A Righte Merrie Christmasse - novelonlinefull.com
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_Enter_ OLD BET.
Here comes dame Dorothy, A handsome young woman, good morning to ye.
I am rather fat, but not very tall, I'll do my best endeavour to please you all.
My husband, he is to work, and soon he will return, And something for our supper bring, And, perhaps, some wood to burn.
Oh! here he comes!
_Enter_ JAN, _or_ OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
Well! Jan.
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
Oh! Dorothy.
OLD BET.
What have you been doing all this long day, Jan?
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
I have been a-hunting, Bet.
OLD BET.
The devil! a-hunting is it? Is that the way to support a wife? Well, what have you catched to-day, Jan?
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
A fine jack hare, and I intend to have him a-fried for supper; and here is some wood to dress him.
OLD BET.
Fried! no, Jan, I'll roast it nice.
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
I say, I'll have it fried.
OLD BET.
Was there ever such a foolish dish!
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
No matter for that. I'll have it a-done; and if you don't do as I do bid, I'll hit you in the head.
OLD BET.
You may do as you like for all I do care, I'll never fry a dry jack hare.
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
Oh! you won't, wooll'ee?
(_He strikes her and she falls._)
Oh! what have I done! I have murdered my wife!
The joy of my heart, and the pride of my life.
And out to the gaol I quickly shall be sent.
In a pa.s.sion I did it, and no malice meant.
Is there a doctor that can restore?
Fifty pounds I'll give him, or twice fifty more.
(_Some one speaks._)
Oh! yes, Uncle Jan, there is a doctor just below, and for G.o.d's sake let him just come in. Walk in, Doctor.
_Enter_ DOCTOR.
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
Are you a doctor?
DOCTOR.
Yes, I am a doctor--a doctor of good fame. I have travelled through Europe, Asia, Africa, and America, and by long practice and experience I have learned the best of cures for most disorders instant (_incident?_) to the human body; find nothing difficult in restoring a limb, or mortification, or an arm being cut off by a sword, or a head being struck off by a cannon-ball, if application have not been delayed till it is too late.
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
You are the very man, I plainly see, That can restore my poor old wife to me.
Pray tell me thy lowest fee.
DOCTOR.
A hundred guineas, I'll have to restore thy wife, 'Tis no wonder that you could not bring the dead to life.
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
That's a large sum of money for a dead wife!
DOCTOR.
Small sum of money to save a man from the gallows. Pray what big stick is that you have in your hand?
OLD FATHER CHRISTMAS.
That is my hunting pole.
