Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 7

As they reach the altar the ushers separate, one half moving to the right, the other to the left. The bridesmaids do likewise, and the maid of honor steps to the left of the bride while she and her father advance toward the s.p.a.ce left at the foot of the altar for them. At this point the groom and best man come forward and the bride slips her hand from her father's arm and places it in the hand of the groom, who leads her to the clergyman. Her father stands at her right.

THE CEREMONY

The ceremony is performed in accordance with the rites prescribed by the religious belief of the young people who are about to be married.

The clergyman is the person to consult about any embarra.s.sing situations that might arise.

As the wedding ring is worn on the same finger that has previously worn the engagement ring the bride usually removes the latter and places it on the corresponding finger of the right hand. She may allow it to remain there after the ceremony or she may place it on the same finger with the wedding ring. It is allowable to leave the engagement ring in place and slip the wedding ring on over it.

A word about the ring itself. Like many another of our practices to-day its use is a survival from primitive times when women were chattels and a man's wife was his property, his slave to do with as he pleased, and the ring was of heavy iron, a sign of bondage. Not more than a decade back the ring was too heavy to be comfortable on the finger, but now it is a slender band of gold or platinum with or without scroll-work or other ornamentation, as the wearer may desire. Its symbolism is very beautiful. The precious metal is an emblem of the purity of the love between a man and his wife and the circle itself is a symbol of eternity.

Before entering the church the bride removes the glove from her left hand and she may give it with her bouquet to the maid of honor to hold during the ceremony. The practice of ripping one finger of the glove so as to leave it bare for the ring is a very foolish one and has never found favor among people of good breeding.

It is the part of the best man to look after the groom. His services may be required in connection with many of the preliminary details of the wedding even in the procuring of the license. At the wedding itself he takes charge of the ring and the clergyman's fee, giving the former to the groom just before the ceremony requires him to place it on the bride's finger.

The bride's father remains directly behind her until the clergyman asks, "Who giveth this woman to this man?" when he comes forward, takes his daughter's hand, lays it in that of the groom, and says, "I do." He then turns away and retires to the pew, where his wife is sitting.

LEAVING THE ALTAR

When the final blessing has been p.r.o.nounced the bridal group may stand at the altar for a while receiving their friends and then break up informally, or the procession may leave the church in reverse order from that in which they entered, the bride and groom walking first together, followed by the best man and the maid of honor and the bridesmaids and the ushers walking in pairs. The automobile of the bride and groom should be waiting at the door to whisk them away to the home of the bride, where preparations are made for the wedding journey.

THROWING THE BOUQUET

It is a pretty custom for the bride to throw her bouquet among the bridesmaids (especially lovely when the wedding takes place at home and the bride turns to throw the flowers as she mounts the stairs). It is a happy omen for the young lady who catches the bouquet. She may divide it among the others or she may keep it for herself. It is not compulsory for the bride to part with the bouquet if she prefers to keep it herself. She may press the flowers or she may have rose beads made from the petals or she may dispose of it in any way she desires.

A well-known young society woman who was married recently in one of New York's most exclusive churches, ordered all the flowers used in decorations to be sent to a certain hospital to gladden the slowly dragging hours of the sufferers. She has created a precedent that every bride should be proud and happy to follow.

After all, the greatest happiness is in making others happy. The joy of the wedding day will gain a new sweetness when a kind deed adds to its pleasure. Rather let the sufferers in a hospital enjoy the colorful fragrance of the flowers than permit them to wilt, forgotten, in the church.

RICE, ETC.

Frequently a shower of rice follows the departing couple, and satin slippers are thrown after the car. Care must be taken not to overdo this ancient custom, for although it is considered good luck for one of the satin slippers to alight on the top of the car, it is certainly bad form to give the occasion any appearance whatsoever of vulgarity.

It is interesting to trace this custom back to its origin. Among the ancient Egyptians and Hebrews a slipper or sandal was a symbol that denoted an exchange of property. Women at that time were regarded as property, and they were given in exchange for other property. Later we find, in Anglo-Saxon marriages, that the bride's father delivers her shoe to the bridegroom, who touches her on the head with it in token of his ownership and authority. The custom prevailed, and still later we find that the idea of good luck is a.s.sociated with the throwing of slippers at weddings. Rice and grain were combined with the ceremony of throwing shoes, obviously indicating a plea to the deity of Productiveness to bless the marriage with an abundant supply of nature's bounties.

To-day the custom is still in vogue. Old satin slippers and handfuls of rice are thrown after the departing couple. It would not be an objectionable custom if some over-enthusiastic individuals did not overdo it to the extent that it becomes almost riotous. After a solemn, dignified, well-ordered wedding ceremony, and a charming reception, it is nothing short of ridiculous to spoil it all by boisterously overdoing an old tradition. The cultured person is always well-poised, always calm--whether it be during the tense moments of the wedding-vow utterances, or the half-glad, half-sad moments of seeing the happy pair off.

THE WEDDING RECEPTION

Fashionable weddings, if not celebrated with a wedding breakfast, are followed by a reception either in the afternoon or evening. All the bridal attendants are present, and those relatives and friends who have previously received invitations.

The reception takes place in the drawing room of the bride's home. The room is decorated with flowers, and in the hall is a refreshment table on which is punch, cakes and boxes containing favors for each of the guests.

The bride and groom stand together under a floral bell and accept the congratulations and good wishes of the guests. The bride's mother and father are at the door of the drawing room to welcome them, and the parents of the groom are also ready to receive and welcome the guests as they arrive.

It is an important duty of the ushers, at the wedding reception, to introduce to the bride all those guests whom she does not know. She accepts their congratulations with a smile and a cordial word or two in acknowledgment of the introduction.

THE WEDDING BREAKFAST

Wedding breakfasts, though an old English custom, are often held after the church wedding. If it is decided upon, the guests to be invited should be informed at least two weeks in advance. The occasion has all the dignity and formality of a dinner party.

The bride and groom enter the dining room first. They are followed by the bride's mother and the groom's father, and the groom's mother and the bride's father. The bridesmaids and ushers are always invited to the wedding breakfast, and they follow immediately after the parents of the happy couple. The precedence of the other invited guests is arranged by the mother of the bride.

The menu at a wedding breakfast is never elaborate. Consommee or bouillon, salads, birds, ices, jellies and bonbons are the usual order.

Coffee and dainty cakes are served last. The wedding cake, if one is served at all, is set before the bride.

The bride gives one-and-one-half to two hours to her guests at the wedding breakfast. Then she retires to her room, accompanied by the maid of honor and her most intimate friends among the bridesmaids; and when she appears again she is in traveling costume. The groom has also retired to change his clothes, and he meets the bride at the foot of the stairs. The motor is at the door in readiness, and after the last whispered good-bys, warm handclasps and hasty kisses--the bride and groom are off!

THE WEDDING PRESENT

The custom of giving wedding presents dates from away back in Dutch history when the relatives and friends of the bride and groom took upon themselves the responsibility of furnishing the new household.

Great taste and discrimination should be exercised in the selecting of gifts and they should be sent early. Two months before the wedding is not too soon. It is wise for the friends whenever possible to consult each other so that they will not duplicate gifts. If most of the silver, etc., is gotten from the same jeweler he is a great help in selecting something that is not only appropriate in itself but in harmony with the other gifts.

Anyone who receives an invitation may send the bride a gift, though it is not absolutely necessary to respond to the invitation in this way.

To the question: "What shall the gift be?" the answer is the prettiest and most useful article within one's means. China and silver are always appropriate, and cut gla.s.s, linen, books, and even checks or gold pieces are most acceptable.

There is a slight prejudice against giving money as a present at a wedding or at any other time, but one has only to see the joy that the bride and groom get out of spending the money over and over again before they finally do spend it to have this prejudice dispelled.

Silver and linen are usually marked with the initials of the bride, more often than not with the initials of her maiden name. If there is any doubt as to which she prefers and one is not able to find out indirectly, it is permissible to ask her.

Gifts should always be accompanied by the cards of the donors, but these should be removed when they are placed on display.

ACKNOWLEDGING WEDDING PRESENTS

It is not sufficient merely to keep the cards which accompany the wedding gifts but there must be some system by which the bride can remember which gift each one accompanied. She may indicate this on the card itself or she may keep a list of the names of the donors with the names of the gifts opposite, but she _must_ be absolutely sure that she is thanking the right person.

[Ill.u.s.tration: Brown Bros.

CHURCH DECORATED FOR A FORMAL WEDDING]

If the honeymoon is to be only two weeks or thereabouts the bride may wait until her return to thank her friends, but if it is to be of long duration she should write the notes of acknowledgment as soon as she finds it convenient to do so. These personal notes--and a personal note is the only proper way to thank one for a wedding present--are usually written by the bride, but she should always be careful to introduce her husband's name unless the gift was a very intimate one for her alone.

The following note is a graceful way for both husband and wife to express their grat.i.tude:

_July 1, 1921._

_Dear Rosalind:_

_George and I both wish to thank you for the lovely picture. When we return from Atlantic City we shall hang it in our living room where all of our friends can enjoy it with us. We hope that you will be among the first to visit us in our new home._

_Very sincerely yours,_