Snapdragon: Tiny Threads Part 15

"No matter what she saw, it was bad," Abbie said as she dug through the box of donuts. "If he was close enough that it looked like a kiss, then he was too f.u.c.king close to her in my opinion."

I nodded. I whole-heartedly agreed with her. The fact that he was with Lana in the first place was bad enough. Being face to face with her made me see red.

"You still haven't told us what happened when he got home. What'd he say?" Abbie asked.

"I kicked him out," I said bluntly.

"You kicked him out?" Tara screeched. "Oh, Jenna! I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Where'd he go?"

I shook my head. I hadn't even thought about it. I'd just wanted him gone.

"He's at Sarah's, you know he is," Tara said, rolling her eyes. "Of course he went crying to his mama."

Abbie turned to me, concern written all over her face. "What now?"

The tone of her voice brought on the tears again, and this time I couldn't stop them.

"Today? Nothing," I said, wiping my eyes. "I need s.p.a.ce. Time to think. My head is full of c.r.a.p, and until I clear the confusion, I don't want to talk to him. I don't know what I want."

A strange silence fell over the room. They were as lost as I was. Like me, they never saw this coming. Sadly, they saw us as being untouchable.

What a load of s.h.i.t.

"We can stay as long as you want us to, Jenna. When you want us to leave, kick us out. I'll call Macy, have her come home so you can be with the girls. They're really confused, and once they find out Royal is gone, the s.h.i.t is going to hit the fan."

"How do I even tell them?"

Abbie swallowed her bite of donut and wiped her mouth with the napkin. "Be honest. The girls already know what happened. I'm not saying they'll understand, but honesty is your best bet. As far as Benji goes that's another story. He's going to be difficult."

I wiped at a stray tear. She was right-it'd be the hardest on him. He was very close to Royal, and they had all these daily rituals. He'd miss morning cartoons with Daddy and ice-cream in bed before he got tucked in.

"Lily still doesn't understand why she has to visit Daddy at Grandma's house. But, she's loved, and that's what's most important. I know you, Jenna. You'll do your best for them."

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes tightly. "Jenna, don't get p.i.s.sed, but maybe it's better if you two worked it out with him here. Is it necessary for him to move out?"

The question startled me. But, coming from Tara, and all she'd gone through, I understood.

"It's not like I want him to move out, but I need him to. This s.h.i.t with Lana is just the frosting on the cake. He's been sneaky and mean for months. We don't talk, we barely touch, and I can't take it. For my sanity, I need s.p.a.ce."

Tara rubbed my knee and gave me a sad smile. "I get it, sweetie. I just wish I knew how to fix it. This could end up blowing up in your face."

I scowled and pulled back from her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"All I mean is you have to work together. Look at me and Glenn! Get some counseling, work on your communication. Whatever it takes, Jenna."

I scoffed. "Yeah, I can see Royal sitting on a couch exposing his feelings. That will never fly, Tara, and you know it. He needs to realize that I'm done being taken for granted. He lives like a prince-I cook for him, clean for him, and sleep with him. I'm a good wife. I can't take being treated like I'm an inconvenience anymore. I deserve better, and until I get it, he stays with Sarah. He wants a mom, well, he can live with the b.i.t.c.h. He's treating me like a G.o.dd.a.m.ned maid, and I'm over it."

"h.e.l.l yes to that!" Abbie said, snapping her fingers over her head. "Dang, Jenna, I don't think I've ever seen you stick up for yourself like that before! I'm impressed."

"Shut up," Tara and I said at the same time.

It was going to be difficult, and my life would never be the same, but that was the point. I wanted what we once had. I deserved a better marriage, a better husband, and most of all, a better father to our children. He'd been giving us bits and pieces of himself for far too long. It was time for him to remember what he had-and what he stood to lose.

Chapter 11.

Day two without Royal turned out to be the hardest.

He'd called numerous times but hadn't come back. Truthfully, it surprised me. For my sake, I was glad, but the kids missed him. They'd been so upset about him leaving that the girls went to their rooms immediately after I told them without another word.

Yes, I asked him to leave, but the stupid part of me hoped he'd come right back. It wasn't rational-I was way too far gone for any coherent thoughts-but everything felt wrong. It felt wrong having him stay and wrong with him gone.

I was going crazy.

Eventually, it'd have to be dealt with, but I was afraid. I didn't know what to expect once I saw him again. I missed him terribly, but I was still so angry. None of that eased the ache of his absence. I wanted to see his face, trip over his boots, and hear him sing off-key in the shower every morning. I even missed the arguments because at least he was there with us.

The house felt empty-almost haunted-without him in it. We all felt it, but we'd done a d.a.m.n good job of ignoring it. It wouldn't last long, and when it hit us-well, it wouldn't be pretty.

After worrying about him for over twenty years, it was a habit I couldn't break. He had to be hurting the same as we were, but again, we weren't prepared. Macy was still angry and hurt beyond measure. Skylar was quiet, as usual, but she had a habit of bottling things up. Delaney was my tender one, and she and Ben had been clingy and needy. Out of all the them, she was Daddy's girl through and through. She didn't want to believe any of it.

There was one thing I knew would help me sort out my emotions, and that was being with my mom. I needed her more than ever. I wanted to cry on her shoulder and ask her advice. Mostly, I needed to step out of my skin and just be Jenna-bare and open. Not Mom, not wife, not friend. Just Jenna.

My mom would be heartbroken and disappointed in both of us: Royal for his behavior and me for holding things in for so long.

So that's what I did. I cancelled my clients, packed Benji up, and headed down the coast to stay with her for a couple of days. The girls wanted to stay home, and I understood. There was too much going on, and I think they needed a little s.p.a.ce from me as well.

"Do you want to stop for chicken nuggets to eat on the way?" I asked, turning to face the back seat.

"Yeah. I'm hungry."

I smiled and pulled into the drive-thru, ordering his nugget meal and an iced coffee for me. Once we were back on the road, I turned down the radio and took a deep breath. The conversation was going to be hard, and I wasn't looking forward to it.

"Bubba, I have to tell you something, and it's not nice news."

He gave me a strange look through the rear-view mirror before popping a fry in his mouth.

"Daddy's not going to live at our house for a while."

"Where's he gonna live at?" His little forehead wrinkled up, and his eyes drooped.

"I'm not sure, sweetie. Probably with Gramma."

He poked around in the bag before he spoke again. "Why?"

I blinked away the tears before he had a chance to see me cry. I had to be strong so he wouldn't be afraid.

"He just is. Just for a while, okay?"

"How come? I don't like that. I don't want Daddy not at my house."

I had to think fast. I had to give him something. Anything. I wanted to rea.s.sure him that he was not losing Royal.

"I know, and Mommy doesn't either, Bubba."

"Why doesn't he wanna live at our house anymore? He doesn't like us anymore?"

Every drop of blood in my body rushed to my brain. The pressure was intense and the throbbing uncontrollable.

"He absolutely still likes us. He loves you very much, but he and Mommy are not getting along. You know, like when Macy locks herself in her room so you, Laney, and Skylar can't come in. She just needs to be alone, but she still loves you guys. It's like that. He just needs a time out. That's all."

"You're mad at Daddy?" he asked.

I took a moment to answer. "Yes. I'm mad. He did something that made me very mad, so we're going to spend some time apart until we can get along. You don't like it when we fight, do you, bud?"

"No," he said quietly.

"I know you don't, and we don't like it when you hear us fight. It's not fair. It'll be okay, Benji. No matter what, Daddy and I love you and your sisters with all our hearts. It hurts Daddy very much not to be at home."

He didn't answer me, and he didn't talk to me the rest of the ride. I knew his little head was trying to process everything, and it killed me inside. I wanted to run to Royal and beg him to come home, no matter what happened.

But on the other hand...

No matter how much I hurt, watching my kids hurt was ten times worse. I couldn't handle it.

The moment I pulled into the driveway at my parents' house, I felt the tears begin to sting my eyes. I'd held it together the whole drive down, but my battle was ending. Their home had always been a comfort to me-it was my safe haven, a place I could always count on when I was down.

I wiped at my tears just in time to look up and see the kitchen curtains pulled back, my mother peeking out between them. Dragging myself out of the truck, I grabbed my purse and the roses I'd cut for her and headed up the parkway toward the front door.

The back door creaked as she stepped outside, and Benji ran straight into her legs.

"What are you doing in our neck of the woods today? Not that I'm complaining." She smiled sweetly and patted Benji on the head. "How's my handsome boy today?"

I smiled. The warm, soothing feeling washed over me, and I felt better instantly.

Benji let her kiss his cheek before wiping it off with his sleeve and running in the house, calling out for my dad.

"So..." she said, kissing me on the cheek.

"I should've called first, but I just missed my mom," I said, realizing how rude it was dropping in on her unexpectedly.

"Nonsense! You are always welcome, Jenna! You know that. Especially when you bring my little man along. Now, come inside and tell me what has you so upset." She pointed at me before turning and walking through the door. "Don't try to deny it. I'm your mother."

I gave her a watery smile. "Thank you, Mom."

Once we were inside, I took a seat at the kitchen table while my mom fixed us a cup of coffee. I loved the way my mother's house smelled-like cinnamon and home. Her kitchen made me smile, the soft yellow paint and bright curtains so happy and cheerful.

She placed a cup in front of me and slid the sugar bowl over, knowing I had a little coffee with my sugar. She sat down, wrapped her hands around her mug, and watched me over the rim as she blew on the liquid.

She was trying to read me-I knew that look well.

"How are my grandbabies? No one's hurt, are they?"

I shook my head. "No. Everyone's just fine. Healthy and safe." I took a deep breath and steeled myself for my next statement. "I asked Royal to move out."

She was quiet-too quiet. Especially after a revelation like that. I chanced a look at her and found her eyeing me more critically than before.

"Are you mad?" I asked softly.

Her lips pursed into a tight frown as she shook her head. "Mad? No. I'm not mad, sweetheart. Sad? Yes. Confused and sad is what I am, Jenna. What happened?"

I took a slow sip of my coffee and put it down. "We haven't been getting along for a while. Things have been rocky and weird, and then Lana showed up. He's been spending time with her, talking on the phone, meeting with her, and now he's signed on as the contractor to do her remodel. Macy saw them kissing, but I'm not sure what actually happened. I trust her-she wouldn't lie. When he got home, I freaked out and kicked him out. It was awful, Mom. G.o.d, I've never talked to him that way before."

I sniffled, rubbed at my eyes, and suddenly forgot how to breathe. I hadn't realized how hard it would be to tell my mother.

"Oh Lord, girl! My sweet girl," she cooed, reaching over to rub my hands.

"Mom, I'm scared. I'm so angry, but I can't live without him. I mean, I could, but I don't want to-I don't know how! I'm trying to hold it together for the kids, but I feel like I'm going to break at any minute."

She moved from her side of the table and knelt in front of me, wrapping her arms around me tightly. She kissed my forehead and rocked me gently.

"Of course you're scared. Everything will be okay-just give yourself some time to sort it all out and talk to him. That's the most important thing right now."

"I know." I nodded.

She stood, pulled her chair closer to mine, and slid her coffee over in front of her.

"I blew up at him, I slapped him-and even though I regret doing it, he deserved it. I asked him-no-begged him not to a.s.sociate with her, and he went ahead and did it anyway. It's like he forgot all those horrible things she did to me. What she said after I lost Teddy, how she hara.s.sed me while I was pregnant with Macy, all of it. She put me through h.e.l.l."

She sighed, dipping her spoon into the sugar and dropping a few spoonfuls into my mug.

"How are the kids taking all of this?"

I felt weak. Emotionally, I was just drained. My face was on fire from crying, so I laid my head on the table and let the cool wood give me a small relief.

"They're upset, naturally. Macy and Skylar saw him, Mom. Macy saw the kiss, and she's a wreck. She's p.i.s.sed off and I don't know what it will take for her to forgive him."

She was thoughtful for a moment before speaking again. "So, where did he go, or do I even have to ask?"

"He's with Sarah. He's staying on her couch. She left me a pretty nasty message on Sat.u.r.day. I haven't returned it."

My mom patted my hand and scowled. "Don't even bother calling her back. It's not her place. For once, she needs to mind her own business."