)d.

Why is an architect like a newspaper writer? Because he gets so much "per column" for his work.

Why was Blackstone like an Irish vegetable? Because he was a common tatur (commentator).

Is there any bird which can recite the "Lays of Ancient Rome?" Yes, certainly, Macaw-lays.

Why cannot the Irish perform the play of "Hamlet?" Because they cannot help making "Aphalia" (a failure) of the heroine.

What was Oth.e.l.lo's occupation in Venice? That of a lawyer, because he was attorney-general (a tawny general).

If you took off your boot and put your foot in the fire, what opera of Verdi's would it instantly make you? Rigoletto (wriggle-a-toe).

Why are unsuccessful contestants for a prize like Shakespeare?

Because they have made "Much Ado About Nothing."

What is the difference between living "in marble halls" and aboard ship? In the former you have "va.s.sals and serfs at your side," and in the latter you have vessels and surfs at your side.

Why is it quite reasonable that d.i.c.kens' later plots should be complicated? Because one of his earlier works was all of a twist (Oliver Twist).

Why have the inhabitants of the city of Boston less need of foreign bards than those of any other city? Because they can always find poetry in their own "Holmes."

Why is a competent lawyer like a bloodstone set in jet? Because he is deep read (red) in Blackstone.

NAMES OF AUTHORS

A slang expression. d.i.c.kens.

A brighter and a smarter one. Whittier.

Put a grain 'twixt an ant and a bee, and a well-beloved poet you'll see. Bryant.

It comes from a pig. Bacon.

II. Mark Twain.

A ten-footer whose name begins with fifty. Longfellow.

Part of a lady's wearing apparel used long ago. Spencer.

What is an oyster heap likely to become? Sh.e.l.ley.

It is worn on the head. Hood.

A worker in precious metals. Goldsmith.

What is the value of a word? Wordsworth.

A domestic animal. Lamb.

He mends and repairs. Cooper.

Many people would like to kiss him. Pope.

It pertains to a monastery. Abbott.

A domestic servant. Cook.

Which is the better playwright, William Shakespeare or Brinsley Sheridan? Willis.

Part of a fish. Finley.

What the children delight in at the seash.o.r.e. Sands.