Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 19

WHEN GENTLEMEN RECEIVE CALLERS

A lady does not call upon a gentleman unless it is for the purpose of business. Under such conditions, the gentleman rises, finds her a seat and proceeds immediately with the matter of business. No social or domestic topics are introduced. If the interview is to be a short one, or if the man is pressed for time, he may go out to meet the lady in the corridor or outer office and stand while he hears her business.

When a lady is admitted to his private office, a gentleman does not receive her with his hat on, or with his coat off. He refrains from smoking, and gives her his whole attention during the interview. If the telephone rings, he must excuse himself before answering it. He rises when the lady is ready to leave, opens the door for her, and accompanies her to the door or elevator if he wishes to be extremely polite. However, this latter courtesy is necessary only when the visitor is a relative or special friend. A gentleman merely bows when a lady takes her departure, unless she herself offers her hand.

It is quite permissible when certain pressing affairs claim one's attention to request to be excused or postpone the business call until some later date. Or if he wishes her to be brief, the gentleman may courteously request the lady to do so, and he will invariably find that she will be only too willing to comply with his request. But there can be no excuse for the man who insists upon being curt to women who call at his office on matters of business, any more than there is an excuse for lack of gallantry and courtesy in the drawing-room.

A gentleman receives his masculine callers at his home as cordially and with as much hospitality as the lady receives her feminine friends. He must observe all the rules outlined for the hostess. He greets each caller formally, makes all necessary introductions, sees that conversation runs smoothly and pleasantly, and if he wishes, offers refreshments. When he has a mother or sister to help him entertain, he may invite women guests, and then it is his duty to accompany each lady as far as the door and see that her car is in readiness. When the last guest to depart is a gentleman, the host usually goes with him as far as the hall door, and a.s.sists him with his coat.

MAKING A CHANCE CALL

Very often a call is returned on some other day than that set apart by the hostess for the day at home. It is not always convenient for friends and acquaintances to observe a certain day at home, but when they call on other days they always are faced with uncertainty. Of course there are some women who do not have a definite day at home, but they may be found at home almost any afternoon.

A woman calling on a friend or acquaintance on no definite day makes some such inquiry as follows of the servant at the door: "Is Mrs. Gray at home?" or, "Are the ladies in this afternoon?" Having received a reply in the negative, the caller leaves her card and departs. There must be no questions as to where the ladies may be, or what time they shall return, unless one is a particularly intimate friend of the entire family.

When the servant announces at the door that her mistress is not at home, it may mean either that she is out of the house entirely or that she is so completely occupied with business that she is not able to entertain. In either case, however, the report of the servant must be taken as final, and it may not be questioned.

INFORMAL CALLS

We will call it that--these friendly little visits that neighbors make upon each other in smaller towns, or in less fashionable circles.

Informal calls. But you may call them friendly calls, if you wish.

In small towns, and especially in the country, women may "drop in" for a chat with their neighbors any time in the afternoon. Even morning calls between ten and one o'clock are permissible. There is nothing formal about these calls. It is not necessary to have a liveried butler at the door to announce the name, nor a small silver tray on which to place the caller's card. Butlers, cards and formalities are all omitted, and the call drops into a delightfully intimate visit.

It would be ridiculous to attempt to set down a definite time limit for these calls. They may be as short as twenty minutes or as long as two hours, depending entirely upon the individuals and the circ.u.mstances.

Refreshments may or may not be served as one pleases. Formal greetings and farewells are dispensed with, and in their place are cordial "h.e.l.los" and "good-bys" that are entirely conducive to good friendship.

If you feel that, because you are not fortunate enough to own a pretentious dwelling and to hire impressive butlers and maid-servants to welcome your guests, you should not make calls and have them returned, you are depriving yourself of a pleasure infinitely greater than all elaborate display and ostentation. Simple, informal calls made for the purpose of creating and developing friendships, and made with a feeling of genuine cordiality and friendliness, are even more gratifying than the stiffly formal social calls.

Do not feel that you are obeying etiquette's decrees when you neglect your friendships merely because your home and facilities do not warrant extensive social intercourse. True etiquette is universal in its appeal and reaches the country-woman in her little cottage as directly as it reaches the stately dowager in her city mansion.

CHAPTER IV

VISITING CARDS--AND OTHERS

YOUR CARD A REPRESENTATIVE OF YOU

An interesting anecdote we have in mind will ill.u.s.trate better than anything we can say, the importance of the correct card, whether it be in business or social activities.

A rather eccentric gentleman discovered an amazing new commodity for which there had been considerable demand for many years. He became immediately famous. Reporters besieged his home and office in quest of interviews, but the reports in the newspapers were of the vaguest and most indefinite. He shunned publicity, and absolutely refused to see or speak to anyone.

Then a brilliant young chap who knew and understood the eccentricities of the inventor, conceived the idea of having a special card engraved to send in to him. The others laughed at his "foolish idea" as they called it, but he had absolute faith in his plan. He had a neat white card engraved with his name and address, much the same form and size as the ordinary social card. But in the lower left-hand corner, in tiny italics, these words were printed: "Wishes to tell the people the truth about your discovery."

The card went in to the inventor. The reporter was admitted. And his paper boasted headlines and columns of startling facts the next day that no other paper in town had. The very appearance of the card, its neatness and its obvious originality, commanded the attention of the man who hated publicity, and caused him to submit to an interview.

Of course we cannot all have special cards printed for certain occasions. Nor can we be original to the extent that we do not follow the rules of etiquette regarding correct forms for social cards. But we can make our cards so distinctive, so representative of ourselves, that the recipient will find as much pleasure in receiving them as we in offering them. And by distinctive we do not mean the fancy or embellished card, but the one that is strictly in accord with the rules of good usage as outlined in the following paragraphs.

GENERAL RULES REGARDING CARDS

Social and professional cards should be engraved either on copper or steel; plain, readable type should be used. Ornate scripts that are hardly legible should be avoided. Ordinary script type is permissible, but it must not be fancy or comprised wholly of swinging flourishes. A plain letter is always preferable. The ordinary Roman type, or any new modification of it, or Gothic lettering, is always in good taste.

When a large quant.i.ty of cards is desired, the copper-plate should be requested, as the greatest number of clear impressions can be taken from it. Requests may also be made of the stationer to use an embossed plate so that the letters stand out in relief. The color should be white or cream. Other colors are in bad taste, although sometimes buff and pale blue cards are used by professional men and women. The stock should be thin; not as thin as paper, but much thinner than that used for other kinds of cards.

Cards are engraved with the owner's name and address, or with the name alone. If it is a professional card, the word "Artist" or "Attorney-at-law" or whatever the profession happens to be may appear in the lower left-hand corner. Military men may also print their rank or position in this corner, as may also professors and others holding a t.i.tle of distinction.

The engraving of names and addresses should never be in any color but black. Black engraving on a pure white card is the best form for the social card. Gilt letterings are an indication of ignorance, and so are brightly colored engraving or highly tinted paper.

SIZE OF CARDS FOR WOMEN

Each new visiting season brings with it new fashions in cards--fashions that chiefly affect the size of the card. Thus it would hardly be practical to state definitely correct sizes. But we will give here the approximate size for the woman's visiting and social cards, and exact information can be acquired from one's personal stationer or from one of the current magazines which run special departments to take care of matters of this kind.

When a lady's card bears her name only, it should never measure more than two and seven-eighths inches in length and two and one-eighth inches in width. No card should be smaller than two and one-half inches in length and one and seven-eighths inches in width. A double card, on which the names of both mother and daughter or both husband and wife appear, should be about three inches and a half in length, by two and one-half in width. No decorations of any kind should be used on a card.

Polite society at the present time favors pure white, unglazed bristol board about two and two-thirds inches in length by two and one-eighth inches in width.

SIZE AND MATERIAL OF CARDS FOR MEN

It is usual for a man's card to be narrower and the least bit shorter than a woman's. The ordinary size is two and five-eighths inches by one and three-eighths inches, but like the woman's card is subject to change. The stationer will be able to give definite information regarding the size of the man's card at the present time.

A man's card is as severely simple and unadorned as the woman's. No ornamentation, no flourish in the lettering. Just plain, readable type or script engraved in black upon white. The card itself should be of polished, but not glazed, bristol board, the kind that is flexible and thin. Some gentlemen have their cards made of especially thin stock to avoid bulky card cases or waistcoat pockets.

A bachelor may have his home address engraved in the lower right-hand corner of his card, with the name of his favorite club opposite. If he resides entirely at his club, the name is engraved in the lower right-hand corner. It is bad form to have a business address engraved on one's social visiting card. An at-home day is never given on a gentleman's card, but appears in the lower left-hand corner of his wife's card. A bachelor is not expected to devote a definite day to the entertaining of callers unless he is an artist with a studio.

t.i.tLES ON CARDS FOR WOMEN

A woman's visiting card should be engraved solely with her name, address and day at home. Any decorations such as gilded edges, crests or superfluous engravings are an indication of bad taste.

In America a lady never a.s.sumes any t.i.tle other than Mrs. or Miss on her social card. There is only one exception to this rule: a professional woman may use her t.i.tle of doctor of medicine, etc. In this case, even though she is married, she drops her husband's Christian names and signs herself Marian M. Browning, M.D.

A woman does not share, on her cards, the honorary t.i.tles of her husband. For instance, the wife of our president has her cards engraved "Mrs. Warren Gamaliel Harding." The wife of a secretary, judge, general or admiral does not use any t.i.tle other than Mrs. Even the woman who is a successful physician should not use her t.i.tle on her social cards, unless, as explained above, she is elderly. It is wise for a woman physician to have two sets of cards, one with her name and t.i.tle, and with her office hours in the corner, the other with her name alone, and her house address in the corner. A physician's social card should be engraved simply "Miss Marian Mansfield Browning."

It is always better form to give in full the Christian name or names, as well as the surname. It is not tasteful to indicate by an initial only the husband's first name, and engrave his middle name, thus: "Mrs.

J. Henry Williams." Both names should be given in full. It is not considered dignified to use abbreviations of a husband's name, as Frank for Francis, Alec for Alexander, Joe for Joseph. Nor should an unmarried woman use such abbreviations of her name as Polly, Sally, Dolly, etc.

The wife who is the senior matron of the senior branch of a family may drop both her husband's first and middle names from her cards, and have them read simply: "Mrs. Robinson." Her eldest unmarried daughter is ent.i.tled to use a card reading: "Miss Robinson." When the name is a very ordinary one like Brown or Smith, it is always wiser to use the Christian names to avoid confusion.

A spinster, or as the modern woman likes to call herself, the "bachelor girl," may not use cards engraved merely Miss Gray, unless she is the oldest daughter of a family. She has her cards engraved in either of the three following forms: "Miss Mary Hammond Gray" or "Miss Mary H.