Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 33

_Agnes K. Marshall_

If the invitation is addressed to the child it might be worded something like this:

_Dear Mary,_

_Julian is planning to have a little party Thursday afternoon and he wants you to come about four o'clock. Tell your mother that we will see that you get home about six. We both want you very much._

_Cordially your friend,_

_Agnes K. Marshall._

Birthday parties are usually held in the afternoon between three and six. Older children, those of the Sweet Sixteen age, may have parties from four to seven, or eight o'clock. Hallowe'en, New Year and St.

Patrick's Day parties for little tots, are invariably in the afternoon.

Mother should arrange for sufficient interesting games to keep the youngsters amused and entertained; and it always adds greatly to the fun, if a little prize is offered for the winner of each game.

Parties and ice-cream, of course, go hand in hand. Sweets, cakes and fruit usually accompany the ice-cream. Sometimes hot chocolate and wafers are served to the youngsters. At the birthday party, the inevitable birthday cake is usually cut and served by the young host or hostess. Mother must not forget the candles, "one for each year and one for good measure." The refreshments at young folks' parties are usually served at or about four o'clock.

It is most essential to have a sufficient number of amus.e.m.e.nts planned to keep the children entertained every minute of the time. They cannot be trusted to take care of themselves especially if the party is a mixed one. The hostess must also be careful not to have the games so active as to tire the youngsters out and she must be sure that the refreshments are wholesome. It is no very small undertaking to give a successful children's party but the reward is great enough to make it worth while.

PLANNING SURPRISES

The two important rules of children's parties may be a.n.a.lyzed briefly as: simplicity and a surprise combined with suspense. Suspense is especially important; children have impatient little souls and when they are promised some strange and vague surprise, they are delighted beyond measure, and spend the time awaiting it with keen delight and expectation.

The surprise may consist of a huge Jack Horner pie, filled with pretty souvenirs. It may be a Brownie party, with cunning little Brownie hoods and caps previously prepared for the young visitors. It may be any one of a thousand gay, simple, childhood games that youngsters delight in.

To offer a prize for the winner always arouses keen interest in the game.

RECEIVING THE YOUNG GUESTS

At children's parties, the hostess stands in the background cordially seconding the welcomes extended by her little son or daughter. When everyone has arrived, the young host or hostess leads the way into the dining-room and the dinner.

After the dinner there will be games until it is time to leave. The wise hostess will see that all fragile bric-a-brac and expensive furniture is well out of the way before the children come. And she will see that as soon as a game is becoming too boisterous, or too tiresome, another is suggested. There must be variety to the entertainment for children grow weary very quickly.

ABOUT THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

If the party is in honor of a child's birthday, an effort should be made to make it as festive as possible. The birthday flower, whatever it happens to be, should be given prominence. The table should have an attractive floral centerpiece, and must be as well-laid as the correctly formal dinner-table of the older folks.

It is customary for the guests to bring a gift for the child, but lately it has been forbidden by some parents. There is no reason to forbid it, however, as the custom is a pretty one and the gifts are usually trifling. And it is as amusing as it is pleasing to watch how proudly and importantly the young visitor bestows his gifts upon his comrade.

The birthday cake holds the place of honor on the table. Around the edge of it, in small tin holders, are candles--one for each year the child has thus far celebrated. One candle is blown out by each little guest, and with it goes a secret wish of happiness for the boy or girl whose birthday it is. Some parents do not wish to run the risk of accidents caused by burning candles. In this case, it is pretty to have the icing on cake represent the face of a clock, with the hour hand pointing to the hour which indicates the child's age. Very often when the slices of birthday cake are distributed, tiny gifts are presented with them.

WHEN THE YOUNG GUESTS LEAVE

A problem which the hostess of children's parties invariably meets, is how to get the children home safely. Undoubtedly, the parents of the young children should provide some means of having them escorted home safely after the party; the duty should not be allowed to devolve upon the hostess. If the children are older, of high-school age, the young boys may be trusted to escort the girls to their homes. When children are very young they have no idea when to leave. The hostess may say, "Let us have one more game before you start for home, children," and immediately proceed to explain what the game shall be, impressing it upon them that they are expected to leave for home as soon as it is over. Or she may suggest a final grand march which the youngsters will no doubt enter into whole-heartedly--and the march may lead into the room where their wraps are waiting.

There is nothing quite as beautiful and gratifying as a group of laughing, happy children; and the hostess who has attained this may indeed feel repaid for her trouble. Children are easy to please, too.

Something absurd, something the least bit out of the ordinary, something queer or grotesque, is bound to win their immediate applause no matter how simple and inexpensive it may be. And strangely enough, the hostess who manages to bring the sunshine and merriment into the hearts of her young guests, feels young and childish herself for the time being--and the feeling is one of such utter delight and happiness that it is well worth the effort.

CHILDREN'S ENTERTAINMENTS AWAY FROM HOME

There are many delightful ways of entertaining children away from home, and out-of-door parties are especially wholesome. Motion pictures parties for children that are old enough are very pleasing if the picture is a good one. This is a point that should be carefully attended to beforehand. It is no time to "take a chance." At the party out in the woods or down by the bank of the creek refreshments should consist of picnic fare. The motion picture party or the matinee party might be followed by ice-cream or by a simple dinner. But however many of these entertainments one may give one must remember that there is after all not a great deal of art in amusing people when the amus.e.m.e.nts are furnished by someone else, and also that the art of entertaining charmingly at home is perhaps the greatest art of them all.

CHILDREN AND DANCING

The dancing school teaches the youngster a great deal more than merely a few dancing steps. From no other source is it possible for the young boy or girl to acquire the grace, the poise, the charm of manner that the dancing school imparts.

The writer knows a very lovely young miss of twelve years, who has so charming a manner that one delights to be with her. Yet, her parents confide, that two years ago she was so nervous and fidgety that they were ashamed to take her anywhere. They attribute her present grace and ease to her lessons at dancing school.

There is no reason why boys should not also be registered at the dancing school. A young man who, in childhood learned the little formalities of the dancing school, will not be likely to feel ill at ease in the formal drawing-room, or at the elaborate dinner. He will know how to conduct himself without embarra.s.sment or self-consciousness.

In training our children's manners and speech, we must not forget that their physical development is most important. Etiquette requires that the child know, not only how to act at the table, how to greet visitors and how to be well-behaved and mannerly, but also how to _appear_ polite and polished. Dancing gives them just the right foundation for grace and courtesy of manner.

A WORD TO PARENTS

In your hands has been placed the destiny of a child, or of children, to be molded, developed and formed into a perfect being. Do not make the mistake that so many parents make--the mistake of thinking that the child is a miniature of yourself, a pocket edition of yourself as it were. You have certain tastes, habits, hopes and desires cultivated through years of experience and education. The child has a young mind to be expanded and developed, a young body to be molded into lines of grace and charm, a young life to be made fine and beautiful.

It is not an easy task, this leading a child through the correct channels of early life. The young minds are so sensitive, the young memory is so retentive; evil influences are so easily made, and become so readily a part of the boy's or girl's life. Someone once said, "Motherhood is made up of denial." All parenthood is made up of denial--for from the time the youngster first opens its eyes in its cradle, the parents must deny themselves everything that is necessary to make that child a perfect man or woman.

They must give up much of their social duties to attend to the development of the child's mind. They must spend hours with the youngster in his own or her play, so that there will be woven in with that play, a subtle teaching. They must deny themselves material and spiritual comforts so that those whose destiny is in their hands, will be correctly prepared to meet life.

There are several chapters to the book of childhood. It is the complete volume that counts--not just one page. Follow your child through all his chapters of childhood, enter into his play and study and ambitions.

There are so many little incidents that remain in the memory and permanently change the behavior. It is one thing to be just a parent, quite another to be parent and friend. Let your child see that you are interested in _all_ his activities, and your influence will have a great deal to do in the shaping of his future manners.

AMUs.e.m.e.nTS

"Be as careful of the books you read as of the company you keep; for your habits and character will be as much influenced by the former as by the latter." This bit of wisdom from the pen of Paxton Hood reveals one great duty which confronts every parent. The child must have its own library, and one that will correctly develop its mind and manners.

Even if it is only one shelf of books in the nursery, it should belong to the child itself. The pride of personal ownership increases the value of the books.

Books should be chosen with care, but there should be sufficient variety to enable the young boy or girl to select the subject that he or she is most interested in. Fiction should be of the better kind, "Robinson Crusoe," "Little Lord Fauntleroy," the "Jungle Books,"

"Grimm's or Andersen's Fairy Tales," "Alice in Wonderland," etc. Boys will like "Plain Tales from the Hills," "Bob, Son of Battle," "Treasure Island," "The Sea Wolf," "Huckleberry Finn," "Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea," etc.

There should be special attention given to the cla.s.sics. It is unfortunate that so much of the time devoted to them should be spent altogether in the schoolroom for books that one has to read are rarely the ones that one likes best. d.i.c.kens, Thackeray, Shakespeare, George Eliot, and a mighty host of others are waiting for the child who is old enough to understand them. The parent should watch the tendencies of the mind of his child and should keep him supplied with books that will develop and expand the little intellect in accordance with its natural preferences. The best way to teach a child to care for books is to keep him surrounded with them and to read to him or tell him stories from time to time and to be patient if he is slow in manifesting a desire to use the key that unlocks the treasure that lies between the covers of books.

Music is one of the best means of developing the child's emotional nature and of subduing wayward impulses and of bringing about harmony in the home circle. The writer knows of one family--and there are many others--which sometimes in the evening finds itself all at sixes and sevens. n.o.body agrees with anybody else; the whole group is hopelessly tangled. The mother goes to the piano and begins playing a song that they all know. One by one the members of the family join in and it is not long before they are all gathered around the piano singing song after song and the petty disagreements and the unpleasant feeling of discord have vanished into thin air.

Much is to be said in favor of the gramophones. Through them the best music is accessible to almost everyone. But it is not wise to depend on them altogether, for children have talent to be developed, and there is a charm about music in the family that is like, to use a crude comparison--home-cooking. It cannot be duplicated elsewhere.

LET THE CHILD BE NATURAL

After all, the greatest charm of childhood is natural, spontaneous simplicity. Stilted, party-mannered children are bores. They are unnatural. And that which is not natural, cannot be well-bred.