CEO Of My Heart 196 196

It was a true shame that she could not just let herself be seduced by his charms. Nolan Chen by all accounts was a very beautiful man. He would have been a very apt learner if she had decided to teach him how to love her. His enthusiasm would have been intoxicating. But his idea of her, she knew, was an imagined one. She was not as good in any respect as he thought she was. She had her vices and her vengeance yet to rain down. Her truth was cold and calculated, would he ever look at her the same?  "I've always been alone, Nolan, even when I was surrounded by people. Just because I was of a n.o.ble house, I could get anything I wanted. You know that I paid people off to get my medical acceptance in America? I didn't want to have anything less than the best. Harvard Medical School promised me that. I really don't deserve anything I have. If I had been poor . . . none of this would have been mine."

Nolan eyes were concerned as he understood her meaning. Premed had its harrowing difficulties with shadowing, rigorous coursework and research all balanced in successive semesters of increasingly less time. His expression still stayed the same as finally he rea.s.sured her. "Getting away and accomplishing even that, I'm sure, would not have been easy. I don't admire your strength any less, Janna. My opinion of you stays the same."

Wu looked at him with shock as she couldn't believe what he was saying. It was too good to be true. She tried twisting the sword she had stabbed him with. "You're wrong, Nolan. You're just looking at the person who did a successful operation on your sister and projecting me as your savior. I didn't do anything miraculous. I just removed some metal from her spine. I looked closer than some of my peers, that's all. I'm no superhero. You should not fall in love with someone who was just doing her job. I have many patients whom I worked on over the years."

Nolan lifted his face and his eyes crinkled at the corners. "I am not silly, Janna. I will always be grateful to you for what you've done for my family. I think me and Ellie both will be our whole lives try to pay you back for giving Ellie her life. That's something all the money in the world wouldn't be enough to repay you for." Nolan reached out and put a gentle hand on Wu's trembling shoulder. "It's all right. If I saw you as a savior, I doubt I would even want to ask you to be my partner. No, this is my true deep love for you. It didn't bloom for just one moment. I'm not an easy man to impress by any means. I fell for all of you. The alcohol drinking, loud brash bold beautiful you as you exactly are. I love all of your mistakes and I hope you won't make one now with me."

Janna pushed him back. The professional repercussions rang in her mind as she tried to strengthen her defenses. Her voice did quiver as she tried to be firm. "Don't tell me what is a mistake and what is not. I'm not a perfect woman, Nolan. Have you ever considered what it would be like to have a doctor for a wife?  It wouldn't be a walk in the park. If I'm in a surgery it can go on for ten to twenty hours. If I do come home, most of the time I wouldn't even talk to you, I would go to bed to sleep and scream at you if you made any sound. Sure, there is ample money now, but once we had children it would drip out quickly. Look at what Henry can give Ellie, we'll never have anything even close to that. My moods can get dark and black if I mess up a case. I don't want to ruin you by having you become my punching bag when I'm upset. I'm not pretty when I'm sad. I also am very much going to put you last after everything."

"I know. I have considered what that life is and I'm not afraid to be the last thing you think of. I'm happy that you think of me at all. I'll ask for time and I understand that when you have time for me that's when I'll have you.  I'm not going to directly change the way you are. I have accepted what you are already." Nolan's arms gestured at himself. "I am not some weak man. I know I may be young, but I've had a lot of harsh life experiences. My life has made me grow up a lot faster than anyone around me.  I have to be strong and realistic about what I can do. If you are my flower to tend, I'll be the best gardener in the word. You can grow any way you like, my love. All I want if for you to let me admire you and tend to you so you can be healthy and live well. If I can be a part of your journey then, I'll be happy for the next thousand lives."

To reply to such a beautiful statement was impossible.  It was true, that since Nolan had been managing around the clinic her life had become a lot easier in many aspects.  Janna had felt a lot more calm with him around making sure that the gears of the clinic were well oiled so they ran smoothly.  To have such a mechanic with expect skills around would be a fantastic a.s.set to both the establishment and herself as a physician.

Nolan sighed seeing that his swain was still hesitating.  Maybe he had come upon her too suddenly. He decided to retreat a bit.  "I have come to care for you as you be right now. I'm in love with all of this.  I don't need you to change everything just to make room for me. I'll give you some time to think it over.  I know I was very sudden. But it's not a simple yes or no. My offer is only that you tend to your patients, while I tend to you.  I just wish for this, my dear."