Snapdragon: Tiny Threads Part 16

I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to have to deal with her sometime."

"Do not let that woman get to you, Jenna. Do not." My mother gave me a stern look, understanding exactly what I'd have to deal with when I saw her.

"I'll try." I shrugged.

It was easier said than done. Sarah could irritate a saint. She'd have plenty to say, and I was sure she'd blame it all on me. It was just the way she was.

"What's going on in here?" my father's voice boomed from the doorway. "What are you doing all the way out here in the boonies? Miss me?"

I laughed, so happy to see his silly smirk. I stood, gave him a big hug, and pressed my nose into his scratchy flannel shirt. My dad always made me feel like a little girl again.

"Hi Daddy," I said, breathing in his scent and hugging him tighter.

I wanted him to make it all go away-like he always had. I knew better. This wasn't a sc.r.a.ped knee he could fix with a kiss. This was grown-up pain, the kind daddies couldn't fix.

"Hey now, what's all this?" he asked, rubbing my back.

I shook my head against his chest and peeked over at my mom from beneath my arm. I gave her a pointed look, letting her know I wasn't ready to tell him what happened. Unfortunately, he was way ahead of us.

"What'd he do?" he groaned.

"Dad," I sighed.

He held me by my upper arms and stared down at me.

"Tell me what's wrong. You're crying, and that little kid in there won't say a word, just sitting in my lap like a spanked c.o.c.ker Spaniel."

"Sit down, Daddy. Mom, grab him a cup of coffee. Add some Scotch."

Once he was seated, I filled him in. His face went bright red, and he was minutes away from blowing his top. I got my temper from my father-I knew the signs.

"That little son-of-a-b.i.t.c.h! What in the h.e.l.l is he thinking?" he roared, slamming his fist against the table.

"Dad," I said, holding my hands up. "Settle down. You'll scare Benji. We both messed up. It's not just this."

"Bulls.h.i.t!" he spat. "He's the man of that family. He has to do two things, and two things only: provide for you and those kids and make you happy. He already f.u.c.ked up number two, so our deal's off!"

"I don't make him happy, either!" I yelled, standing up and throwing my hands in the air. "Apparently, I'm the problem!"

A sardonic laugh escaped the scowl on his lips. He leaned back in his chair and narrowed his eyes.

"He's got it too good, that kid. That's part of the d.a.m.n problem. You baby him. He barely has to wipe his own a.s.s-hasn't had to do jack s.h.i.t since the day you married him. He sits around like a little prince while you're at his beck and call. Thinks he can have his cake and eat it too."

"I don't..." I sputtered. "I don't baby him."

I was on the defensive right away. I didn't like the way the conversation was going-at all. Not only that, I hated that he was right.

"You do, Jenna. Listen to your dad. He should know. They're two of a kind." She gave my dad a pointed look, and I watched as his shoulders stiffened.

He didn't dare say a peep.

My head snapped toward my mom and I stared, open-jawed. "No, they're not. Daddy's never treated you the way Royal treats me. He's just selfish!"

My mother sat down next to my father, and they shared a look. I squirmed in my chair waiting for what would come out of her mouth. I felt sick.

"There was a time when things weren't, well, rosy around here either. You wouldn't remember because you were very young, and you were used to Daddy being gone on the road. It was only about six months, but it was the hardest time in our lives, for both of us."

My whole body shuddered with a cold chill. My heart sputtered, slowed, and then began to beat wildly. "Mom? What are you saying?"

"I'm telling you that I asked your father for a divorce when you were eight years old. Your Dad was working on a cross-country load, and that was back before cell phones, of course, so we didn't get to talk for days. Sometimes weeks. It was hard on both of us. When he'd get home, he was a real bear. We just weren't getting along at all. Then, he started taking back-to-back trips, so we never saw each other. I couldn't take it. I asked him to stop, told him we needed him here. Then, I got suspicious and accused him of cheating."

I gasped, the intake of air so forced that I had to clutch my throat. "No... Daddy? No... you wouldn't... you never..."

"You're hearing it wrong, Jenna. I never cheated on your mother. Ever. But, I was being a selfish a.s.s. I had some things going on in my head, but I learned really quick what was important. That's when I quit driving and started working at the mill full time I was a stupid man, and I made some poor choices, but I never wanted to lose you two."

"Jesus f.u.c.king Christ," I said sharply. "I'm gonna throw up. I can't breathe."

I dropped my head between my knees and took several deep breaths. As if my life hadn't been turned on its a.s.s enough, I had to find out that my parents-my perfect loving parents-were flawed. I couldn't stand it.

"Jenna, you aren't hearing me. I only wanted you to understand that sometimes men are just stupid. Stupid. Your father is one of the dumbest men I've ever known-but I love him, always have. We worked through our problems and we've never been happier."

I glared at her. "So, I'm supposed to forgive him for cheating on me? Is that what you're saying? What the h.e.l.l?"

"Oh G.o.d, no!" she shrieked. "If he strayed, that's different. That's your choice to forgive him or not. I would never tell you to put up with that. I wouldn't-and neither should you."

"I'm dying. Jesus, I don't think I can take anything else."

After our talk, I went upstairs to rest. My head was a cesspool of madness, and my mom didn't want me to drive after being up the night before. I needed the nap and welcomed it. I ended up sleeping for several hours. My dad took Benji to play outside to get his mind off things, and for that I was grateful. His little head had to have been as screwed up as mine was.

I awoke later to yelling and hurried out of bed and ran downstairs.

The sight of Royal had me clutching at my chest. He looked like s.h.i.t-worse than I'd ever seen him. He obviously hadn't been sleeping either. His beard was thick and bushy, and the bags under his eyes could've held a small country.

He looked sick.

"Royal? What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" he bellowed. "What the h.e.l.l are you doing here? I've been calling you for f.u.c.king hours and I get no answer. Not the house, not your cell, and the kids won't answer me, either. What the h.e.l.l is going on?"

He looked like a maniac, eyes bulging out of his head, his chest heaving, and his hands in fists.

"You need to calm down."

He took two steps toward me and threw his arms in the air. "You f.u.c.king kick me out, you don't call, and then you disappear. I was worried, Jenna! I have no idea what's going on with you!"

The pity from moments before was long gone, and in its place was anger.

"I needed my mom, okay? You think this is easy on me? It's not! I didn't call you because I have no idea what to say to you."

His face crumbled with grief, and he took another step toward me.

"Come on, Jenna, please. You're killing me. This isn't fair to any of us."

His voice cracked, and that broke the last shred of my composure. I couldn't look at him anymore. He still hadn't denied what happened, and he hadn't apologized. In my eyes that was guilt.

"I'm not ready to talk to you. Give me s.p.a.ce, Royal. We need to think about the kids, first. You're going to scare Benji. You should go before he sees you. You'll just confuse him."

His face twisted in anger. "Now I can't see my kids? I miss him, Jenna!"

"Of course you can see them-just not like this. You look like a maniac. First, we need to pull our heads out of our a.s.ses and be parents. Sleep on it. I'll be home tomorrow, and you can see Ben and talk to the girls."

"No!"

"Royal, I mean it. Please, not yet."

"Jenna, let me come home, please. I don't want this, baby, please."

"Royal," my mother said softly. "Honey, come on. You need to go rest. This isn't good for either of you. You've hurt her, and you need to let her sort it out. Fighting won't solve anything. Don't do this."

She squeezed his shoulder, pulling him so he met her gaze. Her eyes were soft and warm, full of compa.s.sion and love. She loved him. She didn't want this, either. She was hurting, too.

His shoulders slumped, and he turned to hug her to his chest. "Make sure they're safe, okay, Maggie? They're all I have. They're my life."

She rubbed his back and gave me a sad look over his shoulder.

"I know, sweetie. Go home, now. Get something in your belly and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day. You need to be strong for them."

He took one more look at me and let his head fall. "Be careful driving home, cookie. I love you."

The door closed softly behind him, and I fell apart; tiny shreds of myself speckled the room. I hated what we'd become. It was like nothing I'd ever gone through, and I didn't know what to do. It was worse than losing Teddy. At least I had him, his arms, and his heart. I wanted to run to him, pull him back to me and never let him go.

"I can't do this, Mom. I can't. G.o.d, this is going to kill me."

"No it won't, baby. It'll hurt, and it'll be hard, but you can do this. There is no reason why you two can't work this out, but you have to talk to each other-not at each other. For goodness sake, you two are like a time bomb."

"I miss him," I cried.

"I know you do, I know. That boy is lost without you, Jenna. This just might be good for him."

I looked at her like she was crazy. "Did you see him? He looks like he was dragged home by the cat! I can't stand to see him that way. I'm so mad, but G.o.d, I can't see him like that."

She chuckled softly. "All I mean is that sometimes you have to lose what you treasure the most to really appreciate its worth. It's time he realizes what he's got."

I hated it, but she was right. I'd already learned my lesson. I would've gladly put up with all his bulls.h.i.t just to have him home again. But, it was more complicated than that. He cheated, and that pain went deep. It was a deception I hadn't fully processed. I needed an explanation and until I got it, I wasn't giving in.

The girls were in good spirits when we got home, laughing and smiling and whispering about G.o.d only knew what. I was relieved they'd been able to put things out of their minds for a little while and just be kids.

"Did you girls have a good time?"

"Yeah, it was good. Austin and his friends were at the beach yesterday, and Macy talked them into letting us borrow their boards. They didn't believe we could surf." Skylar giggled.

I smiled. "I bet you showed them. You could've brought your boards, you know."

"We weren't really planning on surfing or anything. I just wanted to chill. They were bugging us though, so we had to show them we knew what we were talking about," Macy said.

"Well, glad you had fun."

"Macy had lots of fun? Huh Skylar," Laney quipped.

And then they both giggled.

Macy turned in her seat and glared at her sisters.

"Haters."

I raised my eyebrow. "What kind of fun, Macy?"

"Oh my G.o.d. Nothing, okay? I was kissing Austin, and these idiots followed us and watched like creepy weirdos. It was a kiss that's it."

I was too bitter to say anything of any value. I wanted to tell her to stay away from boys on the beach, to run in the other direction and protect her heart forever. On the other hand, I wanted to smile and enjoy that my daughter had found first love. I knew how sweet it was.

"Girls, you shouldn't tease her. That's private."

"Thanks, Mom. It wasn't a big deal, anyway."

I nodded. "We'll talk later, okay?"

She huffed, probably knowing what to expect. I'd given them the talk before, but there was always room to reinforce it. I knew all too well-having been a teenage mother myself. Even though I had no regrets, I didn't want that life for them. I wanted them to have more, see more, and do more. I didn't want them to throw their dreams away. There was plenty of time for families. They had their whole lives.

Since I couldn't think about anything but food without crying, I suggested grabbing greasy cheeseburgers and fries, and sent the girls out to pick it up. I just wanted to stay home, feed my miserable face, put on a pair of comfy pajamas, and wallow.

We sat in front of the TV and ate and watched a show the girls were into. Benji was worn out and fell asleep, sprawled out with his head in my lap and his legs thrown over Laney.

"I'm going to tuck Benji in, and then I'm going to bed. Do you have plans for tomorrow?"

"I have practice," Macy said, not taking her eyes off the TV. "Then, nothing."

"What about you two?"

"I don't have anything to do. I might hang out with Emily for a while."

I nodded at Skylar. "Laney?"

"I don't know. Hang out."

"I thought we might do something tomorrow; maybe we'll go out to dinner and talk. I'll see if Aunt Tara can take Benji. We need to get some things out and discuss what happened. I know you're all upset and I want to work through that. Okay?"