What A Boy Wants Part 11

It was a pretty stupid one! I mean, I get you not trusting that guy since he was definitely calling my cousin this weekend to try and get in her pants. My whole body froze up. I knew I didnt trust that guy! Why did I break up with her just so some other guy could play games with her? Id meant to save her pain, not make her prey for someone else. I guess it could be different with them. Its obvious she likes him. It was obvious she liked him? I didnt see that. Or maybe I just didnt want to see it. She was supposed to like me, not that jerk.

Oblivious to my mixed-up thoughts, Crystal kept talking, None of that really matters though. Do you not know girls at all?

With that one little question, a light bulb went off in my head. I did know girls. When it came to the opposite s.e.x, I knew how to get what I wanted. I was The Hook-up Doctor, right? And yeah, I know Id just broken up with her, but I did it for her own good and Mattie wouldnt play by those rules. Hed hurt her, so really, if I put a plan in action to get her back, Id be doing it for her own good. But then, what about the rest of it? Id gotten more proof love didnt work since Moms ex-putz broke up with her, but really this was more about saving Aspen than my love for her. Okay, so I was probably a little delusional with that one, because the pain in my chest when I saw her with him devastated me, but saving her from Mattie playing her was worth it.

Plus, I hated losing. I couldnt stand the thought of him with her not just because I loved her, but because I hated him. Did that make me a jerk? Probably, but there wasnt much I could do about that. This was it. I was doing this for Aspens own good. Hey. I need you to be my girlfriend.

What?! Crystal jerked her car to the side of the road.

Well, not really, but I want you to pretend to be with me. I need your help to win Aspen back.

Crystal looked skeptical, shaking her head. Not so sure thats the right way to go about this, Sebastian.

I laughed. If anyone knew how to get the girl, it was me. I wasnt going to let Matt do to her what I was trying to save her from. Trust me. I know what Im doing.

My hands were shaking. Shaking. Like Id never gone out with a girl before. Of course I wasnt really going out with this one, but it would look like it after tonight. It felt wrong, a heavy weight embedded itself in the pit of my stomach and I couldnt get rid of it no matter what I did. I didnt understand it. This should be a piece of cake. All I had to do was pretend I was over her. Play the whole nonchalance game Id told so many girls to play in the past. Make it look like Id moved on, so she would want me more. Hopefully, in the meantime, I could get something on Mattie, some kind of proof that he was an a.s.shole before he had the chance to prove it by hurting Aspen. I doubted she would believe me if I told her Crystal said he tried to land her cousin.

Then I could swoop in and get the girl. I had no idea what Id do with her once I had her, because I still didnt trust the whole love thing.

It was all so easy. It should be easy, but instead it feltwrong. Not the whole getting Mattie out of the picture thing or even the getting the girl thing, because I did still love her. I think if anything, seeing her with him made me realize I loved her even more than I thought I had, but something felt off and I couldnt put my finger on what it was.

This had been the only time I liked the gossip of a small town. I heard through the grapevine that Pris and Aspen were going to be at the arcade tonight. All it took was one phone call to Jaden and he was game to go out. Crystal took a little more persuasion, but in the end, she agreed. I stood out front of my house waiting for her in a pair of blue jeans, black t-shirt and a blue b.u.t.ton up shirt over it, left open.

I mumbled a hi to her when I got in the car, my stomach feeling like I imagined Aspens did the night she spewed all over my ex-lucky shirt. Aside from the directions I gave her, we were quiet the whole way there.

Are you sure you want to do this? she asked after we parked. If you are serious about her, you should just talk to her. I cant tell you how much I wish Will would tell me he loved me.

Yeah, I said quickly. This will work. It has to work. She shook her head as she opened the car door, but I stopped her. Youre pretty cool for helping me out, Crystal. I appreciate it and if it counts for anything, I think Will is a dumba.s.s.

I let go of her and we both got out of the car. It would look more real if I held her hand, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. In the mall it had been an automatic reaction. I hadnt really thought about it and now that I could--it might be weird--but it made me feel like I was cheating or something. I browsed the room with my eyes, not seeing Pris and Aspen, or Jaden who was supposed to meet me here. He was always late. We sat down next to each other in a booth.

Did you tell your friend whats going on with me? Crystal asked.

I shook my head. Nah. I havent even told him about Aspen yet. Its not a big deal. I can explain it to him when he gets here.

We sat there for a few more minutes, neither of us saying a word. My eyes were still searching out Aspen, my attention drawn to Crystal when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. As soon as she was gone, someone plopped down across from me. I expected it to be Jaden, but it was Paul, this other guy we went to school with. Whos the hottie? he asked.

Hottie? Huh?

Um, the girl youre sitting here with? Shes freaking gorgeous.

Its funny because I didnt even notice. I mean, I knew she was pretty, but I was so distracted tonight, thinking about Aspen and wondering if Mattie would be with her, that I didnt notice anything else. I felt a little stab of guilt. Im sure she didnt care if I noticed her that way. She still had feelings for her ex and she obviously knew I was wrapped up in Aspen, but I felt like a jerk because she was helping me. What if she did start getting the wrong idea? Holy, c.r.a.p, what if there was more to the reason shed agreed to this? I didnt think so, but couldnt be for sure. Shes a friend, I mumbled. Paul said something about me being lucky before leaving and Crystal sat back down.

You look nice, I told her, feeling obligated. I mean, she did look pretty, but again, it felt like I wasnt being sincere because it wasnt Aspen I was saying this to.

Umthanks?

I know I already thanked you, but I want to be sure you know I really do appreciate your help. And I felt like an idiot. And Aspen, I do love her. I just didnt want you to get-- Her hysterical laughter cut me off.

Whats so funny? I was slightly annoyed.

Crystal held up her hand. Believe me. You dont have to do this, Sebastian. Im not getting the wrong idea here. Im really just trying to help. Youre cool, but I dont see you like that.

Oh. Well, good. Im a jacka.s.s.

Am I interrupting? Jaden stood at the end of the table, his arms crossed over his chest, his jaw locked.

Nah, just wondering where you were, I said waiting for him to sit down, but he didnt. What was his problem? I looked over at Crystal and it clicked. This is Crystal, not Abby.

If anything my words seemed to make him madder. Shes also not Aspen.

Hey. Chill out. I got that he was a little confused, since Id been feeling too sorry for myself to tell him everything that went down lately, but it also wasnt fair to take it out on Crystal. Its not what you think, Jay.

Dude, you even said yourself Aspen and Pris were different. I thought for sure you werent stupid enough to blow her off.

Now that p.i.s.sed me off. Me, stupid? Look at you! Youve been doing this little dance around Pris forever. Why dont you grow a pair and go for her instead of hanging out with me so I can get you girls? Jadens face paled and I immediately regretted my words. This was my boy. We always had each others back and what Id just said to him was messed up. Dude, just let me explain. Were not really-- I hung out with you because you were my friend, not for girls. I can get those on my own and apparently, you can too. So many you dont know how to handle them all. Jaden put his hands flat on the table and leaned toward me. As for Pris? Not all of us can live in your fantasy Sebastian-land where we all get what we want. I may not have gone for her, but thats because I knew I would screw it up. Just like you thought you had it under control, but all you did was mess it up. Im done. Youre lucky youre my boy because you have no idea how much I want to knock you out right now. Jaden turned to leave.

It took me a minute to find my tongue. I was in shock, confused and a little p.i.s.sed off. Not thinking, I stood. Did you ever think she didnt want me? Why does it have to be my fault? I fell back into the seat, holding my head with both hands. What was going on here? Why had Jaden just freaked out on me without giving me a chance to explain?

Sebastian, are you sure you know what youre doing?

No. Yeah. Its under control. I just have to explain to Jaden whats going on and h.e.l.l understand. Hes probably just mad because I didnt tell him. I added that on the heaping pile of things that didnt feel right. There was more to what Jaden said than I understood, but it wasnt my fault. He was the one being all secretive and angry. Its not like he wasnt just as bad as me when it came to girls and this thing with Crystal wasnt even real. Were sticking to the plan.

I leaned back in the booth, my whole body wracked with tension. Crystal was quiet while I sat there with my eyes closed trying to figure everything out. I dont know what made me open them when I did, but as they popped open I saw Aspen. She looked at Pris and smiled; man, I wished she was smiling at me like that. This weekend, when shed looked at me, it felt like I was the king of the world, now when I pictured her, I only saw the look on her face when I told her it was over.

The anger in her eyes when she admitted she really wanted Mattie. I didnt get it"why or how Id somehow hurt her when she knew she was about to rip my heart out, but that smile"it almost made me forget it all. Everything inside me told me to stand up and go talk to her. That rush of adrenaline was back. Leaning over to Crystal, I started, Ill be. The right back died in my throat when Mattie walked up beside Aspen.

He put his hand on the small of her back and I tensed. I could have sworn she did at the same time. Was he touching her when she didnt want to be touched? Aspen smiled again, but this one not as big as she put an arm around Pris. The movement pulled her away from Mattie, but then she crooked her finger for him to follow them.

Im sorry Crystal fidgeted in her seat.

No biggie. But it was. We both knew it. How did everything get so screwed up?

I watched them as they sat at a table. It was kind of perfect, like the crowds of people parted so I had them in perfect view. Pris and Aspen were talking all animated like they always did, their hands moving just as fast as their mouths. Mattie looked a little out of the loop, sitting across the table, but me, I just liked watching them. Sure, I was pretty much crossing the line between crush and creepy stalker, but no one knew that. Well, except Crystal.

I snickered when Aspen made a weird face, scrunching up her eyes and frowning when Mattie said something. Yeah, she didnt like whatever he said. I could tell. So, I know this made me sound like a sap, but as I kept my eyes trained on them, watching that happiness and excitement, the heaviness in my chest eased up. I didnt feel so weighed down. Crazy the power girls had over us and they didnt even know it.

Leaning back in my seat, I slid my arm behind Crystal on the top of the seat. I wasnt touching her, just stretching as I made myself comfortable, and it was at that exact moment that her eyes wandered to me. My arm jerked, like it automatically wanted to pull away, but I fought to keep it there. Suddenly, the idea of making her jealous made my gut churn, but Id already started. Might as well see it through, right?

But she just looked away and finished her conversation.

No pause, no eyes looking at me like she wanted me the way I wanted her. Nothing. Ice p.r.i.c.ked across my skin, making me uncomfortable. I gotta go. I was done. I couldnt spend the whole night watching her with Mattie, sitting here with Crystal, when I really wanted to be with Aspen.

Once more, I glanced at their table, only to see it one person less.

Outside. Now, Bastian. I froze at the sound of Priss voice. She was p.i.s.sed and a p.i.s.sed off Pris scared even me.

Shaking my head, I followed her retreating figure with Crystal right behind me. My life was a mess. I lost my girl, and now I was about to get my a.s.s kicked by another one. Great.

As soon as we stepped into the hot, black night Pris turned on me. What the h.e.l.l, Sebastian? You said she was different. You said you loved her. I should kick your a.s.s right now. What were you thinking?! How could you have done this to her? Her black hair was curly and swinging as she spoke erratically to me.

I rubbed my head, a little irritated she was acting like this was all my fault. I wasnt the one who contacted me to hook-up with Mattie. I wasnt the one sitting in there with him right now. Well, thats because Crystal was with me, but that was different. Um, Im not really sure which one of those questions you expect me to answer first.

Wrong. Thing. To. Say. I dodged her fist that flew at me. What the h.e.l.l, Pris?

You stupid jerk! Do you have any brains in that head of yours? Idiot. She swung again, her words as wild as her fists. Loser. Es stupido.

Stop. I caught her hand. Why is everyone so mad at me? Shes the one who moved on to Mattie in like two seconds.

What? Did you expect her to hang around and wait for you? Youre the one who dumped her, Bastian. One day you told her she was different and the next you kicked her to the curb. And I thought you were different. Pris huffed and walked away, her last words. .h.i.tting me in the chest. I was different. I didnt go around playing girls. They all knew I didnt do the relationship thing from the beginning and with Aspen, I thought I would. That didnt make me like them, did it? The kind of guys who broke my moms heart all those times.

You dumped her?

I rolled my eyes. Here we went again.

Why does it matter, Crystal? I told you she wanted someone else, anyway.

She had that same look in her eyes Jaden had. The one Pris had. Disappointment.

It matters, Sebastian. I never would have done this with you if I would have known youre the one who broke her heart. I have to go. She frowned like Id let her down.

For the third time in one night, someone I considered a friend turned their back on me and walked away. She didnt want me! She was trying to get him the whole time! Why dont you guys understand that? I yelled at her, but she didnt turn around. I leaned against the wall, elbows on my knees and my head in my hand. For the first time in my life, I was alone. This answered the question Id asked Mom. No, love wasnt worth it. And now it was pretty clear, I definitely didnt know what I was doing.

Chapter Fifteen.

I looked around my bedroom. It was official. I was depressed. Weird, considering Id never dealt with it before. I had a pretty good life. Sure, I got upset about the c.r.a.p with my mom, wondered about my dad and all that stuff like every other teenager, but Id always been happy. I had my friends who I could always count on and girls when I wanted them. My pride was a big one. Knowledge because Id been pretty sure I knew everything. NowI wasnt so sure. All these dinged my pride. I was confused as h.e.l.l and I missed my friends.

Jaden, who I wanted to pop upside the head half the time, but who was always down for anything and when push came to shove, he was really like a brother to me. He was much more than just a friend. I hated having him mad at me.

Pris with her att.i.tude and sharp tongue, but who I would do anything for. And Aspen. Man, I missed her. Not just the kissing and touching that Id gotten pretty hooked on last weekend, but her. Her tornado of smiles, snark, and sweetness.

I was no longer whipped, Id turned into a sappy punk, because all this had me so emo I feared someone might need to step in with an intervention.

Except there was no one to step in, because Id p.i.s.sed them all off.

Bored, I pulled my laptop off my bed and into my lap. Knowing there wouldnt be anything there"well at least not from the person I wanted to contact me"I logged into my Hook-up Doctor account. My pulse spiked when it said I had one new message, but plummeted just as quickly when I realized it wasnt from PA Rocks. What did that name mean anyway? I let myself wonder why she picked it while clicking on the new email. It was probably a new client, but I couldnt even find it in myself to care. What was the point?

Without viewing the message I closed down my email when I heard a soft rapping on my door. Yeah. It had to be Mom, because she was the only person still talking to me. Hey, Ma, I said to her as she slipped inside.

Hey, kiddo. How ya doing? She sat on my bed next to me. I shrugged, wondering how she knew anything was wrong. I definitely hadnt told her. You seem down. Is everything okay with you? I havent seen the gang around lately.

I groaned, really annoyed with the whole mom sixth sense thing. Of course, Id hardly left my house for two days, which had to tell her something. Oh, and did I mentioned I lost my job, too? Well, I guess lost isnt the right word since Id just stopped showing up. Its fine, Ma. Everyones just busy. I stood up and slipped my shoes on. I so wasnt in the mood to do this. I think Im going to go for a ride. Picking up my skateboard, I headed for my bedroom door.

Bastian? she called after me.

Yeah.

You know you can talk to me, right? Mom was still sitting on my bed, looking like she hoped I would come back. But I didnt. Part of me wanted to, but I couldnt. I ran a hand through my hair, talking to her as I walked out.

Nothing to talk about, Ma. Ill see you soon. With that I was gone.

I ended up back at the park. It was one of the only places close enough for me to walk or ride to. I took a few trips around, jumped a few ramps, but being as I had turned into Mr. Emo, I decided to sulk around the park instead. By now, I knew Id screwed up. Id pretty much taken ownership of the s.h.i.t I was in, but there was that part of me, too, that felt betrayed. Theyd all turned their backs on me, like it was all my fault. I couldnt understand why Jaden, Pris and Aspen had to make such a big deal out of all of this.

Weaving my way through the park, my feet rooted to the ground like the trees beside me when I saw them. Aspen and Mattie. Then, like the stalker I was becoming, I ducked behind one of those trees, putting my Bond skills to use.

A buzzing zapped through my body, echoing in my ears and pushing the blood through my veins with the force of a rivers rapids. Man she was gorgeous, wearing a fitting pair of blue jeans that hugged her body, a pink shirt and her hair in a simple pony tail that I used to want to pull just to annoy her. Now, I wanted to run my fingers through it because the soft strands felt so much better when I buried my hand in them rather than trying to make her mad.

I was still mad at her, but it felt different when I could see her than when I couldnt. Watching her took some of that anger away. G.o.d, I am lame.

She shook her head at Mattie, crossing her arms over her chest. Oh, I knew that look! Her eyes were squinty, her body straight. Ha, ha, Mattie. How does it feel to have her mad at you? I whispered.

This time he shook his head as he said something to her. I couldnt hear them, but knew I needed to say a prayer for my awesome eyesight because I could see them so well. Aspens arms flew in the air like she was at a loss as she said something. Mattie replied and she definitely didnt like it. I felt b.u.t.terflies"yeah, I said it"b.u.t.terflies in my stomach, half of me happy they were fighting, but the other half, the one that kept pushing over and covering up the happy part, felt guilty. I hated the guy, but if she liked him, well, I didnt want her to hurt, either. Better me than her, right? At least until I found the proof that he was a douche.

Mattie reached out for her. Something inside me flared when she backed away. If she didnt want to be touched, the jerk better keep his hands off her. He stepped closer and she took a step back, giving her head another shake. As I walked around the tree, no longer willing to hide in the corner in case she needed me, Mattie did us both a favor and walked away.

The opposite direction.

Score.

Because I had to see how she was doing. Her shoulders were hunched over and she looked defeated. I hated seeing her that way. It killed me that he could cause her pain. That had to mean she really cared about him, right?

Taking a deep breath, I pushed those feelings aside, and trudged over to her. Woodstock?

Her head snapped up, tree-green eyes meeting mine. We held each other there, our sight grasping one another as tightly as my arms held her last weekend. It was in that moment, with all that pain swirling around in her eyes, the feel of her gaze as it wrapped around me that I wanted to tell her. It didnt matter that we wouldnt last. That love always fell apart and someone got hurt. I didnt care that she had feelings for Mattie, because I loved her, and that was supposed to be enough, right? You hear that all the time, love conquers all, but Id never seen it, so I kept my mouth shut.

If she looked like that because of Mattie, then how I felt about her didnt matter. But making her feel better still did. Are you okay? Need me to mess someone up for you? You know, my ninja skills and all. I tried for a joke, hoping that a flash of who wed been would help us get there again.

If anything, it made things worse. The pain on her face multiplied and if I saw what I thought I did, a flash of anger sparked, too. Ha. I doubt you could kick the b.u.t.t of the person who made me feel like this.

That little dent in my pride smashed in completely and it shattered. Not only did she like Mattie, she thought I couldnt take him? Whatever. I was just trying to help. I should beat his a.s.s just to prove a point though.

Id like to see you try that one, she snapped back. Her eyes started getting watery and I was trapped between telling her off for taking his side and trying to kiss those tears away.

Im just trying to help. I can see Im not needed though. I leaned against a tree, trying to look like I didnt really care. Lovers fight? Her chin started to shake and I felt that vibration inside me. I stepped toward her, ready to throw all my anger out the window if it made her feel better. It was like a need I felt inside me, pushing me to do whatever I could for her. Baby, dont"

She held up her hand, cutting off my cry. Dont call me that. I dont think your little girlfriend would appreciate it. Dont try to be smooth with me. You forget, I know your tricks. Youre The Hook-up Doctor. You know all the best lines. All the right games to play, dont you? Im done. You can take all your skills, Mr. Know-It-All and use them on someone else!

Her tears were falling faster. Each and every drop, every word hitting me like the punch in the gut I deserved. Aspens chest heaved in and out, when mine felt like it caved in. Im sorry. My voice cracked and this time, it was me who walked away. I wasnt Mr. Know-It-All. I obviously didnt know jack and it was time to ask for help.