Witchful Thinking Part 11

I nodded as I thought about the waves of apprehension roaring inside me. aIs everyone outside?a aAll your subjects are a.s.sembled outside the Green Room as you requested.a Sinjin smiled, adding, aAll three hundred of them.a It felt like something deflated inside mea"our legion was just so small. I hadnat done my duty to reanimate all our soldiers and the notion of reanimating Bellaas seemed like a faraway dream. We had to increase our numbers. Still, for now Iad focus on the three hundred standing just outside.

The Green Room was the theater of Kinloch Kirk. I liked to refer to it as the atheater rooma because inside, it was designed to emulate a Greek amphitheatera"a half circle with rowed seating. But tonight no one was seated in the amphitheatera"there were too many in my kingdom to fit. Instead they were a.s.sembled outside, awaiting my balcony address. And as its name suggested, the Green Room was painted greena"not emerald or anything loud, but a nice sage.

aGood,a I replied, sighing as I geared myself up.

aYou will be fine, poppet,a Sinjin said as he wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head against his chest and held on to him as if he alone could see me through this.

aWish me luck. I think Iam going to need it,a I muttered.

He pushed away and glanced down at me with a sincere smile. He almost looked human. aPoppet, you are the epitome of loveliness. Aphrodite would be envious.a aThank you.a I laughed but it had a high-pitched, edgy sound to it. I glanced down at myself and exhaled again slowly, hoping to release some of my pent-up energy.

I was wearing a two-piece suit, the color of steel. The pencil skirt ended just above my knees, and to polish it off, I wore high black boots over black tights. My jacket was tailored and ended at my waist. With my black silk shirt beneath it, I probably looked more like a salesperson than a Queen. But caest la vie. I wore my long, straight blond hair down, with only a headband to hold it off my face. And I kept my makeup simplea"pinkish glossy lipstick with mocha-brown eye shadow, black liner, and mascara.

aSo whereas my scepter and wand?a I asked with a smile.

Sinjin didnat have the chance to reply because a sudden knock came on the door. He glanced at me momentarily before turning to address the intruder.

aAnnounce yourself,a he called out.

aItas me,a trilled a womanas voice. I couldnat quite place it. I looked up at Sinjin and noticed that his posture was a bit less rigid.

aEnter,a he said simply.

I watched as Klaasje poked her head in from the hallway. She smiled at Sinjin then, upon seeing me, immediately dropped into a curtsy. I couldnat really say I responded, though. I was still so caught up in the fact that Sinjin knew her well enough to recognize her voice without seeing her. And the fact that she announced herself with the very personal aitas mea had me wondering about the nature of their relationshipa"I mean, it was obvious theyad had one in the past but was that still the case? And furthermore, why did I care? Sinjin and I were nothing but friends, pals, buddies a aAre you ready, my Queen?a Klaasje asked me.

I glanced at Sinjin in slight confusion, wondering why the h.e.l.l Klaasje was up here to begin with. Then it occurred to me that Queens needed attendants a and I have to admit I wasnat thrilled in the least that Klaasje was mine, that is, if indeed she was.

aI have employed Klaasje as one of your protectors, my Queen,a Sinjin said.

aBut you are both vampires,a I said, thinking of any argument I could make.

aI have arranged for your protection in the daylight as well,a Sinjin said and glanced at Klaasje with a secretive smile, as if they were in on some inside joke. I hate inside jokes.

aWho?a I demanded.

aWolves, my Queen,a Sinjin responded. aI hand-picked those I believe to be strongest and fastest.a As long as Trent wasnat among them, I guess I didnat care. Still, as to Klaasje sharing the duty of my protection with Sinjin in the evenings, I couldnat say I embraced the idea. And I was sure it had everything to do with the fact that I was jealous. Well, not jealous so much as curious about the relationship between the two of them. But that was fodder for another day. Right now, I had a speech to deliver.

aMay I escort you, my Queen?a Sinjin asked, glancing down at me as he offered his arm.

I nodded and accepted it, smiling a courteous thank-you at Klaasje as she opened the door for me. Flanked with Sinjin on one side and Klaasje on the other, I traversed the hallway toward the Green Room.

I felt like a bundle of raw nerves, anxious energy eating away at me until I thought I might short-circuit. I felt Sinjinas hand on mine and glanced at him in surprise. He mouthed, You will be fine, and I just smiled my thanks, nodding even though I doubted his words.

What if I got up there and totally freaked out? What if my mind went blank and I forgot what I was going to say? Granted, I had index cards with my notes on them, but what if I suddenly developed lockjaw and couldnat speak?

Stranger things have happened, right?

We entered the Green Room and my heart was beating so fast, I felt like I was going to become airborne. Mercedes met us and offered me a smile. She was dressed in a three-piece suit that had a look similar to mine, only hers was vivid blue. And she seemed to be in a very fine mood, wearing a perpetual smile as she spoke with Sinjin and Klaasje. Once shead double-checked the directions shead given Sinjin, Mercedes took a deep breath and faced me.

aMy Queen,a she said, bowing low. aAre you prepared to meet your subjects?a I nodded as I watched her aura radiate outward in a sudden burst of rainbow colors. Usually Mercedes kept her aura under wrapsa"most otherworldly creatures canat control their auras, but Mercedes can. Apparently it takes a lot of energy to allow her aura to glow in its natural rainbow state so she keeps it hidden. The only time it comes out is when sheas either doing magic or boasting. Somehow I had the feeling she wasnat in a bragging mood.

She stood directly before me and took my hand in hers, giving me what felt like an electric shock as her energy coursed up my hand and into my arm. She closed her eyes and her mouth twitched as I imagined she was chanting the lines to whatever spell she was casting on me. Then she opened them, dropped my hand, and stepped away.

aLet me guess, you possessed me with Winston Churchillas ghost to help with my speech?a I joked even though part of me hoped the answer was yes.

Mercedes shook her head as if I should know better. aI bespelled you so your voice will carry when you are speaking. Otherwise not everyone will hear you.a I nodded and said nothing as she turned toward the balcony. She took the five steps separating her from the double doors and glanced back at me.

aShowtime.a Then she pulled them open and took a step onto the balcony. I couldnat really hear what she was sayinga"not because shead failed to magick herself a louder voice but because I was so nervous, I couldnat focus on anything besides my rampaging heartbeat.

At the sound of clapping, Mercedes turned to face me, announcing that it was my turn to take the stage. I took a deep breath to steady myself and then started forward. As I approached the doors, I could see the throngs of creatures below, so many of them, I suddenly felt crowded, claustrophobic.

I took another deep breath and forced myself onward, feeling like I was en route to the hangmanas platform. Once outside, I braced myself on the balcony and observed the people of my kingdom.

aBehold your Queen,a Mercedes announced and turned to face me with a smile. Before me, the people of my kingdom all bowed or dropped into low curtsies.

ah.e.l.lo,a I began, my voice wavering, echoing as if from unseen speakers. It was as if my words were suddenly carried by the wind, transported to those standing farthest from me. Immediately people started another round of their curtsies and bows. I didnat know why but I was suddenly even more nervous than before.

I wasnat sure what made me do it but I had this indescribable sudden urge to glance to my right, just below the balcony. And that was when I saw him.

Rand.

I couldnat quell the shock that flared through me. My eyes locked on his and I couldnat break free; I was physically unable to pull my gaze away. Rand merely stared back at me. There was no expression on his facea"it was just placid and beautifully calm as always.

While Rand might have appeared to be calm and peaceful, I was another story, at least on the inside. It was like I was waging war with myself and neither side was winning.

What is he doing here?

I tried to root my feet to the ground when I started feeling top-heavy.

Jolie, snap out of it, dammit! I screamed inwardly, begging myself not to completely lose it.

But the fact that Rand was standing directly below me was the final straw that broke the witchas broom. I felt incredibly hot, like my fitted suit was suddenly compressing me like a boa constrictor. My heart continued its roller-coaster beating and it was all I could do to concentrate on breathing.

Why is Rand here? Has he come to judge me? Has he come to rebel against whatever it is I have to say?

I ignored the questions in my head and tried to focus on the notecards clutched in my sweaty hands but my mind wouldnat allow me. I felt as if I was about to have a breakdown. Then it suddenly dawned on me that the last time Iad had a panic attack while en route to the battlefield in Scotland, there had been someone who had helped calm me down, someone who had offered me solace.

Sinjin.

I turned back, searching him out inside the Green Room, and spotted him immediately. He stood behind me and probably realized I was about to s.h.i.t myself in front of three hundred people. He said nothing but his eyes were piercing and in their ice-blue depths, I could read his confidence in me. I took a deep breath and for a moment just continued to find strength in his eyes.

Almost immediately I felt a trickle of a.s.surance break through the dam of self-doubt. My anxious heartbeat began to slow down.

I can do this. My voice echoed through my head and feeling suddenly stronger, I offered Sinjin a quick smile of grat.i.tude before facing my legion again.

aWelcome and, um, thank you for coming,a I began as I noticed how quiet everyone wasa"all their eyes on me. I felt a lump forming in my throat and cleared it, hoping I could also swallow the frog. aI a I called this meeting because I thought it, uh, was important for you all to know who I am and why Iam standing here before you now.a I took a deep breath and glanced down at the notecard in my trembling hands before returning my attention to my subjects.

aI am Jolie Wilkins and I am a Iam also your Queen.a Another deep breath. aBut I never chose to be your Queen or anyoneas Queen.a There were a few rounds of aWhat did she say?a and a look of Huh? was basically plastered on everyoneas face. I cleared my throat again and forced myself to continue. aThis position was thrust upon me and Iave had no alternative but to, um, rise to the occasion and fulfill my role.a The people in the audience were confused, their faces uneasy. No doubt they were wondering where the h.e.l.l I was going with all this. And if they were curious, Mercedes had to be c.r.a.pping herself right about now. But there was no way in h.e.l.l I was about to turn around to find out.

aI donat agree with the philosophy of monarchy,a I continued, starting to feel the fire of my words. aAnd while I have accepted my responsibility and Iam, um, obviously addressing you as your Queen tonight, I will only continue in this position if I can lead a the way I want toa"my way.a More furrowed brows and sideways glances echoed throughout the audience, but I didnat allow them to interfere with my speech. I absolutely refused to look at Rand, not when just the sight of him had nearly thrown me entirely off course.

aSo without further ado,a I persisted, aIad like to enlighten you all as to my plans for a um, what that will entail.a I glanced down at the next card and then back to my people again. aI propose that the world be divided into territories and using your guidance a um, by that I mean your votes a you know, like if you were voting for the president?a Then it dawned on me that not everyone here was American. G.o.d, where was good ola Winston when you needed him? This was becoming painful. aAnyway, I, uh, Iall a.s.sign a leader to each territory. You can live wherever you want to live and of course you can bring your families with you,a I finished.

I inhaled deeply and tried to talk myself out of running back into the house and hiding out in my bedroom for the rest of my reign. No, I would get through this. I flipped through three notecards, realizing Iad gotten ahead of myself.

aMagistrates will, uh, be elected from each territory, and these magistrates will travel to Kinloch Kirk monthly to represent the needs and concerns of their citizens. Um, your magistrate will be your voicea"like your representativea"to ensure that all of you are content with how everything is going.a I took a deep breath and noticed that the expressions of concern among the audience had little by little melted away; instead smiles highlighted each face. And I didnat think they were entirely due to the fact that my speech delivery skills were seriously lacking and probably pretty amusing. Even though Iad promised myself I wouldnat, I glanced at Rand.

And, surprisingly, Rand wore a smile. My head felt light again, but froma"relief. It wasnat that I thought head forgiven me about the bonding stuff or anything as big as that. But his smile felt like sunshine, warming me from the inside out.

I cleared my throat again and with newly found confidence floating through me, I hurried to my conclusion. aI ask all of you now to accept my terms. If you object to anything Iave said or you prefer a more traditional monarchy, I, um, will stand down. Iall have to a stand down.a As soon as I finished, someone started to clap. It quickly rippled through the audience and resulted in unanimous applause. Everyone rose to their feet, stretching their arms high above their heads. I could have mistaken it for the closing ceremony of the Olympics or somethinga"like I was Apolo Ohno skating my a.s.s off. But, no, I was still Jolie Wilkins, Queen of the Underworld. And the only other thing of which I felt certain was that I would never be in demand as a public speaker a The people of my kingdom offering me their undying support, I could feel tears starting in my eyes, tears of pride and optimism. I held up my hands and tried to quiet the buzzing throng as I fought to restrain my emotions. The last thing I wanted to do was collapse into a blubbering mess.

aAre there any questions?a Another woman waved her hand and I nodded in her direction, giving her silent permission to speak.

aThose on Bellaas side who were killed?a she began. aWill they also be brought back to life?a Someone else added. aAye, I had heard that too.a A woman nodded and turned to face the others before bringing her attention back to me. aMy brother fought and died for Bella, but he never endorsed her cause. He was just frightened to refuse her.a I swallowed hard. aWe are in the process of securing a list of Bellaas fallen soldiers and we will be reanimating them.a aHow does Bella know who lived and died if she is imprisoned?a someone called out.

aWe are relying on the help of our magic to a.s.sist us in determining those who survived and those who a did not.a At the appearance of a few frowns, due, no doubt, to their disapproval of reanimating our enemies, I continued. aAll of Bellaas soldiers will be obligated to take the same oath each of you did as well as drink the truth serum to ensure the safety of our kingdom.a aNo more questions, please,a Mercedes said, suddenly appearing beside me and ushering me back into the Green Room. aThank you for your loyalty and support,a she said in conclusion as she closed the doors tightly.

aI imagine that didnat go quite the way you hoped it would,a I said in a small voice, not really sure what else I could or should say.

Mercedes faced me but she didnat seem angry. aI am not in a position to criticize. You must rule your kingdom as you see fit.a I was surprised, expecting her to read me the riot act. Mercedes dropped into a curtsy and left the room. I didnat have any time to weigh her reaction because Sinjin was suddenly before me.

aYou did well,a he said.

I shook my head and offered him an incredulous expression that said I didnat believe him by a long shot.

A large smile widened his beautiful mouth. aPerhaps your next tutorial will be in public speaking.a It wasnat like I thought Iad done a good job addressing my people, but I was happy Iad done it and even happier it was over. It had been an hour or so since my speech and after telling the house staff to take the night off, I was alone, relaxing in my bedroom, watching How Clean Is Your House? on TV. Iad changed my tailored suit for gray sweats and a pink UCLA sweatshirt.

Just as Kim Woodburn was advising me on how to clean a stovetop with vinegar, there was a knock on my door.

aCome in,a I called out, not even glancing over to find out who was at the door. Instead my attention was consumed by how well vinegar could cut thirty-year-old grease.

aJolie.a It was Rand.

I craned my neck in his direction so quickly, I felt an explosion of pain straight up the back of my neck. I quickly magicked it away but there wasnat anything I could do about my frantic heartbeat. Well, maybe there was, but I wasnat sure slowing my heart rate by way of magic was really in my best interests.

aHi,a I said dumbly.

aMay I come in?a he asked, and I realized he hadnat come in yet. I nodded and he entered, closing the door behind him. Then he turned to face me.

He was wearing dark brown pants and a dark green sweater. His hair looked as if it had been freshly cut, but there was a bit of shadow beginning to cover his cheeks and chin. He was beautiful.

aI a I came to congratulate you,a he said and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardlya"like he was as uncomfortable as I was.

aOh, thanks,a I responded, not knowing what else to say. aYou mean for my stellar speech?a I added with a self-conscious laugh, hoping to alleviate the tension in the room.

Rand nodded and offered me a quick smile. aYou did very well.a aThank you,a I said in a small voice.

He eyed the armchair beside my bed and glanced up at me. aDo you mind if I sit?a aNo, go ahead,a I said, surprised that he wanted to stay.

He sat down and the heady scent of his aftershave danced through the air, teasing and tempting. I managed to keep my cool, though. Or at least I think I did.

aI think it took a great amount of courage and integrity to do what you did today.a He paused for a second or two. aIam sure it wasnat easy to announce your plans as Queen and Iam proud of you for doing it. I also think your ideas are very honorable and just.a I swallowed hard. aIave told you all along that this didnat have to be a monarchy in the old-fashioned sense, that we could shape it a together.a Rand nodded and his lips were tight, as if he was deep in thought. aYes, I realize that now more than I did before.a I couldnat help the surprise that tinged my voice when I responded, aWow, was my speech that good?a Rand laughed and shook his head. aPerhaps not in your delivery but in your meaning.a aI admit I was surprised to see you in the audience.a aWhy?a I shrugged. aI thought you wanted to be a renegade?a aI was curious as to what you had to say aa I suddenly felt like I wanted to cut to the chase, wanted to find out why he was here, what he was doing in my room. aRand, why did you come?a Rand expelled a pent-up breath of air. aWhen I was listening to your speech, I was struck by the fact that my being a renegade will not benefit anyone. I can do much more good working with you than against you.a aI never imagined you were against me?a He nodded. aPerhaps that was too strong a word. I seem to be putting my foot in my mouth.a He paused for a few seconds, as if searching for the best way to communicate his thoughts. aWhat I came to ask you, Jolie, is whether or not you would consider the role of a chief advisor, someone who could work hand in hand with you a someone who could help you.a aAnd let me guess, you want to submit your application for the job?a He chuckled. aI would like to offer my services, yes.a I nodded, thinking it sounded like a good idea. aThen you accept me as your monarch?a He was quiet for a second or two and then nodded. aYes, I do.a aAnd how would you envision this role?a He shrugged. aAs I mentioned before, I was in the employ of Queen Victoria so Iam very well versed in the minutiae of governance. I could offer my service and guidance should you ever require them. I know the politics of the various creatures of the Underworld; Iave done negotiating, leading, and organizing of factions in the past. I could help you navigate through situations that you might not be familiar with, give you insight into certain situations so you can make the most informed decisions.a He took a deep breath. aI would never overstep my boundaries and I would absolutely recognize your rightful place as Queen of the Underworld.a The idea actually sounded incredibly gooda"I knew nothing about ruling and Rand did. And not only that, but I also admired him greatly. The only thing that worried me was the fact that wead be working so closely againa"and we hadnat exactly resolved the issues between us. And as to the whole bonding argument wead had? Hmm, that was a matter I didnat feel like discussinga"not when I was still flying high from my first public speaking event. And besides, I didnat always want to be the one bringing up our relationship. If Rand wanted to make things work, the figurative ball was in his court. I was tired of playing relationship tennis.

aI realize things arenat exactly comfortable between us at the moment,a he started. I had to wonder if head been reading my mind.

aI wasnat going to bring that up.a He dropped his gaze to his long legs and stretched them out before him, leaning into the chair with a heavy sigh. aI care about you, Jolie.a aI care about you too, Rand.a He leaned over with his elbows on his knees and appeared to gaze at something outside my window. There wasnat anything out there but the pitch darkness of night. He faced me and smiled sadly. aNow that you are Queen, things are going to be different.a aWhat does that even mean?a I demanded, my voice irritated.

aIt means there will be pressures on you and every decision you make, personal and otherwise, will be in the spotlight. Your life is no longer your own, Jolie.a aHow does that affect you and me?a He swallowed. aIam a private person.a I shook my head as annoyance snaked through me. aMaybe itas best to just focus on the fact that we both want whatas best for the Underworld.a aSaid like a true monarch,a Rand said sadly.

Then he stood up to leave as if his whole purpose in coming to my room was to offer some garbled, bizarre observation and then just disappear into the black night. Never mind; tonight I wasnat in the mood to fight. No, I was sticking with my new plan, which was to rule my kingdom my own way. My focus from here on out was only going to be on the Underworld. I wasnat going to bother myself with Rand and his hang-ups.

aHave a good night,a I said dismissively and turned toward the TV again, only to see the credits of How Clean Is Your House? d.a.m.n men and their bad timing.

Rand didnat say anything more but obediently showed himself out. The sound of the door closing made me sad, but at the same time I actually felt proud of myself. Strong and feminine. Hmm, maybe Queen Elizabeth had it right when she declared herself the Virgin Queen. Maybe Iad follow in her footsteps. I mean, itas not like it would be tough because I was already a Queen and basically an uncommitted virgin now a I was asleep and dreaming but aware of the fact that I was dreaming. Even being aware of the dream state, I didnat seem able to control the images flowing through my mind. Memories a memories of a time when I had battled a dragona"well, really the fairy Dougal. Dougal was first-hand man, or fae, to Odran, and the only reason Odran had ever agreed to become our ally against Bella was the fact that Iad bested Dougal in magic-to-magic combat.

As the dream dragon glared down at me with his glowing red eyes, fear pounded through me. It didnat seem to make any difference that I knew how this feat endeda"with me the victora"nope, fear was fear and didnat seem to care about the details. But any fear I felt was nothing compared with the fear in Randas eyes.

And Rand suddenly took the spotlight of my dreamscape as memories intercepted my unconscious mind and swirled together until I was reliving a time long gone.

aWhatas going on?a Rand demanded.

I started toward him. aIt was the only way, Rand.a aWhat was the only way?a He grabbed my shoulders, shaking me as if trying to get the words out faster than I could say them. aWhat the h.e.l.l have you done?a aSheas agreed ta defend herself against my best fairy,a Odran said.

Rand glanced up at him, fire spitting from his eyes. aNo, your fairy will kill her.a Odran nodded glumly. aAye, Ahave told the la.s.s boot she is determined.a Rand faced me again. aJolie, you will die, do you understand?a aI just have to defend myself,a I said, repeating what Iad been telling myself over two hundred times already.

Rand shook his head. aIt doesnat matter. His strongest fairy could kill you without even trying.a He faced Odran again. aCall this off, Odran, Jolie wonat fight your fairy.a Odran shook his head. aI cannae call it oof, it tis doone.a aG.o.ddammit!a Rand yelled and then immediately fell silent, his eyes pensive. His jaw was so tight, it twitched. aLet me take her place.a aRand, no.a This was my fight. aI have to do this.a Odran shook his head again. aI grow tired ah this argument. Either step aside or Iall aave ye restrained.a Randas eyes were wild. aJolie, run. Run as fast as you can.a No sooner did he say it than two fairies grabbed his arms, pulling him away from me. Randas face was an angry mask, outrage etching his lips and eyes. He broad-sided one fairy with a burst of magic but as soon as he did so, another four surrounded him, all of them livid. Tears blossomed in my eyes as I watched him struggle to free himself.

aRun, Jolie,a he yelled, still flailing against his captors but I couldnat run, couldnat escape.

Jolie, just focus on protecting yourself. Focus on nothing else, do you understand? Randas voice broke through my thoughts.

At the sound of his voice, tears sprang to my eyes. Iam sorry. I didnat realize what I was getting into.

That doesnat matter now, just focus on protecting yourself.

Okay, I will.

I donat know what he plans on doing, but donat be frightened; donat let anything take your focus away from your own protection. Whatever he does, you must ignore it.

I woke up sweating. I tried to shake away the memory of the horrible creature Dougal had turned into, but the images continued to pound through me. When I remembered back to that fateful day, the way the heavens had loosened an onslaught of rain, thunder, and lightning, I was amazed that Iad even come out of it alive.

But as with most of the difficult situations Iad experienced in my life, the person who had always stood by my side and helped me get through was Rand.

A few days after Mathilda had unstopped my magical block and a day or so after my speech, I found myself standing just outside the front entrance to Kinloch, beside Rand and Mercedes as Mathilda looked on. It was the time of reckoninga"now we would learn whether or not my abilities had been restored.

The moon shone in the sky and was full and round, acting like an orb of light. Mult.i.tudes of stars sparkled around it. I wasnat sure why, but I found them rea.s.suring. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

aHis hat,a Mercedes said and offered me the clothing from one of the deceased members of our legion.