Book of Etiquette Volume Ii Part 24

At a theater party, when there are several men and women in the party, the men may take advantage of the intermission to leave their places for a few moments. But they must not indulge in this privilege more than once during a performance, if they wish to be polite and considerate to the ladies. And they should not go without excusing themselves to the ladies whom they are escorting.

When a young man and woman are together, it is the height of ill-breeding for him to leave her alone during intermission. If he wishes water or candy or programs, the usher will attend to it for him.

He must not leave the lady alone unless she requests him to get something for her. A gentleman alone may, of course, come and go as he pleases during intermission.

If one must walk past strangers to leave one's seat for intermission, or if one wishes to leave before the performance is over, a courteous apology must be made to the people who are disturbed. "I beg your pardon," or, "May I trouble you to pa.s.s?" are the forms most frequently used. When the aisle is reached, it is polite to acknowledge the obligation by smiling and saying, "Thank you."

[Ill.u.s.tration:

Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the _Woman's Home Companion_.

THE BUFFET LUNCH

The informality of the buffet lunch permits the use of paper napkins but the hostess may use linen ones if she prefers]

During intermission it is permissible to step across the aisle or into another box to greet a friend. Often introductions are made, but they are not formal and need not gain future recognition. As soon as the curtain begins to rise, the caller must return to his own place.

LEAVING THE THEATER

If you wish your acquaintances to recognize your charm and cultivation, you should conduct yourself at the conclusion of the performance with the same quiet dignity that you observed when you entered the theater and while you were waiting for it to begin. Speak in low tones, smile but do not laugh, discuss the play but do it in so quiet a manner that no one but your companion will hear you. It is bad form to gather in small groups and discuss the play in loud tones. Leave the theater as quickly as possible. The attendants are waiting to close it.

It usually takes a long time for a large theater to be emptied because many inconsiderate people block the aisles and loiter at the rear of the auditorium. As soon as the curtain has fallen for the last time, gather your wraps together, slip them on if it is convenient and move quickly down the aisle to the rear. Then pa.s.s quickly out of the theater and out of the way. But if you still carry your wraps, you may either go to the dressing-room or remain a moment or two in the lobby until you have arranged them.

Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage." If this is true, do we not owe the stage the same courtesy, respect and honor that we owe the world of fellow-men? Be as well-mannered and courteous at the theater and opera as you would in the most fastidious drawing-room.

CHAPTER VI

HOTEL ETIQUETTE

AT THE HOTEL

There is a very distinct code of ethics by which the lady and gentleman must be governed when stopping at a hotel. It is a mistaken idea that one may act as one pleases, merely because the hotel is public. But it is as important to remember one's social obligations as it is in the home of a friend.

Indeed, the hotel is one place where men and women are most likely to make embarra.s.sing blunders and commit humiliating mistakes. This is especially true of the man or woman from a small town who stops for a day or two at a big hotel in the city. Only by knowing thoroughly the laws of good conduct, as adapted to hotel life, can one expect to move smoothly and with ease through its often puzzling social intricacies.

At home, or even when visiting at a friend's home, a boor may remain undetected. But how quickly the truth appears after he has registered at a hotel! There are numerous little tests of good breeding that betray him; the servants themselves soon discover whether or not he is cultivated, well-bred. And they invariably treat him accordingly.

The definite rules will be given in the following paragraphs. But for one's general conduct it should be remembered solely that the hospitality of a hotel is no less worthy of courtesy and consideration than the hospitality extended by a friend.

THE WOMAN GUEST

To-day women stop at hotels much more frequently than they did a decade ago. The war brought with it a widened horizon for the women of America, and they travel all over the country on political, professional and business enterprises as well as for pleasure. It is, consequently, necessary for them to stop often at hotels; thus they must know exactly how to conduct themselves.

Some hotels, in smaller towns, have ladies' entrances. The woman visitor should first ascertain whether or not there are such entrances, and if so should govern her actions accordingly. But in large cities, hotels generally have but one large entrance where the woman may enter without embarra.s.sment. Business often takes the modern woman into strange towns, and there is no reason why she should feel the least hesitancy in stopping at a hotel--providing she knows how to conduct herself.

Hand baggage should be relinquished at the door to attendants of the hotel. The woman should make her way immediately to the desk-clerk, register, and then follow the page a.s.signed to her, to her room. It is not good form to loiter in the lobby before going to one's room after one has registered. A wise plan is to call the hotel on the telephone beforehand, requesting them to reserve a room or suite of rooms as the case may be. This will eliminate any possibility of having to leave the hotel because there is no room. It is always a wise plan for a woman to reserve a room in advance, especially if she is to arrive late at night since certain hostelries refuse to admit women after a certain hour.

The day of the chaperon is practically over, except in the cases of very young girls. But women to-day travel very often in the company of their maids. Whether one double room or two single rooms adjoining each other are chosen, depends upon the degree of intimacy between mistress and maid, and also upon convenience and accommodation at the hotel. The usual form is to reserve two adjoining rooms.

A woman never stops at a hotel without baggage. Even though she intends to stay only over-night, she should carry a small handbag with her. A woman traveling across country with a great deal of baggage may have her trunks sent on ahead to the hotel if she reserves rooms previously. On no occasion should the woman approach the clerk's desk laden with valises and bags. A hotel attendant should take them from the car and deposit them on the floor near the desk; or the guest's chauffeur should deposit them at the entrance of the hotel, to be attended to by one of the hotel attendants.

RECEIVING MASCULINE GUESTS

A gentleman calling upon a lady who is stopping at a hotel, gives his name to the desk clerk. It is not necessary to offer a card. The form in most common usage is, "Mr. Roberts to see Miss Nelson." The clerk will call Miss Nelson on the telephone or will direct him to one of the telephones in the lobby, and advise her of the visitor. If she is ill and does not wish to see him, she will say, "Please tell Mr. Roberts I am indisposed and I am sorry that I cannot see him to-day." But she should not refuse to see a visitor without offering some sort of legitimate excuse. If she is not ready to greet visitors, she may say to the clerk, "Tell Mr. Roberts I shall be downstairs in a half-hour." That is the maximum amount of time it is permissible to keep a visitor waiting.

Ladies receive the gentlemen who call on them in the parlor or reception room of the hotel. They may be hatless and gloveless, if they wish, observing the same rules of etiquette that they would observe in their drawing-room at home. But if the visits are entirely of a business nature, it is always advisable for the woman to wear a hat.

To welcome a man in one's room is to break a convention that has many years of strict practice to uphold it. It is a serious blunder in hotel etiquette.

If a gentleman calls upon a lady at a hotel, whether it be in a business or social capacity, and finds that she is not in, he may leave his card with the desk clerk to be forwarded to her. It is necessary, however, that he write on the back of the card for whom it is intended; for the memories of desk clerks are not quite as retentive as some of us think they are, and there is a possibility of the card being sent to the wrong guest.

MAKING FRIENDS AT THE HOTEL

Hotels have the alarming propensity of making one feel extremely lonely, especially if one is stopping there all by oneself. And there is the very strong temptation to forget all about conventionalities and speak to the friendly-looking old gentleman at the next table, or the charming young woman in the dressing-room. But everyone, and the woman especially, should be extremely careful in making friends and acquaintances at the hotel.

Self-introductions are not unusual at the hotel. In the dining-room, in the lobby, in the rest-rooms, conversations are often started that result in self-introductions and subsequent acquaintanceships. But one should be prudent. It is not wise to go beyond the usual civilities of greetings and casual conversations or to take anyone into your confidence.

While conducting yourself with all due courtesy and consideration for the hospitality extended by the hotel, it is important to remember that after all the hotel is not a private home, but a temporary one for travelers--for the public. The conventions you observe in public must therefore also be observed at the hotel. Strangers still remain strangers, even though you sleep under the same roof with them.

If a gentleman becomes interested in another gentleman, either in the hotel lobby or the dining-room, and he wishes to become acquainted with him either for business or social reasons, he may request the manager of the hotel to make the necessary introduction. He may also indulge in the self-introduction, but it is never as effective as the introduction made by a third person.

HOW TO REGISTER

It is not considered dignified for a woman traveling alone to sign herself in the hotel register without the t.i.tle of "Mrs." or "Miss." A married woman should register as "Mrs. Harris K. Jennings," an unmarried woman as "Miss Mildred Jennings." It is decidedly bad form to sign oneself "Millie Jennings," or "Flossie Jennings" for Florence. The full first and last name should be written out and preceded by the correct t.i.tle of "Miss" or "Mrs." Only the eldest daughter, or only daughter, of a family may sign herself, "Miss Jennings."

When traveling together, a mother and daughter register as "Mrs. Harris K. Jennings, Miss Mildred Jennings." Even a very young girl is registered in this manner. A small boy's name appears in the register as "Master Edward Jennings." A husband and wife register as "Mr. and Mrs.

Harris K. Jennings." To use the expression "Mr. Harris K. Jennings and wife" is considered very bad form indeed. Only those who are ignorant of the best rules of hotel etiquette make this blunder.

After the name, the town and state from which the visitors have come should be written in the register. Thus the complete entry of a young lady would be, "Miss Mildred Jennings, Cambridge, Ma.s.s." A gentleman would register in this manner, "Mr. Harris K. Jennings, 681 Fifth Ave., New York." Even if he lives in New York and stops at a hotel in that city, he must write "New York" after his name. Nor is it correct for him to omit the "Mr." from before his name.

Deep flourishes and illegible handwriting should be avoided. The well-bred man or woman registers neatly in a clear, small, legible script.

IN THE PUBLIC DINING-ROOM

"A gentleman is known by the way he eats," declared a well-known writer recently in one of his newspaper articles. And this is particularly true in the hotel dining-room, where one is judged--or misjudged--by one's table manners; and one should remember to make them as gracefully correct as if the dinner were a most formal one in a private home.

If you drop a fork or other part of the table service, do not stoop to pick it up. Simply ignore the incident and leave it to the waiter to attend to. A most reprehensible habit is to pick up a knife or fork that has been dropped, wipe it carefully with the napkin, and proceed to use it. The correct thing to do is to leave the fork or knife on the floor where it has fallen and request another one from the waiter in charge.

It is optional with the ladies whether or not they wear their hats to dinner. In the dining-rooms of the larger hotels, however, women generally do not appear hatless. Even though one is a permanent guest and a special table is reserved for one each evening, it is better to wear a hat to dinner at the hotel.