Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 9

To have lived fifty years together, to have shared for fifty years each other's sorrows, joys and hopes, is to have enjoyed one of the greatest gifts life has to offer. It is an occasion well worthy of the most elaborate celebration.

A golden wedding has a touch of the romantic, a touch of the sentimental about it. Poets like to write about it; people like to dream about it. When it becomes a reality, all the world likes to watch--and wonder. It is a solemn and dignified event and should be treated as an occasion of the utmost importance.

The couple should issue pure white cards engraved in gold, announcing the celebration of the fiftieth anniversary of their wedding day. It is touching to have the maid of honor and the best man present, if they are both still living. As many of the original bridal attendants as are available should be invited, and all the old friends and acquaintances of the family. There must be no levity, the couple must be treated with reverence and honor, and the occasion must be given every appearance of dignified importance.

Unlike the silver wedding, gifts are always presented to the aged couple at the golden wedding. Delicate pieces of gold jewelry are always pleasing to the "bride." The "groom" may be presented with gold shirt-studs, cuff-links or rings. Gold services, gold chased cups, golden goblets and golden candle sticks are most appropriate.

The dinner should be elaborate. A huge wedding cake, inscribed with a frosting of the surnames and wedding date of the couple is worthy of holding the place of honor in the center of the table. Once again the "bride" enjoys the privilege of being the first to cut the cake--and in or with each slice that is given to the guests there should be some little golden token, a ring or thimble or tiny jewel box. If this is too costly, a golden flower such as a daffodil may be placed on each plate.

A beautiful and touching sentiment to be observed on the golden wedding is for the bride to wear something from her wedding day. Perhaps it is a treasured bit of the bridal veil. Perhaps it is a fan, or a pair of gloves, or even the wedding dress itself. She also carries a bouquet of white flowers--as she did fifty years ago on her first wedding day.

THE GOLDEN WEDDING A GLORIOUS ACHIEVEMENT

Beautiful indeed is the celebration of the golden wedding. With her children and grandchildren and friends grouped around her, with her husband at her side, doing her every honor he might pay a newly-won bride, the bride of fifty years can be naught but inexpressibly happy--though memories of lost youth rise constantly to haunt her. It is glorious--this reaching fifty years of married life--and any couple may well be proud to commemorate its occasion.

And, after all, isn't it happiness that makes life worth while? Of what use is wealth and power and position if we cannot have the ones we love, the ones who love us? The man and woman who have lived together in happy companionship for fifty years have more in their love of each other than the man who has lived alone for fifty years and ama.s.sed tremendous riches.

CHAPTER VI

THE BRIDE'S OUTFIT

ORIGIN OF THE TROUSSEAU

One must study the marriage customs of many countries before the development of the trousseau idea can be fully traced. But it is interesting--especially to the bride--to discover that at her impressive marriage ceremony to-day she is merely repeating the ancient customs of her ancestors, so very far back that Europe itself was not yet known.

We find the first trace of it in the book of Genesis (Gen. xxiv. 53).

Perhaps you remember the story. Abraham's servant Eliezer brought handsome jewels to Rebecca as a seal to the marriage compact. It is one of the earliest evidences of outfitting for the wedding. And then we find a trace of it among the early Eskimos, where the bridegroom must supply his bride with all the clothes necessary for the "honeymoon."

Later, in Roumania, we find the clothes and shoes are a very important part of the gifts to the bride. Largely from the customs practiced in this latter country, but also from Italy, Sweden, and Greece, the idea of the marriage trousseau sprang.

The development is most marked in Roumania. Here we find the tiniest girls, some of them as young as five years, working on bridal finery--each one striving to outdo the other in beauty and elaboration of work. Each finished article is laid carefully away in a huge chest, until such time as a suitor appears. In days gone by, the bridegroom had the privilege of examining the trousseau and deciding whether or not it was complete, and often his choice rested upon the worth of the bride's outfit.

Perhaps it was because a complete outfit was so very necessary to the young girl starting out upon her new duties as a wife that the development of the trousseau has been so rapid. In the year 1308, at the wedding of Edward II to Isabella of France, the trousseau played an important part indeed. Here is a description of the bride's outfit, as taken from E. L. Urlin's book, "A Short History of Marriage:"

"She (Isabella) brought two gold crowns ornamented with gems, gold and silver drinking vessels, golden spoons and fifty silver plates.

Her dresses were made of gold and silver stuff, velvet and taffetas. She had six dresses of green cloth, six of rose scarlet and many costly furs. For linen she had 419 yards, and the tapestries for her chamber were elaborate with the arms of England and France woven in gold."

Elaborate, yes, and certainly "fit for a queen." But perhaps we find the trousseaux of our misses of the twentieth century more interesting!

THE TROUSSEAU OF TO-DAY

It would be ridiculous to attempt to list the articles that must be included in the trousseau of the bride of to-day. This matter must be entirely dependent upon circ.u.mstances, means and convenience. There can be no definite set of rules to govern the contents of one's wedding outfit. But there are certain conventionalities we can discuss that may be of value to the bride in preparing for her wedding.

There is, of course, something very beautiful in the thought of making one's trousseau entirely by hand. And there is an old tradition about "sewing happiness into the wedding outfit" that brides like to believe.

But when we glance at the shop windows with their lavish displays of the daintiest creations, and when we think of the professional modiste with her developed sense of the artistic, we must admit that it is not a practical custom.

It used to be the practice for each young girl to have a "hope chest"

into which she put linens, etc., against the wedding day. This was during the time when most of the trousseaux were made by hand.

It seems rather a foolish waste of time for the girl of moderate means to sit for endless hours sewing on rows and rows of lace when machine made garments may be had at reasonable figures. If she chooses her things carefully they will bear the stamp of her personality almost as much as if she had fashioned them herself; and, of course, there are many finishing touches that she can add which make the things peculiarly her own, such as initials and monograms, crocheted edges, etc.

It is gratifying to note that the trousseau of to-day does not contain such frilly, useless things as did the trousseaux of our grandmothers'

time. Linens boast deep folds of the material and neat hemst.i.tching instead of huge borders and inserts of lace. Under-things are made and bought with a regard for wear and utility, rather than merely to be pretty to look at. The entire outfit shows a tendency to be more useful and less ornamental. Which is, of course, as it should be.

And now let us consider some of the more important items to be included.

ABOUT THE LINENS

In selecting her linens the bride should pay particular attention to quality; the amount she buys depends upon the size of the new home, and upon the means at her command. There must be sheets and pillow-cases; bath towels and kitchen towels, napkins and table-covers. If she is fond of handwork, there may be hand-embroidered linens for the bed-spreads, hand-embroidered linen scarfs and hand-embroidered centerpieces of linen. One bride we know included a twenty-yard bolster of uncut linen in her trousseau in addition to the items mentioned above. If one can afford it, it is best to start out with a generous supply of linens, as somehow the older they grow, the longer we have them, the more precious they become.

Linens are usually initialed. When household and personal linens are marked, they bear the initials of the bride's maiden name. Towels for the bath are marked with a single initial in white or colored thread, to match the border. Table-covers, if initialed at all, have the letters placed in the center, half-way between the middle and edge of the table; napkins are initialed in the corner. White linens are invariably initialed in white.

FOR THE BRIDE

"Girl, do not exult in thy wedding dress; see how much trouble lurks behind it," says an old Syrian proverb. But where is the little American bride who does not exult in her dainty wedding things--who does not glory in the silks and cottons and laces and ribbons of her trousseau? Always a lover of the beautiful--especially in clothes--she finds a new charm in these pretty things that portend so much happiness to come.

There are her underthings--soft, frivolous, much-beribboned chemises, camisoles and petticoats. Some are of practical muslin or soft, crinkly crepe. Others are of rich _crepe-de-chine_, and lately, knitted undergarments of silk are favored. Then, there are the dresses, her chief delight. There is one smart street dress of serge or poiret twill; an afternoon frock or two of taffeta, georgette or satin as she prefers; one elaborate evening gown for important occasions, and one very much less elaborate for semi-evening affairs. And if she is a wise bride, she will include a smart dark-colored suit, with several fluffy little blouses. Then, of course, there are the crisp, neat, becoming little frocks for the morning-at-home. But she should not make the mistake, which is all too common to brides, of getting several times as much as she needs.

Other details, such as hose, shoes and hats are best decided by the bride herself. In fact, the entire trousseau must be determined by the bride in proportion to such important considerations as her means, the length of the honeymoon, and the distance of the trip she expects to make. The items above were offered as a suggestion, and one may add or detract according to the dictates of common sense. It is suggested, however, that the trousseau be small and carefully selected, rather than large and expensive, for the fashions are constantly changing and not even so momentous an occasion as one's wedding warrants heedless extravagance.

THE WEDDING DRESS

The origin of the white gown for the bride is not very difficult to trace. White, since time immemorial, has been the color used to denote purity. White animals, in certain countries, are held sacred, just as the white flowers are sacred elsewhere. The exclusive use of white for the bride is supposed to have grown out of an old custom of the Patagonians, who cover the body with white paint on the eve of the wedding ceremony.

To-day the keynote of the wedding gown is simplicity. The days of elaborate gowns with trains so heavy with the weight of precious jewels that eight girls had to carry them, is over. The sensible American bride knows that simplicity is more becoming to the solemn dignity of the occasion than extremely elaborate dress.

With styles constantly changing as they do, it would be of no value to offer any description here. However, this little item, taken from the announcement of a fashionable wedding recently held, may offer some helpful suggestions: "The gown in which Miss ---- became the Countess ---- was of heavy white satin cut with an almost austere simplicity.

The drapery of the skirt was marked with a garland of lilies and orange-blossoms. The tulle veil was bordered with old English point lace, an heirloom of the ---- family."

From a study of the descriptions of other bridal gowns at recent important weddings, we find that satin is without doubt the favorite material. _Crepe-de-chine_ and heavy white brocade are also used; and the bride may select whichever material she likes best, something soft and clinging unless she is inclined to be too slender, when taffeta is more suitable. Undoubtedly, no matter what the style of the gown happens to be, it should boast a train; and a draped skirt is always a popular wedding mode. The length of the sleeves and skirt is entirely governed by the fashion of the moment.

White satin slippers and white gloves enhance the simple beauty of the wedding gown. Jewels are rarely worn, except, perhaps, one large gem--a gift of the groom.

THE BRIDE'S VEIL

According to the marriage rites of the ancient Hebrews, ordained in days when marriage itself was unknown in many countries, a canopy must be held over the bride and groom by four intimate friends of the family. Later, we find that this custom among the early Hebrews, presaged an Anglo-Saxon custom of erecting a "care cloth" (a square vestment) above the bride and groom. Out of this developed that of covering the bride alone; to-day the beautiful bridal veil is the result of those ancient customs.

Not so long ago, the veil was of tulle, and from the top of the bride's head it fell over her shoulders, completely enveloping her to the very tips of her shoes. This all-enveloping veil is no longer considered good form. In its place, is the very charming veil that is gathered into a becoming, flower-trimmed crown at the back of her head, falling gracefully to the train of the dress, leaving the face entirely uncovered.