Snapdragon: Tiny Threads Part 14

He turned around, glaring. "What the h.e.l.l is that supposed to mean," he snarled.

"You heard me. Where. Were. You?" I leaned against the countertop and fisted my hands against my hips to stop the shaking.

"Out. I told you I was watching the game with Glenn. What the h.e.l.l crawled up your a.s.s? You're my mother all of a sudden?"

My body shook harder. My confidence and courage wavered as he glared at me.

"Why don't you stop lying, Royal. You were with Lana."

Something flickered in his eyes. Fear. At the sight of it, my lungs collapsed like a deflated balloon. My entire chest seized, and I gasped and clawed at my chest, unable to breathe.

"How could you?" I cried.

His eyes flashed with anger, his nostrils flared, and his shoulders pulled tight.

"She sat with us at the bar to watch the game, Jenna. What the f.u.c.k? Are you spying on me now? This is bulls.h.i.t." He turned his back on me and shook his head angrily.

That set me off, and I ran up behind him and pushed at his shoulders with the palms of my hands. How dare he talk to me like I was a nosy neighbor? I was his wife, and I had every right to question his whereabouts, especially after what my daughters claimed they'd seen.

"Are you sleeping with her? Is that why you're late? You owe me an explanation, dammit! I deserve better than this!" I screamed.

He spun around and leaned forward, his eyes enraged.

"Are you insane? You know d.a.m.n well I'm not f.u.c.king anyone! I haven't f.u.c.ked another woman in over twenty years, Jenna! I can't believe you're asking me this s.h.i.t!"

"What are you doing with her then?" I spat. "You expect me to believe you?" I was shaking, but took another step closer and poked him in the chest.

"You barely touch me, and you hardly talk to me! Don't expect me to believe you aren't up to something because she's always around! You were f.u.c.king her when you met me, Royal, so how do you expect me to believe that you aren't f.u.c.king her now?"

He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me forcefully. "You need to calm down," he growled. "I haven't slept with anyone since I met you. I made a promise to you, Jenna, and I've never broken that promise. You're the only woman I've been with! I can't believe you're accusing me of this."

He shook me one more time before pushing me away and turning his back on me. I could see him shaking, the anger was so alive in him is almost frightening. Running his hands through his hair roughly, growling with frustration. Suddenly, he turned around again, just as I was about to lay into him one more time, but the look on his face stopped me in my tracks. It was lethal.

Then, he stomped past me and went in the family room and started throwing stuff around. The sound of shattered gla.s.s made me flinch, and as I heard the furniture being overturned, my knees buckled and I fell to the floor.

I folded up into myself and laid my forehead on the cold tile of the kitchen floor. The sobs that shook my body terrified me. The pain was so intense I wasn't sure I'd survive it. Every part of me was broken and so f.u.c.king scared.

His footsteps, heavy and angry, caused me to scamper into the corner. I rolled onto my side and wrapped my arms around my knees. The room continued to spin, and I was well past trying to hold onto my dignity. I was empty-vacant. Everything I'd ever known had been pulled out from underneath me. I wanted-needed-him to see me shattered. He deserved to see how wounded he was leaving me.

He panted as he paced the room, the force of his breath like thunder. He'd open his mouth and then snap it shut just as quickly as he struggled with his words. Whether it was guilt, or anger, or both, but I was too scared to open my mouth again. He still hadn't answered my question or looked me in the eyes. That was all the confirmation I needed.

He was guilty.

I finally pulled myself up off the floor after several minutes of both of us struggling against what to say. Wiping the tears away from my eyes, I steadied my breathing and pushed myself against the wall for support.

"Get out of my house. Get the f.u.c.k out, and don't come back," I said in a voice I didn't even recognize. It was as if my subconscious spoke for me. My heart wanted to beg him to stay, to let me fix whatever was wrong, to make him love me again at any cost, but my mind... my inner voice... it had other plans.

His head snapped in my direction, and all the anger from earlier disappeared, replaced with a profound sadness that made my heart ache.

"Jenna," he whispered. His shoulders sagged as he took a step toward me.

I held my hand up to stop him and shook my head. "No. Leave, Royal. I don't want you here anymore. I can't trust you. I'm done."

"Jenna, no!" he cried. He cleared the room and dropped to his knees in front of me. "Please, baby, please. I swear to f.u.c.king G.o.d I'm not cheating on you. You know this, baby, you know me. I love you, Jenna." A sob slipped from his throat and he shook his head fiercely. "My kids! You can't expect me to leave my kids!" he begged.

Hearing him bring up the kids filled me with rage. He had to be kidding me. He hadn't thought of them, and he sure as h.e.l.l wasn't going to guilt me while using them either. I pushed him away and moved to the other side of the room.

"Your kids?" I barked out a disbelieving laugh. "You weren't thinking about your kids when you were making out with your wh.o.r.e in public were you? Did you think about what it would do to them to know that their father was a cheating, lying b.a.s.t.a.r.d?"

"Don't say that," he growled. "d.a.m.n it, Jenna."

I held up my hand again and stared him down. "You know what I did tonight while you were with Lana? I'll tell you-I was comforting my daughters while they sobbed in my arms. They're just kids, Royal, and they sure as h.e.l.l shouldn't have to worry about our d.a.m.n marriage. I had to watch the spark dim from my daughter's eyes, Royal, so don't you dare bring the children into your argument? You don't deserve to be in our home now that you ruined the security they counted on. Get your s.h.i.t and get the h.e.l.l out. Now!"

A flicker of recognition flared in his eyes, and he began shaking his head furiously.

"f.u.c.k, Jenna, it's not what you think." He started leaning toward me again, but I couldn't handle it.

"Don't you come near me," I screamed. "I mean it, get out. You've hurt me so bad, you will never understand. Please, just leave me alone. I can't stand to look at you anymore. If I have to I will call my dad and have him drag your lying a.s.s out of my house."

I was out of breath by this time and barely able to keep my swollen eyes open. I meant what I said-looking at him was painful. I couldn't do it for another second.

He pushed away from me like he'd been slapped and stood at the counter, gripping it so tight I could see the bones in his knuckles. His back rose and fell with the heaviness of his breathing. The thick, silent tension was suffocating, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I stomped out of the room and ran up the stairs to the guest bedroom, slamming the door behind me. The bed was cold and empty and broke the last thread of decorum I possessed.

I flung myself against the mattress and buried my head in the stiff, musty pillows. My mind spun with memory after memory of our lives together as I cried. For as long as I could remember, all I'd wanted was him. From the very first moment I saw him, I knew.

I'd been a fool. There had never been a time where I'd had to think about what would happen if we'd ended. My little illusion of happily ever after had been shattered, and I'd never been so afraid. I'd tried to be good to him, to take care of him and make him happy. Every cell of my being, every moment of our lives together I'd given to him. Being discarded was by far the most insulting, overwhelmingly degrading thing I'd ever experienced, and I never thought he'd treat me this way.

He loved me, at least, at one time he did. I always knew it, and I always felt it. Even when he didn't show it in the most obvious ways, deep in my heart-I knew. Lying in that dark, sterile guest room of the home we'd built together, I felt nothing. Numb.

I heard him in the other room-our room-slamming doors and dresser drawers. He cursed and swore and screamed and everything inside of me wanted to run to him and throw myself in his arms. My brain won over though. My acquiescent and ignorant heart cried for him, and always would. But he broke us-ruined us. He smashed my heart into a thousand shards of splintered gla.s.s and left me to wonder what remained.

My whole life had spun out of control because of his actions, and it wasn't fair. I didn't want any of it... all I wanted was him, our life, and our family. I didn't know anything else. It made me realize just how sheltered and pa.s.sive I'd been in the relationship. He dictated too many things in my life. How was I supposed to function as anything other than Royal Grainger's wife?

Where had I gone wrong? It had to be me because if the situation was reversed, I'd never go out to find comfort, understanding or happiness in someone else's arms. Ever. At the end of a bad day the only person I wanted was him. I couldn't imagine another man's lips on mine or someone else's arms wound around me. It was his voice I wanted whispering in my ear. All I could see, here, or feel was Royal.

Despair crippled me. Why her? The question danced around on repeat, but there were no answers. From her bottle blonde hair to the caps on her teeth, she was everything I wasn't. Materialistic and fake to the core, and her soul was as black as the depths of h.e.l.l. A snake-ready to bite at any moment.

And she'd always been a d.a.m.n snake.

Maybe it was a mid-life crisis, or maybe he was just as a.s.shole. Trying to figure out why he'd tear his family apart for an old fling made my head ache. No matter why he did it, there was no excusing his actions.

I'd recover, someday, but my kids would be wounded for the rest of their lives. He hadn't only cheated on me; he'd betrayed them as well. In my eyes that was much, much worse. We had an obligation to those precious kids, and his behavior was like a slap in the face.

He made a promise in front of G.o.d and all glory that if we were once again blessed with a child he would live every day of his life loving and protecting them. He lied, and that was inexcusable.

The door of the guest room creaked open, and the bright light from the hallway flooded the room, so I shielded my eyes with my arms. The sound of his boots against the hardwood came toward the bed, and then the mattress dipped with his weight. I froze when I felt his hand on my back.

"Cookie, we need to talk," he said softly. You could hear the regret in his voice, but I wouldn't budge.

I shoved my face further into the pillow and pulled the blanket over my head. It wasn't very mature, but I was beyond all dignity at that point. There was no way we could have a discussion after the night I'd had. I wasn't thinking straight, and the wounds were too fresh for that. Instead of saying something ugly out of anger, I asked him to leave.

"Just go, Royal. I have nothing to say to you," I mumbled into the pillow.

"Please, baby, don't do this. I don't want to go," he pleaded.

"If you ever loved me at all, you'll leave me alone."

"And what are you going to tell the kids? This is so f.u.c.ked up, Jen. We need to talk. I love you, Jenna. Only you. I didn't kiss her, and you know it. We'll talk when you calm down," he said sadly before leaving the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

The silence that followed caused an unimaginable ache in my heart. When the front door slammed shut, the sobs came back full force, wracking my body and soul. The sadness was so heavy I thought I'd suffocate underneath it. Somehow, I had to pull myself together and put my family together again.

But I was allowing myself a night to wallow. And cry.

And I did. I cried myself to sleep thinking about the good times and bad, our first memories, and our last. We'd endured so much over the years, but we'd always been there for each other. We'd been a team, bonded by a love so strong it rendered me breathless.

My dreams were dark and foreboding that night. The emptiness of my quiet, vacant home made it impossible for me to rest. I wasn't sure I'd ever be peaceful again. Not without him.

The next morning, I woke up with a pounding headache, and a wounded heart. It took several minutes for me to blink away the fatigue and adjust to the light before I realized the nightmare had been all too real.

Silence filled the house. It was so quiet it gave me gooseb.u.mps. My house was never quiet, even in the middle of the night. The bathroom trips, the dog traipsing through the house, or the creaks and moans of the house would loll me to sleep. It was security, and tears filled my eyes when I had to admit to myself what an imposing figure Royal was. He made me safe. It was his absence that brought the empty feeling.

I huffed and threw the blankets away from my legs. No way was I going to dwell on him being gone all day. I needed a shower after tossing and turning and crying all night. I was a blotchy, sweaty mess. Plus, I knew at any moment Tara or Abbie would be tearing the door off the hinges to get at me, so I needed to do it quick.

What was I going to say? Saying it out loud terrified me and honestly, most of the night before was a blur. Yelling, accusations and harsh ugly words thrown around wasn't a pleasant thing to repeat, even to them. I hadn't even digested it, and just the thought of him touching her made me sick to my stomach.

I couldn't let that image in. Ever.

I let the warm pellets of water hit my back and closed my eyes. I welcomed the pelting of the hot spray to help with the aches and the numb absence of my emotions.

I stayed in the shower long enough for the water to run cold. I got out, grabbed a towel, and opened the door to find Abbie sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting.

"I'm only giving you long enough to get dressed, so hurry up. I already started a pot of coffee, and Tara is on her way with breakfast." She patted the bed next to her where she'd already set out some clothes.

I got dressed quickly, ignoring her questioning looks, and then curled up at the top of the bed.

"Why aren't you at work? Royal's going to flip out."

"Please," she laughed. "I told him I was taking the day off after Tara called me last night. He told me to come over here instead, so here I am." She took a quick breath, and her features softened. "What's going on, Jenna?"

I burst into tears.

"Oh, Jenna," she sighed, reaching across the bed to pull me into her arms. "Tell me what's wrong? You're scaring me."

I looked up at her, wiped my eyes, and took a shuddering breath. "Macy saw Royal kiss Lana last night."

She pulled away, shocked.

Just as I started to continue, Angus barked and someone came through the front door. I heard Tara baby talking to him, and it made me laugh.

"Up here, Tara," I called while Abbie continued to rub my back.

Tara walked in minutes later with a big pink pastry box.

"I come bearing donuts and ham and cheese croissants."

I smiled. I truly had the best friends in the world.

"Thanks, Tara. I'm actually starving."

She set the bags on the bed and crawled over to where I was huddled and gave me one of her trademark hugs, the kind that pushed the air out of my lungs.

"I also brought cookie dough and a shovel-for later on," she whispered, eliciting a laugh from Abbie.

"A shovel?" I questioned.

She nodded. "Yes. A shovel. After we kill him, we have to hide the body. The cookie dough is for after that. Like cake. To celebrate."

Abbie burst out laughing, and I couldn't help but giggle a bit myself. She was crazy sometimes, but she always meant well.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I keep my word. I told him that I'd kill him if he ever hurt you."

"We can't kill him, Tara, no matter what he does."

No matter how badly I wanted to.

She gave me a cautious look and sighed. "So, give me the full story. The girls weren't good for much when they got to the house."

I didn't want to say it again. It felt like every time I said it out loud, my heart cracked a little more. Thankfully, Abbie filled her in.

"The girls caught him kissing Lana last night."

Tara's silence was more frightening than the outburst I expected. She was thinking too hard-probably plotting his death.

"I got that much from them when they got home. Do you believe that? I mean, do you think he'd do that to you?" Her question surprised me.

"No."

I didn't even have to think about my answer. Once I had a chance to digest all of it, I was certain that Royal wouldn't do that to me-no matter what was going on between us.

"I know in my heart that he wouldn't blatantly cheat on me like that-especially out in public. No."

She nodded, obviously thinking the same thing. "So, what do you think happened, Jenna? Macy wouldn't make something like that up."

Just thinking about my girls caused a lump to form in my throat. My chin quivered and tears filled my eyes. I couldn't even imagine what they were going through.