Book of Etiquette Volume Ii Part 26

When a gentleman sees that a woman pa.s.senger is having difficulty in raising a window, he need feel no hesitancy in offering to a.s.sist her.

However, the courtesy ends when the window has been raised; he resumes his seat and the incident is closed. It is incorrect for him to attempt a conversation with her or to intrude upon her in any way. The gentleman should also offer his seat to a woman standing in an overcrowded train, or to a man very much older than himself. A man or woman carrying a child should never be permitted to remain standing.

A gentleman never allows a woman to feel inc.u.mbent upon him for monetary a.s.sistance. For instance, if a young and inexperienced woman is traveling alone and seems to be in doubt as to where she will be able to get something to eat, the gentleman may offer to send a porter to take her order. Or if no porter can be found, he may himself get her a sandwich and a gla.s.s of milk. But he must absolutely accept the money expended for these articles, otherwise the young woman will undoubtedly feel embarra.s.sed.

THE WOMAN TRAVELER

Women travel about much more independently to-day than ever before. We find young and elderly women traveling across country for business purposes, for relaxation, and for pleasure. And though conventions are no less strict than they were twenty-five years ago, these women who travel are enjoying a much wider and more untrammeled freedom than their grandmothers ever enjoyed.

Women who have not had much experience in traveling, who are ignorant of the laws of good conduct while _en route_, are p.r.o.ne to expect a great many courtesies and much attention from the train officials and from the gentlemen pa.s.sengers. Very often they make themselves appear rude and ill-bred by their a.s.sumed manner of haughtiness. It is the quiet, dignified manner that commands respect; not the exacting, fault-finding and imperious one that so many women like to affect.

The woman on a train should never sacrifice the comfort of the people around her for her own. It is exceedingly discourteous to insist upon having a window open, when you know that others around you object, even though they are all men. And it is just as discourteous to accept a seat that a gentleman has kindly relinquished, or to accept any other courtesy, without offering polite thanks.

It is bad form to get excited over every little thing that happens. A two-minute delay, a brief unexplained stop, is enough to make some women fret and fume.

The woman who travels alone should maintain a great deal of dignity and reserve. She should not make an acquaintance of any fellow-pa.s.sengers of either s.e.x, and she should not accept courtesies from anyone without cordial thanks. But beyond those few conventional words of thanks, there should be no conversation with a man or woman she does not know. And yet, when the journey is a very long one, lasting perhaps more than a day, what harm can it be for a woman to chat a bit about the scenery or the newest "best-seller" with the motherly looking woman beside her?

Common-sense is often the better part of etiquette.

THE WOMAN WHO TRAVELS WITH AN ESCORT

When a man serves as escort to a woman who is traveling by train, he incurs all expenses. He buys her ticket at the station, attends to the checking and directing of her luggage, carries her hand-bags and sees that she is comfortably seated. He pays for all magazines and newspapers that she wishes and fees the porter that has helped her. He also buys and pays for all refreshments taken during the trip.

A lady invariably precedes her escort down the aisle of the train. She takes the inside seat and leaves the arranging of the luggage and wraps to the gentleman. He may, if he excuses himself, spend part of the trip in the smoking car, but it is exceedingly rude of him to leave the lady by herself throughout the trip. In fact, it is wise after the first few hours of travel, to leave the lady to her own devices for she may want to nap or to read a book. Even one's dearest friend, or one's favorite brother can become monotonous and tiresome after four or five hours of continuous conversation on a noisy train.

IN THE DINING-CAR

When a man meets a woman on a train, and after a brief conversation, invites her into the dining-car, she may a.s.sume that he wishes to be the host and that he would be offended if she refused to allow him to pay for her meal. However, the woman who travels alone must be extremely circ.u.mspect in her conduct, and she must not incur monetary obligations from men who are almost strangers to her.

For instance, if a man and woman who have met just once before and who are not really friends but slight acquaintances, find that they are traveling to the same place at the same time, they may for mutual pleasure's sake, elect to travel together. This is especially true when the journey is one of four or five hours' duration, when a bit of conversation would enliven the monotony of the trip. In this case, if both decide to go into the dining-room together, the woman must by no means allow the man to pay her bill. He may pay the tip, if he wishes, but he must accept the money that she offers him to pay for her share of the bill. A considerate woman will wait until they are back at their seats before venturing to reimburse her companion. It is better to have the waiter present separate bills. This does away with all awkwardness and embarra.s.sment.

A gentleman who is escorting a lady on a trip should not be expected to pay for her meals on the train, unless there is only one and he feels that it would be a pleasure for him to serve as host on that occasion.

But if the trip lasts several days, the woman should insist that she pay her own expenses. This is especially important if the escort is a friend and not a relative; she should by no means allow him to pay her bills.

CHILDREN ON THE TRAIN

Very often it is necessary for parents to travel with their children.

The mother must see that her youngsters observe the most careful order while they are in the train and that they do not disturb the other pa.s.sengers.

It is not very pleasant for young children to sit quietly for three or four hours, and the wise mother will see that they have something to amuse themselves with. A big picture book for the boy, a doll for the girl or some other equally interesting diversion will keep the child from becoming impatient and restless.

It is very wrong to permit children to race up and down the aisles, to climb over the backs of the seats, to play noisy games or in any other manner disturb the other pa.s.sengers. Nor is it proper for them to eat continually, crumbling cake and dropping fruit stones upon the floor of the train. Correct, well-bred little boys and girls will remain quietly seated in their places, watching the scenery or looking at the pictures in the book; and if they converse at all, it will be in a low tone that does not annoy the man or woman in front who is reading. It is never too early to teach children the golden rule of courtesy and respect.

If a child is addressed by a kindly neighbor, he should answer politely; but he must not leave his place and go over to that neighbor to be flattered and indulged, and perhaps plied with sweets that will do him more harm than good. Courtesies extended children should be gratefully acknowledged both by the child himself and by his mother.

IN THE TAXI CAB

When one arrives at a station one usually has to summon a taxi to the hotel. It is hardly safe for a young woman traveling alone at night to ride in a taxi by herself especially if the ride is to be a long one.

The best way to avoid it is for her if possible to time her trip so as to arrive in the day time. If this cannot be done she must perforce accept the alternative.

If a man and woman are traveling together he helps her in before getting in himself. At the end of the ride he first helps her out and then pays and tips the driver. Ten per cent. of the amount of the fare is the usual rate. Unless a man is acting as a woman's escort he should not pay her fare.

BON VOYAGE GIFTS

Many people like to send their friends _bon voyage_ gifts of flowers, books, fruit or candy when they are going away. Steamer letters are always acceptable and if they are arranged in some novel way they may be most delightful. A series of letters or small packages, one to be opened each day, go a long way toward relieving the tedium of the journey. Similar gifts may be sent to friends who are going on a long railway trip. The address of packages sent to steamers should include the name of the vessel and of the line to which it belongs and the number of the pier.

ON BOARD THE SHIP

The only place where formal introductions are not necessary is at sea.

Life on shipboard is more or less free from conventionality, fortunately, especially for those who are making the voyage alone. The days would be long and tedious if one refused to speak to any of the other pa.s.sengers because they had not been formally presented. It is quite permissible, if one feels so inclined, to speak to the person whose steamer chair is near or to the people who share one's table in the ship's dining-room.

COURTESY ON THE SHIP

Although the barriers of social etiquette are let down on board the ship to the extent of permitting pa.s.sengers to talk to one another without formal introductions, there is no excuse for lack of courtesy. The man or woman who encroaches upon the rights of other pa.s.sengers, who is discourteous or rude, will undoubtedly be shunned and avoided by the others.

It is, for instance, very bad form to use someone else's pillow, deck-chair or book, without having first requested permission to do so.

It is also impolite to speak in loud tones, or to read aloud, where it would disturb others who are trying to nap or to read. Noisy conduct of any kind is an evidence of ill-breeding, and it is only the extremely ill-bred people who will sit in little groups and discuss and comment upon each pa.s.senger on board the ship.

Pa.s.sengers are never permitted to interfere with the mechanisms of the ship. Not only is it very incorrect to do so, but it may be criminal or unsafe. To inspect certain parts of the ship barred to all but employees is to risk one's own life and the lives of the other pa.s.sengers. Remain in your stateroom or on deck, but do not wander into places where ship-ethics forbid you.

THE WOMAN CROSSING THE OCEAN

It is not usual for a woman to travel across the ocean alone. But very often a young woman correspondent or journalist, or perhaps a woman buyer for some large fashion establishment, finds that business takes her abroad. She need feel no hesitancy or embarra.s.sment in attempting the trip, if she knows and understands all the little rules of good conduct that govern railroad, steamship and hotel etiquette.

The young lady who is alone, should be careful that she does not make haphazard acquaintances among the gentlemen on board the ship. It is much wiser for her to find companions among the women pa.s.sengers, and later they will undoubtedly introduce her to their gentleman acquaintances. She must never allow a man whose acquaintance she made only on board the ship, to a.s.sume any of her expenses. Nor should she sit up on the deck after eleven o'clock with one of her new acquaintances. She must be extremely careful of her conduct, and she must not give anyone the opportunity to talk about her and comment upon the fact that she is traveling without a chaperon.

When there is a dance on board the ship, the woman who is traveling alone may accept an invitation to dance from a gentleman she has not formally met; but it is always wiser to find some excuse to avoid dancing with a man who is a total stranger.

A CONCERT AT SEA

Very often, as the sea voyage draws near an end, a concert or entertainment is held for the benefit of some special charity fund, or merely for the amus.e.m.e.nt of the pa.s.sengers. All those who are accomplished in any way--who can sing, dance, recite or play a musical instrument, are expected to volunteer their services for the occasion.

Those who are specially requested to do so, should consent amiably; it is very rude, indeed, to refuse without some very good reason.

The pa.s.senger who absents himself from the concert which all other pa.s.sengers attend, is both impolite and ill-bred. Whether he cares to or not, he should attend for the sake of courtesy. And everyone should contribute to the fund if one is raised after the concert. Only a very selfish and unkind person will refuse to contribute to a fund of this kind.

AT THE JOURNEY'S END

In the excitement of reaching _terra firma_ once again, a few people are inclined to forget the courtesies due the other pa.s.sengers.

A little while before the ship reaches the dock, cordial farewells should be made to all those with whom one has been friendly.