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CHAPTER VIII
CONUNDRUMS ON THE ALPHABET
What word is it of only three syllables which combines in it twenty-six letters? Alphabet.
Which word in the English language contains the greatest number of letters? Disproportionableness.
What is the best bet ever made? The alphabet.
When were there only two vowels? In the days of No-a, before U and I were born.
When will there be but twenty-five letters in the alphabet? When U and I are one.
Why is U the gayest letter in the alphabet? Because it is always in fun.
Why is T the happiest letter in the alphabet? Because it is next to you.
Which are the two hottest letters in the alphabet? K N (cayenne).
Why is O the most charitable letter in the alphabet? Because it is found oftener than any other letter d-o-ing g-oo-d.
Why is the letter T like matrimony? It is the end of quiet and the beginning of trouble.
Why is a farmer surprised at the letter G? It converts oats into goats.
When was B the first letter of the alphabet? In the days of No-a.
What step must I take to remove A from the alphabet? B-head it.
Why is A like a honeysuckle? Because a "B" follows it.
Why is the letter W like a scandal? Because it makes ill will.
Why are two t's like hops? Because they make beer better.
Spell enemy in three letters. No, not N M E; it's F O E.
Spell auburn locks in two letters. S and Y.
Spell brandy in three letters. B R and Y, and O D V.
What must you add to nine to make it six? S, for IX with S is six.
If you asked the alphabet to come to dinner, which letters could not accept your kind invitation till later in the evening? The last six, as they couldn't come till after T.
How can you tell a girl of the name of Ellen that she is everything that is delightful in eight letters? U-r-a-bu-t-l-n.
What is that which occurs twice in a moment and not once in a thousand years? The letter M.
Why is A like twelve o'clock? Because it's the middle of day.
Why is a false friend like the letter P? Because, though always first in pity, he is ever last in help.
Why is the letter P like a Roman emperor? Because it's near O (Nero).
Why is a fish-hook like the letter F? Because it will make an eel feel.
What letter is that which is invisible, but never out of sight? I.
How would you express in two letters that you were twice the bulk of your companion? I W (I double you).
What two Christian names read the same both ways? Hannah and Anna.
Why is the Isthmus of Suez like the first U in cuc.u.mber? Because it's between two seas (c's).
What word is there of eight letters which has five of them the same?
Oroonoko.
Why is O the noisiest of all vowels? Because you cannot make a horrid loud noise without it, whilst all the others are inAUdIblE.
What word contains the five vowels in their order? Facetious.
Why is I the luckiest of all the vowels? Because it is in the center of bliss, whilst E is in h.e.l.l, and all the others are in pUrgAtOry.
What must all the letters of the alphabet be in order to possess infinite sagacity? Wise (y's).
Y y u r y y u b i c u r y y for me. Too wise you are, two wise you be; I see you are too wise for me.
What are those things, which, though they appear twice in every day, and twice in every week, yet are only seen twice in a year? Vowels.
What letter in the alphabet is necessary to make a shoe? The last.
What word of six letters admits of five successive elisions, leaving at each abbreviation a well-known word?
Brandy--brand--bran--ran--an--a.
Name two English words, one of which, being of one syllable only, shall contain more letters than the other of five syllables?
Strength--Ideality.
Why is a gla.s.s-blower the most likely person to set the alphabet off at a gallop? Because he can make a D-canter.
What word of six letters contains six words besides itself, without transposing a letter? Herein--he--her--here--ere--rein--in.
Is there a word in the English language which contains all the vowels? Yes, unquestionably.
Why is quizzing like the letter D on horseback? It is deriding (D riding).
When did "Chicago" begin with a "C" and end with an "e"? Chicago always began with a "C" and end always began with an "e."
