Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 20

Gray" or just "Miss Mary Gray." The first initial should never be used, except when the young lady is known by her middle name, unless professional purposes demand it.

_Mrs. John Jay Holmes 12 West Street_

_Miss Helen Holmes 12 West Street_

CARDS FOR WIDOWS

A widow is privileged to retain her husband's Christian name on her card if she wishes, unless her eldest son is married and bears the full name of his deceased father. In this case, of course, there would be confusion, and it is much wiser for her to have her cards engraved with her own Christian and middle names, in this manner: "Mrs. Lucille May Hopkins." If there is no reason for her to drop her husband's Christian and middle names after his death, she may sign herself: "Mrs. Henry Waltam Hopkins."

At the present time, it is good form for the woman who has been divorced to use her maiden surname with the surname of the divorced or deceased husband, dropping all Christian names. Thus a woman whose maiden name was Harris would have her cards engraved "Mrs. Harris Smith" if she is divorced from her husband. The name, even if she resumes her full maiden name, should be prefixed by "Mrs.," never by "Miss." A widow should avoid following the style prescribed for a divorced woman, since it is likely to cause embarra.s.sing ambiguity.

It is fully permissible for a widow to revive her maiden name after several years of widowhood. The divorced woman, however, may not use her maiden name on her cards until there has been a legal annulment of her marriage, in which case, as was stated above, she uses it with the t.i.tle "Mrs.," not "Miss."

THE YOUNG LADY'S CARD

When a young lady has been formally introduced to society by her mother, she uses for her first year of calls, cards that bear her name below that of her mother. She a.s.sumes a private card only when she is no longer a _debutante_. The joint card, as it is called, should be larger in size than the card her mother ordinarily uses, and the young lady's Christian and middle names should be used unless she is the eldest daughter of the family. A model card appears below:

_Mrs. Robert Cole Miss Jean Evelyn Cole Tuesdays South Street_

When mother and daughter pay calls together, this one card serves for both. But when the daughter makes calls alone, she runs a pencil line lightly through her mother's name--unless, of course, she is merely leaving cards and not making formal calls. The mother does not use the double card when calling alone, unless she is leaving cards for herself and her daughter. Very often the double card, with the name of mother and daughter, is used even after the daughter has emerged from her _debutanteship_, when both are visiting together. In less formal society the daughter has her own card bearing only her name, with or without t.i.tle, which she uses whenever the occasion demands it, and in many instances, even when she makes her _debut_ she has a card of her own which she uses instead of or in addition to the one which she shares with her mother.

When daughters make their _debut_ in society at the same time, the name of the mother appears nearest the top, as before, directly below it is "Miss Cole" for the eldest daughter, and below that "Miss Edna Cole" for her younger sister. The form "The Misses Cole" may also be used when there are two or three daughters. The joint card is used to announce the address and at-home day, at the beginning of the season; but it is also used when the ladies of a family send a wedding gift with their card, when they send flowers to an invalided friend or when they make calls of condolence or congratulation together.

There are several other double, or joint, cards used besides those of the mother and daughter. A motherless girl, living with her father, may couple her name with his. Sisters who have no parents may use a double card with the name of the older engraved above that of the younger, or with the simple inscription, "The Misses Gray." A sister who is unmarried often shares a joint card with a married sister, when they are living together. A chaperon and motherless girl, an aunt and unmarried niece are ent.i.tled to use joint cards if they wish.

After her first season, a young lady, when calling alone, uses her own card. However, if her mother is an active hostess who issues her cards every season and receives with her daughters, she does not indicate a day at home on her personal cards. A supply of double cards should always be available when there are daughters in the family, even though they issue their own cards, for many instances arise when the double card is more acceptable than any other.

INDICATING THE DAY AT HOME

The lower left-hand corner of the visiting card is reserved for the day at home. If one day each week--or rather one afternoon from three until six o'clock each week--is devoted to the entertaining of visitors, the word "Fridays" or "Tuesdays" is engraved in the corner. There need be no explanation, no further details, unless the hostess for some reason wishes to state the hours during which she will be receiving, in which case it is quite permissible to add them to the names of the day or days.

Sometimes particular limits are set on the days at home. For instance some hostesses are at home only one afternoon in every second, or every third, week. This requires special wording. For instance, "First and Fourth Wednesdays" or "First Fridays" (meaning first Fridays in the month). One may also set a time limit by having one's cards engraved: "Tuesdays until Lent" or "Mondays until April," or "Wednesdays, December 9--16--23."

THE MARRIED COUPLE'S CARD

The married woman finds many occasions to use the card that is engraved with her husband's and her name. It is never used to announce her day at home, unless he is to receive with her, though she may use it when calling, if she wishes.

The double card for a married couple is larger than the individual card, but just about the size of the double card used for mother and daughter. A model is shown below.

_Mr. and Mrs. John Blake 200 West End Avenue_

Brides use the joint card when returning calls made upon them after their return from the honeymoon. It is also customary for such a card to be inclosed with a wedding invitation or with an announcement of marriage, to give the united names of the couple with their future address and day at home. If this last plan is not followed, the bride posts, immediately upon her return home, a double card bearing her address and day at home, to all her own and her husband's friends. The double card is then rarely used, except for such occasions as when husband and wife send a gift together, or pay calls of inquiry, condolence or congratulation together.

USING JR. AND SR.

"Jr." is a contraction of the word Junior; "Sr." is a contraction of the word "Senior." These suffixes are not generally used on women's cards, but there are several occasions when they are necessary. There is, for instance, the lady whose husband bearing the same name as his father lives in the same town. Her cards must bear the suffix "Jr." if they are not to be confused with the cards of her mother-in-law.

In this instance, if the mother-in-law were a widow using her husband's full name, it would be necessary for her to add the word "Senior," or its abbreviation, "Sr.," after her name to avoid having it confused with that of her daughter-in-law. The latter would, in this case, omit the "Jr." from her cards. If both women lost their husbands, and both wished to retain the husband's Christian names on their cards, the discriminating "Jr." and "Sr." should be used. These suffixes do not have to be used if the younger widow only retains the Christian names of her husband, and the older woman revives the use of her own Christian and middle names. "Jr." and "Sr." may appear on the cards in their abbreviated forms. Indeed, it is preferable if the name is a long one.

t.i.tLES ON CARDS FOR MEN

A gentleman's card should always bear some distinguishing t.i.tle. The only time when "Mr." may be omitted, is when "Jr." or "Sr." follows the name, or when some honorary t.i.tle is conferred. A boy under sixteen may have a card which bears only his name without t.i.tle.

Undignified abbreviations or contractions of names should never be used on a gentleman's card. The inscription should read: "Mr. Robert W.

Blake" or, preferably, "Mr. Robert Walter Blake." Such contractions as "Mr. Bob Blake" or "Mr. R. Walter Blake" are discountenanced by good society. Only the gentleman who represents the head of the senior branch of his family may use a card with his name engraved simply, "Mr.

Blake."

Very often a bachelor has his home address engraved in the lower right-hand corner of his card, with the name of his favorite club in the corner opposite. If he resides entirely at his club, its name occupies the place usually reserved on the card for home addresses. An at-home day is never given on a gentleman's card, unless he is an artist and has many friends who are fond of coming to his studio.

In the army, only those men whose ranks are above captain use their military t.i.tle on their visiting cards. Others use merely the prefix "Mr." Men who are officers of volunteer regiments are not ent.i.tled to the use of military t.i.tles on their cards, and they should be careful to use only "Mr." before their names. A captain, major, or colonel in the army signifies in the corner of the card whether his command is in the artillery, the infantry, or the cavalry.

A Justice of the Supreme Court has his cards engraved with the t.i.tle Mr. Justice preceding his name, thus: "Mr. Justice John Emmonds Gary."

Lawyers and judges of the lower courts may use only the prefix "Mr."

Presidents of colleges, officers of the navy, physicians and clergymen all signify their office, rank or profession on their cards. A physician may have his card engraved in either of these two approved manners: "Dr. Everett Johnson" or "Everett Johnson, M.D." A clergyman who has received his degree does not use the t.i.tle "Dr.," but has his cards engraved, "Elmer J. Burnham, D.D." Other men with honorary t.i.tles follow a similar style.

Members of the cabinet, if they wish, may have their cards formally engraved "The Secretary of State," "The Secretary of War," "The Secretary of the Interior," etc. A senator, however, may use only the prefix "Mr.," having his cards engraved "Mr. Johnson." Of course the president and vice-president, and amba.s.sadors indicate their office and rank on their card, as do also all professors and deans of colleges. A member of the faculty of Yale would have his cards inscribed, "Mr.

Walter Beacon Clark, Yale University." Foreign consuls and representatives use only the t.i.tle "Mr."

Business addresses should never be used on a gentleman's social card. A physician or clergyman need not follow this rule, provided that no office hours are given.

_Mr. Robert Livingston 4 West Tenth Street_

PROFESSIONAL CARDS FOR MEN

Professional cards and visiting cards should always be kept distinct from each other. The physician who uses his professional card, with business hours engraved on it, for a social call, is committing an irretrievable blunder in etiquette.

A physician has the privilege of choosing either of two forms for his professional card. He may prefix his name with "Dr." or add the initials "M.D." to it. In the lower right-hand corner of the card, his house address is engraved; and in the opposite corner, his office hours. For his social cards, the physician omits the office hours and uses M.D. after his name rather than "Dr." before it.

"Rev." or "Reverend," is the approved t.i.tle for a clergyman. Cards are engraved: "Reverend Raymond Falke Fleming" or "Rev. Raymond F.

Fleming." A clergyman who is ent.i.tled to the degree of doctor may use all his t.i.tles on his professional cards, but has his social card engraved merely: "Ralph Kendrick Williams, D.D."

Not infrequently it happens that a man has occasion to write his name on a card with his own hand. In this case he does not omit the conventional "Mr.," or his honorary t.i.tles, but writes his name identically as it would appear if engraved.

No card should be crowded with a great deal of information but a business card may bear whatever is necessary really to represent the person whose name appears upon it. The salesman or other representative of a large firm has the name of the firm on his business card and the man who is in a highly specialized kind of work such as advertising, may have the word "Advertising" engraved on his card. An agent for a particular kind of commodity may have this fact indicated on his business card. Such details have, of course, absolutely no place on the social card.

CARDS FOR MOURNING

The tradition of edging a card with black in deference to the dead can be traced back to the ancient Patagonians who used black paint to denote the pa.s.sing of a spirit. They painted their bodies black, if they were near relatives of the deceased, and painted all the belongings of the dead man or woman black. This may not have been so much mourning as it was fear, for these people of long ago were afraid of death, and they used the death-color largely to please the spirit of the one who died. Perhaps the black-bordered mourning cards we use to-day are used more in the spirit of ostentation and display rather than that of mourning.

Unless one is truly sorrowing over the death of some dear one, mourning cards should not be used. When they are used, the borders should be very narrow--never more than one-fourth of an inch. They should not be carried by people who are not in strict mourning garments.