Book of Etiquette Volume Ii Part 25

Loud laughing and talking reflect ill-manners. And this applies not only to the dining-room, but to the private rooms as well. As a rule, the part.i.tions in hotels are thin and talking that is the least bit loud can be heard in the next room. For this reason, it is also discourteous to play any musical instrument at such times of the day when it would be likely to disturb those whose rooms adjoin. At the table, conversation may be conducted only when low, natural tones of voice are used. Loud talking should be avoided.

Guests who wish to eat in their rooms should request that a waiter be sent to the room with a menu. The order is given, and the waiter will see that it is satisfactorily filled. For this service he should receive an extra fee from the guest.

HOTEL STATIONERY

Hotels invariably place a supply of writing paper in the room. This is meant for the business or social correspondence of the guest. More of this paper is usually found in the writing-room.

Do not waste the hotel stationery. Use it only if you have to. You would not waste the stationery provided for your use at the home of your friend. Then why take advantage of the courtesies extended by your hotel? Just as one adapts oneself to the routine at the home of a friend, so should one accustom and adapt oneself to the rules and regulations of the hotel.

Never take any of the hotel stationery away with you. It is as wrong in principle as carrying away one of the Turkish towels. Use only as much as you need for your correspondence, and leave the rest behind you.

REGARDING THE SERVANTS

Arrogance is only another form of selfish pride. The man or woman who is cultured is never arrogant. After all, isn't it sham--sham adopted to cover the defects of manner and bearing?

If you are dissatisfied with some service performed by one of the hotel attendants, if one of them is inattentive to your wants or negligible in his duties, complain to the manager. Do not scold the servants themselves, or order them in a peremptory manner to do such and such a thing correctly. The greatest vulgarity--and you will do well to remember this--is to look down upon a person as inferior merely because he or she has to earn his or her own living. There is nothing to be ashamed of in good, honest, faithful toil. But the person who ridicules it has a great deal to be ashamed of.

Be considerate to the hotel attendants. Do not expect the maid to come hurrying to your room when you ring at one o'clock in the morning. The guest who is kind and thoughtful will receive twice as much service as the person who is constantly complaining and scolding.

LEAVING THE HOTEL

When you are ready to leave the hotel, call an attendant to carry your baggage down to the entrance. Do not attempt to carry it down yourself, whether you are a man or woman, unless you have only one or two small valises.

Different hotels have different rules with regard to keys. Some require that the key be returned to the desk clerk. Others require that it be left in the room. When in doubt, the best form is to return the key at the desk before asking the cashier for one's bill. After this is paid, ring for a servant to call a car; never do this yourself.

Tipping, though an entirely un-American custom, is still widely practiced. When leaving the hotel, it is necessary to tip, or fee, those hotel attendants who have been of service.

CHAPTER VII

TRAVEL ETIQUETTE

THE RESTLESS URGE OF TRAVEL

Man is essentially a restless being. Ever since the world began, men and women have found themselves growing impatient, eager for new scenes, new faces, new experiences. First they packed up their few belongings and moved by foot to another place a few miles away. Then they took down their tents and put them up in some other place. Soon we find them building houses, and at different periods moving to other houses.

Gradually, through the ages, as man's desire for wider experiences and a wider radius for travel and exploration developed, the horse-drawn carriage appeared, then the steamboat, then the locomotive, the surface car, the subway, the automobile and airplane.

Diogenes with his lantern could not find an honest man, and he would have just as difficult a task to-day to find a man, woman or child who does not love to travel. Everyone likes to see new scenes, meet new people, enjoy new experiences; and the easiest way to accomplish this is through traveling.

THE CUSTOMS OF COUNTRIES

In America, where almost everyone is something of a tourist, the etiquette of travel must not be neglected. And it is particularly important that the customs of foreign countries be respected, especially now that the world is becoming one great family and intercourse among the nations is increasing every day.

Somehow, we Americans feel that there is no other country in the world quite as wonderful as our dear United States. There is, of course, no reason why we should not believe this; but it is bad form and poor judgment to show by action and speech in other countries that you believe it. The man or woman who affects a supercilious disdain of all foreign countries and their forms and customs, is not impressing the natives with his vast superiority, but is really convincing them that he or she is an ill-bred simpleton. And even our beloved America is hardly perfect enough to warrant a great deal of boasting.

In traveling abroad, every national prejudice, every custom of every little town or village, should be observed as nearly as possible. "When in Rome do as the Romans do" is the truest courtesy that can be observed by those who travel. Well-bred and polite people conform to native customs no matter how strange they may appear. And they do it gracefully, with a smile of friendliness rather than one of disdain.

In her book "Fear and Conventionality," Elsie Parsons relates an incident during her visit to Tokyo. She and her companions were the guests of j.a.pan. As they were on their way to the station, the natives stole up furtively and placed cards in their carriages. Realizing that it must be some native custom, the occupants of the carriages merely smiled and allowed the cards to remain. Perhaps if they had been haughty individuals they might have scowled at the seeming intrusion, thrown aside the cards, and won the everlasting hate of the natives not only for themselves but for all future American tourists. For one ill-bred traveler makes it hard for the next people who pa.s.s along the same route, however courteous they may be. The best way to make a pleasant journey is to adapt oneself graciously and courteously to varying circ.u.mstances and conditions.

THE TRAVELER'S WARDROBE

It is not wise to overburden oneself with numerous clothes when traveling. Wardrobes can always be replenished if the necessity arises, in other countries, and there is really no need to impede one's journey with numerous trunks and handbags that must be constantly checked, looked after and traced. Many people have journeyed happily all over Europe with only a suit case or two.

Women should dress quietly and inconspicuously when traveling. A dark, tailored suit with light blouses is in excellent taste, especially when worn with a small dark turban or toque. In her wardrobe should be simple, but smart frocks for the afternoon, an evening gown, numerous fresh blouses and perhaps a sport outfit or two. An abundant supply of fresh undergarments is essential, but even these can be bought during the trip if the supply does not hold out. Remember that it is a wise rule to take too little rather than too much. An experienced traveler can usually be distinguished by the small amount of luggage he carries.

The wardrobe of the gentleman traveling should also be as small as possible. Of course the number of suits and the quant.i.ty of linen he takes with him depends upon the length of his trip and the social activities he expects to indulge in.

If the trip is to be one of long duration the porter will provide a paper bag in which the hat may be placed. On a trip of this kind it is permissible to make oneself at ease by removing hat and wraps and leaning against a pillow which the porter will furnish upon request.

IN THE TRAIN

An ill-bred person is always known by his selfishness and discourtesy in the train. He will claim more service and comfort than he is ent.i.tled to. He will scold the attendants and make himself generally a nuisance.

He will encroach upon the rights of others, a.s.sume an air of importance, and make himself conspicuous by his actions and manners.

When in the train, be as solicitous of the pa.s.senger's comforts as you would be of your dearest friend's, if he or she were traveling with you.

Do not keep your window open if you know that it is causing discomfort to others. Do not spread your hand-luggage into the aisles where other pa.s.sengers will be likely to trip over it. It is good nature, courtesy and an affable adaptation to unexpected circ.u.mstances that mark the lady and gentleman in traveling.

If someone opens a window that places you in a draught or exposes you to flying cinders or other discomforts, it is permissible to request politely that the window be lowered again. The courteous man or woman will do so immediately without impatience or annoyance.

All boisterous behavior, loud laughing and talking, are as reprehensible in the train as they are in the drawing-room. Composure of manner and a calm, easy grace distinguish the cultured traveler. He who is restless, excitable, fidgety, who talks in loud tones, walks back and forth to the water cooler many times, arranges and rearranges his belongings, is merely advertising to the other pa.s.sengers in the train that he is traveling for the first time, and that he does not know how to conduct himself.

It should be remembered that the railroad train is a public place, and therefore it is not correct to discuss family affairs or converse loudly about people who are absent while you are traveling on it. This habit of talking about people who are absent is most uncivil. How often do we overhear conversations in which some unfortunate man or woman is "picked to pieces" by inconsiderate friends or acquaintances who mean no harm and bear no malice but having nothing else to talk about, choose their friend as the subject of their conversation. It is unkind, and it is certainly bad form.

IN THE SLEEPING CAR

In traveling on the sleeping car the person who has the lower berth is ent.i.tled to the seat facing forward while the one with the upper berth has the seat facing backward. If a lady was unable to procure a lower berth and the gentleman beneath her offers to exchange she may at discretion accept the offer.

When one is ready to go to bed he rings for the porter to prepare the berth. In crowded trains it may be some time before this can be done and the owner of the berth must be patient until his turn comes. It is courteous to consult one's seat mate before asking to have the beds made for the night, and if one wishes to go to bed early because of fatigue or slight illness, he may politely beg of his partner to allow him to do so.

The person who is to spend the night on the train should provide himself with a dressing gown, a traveling toilette case containing the necessary accessories such as brushes, soap, tooth-paste, pins, etc. One may dress and undress in the regular dressing room but many people prefer to accomplish the greater part of their toilette in their berths. It is not permissible to take exclusive possession of the dressing-room or to spread one's belongings out so as to be in the way of the other travelers.

TRAIN COURTESY

A gentleman always steps aside to permit a woman to enter a train first.

He does not rush ahead of her for a choice seat, nor does he open a window near her without having first requested and obtained her permission to do so.

Civility of the highest sort is possible when traveling in a train. One may be courteous to the gruff ticket collector and polite to the bustling expressman. A "soft answer turneth away wrath"--and we usually find that a curt, peremptory order receives response that is no less curt; but a kind and courteous request invariably receives an immediate friendly response. "Thank you" is never superfluous, and it is only the exceedingly impolite man who fails to say it when some service, no matter how trivial, has been performed for him.