The Handbook of Conundrums Part 9

The coal-horses of roads (Colossus of Rhodes).

Why may we doubt the existence of the Giants' Causeway? There are so many sham-rocks in Ireland, this may be one of them.

What is the difference between a certain part of Africa and the shade of Hamlet's father stalking in winter? One is the Gold Coast, the other the cold ghost.

Why is love like the Erie Ca.n.a.l? It's an internal transport.

Why is New York City like a flash light? It has a Battery.

When is a tourist in Ireland like a donkey? When he is going to Bray.

Why is a nabob like a beggar? He is an India gent (indigent).

Why is wit like a Chinese lady's foot? Because brevity is the sole (soul) of it.

What is a man like who is in the middle of the Thames and can't swim?

Like to be drowned.

Why is the Hudson River like a shoe? Because it is a great place for tows (toes).

Why is a pleasure trip to Egypt fit only for very old gentlemen?

Because it is a see-Nile (senile) thing to do.

What soap is hardest? Cast-steel (Castile).

Why is the Bank of England like a thrush? Because it often changes its notes.

Why is Canada like courtship? Because it borders on the United States.

Who were the original bog-trotters? The Fen-ians.

Why is a ship in a stream like a nail? Because it is often driven into Deal.

Why is Paris like the letter F? Because it is the capital of France.

Why is the Brooklyn Bridge like merit? Because it is very often pa.s.sed over.

Why do so many people in China travel on foot? Because there is but one coach in China (Cochin China).

CHAPTER VII

LITERARY CONUNDRUMS

What American poet may be considered equal to three-fifths of the poets ancient and modern? Poe.

The names of which two Greek poems will you mention on alluding to their author's peculiar manner and indisposition? Homer's Odd-I-see and Ill-I-add.

Why is an unskillful physician like Peleus' son, Achilles? Because both have "sent many souls to Hades ere their time."

What injury did the Lavinia of Thomson's "Seasons" do to young Palemon? She pulled his ears and trod on his corns.

If a tough beefsteak could speak, what English poet would it mention?

Chaw-sir (Chaucer).

Was it John Byrom who, in comparing two celebrated musicians, said one was Tweedledum, the other only Tweedledee? If so, state which of these two names was the more difficult to write. Tweedledum, because he wrote the other with more e's (ease).

Why was it a mistake to imagine that Robinson Crusoe's island was uninhabited? Because the very first thing he saw upon landing was a great swell a pitchin' into a little "cove" on the sh.o.r.e.

What prescription is the best for a poet? A composing draught.

Why is an author the most wonderful man in the world? Because his tale (tail) comes out of his head.

Why was Bulwer more likely to get tired of novel-writing than Warren?

Because Bulwer wrote "Night and Morning," Warren only "Now and Then."

What author would eye-gla.s.ses and spectacles mention to the world if they could only speak? Eusebius (you see by us).

Why is a wax candle like d.i.c.kens' last work? Because it's a cereal (serial) work.

When is a slug like a poem of Tennyson's? When it's in a garden ("Enoch Arden").

How do we know Lord Byron was good-tempered? Because he always kept his choler (collar) down.

How can you instantly convict one of error when stating who was the earliest poet? By mentioning one Prior.

What was the most melancholy fact in the history of Milton? That he could "recite" his poems, but not re-sight himself.

Why do we speak of poetic fire? Because if the ancient Scandinavians had their "Skalds," we have also had our Burns.

What English poet does a mummy resemble? Dryden (dried-'un).

What lady of the Dante family is most often spoken of? Ann-dante.

Why are baldheaded men in danger of dying? Because "Death loves a shining mark."

What poem of Hood's resembles a tremendous Roman nose? "The Bridge of Sighs" (the bridge of size).

Why was d.i.c.kens a greater writer than Shakespeare? Shakespeare wrote well, but d.i.c.kens wrote Weller.

What proof have we that Cowper was in debt? He "oh'd for a lodge in some vast wilderness."

Why should the poet have expected the woodman to "spare that tree?"

Because he thought he was a good feller (fellow).

Why are the relics of the departed like a man whose pocket has been robbed and the thief escaped? Because they have both felt "the touch of a vanished hand."