Off Screen: Waiting In The Wings Part 7

"He was distant from all of us. Timid, I guess I would say. Like he was afraid he would cause some tragedy if he disagreed with me over anything or if he reprimanded any of you. Loss does strange things to people sometimes. Losing your parent... Well, Emma, the truth is that most of us see our parents as immortal," Sherry observed. Emma frowned. "We do," Sherry said. "Not that we don't rationally understand they will die, but they have always been there. We don't know any life without them. And, we learn what we want and don't want to be as parents from them," Sherry continued. Emma smiled. "Yeah, know a little bit about that now; don't you?" Sherry teased.

"Maybe."

Sherry nodded. "I didn't understand it myself until I lost my mother," she said honestly. "It took me a while to be able to put it in any perspective. I don't think I understood your father until then. Believe me; we had different relationships with our parents. But, your mother is still your mother. I started to think of it like being a lighthouse."

"What do you mean?" Emma wondered.

"Well, think about it. When a ship sets sail, it counts on having the lighthouse to help it find sh.o.r.e again. It depends on that light in some way to keep it from crashing or drifting too far the wrong way. That's how I started to think about it. My mom was like the lighthouse that made sure I got home safely. In some way, no matter what home looked like, she was still that beacon guiding me. When she died, Emmie, for a while I felt like I was drifting aimlessly, and I have to tell you it felt like I was going to crash."

Emma sighed. "I know that I can't honestly understand. I'm sure that's true with Addy, but it's more than that. Somewhere along the way she got it into her head that if she had stayed home, her Mom wouldn't have died. That's what I think. She thinks her leaving for school somehow is the cause."

Sherry shook her head. "I think maybe, Emmie, that what she feels is lost. Still. She didn't have a beacon again until she found you. You're her lighthouse. And, one thing I do know, losing your parents changes the type of parent you are. You know what that loss is like, and you feel a weight with your children; wanting them to feel secure and yet needing them to feel safe when you let go. I suspect you are right, being away from you makes Addison feel adrift and afraid. I'm not sure it's because she feels responsible for her mom's pa.s.sing. Maybe she feels she failed because she wasn't there to spend that time together."

Emma groaned. "Okay? But, why is she so afraid to go out and do her own thing?"

"Because you are that light, Emma. She never wants to disappoint you or Vicki."

"You think she thinks she disappointed her mother?"

"I think loss always brings a little piece of guilt and regret. Sometimes we regret what we don't say or we don't ask."

"Her mom has been gone a long time," Emma said softly.

"And, it still feels like yesterday," Sherry replied. Emma looked up at her. "It does. Every time she looks at you and Vicki there is a small reminder, Emmie. Trust me on that."

"I want her to be happy."

"You want her to be you," Sherry said.

"No..."

Sherry smiled. "Yes, you do. We all do, sweetheart. That's what we know. Maybe Addison will learn in time to be more comfortable apart from you. Maybe she won't. That's who she is, honey. All you can do is keep loving her. She's not going anywhere."

"But, she shouldn't feel like she can't do the things she wants to do."

Sherry nodded. "True," she agreed.

"You think this was a bad idea?" Emma asked.

"No," Sherry answered. "I do think she has to find her way, Emma. You can nudge her a bit, but what you really need to be is that lighthouse."

"What does that mean?"

"You're not a tug boat. It's not your job to trudge out into the harbor and pull her back to sh.o.r.e. You're the steady light that helps her find her way home. Just be that. Just be there. Trust her."

"It's not me who doesn't trust Addy."

Sherry smiled. "Mm-hm. Maybe you need to think about that a bit, Emmie. You trust her not to betray you. You trust her to love you. Trust her to find her way home. Not just to you," she said. Sherry patted Emma's hand and got up from her chair. "I'm going to take a ride into town for a few things. Care to join?"

Emma shook her head. "I think I'm just going to stay here. Maybe I'll go for a walk down to the pond later or something."

Sherry nodded. "Sounds like a good idea."

Emma leaned her head on her hands and sighed. She'd only been in Kansas for two days, and she already missed Addy. "Why am I doing this again?" she muttered just as her cell phone rang. She lifted it and smiled. Addy.

Addison waited on the line, hoping Emma would pick up. She would be happy just to hear Emma's voice. Life with a toddler got crazy at times. Emma was always running after Vicki, and when Addy heard Emma's voice, she was genuinely surprised.

"Em?"

Emma laughed. "Did you expect someone else? You did call me, remember?"

Addison sighed with relief. "I didn't really expect you to answer."

"No?"

"Nah, I figured you'd be off somewhere with your mom and the munchkin."

"Well, Dad took Vicki to the pond and Mom is off to shop."

"You stayed home?" Addison asked curiously.

"Yeah. To tell you the truth it's nice to have a few minutes of solitude," Emma admitted.

"I'm sorry that I'm stuck here, Em."

"It's okay," Emma replied. "How is it going there?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Just okay?" Emma asked. "From what I read, it looks like you have a great script. You've got terrific people on board..."

"Yeah, I know..."

"Addy?"

"I wish you were here," Addison told Emma.

"Well, you'll be here in another week."

"I'm sorry about the other day," Addison apologized.

Emma smiled and looked at the phone in her hands before responding. Addison had been less than thrilled with Emma's departure. She'd been irritable, and that had carried over to their brief phone conversations the last two days. Emma hadn't taken any of it to heart. She had expected that Addison might get testy as the time for Emma's trip home approached.

"It's all right," Emma replied.

"No, it isn't. You didn't deserve my b.i.t.c.hiness."

"It's okay, Addy," Emma repeated her a.s.surance. "Come on, tell me what's going on?"

"I'd rather hear about what you've been doing."

"Eating, sleeping, and for whatever crazy reason watching s...o...b.. Doo with my father and Sprout."

Addison chuckled. "Your dad is a cartoon addict."

"I know. Weird. So? How are things going?"

"Good," Addison said. "On track for the most part. A couple of minor snags."

"Oh? Such as?"

"Typical stuff, Em. You know the drill. Jillian Dorn backed out last night."

"What?" Emma's voice rose an octave. Jillian Dorn had been slated to play a former Hollywood starlet who was vying for the newly single Jack in the Off Screen reboot.

Addison cringed on the other line. "Health issue, Em. Not her fault, but it could delay filming. And, h.e.l.l... You know what that can mean. Jeff promised the network a rough cut by the end of next month. I have no idea how long it will take to replace her. Jeff's been putting out some feelers, but... It's gotta fit with Sandra, you know?"

"Christie."

"What?" Addison asked.

"Call Christie. She's between projects, so to speak."

Addison was blown over by the suggestion. Christie Shelton was a talented actor. She was also one of Emma's closest friends and Tamara's fiancee. Addison would never have considered calling Christie about the part.

"Addy? Did you hear me?"

"Yeah. Christie? Em, do you really think..."

"Christie's great, Addy. She would rock that part," Emma said affectionately.

Addison sighed heavily. Christie was great. "Do you think she wants to play a lesbian? I mean, Em... She's gone out of her way to avoid any part like that."

Emma knew what Addison was referring to. Coming out publicly had been a harder decision for Christie than it had been for Emma. Emma understood all of the reasons, and she also understood Christie's reluctance to take on lesbian roles. The last thing any actor wanted was to be placed in a box. And, there were legitimate reasons to fear that repercussion.

"You won't know if you don't ask her," Emma said. She heard Addison sigh and chuckled. "You want me to give her a call?" she suggested.

Addison closed her eyes. "You don't have to, Em. I know that you don't want to get involved..."

"No. I never said that, Addy. I said that I don't want to be on screen, and I do not want to commit to any projects right now. I never said that I didn't want to be involved."

Addison thought for a minute. Emma's definitive declaration that she would not sign on to any projects as an actor had been just that. Addison had never considered that there were other ways that Emma could contribute.

"I'm an idiot sometimes," Addison mumbled.

"What? Addy? Do you want me to? Call Christie, I mean?"

"You think she might do it?" Addison asked.

"I don't know. I do know that the only way to find out is to ask."

"I love you, you know?"

Emma laughed. "Miss me, huh?"

"More than you know," Addison said honestly.

"I'm a phone call away."

"Not the same thing," Addison said. It wasn't. Emma knew that too. "You know, if you had been here, I would have had this solved hours ago. At least, I would have had some ideas."

Emma smiled at the compliment. "You don't give yourself enough credit," she said. "You've maneuvered more upheavals than I can count without any help from me."

"Not true," Addison disagreed. "I always had you there."

"Still do," Emma said. "I'll give her a call; okay?"

Addison decided it was time for a change in subject. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Good," Emma said. "A little tired," she admitted. "But good."

"Good. I just wanted..."

"I know, to hear my voice. Didn't expect to have to hold a conversation, huh?" Emma joked.

"No," Addison confessed. "But, I'm glad that we did."

"Me too. I'll call you tonight so Sprout can say h.e.l.lo."

"Mm. What about the seedling?" Addison asked.

Emma laughed. "Seedling?"

"Well, it goes with Sprout," Addison pointed out.

"Uh-huh.

"You know, King..."

"Goodbye, Addy," Emma kept laughing.

"You know; it would be..."

"Goodbye, Addy," Emma repeated. "I'll talk to you tonight," she said and disconnected the call.

Addison grinned. A short conversation with Emma had left her feeling a thousand pounds lighter; at least, it did for the moment. She snickered and typed a short message.