Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 8

_Annie Beard Hill._

Sometimes the groom receives personal gifts from friends of his. To these he writes notes of thanks in his own name.

THE HOME WEDDING

Home weddings can often be made as impressive as church weddings. With correct decorations the most s.p.a.cious rooms in the bride's house can be transformed into an interior as lovely as the interior of a beautifully decorated church.

For instance, at a fashionable home wedding, held recently, the drawing room was decorated with ma.s.sive floral wreaths and cl.u.s.ters of palms. A huge bell of flowers hung in the center of the room, and a canopy of flowers, occupying one corner, simulated a chapel. The effect was altogether delightful.

Only close relatives and friends should be invited to the home wedding.

The bridegroom does not enter the home of the bride until a half hour before the ceremony begins, and when he does arrive, he and his best man do not mingle with the other guests but retire to an adjoining room provided for them. The clergyman also retires to this room when he arrives, and it is here that he dons his official robe. The three remain until it is announced that the bride is ready to enter the drawing room.

The bride's mother, a.s.sisted by her husband, receives the guests. It is not considered good form to begin the ceremony until they have all arrived. Then, when everything is in readiness, the bride is met at the head of the stairs by her father, and is conducted by him to the entrance of the room. Usually there is no elaborate wedding procession, and even in the most fashionable home wedding there is often only a maid or matron of honor to precede the bride. There are rarely more than half a dozen bridesmaids at most. The order of precedence is similar to that of the church wedding; the clergyman performs the ceremony under a floral canopy, and when it is completed, he steps aside and the newly married couple take his place to receive the congratulations and good wishes of the guests.

The wedding breakfast or reception proceeds immediately upon the conclusion of the ceremony. Everyone present is a guest; and everyone present attends the reception.

THE SECOND WEDDING

When a woman marries for the second time, her wedding should be very conservative. Elaborate ceremonies would, indeed, be out of place.

However, the more important conditions of the ceremony are followed very much along the same lines.

White is for the girl-bride only. The woman who marries for the second time indulges in none of the age-old customs that the first bride does.

She does not wear a white veil; she does not carry orange blossoms; she does not have flower girls or pages or bridesmaids. The more inconspicuous the second wedding is, the more it is in accordance with the rules of etiquette.

The bride-for-the-second-time may have a maid of honor only on one occasion. If she has a church wedding and invites numerous guests, she may have a maid of honor to precede her to the altar. As in the first wedding, her father gives her away. Her family a.s.sumes all responsibility for the expenses involved unless she prefers to do so herself. If a reception is given after the ceremony, the same order of precedence is followed as after the first wedding; the reception may be held either in the home of the bride's parents, or in her own home.

If married in church, there are none of the elaborate decorations that characterize the first bridal, although flowers are always acceptable.

Especially if the second ceremony takes place only a short time after the mourning period for the first husband, any conspicuous display is in very bad taste.

SOME IMPORTANT CONVENTIONS

It is customary for a widow to remove the engagement ring and wedding ring of her first husband before the day of her second wedding. The sight of them cannot be in any way pleasant to her new husband, and they may be a source of sorrowful memory to her. It is best to discard them as soon as the second marriage is decided upon.

There has always been some doubt as to whether or not the family of the second-bride's first husband should be invited to her wedding.

Absolutely. There is no reason why they should be ignored, any more than any of the other friends and acquaintances of the bride. In fact, she owes them a special courtesy, and if they accept the invitation, they must be treated with the kindest attention and courtesy. They must always occupy seats below the white ribbon, if the wedding is held at church. If there is for any reason dissension or disagreement between her and her first husband's family, she will not of course invite them.

But that may only be an individual case; the general rule is to invite them and treat them with the utmost consideration.

Gifts at the second wedding will not be as elaborate as those at the first wedding. However, each gift must be acknowledged with a cordial note of thanks. In fact, all the etiquette of the first wedding is observed, except that it is on a much simpler scale.

As for the man who marries for the second time, he, too, follows the original dictates of wedding etiquette, and eliminates only the farewell bachelor dinner. Here also the ceremony and reception is on a considerably less extravagant style.

SEEKING ADVICE

The girl or woman who is about to be married can always get helpful suggestions from her friends who have been married or have witnessed fashionable weddings. The minister in charge is especially qualified to give you a great deal of important advice, and one should never hesitate to consult him. In his official capacity he has doubtless served at many weddings, many of them well-nigh perfect, some of them marred by the very blunders that he can teach you to avoid.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES

There is something strangely beautiful and poetic in the celebration of a wedding anniversary. It arouses slumbering sentiments and mellows old memories into a throbbing happiness. Here are the wedding anniversaries that are usually celebrated in our better society:

The Paper Wedding--first year.

The Wooden Wedding--fifth year.

The Tin Wedding--tenth year.

The Leather Wedding--twelfth year.

The Crystal Wedding--fifteenth year.

The China Wedding--twentieth year.

The Silver Wedding--twenty-fifth year.

The Ivory Wedding--thirtieth year.

The Woolen Wedding--fortieth year.

The Silk Wedding--forty-fifth year.

The Golden Wedding--fiftieth year.

The Diamond Wedding--seventy-fifth year.

Although many families celebrate all of these anniversaries, it is more generally the fashion to disregard all those that come before the quarter-century mark. The first anniversary to be celebrated is usually the silver wedding. The most favored way of doing this is to have a dinner party or a reception. Sometimes, especially when there are young unmarried daughters, a dance is given and a dinner follows later.

THE SILVER WEDDING

Cards for the silver wedding reception should be printed on white or silver-gray paper. They may be printed in silver or black. They may be worded in the usual "at home" form, or may be in this form:

_Mr. and Mrs. S. Brown request the pleasure of ............'s presence at the dinner reception of their Silver Wedding on Tuesday, June the fourteenth at seven o'clock 1897 1922_

If an invitation like the one above is issued, the guests will undoubtedly send beautiful gifts of silver--unless, as is often the case, it is requested in the invitation that no gifts be presented.

Sometimes, in fact, the bride and groom of twenty-five years commemorate their silver wedding by themselves, sending handsome gifts of silver to those who started out in married life at about the same time that they did, but who have not been materially so fortunate.

THE RECEPTION

If a reception celebrates the silver wedding, the husband a.s.sists his wife in receiving. Often the occasion begins at the precise hour at which the marriage took place; but usually the preferred time is in the late afternoon or evening. The "bridal couple" should make an effort to have as many as the original party of bridal attendants present as possible. It will be interesting for the best man and the maid of honor to have a little chat together after twenty-five years.

The husband leads the way to the dining room with his wife on his arm, and she sits at the right of him at the table. If the historic wedding cake is included in the collation, it is placed before the bride, just as it was twenty-five years ago. The table decorations should be white and silver, with a touch of green.

The menu will be the regular formal dinner menu, served and garnished with a regard for decorative effect. Speeches are in order, and a toast is usually proposed for the couple. The husband responds with a little speech in which he honors his wife, and she acknowledges with a smile that is in itself sufficient eloquence for the occasion. Tiny silver favors, packed neatly in small white boxes and tied with silver ribbon are effective novelties at the silver wedding.

TIN AND WOODEN WEDDINGS

A general frolic is in order at the tin wedding. It is rarely celebrated, in fact, unless the ten-year-married husband and wife wish to gather together all their old friends and have a jolly good time.

Gifts are usually in the form of tin kitchen utensils, tin candle-sticks, tin fans, tin ornaments--even tin tables and chairs are offered as gifts to celebrate the tenth anniversary. A dinner, very much like the ordinary informal dinner except for the additional "tin"

celebrations, follows the reception.

Wooden weddings are not very often held, although some very fashionable ones are recorded in the annals of social history. Rolling-pins, step-ladders, and wooden kitchen utensils cause much merriment when presented as gifts, and the occasion is generally one of much pleasant raillery. Wooden ornaments make very appropriate gifts for this wedding, and a bit of wood artistically carved is always welcome to the five-year bride who loves pretty things for the home.

THE GOLDEN WEDDING