CEO Of My Heart 195 195

"Tengku was special.  He was someone I had known since I was young.  It was matched before we really had a say. It's alright, my culture is this way.  Because he was the only man I knew, I thought he was the best and my soul." The medicine cabinet in front of them showed Nolan her reflection as she angled herself a bit away from him.  Nolan couldn't believe in this day and age that someone who was so well educated was a victim of essentially arranged marriage. It made him shiver to think this still existed.

"Even though my family has a lot of great connections, it was very limiting to live life like that.  I had to be mindful of what I said and what I did. I even had to worry about who I was seen with. The press made it up that I was a lesbian for a long time because I was just seen with women.  Then it was that I was cheating on my husband. I could never win. You know the only think I wanted to do was work in a hospital and be a doctor. But a woman in that society is supposed to be a good host and worry about fashion and society.  A princess is not going to be working hard hours. I was supposed to be a delicate flower. My governess always told me I was trying to be a man when I was not. Tengku always told me again and again that I was crazy. He was a n.o.ble, not from my country, but of the same status.  He was used to woman around him being a certain way. We did go through with a proper ceremony. It's probably has some old news article somewhere." Janna tried to smile, but it really looked like she was trying not to care. "We moved into this big house which was like a palace and we started to do public duty for the royal family.  But Tengku was out at a private party out somewhere in late night and he got so drunk that he fell off the side of a balcony and cracked his head on the side of a diplomat's pool. He was actually not even trying to be faithful after what two days of marriage. He was rushed to the hospital immediately, but there was no one there who could treat him so that was his last night."

"Oh my G.o.d, I know that it was a long time ago, but I'm so sorry that that happened to you." Nolan caught her shoulders between his hands, but she pushed him back. "I wish that someone had been there for you then when it happened.  I wish you'd had more support your whole life because you're such a brilliant surgeon."

"Brilliant." Wu scoffed. She could see the young man behind her with his eyes welling with warm and admiration for her.  It made her feel even more guilty that he had come all the way here. He was so innocent and kind. It was strange to consider that he saw her with the same qualities that made him so appealing.  It would be best to let him down gently. "Tengku maybe could have been saved if this accident had happened in the west, but in my home country, no one was really qualified. I hated that I had not continued my studies because maybe I could have done something." Janna sighed as she tried to hold back her sob. It didn't work, but she continued anyways. "I was pressured with going through with the marriage. I didn't really have my own mind then, I just wanted to make sure that everyone around me was happy so I just continued with what they said.  I wish I had instead followed my heart to medical training in America, you know maybe Tengku could have been treated by me. He could have had the wife he wanted instead of me. Tengku could have partied here among us instead of taking wine with his ancestor spirits in the afterlife. He just loved a good party."

Nolan nodded slowly as he followed her story, but then vehemently shook his head. "You can't say for sure that this would have been the end result.  That's an ideal future. If he cheated on you, he would have cheated on whoever he had been married to. The unfortunate woman would have suffered no matter what.  If I'm honest, he doesn't sound like a very good person. I just feel glad that you got out of there before he could hurt you more. You're lucky that you got out of there and here where you could find your calling."

"No one is perfect.  You didn't know him so you cannot say yourself if he is a good or bad person.  Everyone makes mistakes, even me." Wu was motionless as she stared at her reflection in the gla.s.s of the medical cabinet.  In the reflection she could see Nolan's concern too. "It was irresponsible for me to pretend to be someone I am not. I should have told him what I am before he died.  I don't even know if he would have supported me or not. But that is also the gift he gave me--focus, perseverance, and patience to pursue medicine here. I was actually started bottom of my cla.s.s and I would keep going to the teachers and students just because I wanted to make it up to him.  I really wanted to make a difference somewhere, it didn't really matter where it was. Sometimes I would really mess up a case and others, a lot less times, I would be the one who made the patient better. I hate this life sometimes because a lot of times things will get worse for people I wish would get better.  It's a very difficult position to have — to be their doctor."

"You're not alone." Nolan said suddenly. "I'm here with you.  I could be here with you for as long as you want me to be.  It doesn't have to have a name. I'll do anything you want me to.  I'll stay as far away as you need me to."