What a Young Husband Ought to Know Part 1

What a Young Husband Ought to Know.

by Sylva.n.u.s Stall.

PREFACE.

In approaching the work which we have undertaken in these pages, we have not been blind to the difficulties which confront us in entering upon so delicate a subject. If we had thought only of these, we would never have taken up our pen in this work. We have been moved to it by the cries of disappointment and anguish which may be heard everywhere throughout our land, and by the pleadings that come up out of the dense ignorance which envelops palace and hovel alike. Knowing the importance of these "matters which are so central in our physical life, so essential in their relation to the condition, character, career and destiny of every individual, and so fundamental and vital to every inst.i.tution and interest of society;" knowing also the importance of proper intelligence concerning the laws which govern our bodies, and knowing how the honest and the pure who seek information concerning these most sacred relations of human life are exposed, amid the dearth of pure and reliable books, to contamination by books whose secret character designedly fosters the very l.u.s.ts and evils which they are professedly written to denounce, we have felt that we would be recreant to duty, to humanity and to G.o.d if we allowed difficulties to bar us from this important work. Turn where you will, the manifest consequences of the prevalent ignorance upon these vital and important subjects stare one in the face, and the appealing need of the hosts of honest men and women who desire such information as will enable them to attain the n.o.blest and the best which G.o.d has placed within their reach is a sufficient condemnation of that spurious "modesty" which desires that a ban shall continue upon intelligence, so that men and women may remain in a hopeless bondage to vice and its awful consequences.

Knowing the universal need for the information which we have sought to communicate in a plain and pure way in these pages, and while laboring with an ever-present sense of the difficulties and delicacies of the undertaking, we have turned to our task with greater a.s.surance when we have remembered the appreciative messages of eminent men and women which have come from all quarters of the globe, the unreserved and hearty commendations which the earlier books of the series have received from the entire religious, secular, educational and medical press of the United States, England and Canada; we have been inspired by the fact that these books are already being translated into other languages; that without suggestion they have been publicly commended at the different international conventions of Christian workers in this country, and are also being used by Christian missionaries in many lands in their efforts to redeem and save the heathen.

To many, marriage is not that source of blessing and happiness which G.o.d intended. Its purposes and possibilities are never realized. Thousands are constantly entering upon marriage only to be miserable and wretched because they do not understand the nature and intent of their own endowments, or the purpose of G.o.d in ordaining the inst.i.tution. Whatever information they ever obtain is secured by blind blunderings, and at the most ruinous cost. Even where no permanent physical consequences are entailed, mental and moral effects, which are even more ruinous in their results, remain to mar the blessings of later years. Had they been intelligent, they might have possessed from the very first the benefits and blessings which ignorance has placed and kept beyond their reach.

Sad as such results are, they are still more grievous because of the consequences which must be suffered by their families, and which are handed down to innocent children who are to reap the results of parental ignorance long years after the parents themselves may have pa.s.sed away.

It is to save young men and young women from such disastrous and far-reaching results, and to afford them the blessing and happiness which G.o.d intended, that we have set ourselves to the task undertaken in these pages.

To secure the largest a.s.sistance from these pages, it is necessary to know that this book is supplemental and stands related to the two which have preceded in the nature of an educational series. To comprehend the entire subject of the reproductive organs, their purpose, function and preservation, it would be well also to know the contents of the books which follow this present volume in the same series.

Gratefully acknowledging the valuable aid and a.s.sistance from many sources, trustfully seeking the continued co-operation of the good and pure everywhere, and relying upon the favor and blessing of Him whose guidance we have constantly sought, this volume is now sent forth on its important mission.

SYLVa.n.u.s STALL.

PHILADELPHIA, PA., July 20, 1899.

PART I

CONCERNING HIMSELF

WHAT A YOUNG HUSBAND OUGHT TO KNOW.

CHAPTER I.

THE RELATION OF MARRIAGE.

The young man who marries finds himself in an entirely new relation in life. Grand as life may have been in the past, the present and the future are full of new meaning, of grander possibilities and of larger blessing. G.o.d has meant that love should come to man to glorify life and to lift the lower nature of husband and wife into higher realms of thought and being; to transform, deepen, broaden and soften. In them love becomes the potent source of mightiest inspirations. The husband's duty seemed formerly to be to care, to arrange and to provide only for himself. Now he has a.s.sumed additional responsibilities. He is no longer to live for himself, but for his wife, his children, and in a larger sense for his descendants--for the good of the race. He is to continue by transmitting himself, that life may remain when he is gone. What he does involves the interests of his wife, and of those who are to come after him. Love is to conquer selfishness. He is to rise above himself, and the present good and future happiness of others are to const.i.tute his well-being.

His present and future happiness will be dependent upon a clear apprehension of the fact that what he is will determine what his descendants are to be after him. He should comprehend the fullest meaning of what is taught in the statement that "we are part of all the people whom we have met," the result of past influences and previous life. What we have been and are, that we transmit. The responsibilities, are grave, but the state of two congenial souls made one in happy marriage is the grandest and most blessed earthly condition conferred upon man by G.o.d himself. It meets the requirements of our being, and, when properly understood and faithfully conformed to, brings the largest happiness that mortals are capable of upon earth. Husband and wife, parents and child, home and country, form the centre of all that makes life dear.

The purest, n.o.blest and most unselfish aspirations and purposes derive their strength and being from the sweet influences which have their beginning and their continuance in this power which draws men and women together in happy and holy wedlock. By these sweet influences the most perfect natures are moulded and enn.o.bled. By them are formed the strongest ties that hold humanity to the accomplishment of every high and holy endeavor. Where the mind has continued pure, and the character untarnished, and the life unsullied by the touch of social evil, the s.e.xual impulse does not die in that cradle of our being where G.o.d has given it birth but marches like a mighty conqueror, arousing and marshalling the mightiest human forces in every department of man's nature. It formulates his purpose, quickens his imagination, and calls into exercise his united powers in the attainment of the world's greatest and grandest achievements in art, in letters, in inventions, in philosophy, in philanthropy, and in every effort that is to secure the universal blessing of mankind.

It is under the awakening of the reproductive life that the fields put on their verdure, the flowers unfold their beauty and fragrance, the birds put on their brightest plumage and sing their sweetest song, while the chirp of the cricket, the note of the katydid, is but the call to its mate--for the many-tongued voices which break the stillness of field and forest are but the myriad notes of love. To this universal, G.o.d-given pa.s.sion, man owes his love of color, his love of beauty and sweetness in art and music, his love of rhythm in poetry, of grace in form, in painting, in sculpture; and from it not only springs the love of the beautiful, but even the perception and recognition of all that which is pleasing and lovely.

This is the emotion that strengthens every faculty, quickens every power, animates, modifies, enn.o.bles, purifies and sweetens the entire being, and makes our life upon earth, when directed by G.o.dly purposes, the unfolding and enriching of those n.o.bler powers of the soul which are to find their fullest fruition and perfection in heaven itself.

While these powers may all be kept in abeyance until financial, social, religious and other requirements can be adequately met, yet there is a proper time for their full expression and purposed exercise. While G.o.d has meant that reason should rule over pa.s.sion, and that every s.e.xual impulse should yield to other requirements and activities, yet He has wisely purposed that these leadings of our nature should be p.r.o.nounced and strong. If these sentiments and emotions were not strong--very strong indeed--no man, knowing the risks and dangers which are liable to arise because of incompatibility of temper, mistaken estimates of physical, intellectual and moral qualifications, would take upon himself the responsibilities, incur the risks, augment his expenses, and a.s.sume the far-reaching obligations which are involved when two are united, "for better or for worse," in indissoluble bonds for life.

Were not the sentiment and emotions strong in woman, as well as in man, what woman would a.s.sume the responsibilities of wife and mother?

Whatever man is required to give up, to endure, to suffer, to risk, even more seems to fall to the lot of woman. Were it not for strong sentiment and moving emotion, what woman would commit her entire future to the keeping of any man? Where is one who would a.s.sume the pains and perils of maternity, with the subsequent possibility of being left by the death of her husband with a family of dependent children?

If the young husband desires in marriage the joys and blessings with which G.o.d has crowned this relation, he need not seek the immolation of his s.e.xual nature, but he does need to subordinate his s.e.xual pa.s.sion to the reign of reason and the government of the moral sense. He cannot afford to ignore the rights, the comfort and the wishes of his wife. If he looks upon marriage as an easy means of securing self-indulgence, as affording a safe and lawful means for unbridled gratification, he is doomed to disappointment and to misery. If pa.s.sion is to be enthroned where G.o.d ordained that none but love should reign, then anarchy with all its attendant horrors must, and surely will, desolate the heart, the home and the life; for l.u.s.t can filch but cannot enjoy the pleasures and blessings of this heaven-ordained relation, which are reserved only for the pure, who live under the domain and rule of love and reason.

To comprehend love in its intended relation to s.e.xual impulse, and at the same time to understand something of it in its diviner aspects; to know love in its beauty, greatness and power; to free it from ideas of grossness and evil, and yet to retain in healthful balance and poise that portion of our nature which G.o.d has a.s.signed so prominent and so important a place in man's estate of present happiness and the future prosperity and blessing of the race, is the instant duty of all intelligent men and women, both young and old. Conscientiously to relate these emotions of our nature to the highest well-being of the individual and the race, and to redeem the purest and most sacred relation of life from the realm of degradation and shame, to disarm and depose that sensual usurper which has been enthroned and worshiped in the name of love, and "set love herself upon the throne, fair, luminous and pure,"

to gladden, to bless, and to save, shall be both our effort and our justification.

CHAPTER II.

DIFFERENCES OF s.e.x.

It is both difficult and unnecessary to determine which is the superior of the two s.e.xes. When the subject is regarded in its true light there is no superiority upon the part of either, and at the same time each is superior to the other in the sphere in which G.o.d designed them to move.

The truth was perhaps aptly represented by President Lincoln when presented at the same time with two hats by rival hatters. Both hats were about as perfect as it was possible for human skill to make them.

He desired to recognize this perfection in both, and yet to avoid discrimination in favor of either, and in that matchless sufficiency which qualified him for the demands of almost any situation, Mr.

Lincoln, in accepting the hats, said: "Gentlemen, your hats mutually excel each other." The same is true of men and women; they mutually excel each other. In man's place, he is superior; and in woman's place, she is superior. The wisdom with which G.o.d has adapted each for the important place which they are to occupy in life is well worth our thought and study, and a clear apprehension of the subject will help to remove many of the misunderstandings, estrangements and conflicts which so frequently arise in married life.

That neither is superior to the other, but that they are two parts of one complete whole, segments of the same circle, and that their union is absolutely essential to unity and entirety, will be best understood as we study what these differences are. In some respects man is inferior to woman, while in other respects woman is inferior to man. In a happy marriage these differences become complemental, rendering possible that superior unity in which the two are made one. Let us note what some of these differences are.

In stature, woman is shorter than man. In the United States the average height of men is about five feet eight inches, and the weight about one hundred and forty-five pounds. The average woman is about five feet three inches in height, and about one hundred and twenty-five pounds in weight. The normally-developed man has broad shoulders and narrow hips, while woman has narrow shoulders and broad hips. Her shoulders set further back, giving her breast greater depth. In effecting this change her collar-bone is shorter, and this is one reason why she cannot throw a stone or ball with as much accuracy as man. In man the muscles are well defined, and indicate great strength, while in woman, even when the muscles are well developed, the outlines are more hidden by fatty and cellular tissues, which fill all the hollows and round off all angles, giving her peculiar grace and beauty. He has greater muscular force, but she has more power of endurance. The bony structure of woman is smaller, and more delicately formed. The angles of the bones are less projecting, and the joints better concealed. The skull is smaller, and the bones of the cranium thinner. The sternum, or breastbone, is shorter and flatter, and the clavicles, or collar-bones, more crooked and shorter. His voice is deeper and more guttural; hers softer and more musical. Her neck is longer, her skin softer, her hair less generally diffused but more luxuriant in growth than in man.

The most noticeable feature in the study of the differences of the bony structure of the two s.e.xes is observable in the pelvis--a word derived from the Greek, signifying dish or bowl. In man this structure is simply to subserve the purposes of strength and motion. In woman this bony basin, which forms the lower part of the body, has an additional purpose of special importance. At her side the hip-bones form the highest points, and from these the pelvis slopes down until in front it forms a comparatively narrow rim called the pubic arch. This change of form in woman is designed to adapt her body to become the first cradle of her children, and in the fullness of time to permit the easy transit of a new being into the outer world. In preparing woman for maternity, G.o.d has thus equipped her with such physical adaptation as is suited to the carrying of her temporary burden, while at the same time affording protection for the hidden life within, thus fitting the physical frame of woman to the mother-nature with which He has endowed her.

While woman is thus furnished with physical requisites suited to the easiest accomplishment of the divine purpose--while the form of her body, the articulation of her bones and the size of her muscles all indicate her sense of dependence upon man--G.o.d has, with like wisdom, adapted man in all of his physical endowments to become the shield and defender of woman. He is to be her protection and her defense. His fiercer visage, his broader shoulders, his more muscular frame, all speak clearly of the divine purpose.

Intellectually, as well as physically, men and women are best suited for their respective duties and responsibilities in life. In arriving at a conclusion, man is much more deliberate and logical, proceeding step by step after an orderly method; while woman reaches the conclusion in much less time by means of her intuition. While woman is by no means incapable of logical deductions, yet generally she does not stop to reason it out, but takes refuge in the statement that she "knows that it is so;" that she is "sure that she is right." It is easy to see that intellectually, as well as physically, men and women are complemental, and when the conclusions arrived at are identical they become confirmatory of each other. While men would be likely to prefer the conclusions which are reached by their own method, yet women in the exercise of the same freedom are likely to prefer the intuitions of their own s.e.x. For either to decide in favor of the intellectual superiority of their own s.e.x would be somewhat like the case of two men engaged in a lawsuit, where one takes it upon himself to become umpire and decide in favor of himself and against his opponent.

The nervous system of woman is more refined and more delicate than that in man. This greater nervous sensibility renders her more susceptible to impressions, enables her to dwell constantly in the realm of more refined susceptibilities, rendering distasteful to her all things that are coa.r.s.e and low, and at the same time endowing her with a greater capacity both for pleasure and for pain. Man's sources of pleasure are not always hers, but in love of her home and its adornment, in love of her children and their well-being, of literature, art, music and religion, she usually surpa.s.ses man, save in exceptional cases.

To enable woman, with her finer nervous sensibilities, to meet the larger burden of pain and suffering which is laid upon her, G.o.d has adequately fitted her by bestowing a compensating power of endurance. If we desire to deny woman this greater sensitiveness and greater endurance we would need to ignore the patience and bravery with which they face and bear the pains and perils of maternity--pains and sufferings of which they a.s.sert that man cannot form the remotest idea.

But there are also other differences less manifest to the superficial observer, but none the less real and important to those who would comprehend the wonderful wisdom of the Creator and intelligently prepare themselves to receive the good which is designed for and is possible to intelligent men and women.

There are inherent differences of character and modifications of temperament which can be best understood by studying the very earliest manifestations of human life when we examine the sperm of the male and the ovum of the female as seen under the microscope. These characteristics are not imaginary, but inherent, and are manifestly designed and intended by the all-wise Creator. And it is only when we study these characteristics in their entirety, with a desire to understand the divine purpose, that we can measurably comprehend how these individual differences in each contribute to the blessing and the well-being of both.

The part contributed by the mother in the reproductive act toward the life of the future child is called an ovum, which means an egg; for all forms of life, both vegetable and animal, begin with a seed or egg, which are two names for the same thing. In the lower forms of life these eggs are usually produced on the exterior of the plant, while in the higher forms of life, as, for instance, in the bird, the seed or egg is produced in the inside of the body, and after being perfected is expelled, to be hatched in a nest, where the young, when they attain their proper size, break the sh.e.l.l and emerge into the outer world. In the highest forms of life the ovum reaches its maturity in a department of the mother's body which is called the ovary. In woman, at the end of a period of twenty-eight days, as a succeeding ovum ripens it pa.s.ses into a tube which awaits its reception, and is moved onward into the womb, where it remains for a period, awaiting the reception of the male element called the spermatozoa. This is the plural, while a single one is called a spermatozoon. The ovum or egg of the mother is so small that two hundred and forty of them would need to be laid side by side in order to make a row one inch long. The spermatozoon, the principle of life contributed by the male, is so small that it is not visible to the eye except by the aid of a microscope, and, when seen, somewhat resembles a pollywog. These minute centres of life are alive, and move in a fluid which is secreted by the male organs of reproduction, and which is generally called s.e.m.e.n. Now, if we study the characteristics of the ovum and of the spermatozoon we may be surprised when we discover some of the same differences which characterize men and women from infancy to old age.

In pa.s.sing through the tube which is to carry it into the womb from that portion of the body of the mother where it has attained its growth and perfection, the ovum is pa.s.sive--does not move by its own inherent life, but is carried forward to its designed place by the movement in the tube itself, the same as the food which is masticated in the mouth is pa.s.sed on to the stomach, not by any action in the food itself, but by the movement of the esophagus, which pa.s.ses it onward to its destined place in the stomach. In other words, the ovum is pa.s.sive.