Tidewater Seduction Part 16

'How about-us?' ventured Cole, with cool audacity. 'Like maybe we're not finished yet. Despite all the signs to the contrary.'

Joanna's arms flailed. 'Grace did send you here, didn't she?' she exclaimed. 'Oh, I wish she'd-'

'Grace didn't even know I was coming to London,' Cole retorted, grasping a protesting arm, and refusing to let go. 'Listen to me, Jo, I'm the last person Aunt Grace would choose to get in touch with. If she's worried about you-and she is-she wouldn't send for the man who she believes is to blame for it all!'

Joanna stared at him indignantly, but his words did have some merit. Grace might love Cole as a nephew, but she had always been wary of him as Joanna's husband. And, knowing what had happened in the past, she was hardly likely to appeal to him now.

His hard fingers were beginning to bite into the soft flesh of her upper arm, and, as if becoming aware of it, Cole uttered an oath and released her. But he didn't move away. He stayed where he was. And she was still overwhelmingly aware of him, and the threat he represented.

'Look; he said, and when he spoke again the husky timbre of his voice sc.r.a.ped insistently across her nerves. 'I didn't come here to argue with you. G.o.d knows, we've done enough of that in the past.'

'I suppose that's my fault!'

Joanna's response was swift and indignant, but it was as much a protest against the unwilling awareness he was arousing as a defensive ploy. It was hard to remain de tached, when his warm breath was wafting over her forehead, and the male scent of his sweat was filling her nose.

'No; Cole retorted now. 'It's mine.' And she was still trying to absorb this when he added, with bitter self-recrimination, 'I shouldn't have believed my mother's lies, but, when you're in love with someone, you're vulnerable!

Joanna's knees went weak. 'I-beg your pardon?' she whispered, groping behind her for the back of a chair, anything that could give her some support. And Cole moved a little nearer.

'I said, I was-I still am-in love with you. Why did you think my father and I were estranged? He knew d.a.m.n well there was only ever going to be one woman in my life. And he'd driven you away. He and my mother between them.' His blue eyes darkened with emotion, as he added, 'That's why I'm here, Jo. That's the only reason. I knew I had to try and make you believe it.'

Joanna had never fainted in her life, but for once she felt near to it. Cole's face was wavering before her eyes and she was fairly sure she must have imagined what she thought he just said. Was this what losing consciousness felt like? she wondered, unaware of just how pale she'd become.

'I-don't feel very well,' she said, feeling foolish, and Cole's e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n was harsh and self-derisive.

'G.o.d d.a.m.n it,' he muttered, abandoning any lingering shred of self-control, and swinging her up into his arms. 'I always was a tactless b.a.s.t.a.r.d. I'm sorry. I'd forgotten Grace told me you were sick.'

'I'm not sick,' argued Joanna faintly, as Cole carried her across to her settee, and deposited her on it. 'Really, I'm not. I-guess it's just the heat.'

'Or what I said,' said Cole grimly, dropping his jacket on to a chair, and perching on the edge of the sofa beside her. He tugged off his tie, and sent it curling on to the floor. 'I didn't intend to blurt it out like that, but, h.e.l.l, I had to get your attention!'

Joanna felt better now that she was off her shaky legs, but the hard strength of the thigh beside her hip was still daunting. And now that he was without his jacket she could see the shadow of brown skin beneath his cream silk shirt, and glimpse the sun-bleached hair that arrowed down his chest.

'It doesn't matter,' she said, wishing she dared ask him to repeat what he had blurted out. 'Um-do you think I could have a drink of water?' she added, des perate to find some way of getting a little breathing s.p.a.ce. 'I haven't had anything to eat this morning, and I am feeling a bit empty.'

'You haven't had breakfast?' Cole got to his feet and towered over her, and now her eyes were irresistibly drawn to the narrow cut of his trousers. Was it her im agination, or were they tighter than they should have been across his hips? Dear G.o.d, she thought unsteadily, she was rapidly losing control.

Shaking her head in answer to his question, she was unutterably relieved when he strode away into the kitchen. In the few moments it would take him to find a gla.s.s, and run the tap, she had to calm herself. And there was no way she could do that if she thought about what he'd said.

The sense of unreality had pa.s.sed by the time Cole came back, carrying a tray. But it must have taken longer than she'd thought, she reflected ruefully, for he'd taken the time to filter some coffee and make some toast. Of course, he knew his way around her kitchen, she con ceded. He had lived here for several weeks before their wedding. Oh, those blissful days, she remembered wist fully. Before the coils of Tidewater had strangled their relationship.

Cole hooked a low coffee table with his foot, and set the tray down beside the sofa. Then, to her conster nation, he resumed his earlier position beside her. 'Coffee, and toast,' he said unnecessarily, his eyes dis turbingly warm and intent. 'Can you sit up?'

'I'm not an invalid,' said Joanna, her voice sharper than it might have been because she was nervous, and Cole inclined his head.

'If you say so,' he allowed, respecting her obvious wish to be independent. He let her shuffle into a sitting position, and then reached for the jug of coffee. 'Cream, but no sugar. You see, I remembered that, too.'

Joanna wanted to say something flip and casual, any thing to dispel the unwilling intimacy of their situation, but the smell of the coffee was turning her stomach. 'I-think I'd prefer a gla.s.s of water, after all,' she declared, struggling to contain her nausea.

'I-excuse me, for a moment. I have to go to the bathroom.'

When she came back, the tray had disappeared, and Cole was standing by the window, staring out on to the sun-baked gra.s.s in the park across the way. His hands were in his pockets, but there was tension in every muscle of his taut frame. But he had evidently heard her behind him, because he glanced over his shoulder as she hovered in the doorway, and his mouth flattened ruefully, as he said, 'I guess you want me to go.'

Joanna, who had just spent the last few minutes learning how appalling it was trying to be sick on an empty stomach, hesitated long enough for him to a.s.sume she did. With a tightening of his lips, Cole bent to lift his jacket from the chair where he had dropped it earlier, but when he turned towards the door desperation made her reckless.

'I-what you said,' she stammered, hoping she might bluff him into some kind of confession, 'did you-did you mean it?'

Cole's brows drew together. 'I've said a lot of things,' he replied wearily. 'And I'm not proud of a lot of them.'

'No.' Joanna sighed, realising she was not going to get round it that way. 'Just now. When I asked you why you'd come here.

You said-at least, I thought you said-you still-loved me---'

'I do.'

There was no mistake this time, and Joanna clutched the frame of the door with sweating hands. But Cole wasn't rushing towards her with declarations of his intent. He was simply standing looking at her, with a definite air of defeat.

Wetting her dry lips, she tried again. 'But-when I came to see you, the night before I left Tidewater-'

'I was a b.a.s.t.a.r.d, I know.' Cole lifted his shoulders in a heavy gesture. 'I guess I was still despising myself for wanting you. And when you said you were leaving, I tried to hurt you as you were hurting me.'

Joanna caught her breath. 'You succeeded.'

'Yes, I know.'

'Then why-?'

'Why did I change my mind?' Cole's lips twisted. 'I'd like to say it was only because I'd begun to suspect that there had been nothing going on between you and Nathan.'

Joanna stared at him. 'There wasn't!'

'No. Well, as I say, I had begun to have my doubts. G.o.d, I even had doubts before you walked out on our marriage. But you didn't want to listen to them then. You were too busy hating me for what happened to Nathan.'

Joanna bent her head. 'We all make mistakes. And I didn't hate you. I-just thought I did.'

'Yeah, well-you were pretty d.a.m.n convincing.' Cole's Shoulders hunched. 'And, G.o.d dammit, I should have had faith in you. But when you left, I guess I convinced myself that you must be guilty.'

Joanna swallowed. 'So what did change your mind?'

'Ben.'

'Ben?'

'Yes. He heard what Ma said to you as you were leaving. How she'd seen you with Nathan, and spread those lies about you.'

Joanna stiffened. 'She never said they were lies,' she stated honestly. 'As far as I know, she believed that Nathan and I - that we were-' She broke off un steadily. 'If Ben told you she admitted making the whole thing up, he wasn't telling the truth either.'

She waited then for Cole's expression to change. She hadn't really believed that their problems could be solved so easily, and learning what had brought him here only reinforced that fact. It had been kind of Ben to tell him, kind of him to lie, if that's what he had done. It proved she had at least one friend at Tidewater.

At least one member of Cole's family wanted to make amends.

But Cole's expression didn't change, except perhaps to grow a little gentler. 'I know exactly what she said,' he told her. 'Ben gave me it, word for word. But what you don't know is that I never knew until then who it was feeding me that information.

Ma didn't talk to me, Jo. She sent me letters, anonymous letters.

They started right after I got back from South America. So far as I knew, Ma didn't even know of Nathan's existence.'

Joanna's jaw sagged. 'But how do you know your mother was sending those letters?'

Cole's face hardened. 'I confronted her with it after you'd left, and she had the nerve to tell me she'd done it for my own good.'

'For your own good?'

'Yes. It turns out Ma knew all about my father's in volvement with Sarah, and about Nathan, too. But there was nothing she could do about it, not without incurring my father's wrath, so she kept it all bottled up inside her. Then, when you and Nathan got to know one another, she saw a chance to-to--'

'Kill two birds with one stone,' said Joanna shakily. 'Oh, G.o.d, Cole! How could she? What had Nathan ever done to her?'

'He existed,' said Cole simply.

'I didn't realise how badly it had affected her until six weeks ago.' Joanna felt dazed. 'It's unbelievable.'

'I know.'

'Poor Nathan.'

'Yes, poor Nathan.' Cole's mouth tightened. 'Can you ever forgive me?'

'Forgive you?' Joanna realised she was repeating his words, but she couldn't help it.

'Yes, forgive me,' said Cole harshly. 'If I hadn't been so quick to believe the worst of you, none of this need have happened.'

Joanna hesitated. 'And-and Sammy-Jean?'

'What about Sammy-Jean?'

'You-you married her.'

'Yes, I married her.' Cole's shoulders slumped. 'And I know that condemns me in your eyes, doesn't it? But, when you walked out, three years ago, I didn't care what I did any more. It was what Ma wanted,' he added bit terly. 'And, after what Pa had put her through, I thought she deserved a break.'

Joanna trembled. 'Did you love her?'

'If I'd loved Sammy-Jean, I'd have married her five years ago, instead of you,' he replied quietly.

'Oh, Cole!' Joanna moved her head in a helpless gesture, wishing he would put down his jacket and do something, instead of just standing there, staring at her. 'So-what are you saying?'

'I'd have thought that was obvious,' replied Cole flatly, and there was a look of weary acceptance in his eyes. 'I wanted us to be together again. But-I guess I waited too long to tell you.'

CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

COLE was turning away threading his finger through the tab of his jacket, ready to loop it over his shoulder, when Joanna came to her senses. Abandoning the un natural detachment with which she had listened to his explanations, she flew across the room, and flung herself into his arms. 'What took you so long?' she choked, burying her hot face against his chest. 'Oh, G.o.d, Cole, I've missed you so much!'

His reactions were less dramatic than hers, but far more violent.

With a groan of anguish, his arms closed about her, and she felt his muscles trembling as he hugged her tight against him.

'I wanted to come after you right away,' he told her unsteadily, his lips against her ear. 'But there were things to do, things I had to see to. I wanted you to know what I was offering, before you made up your mind.'

Joanna wound her arms about his neck. 'Nothing's more important than our being together,' she whispered unsteadily.

'And-and as long as you love me, that's all that matters.'

'No.' Joanna looked a little anxious at his denial, but Cole pushed his fingers into the silky length of her hair, and held her face up to his. 'No, that's not all that matters,' he told her huskily. 'I thought it was once. I thought where we lived wasn't important.

I was so selfish-so jealous of your work-I wanted to absorb you into my life so completely, you wouldn't have time for anything else.'

'Cole-'

'No, listen to me,' he implored her. 'I was wrong. I was wrong to expect you to live with my family, and I was wrong to try and stop you from continuing with your career.' His thumb brushed an errant tear from her cheek. 'That won't happen again.'

'Oh, Cole-'

'There's more.' He couldn't resist brushing her soft mouth with his, but when she would have deepened the kiss he drew back. 'If you don't want to go back to Tidewater, we needn't. I'll sell the place if you want, and move to England. It's up to you-'

Joanna gasped. 'You'd sell Tidewater? But what about your father and mother?'

'Since Pa had his stroke, I've been given his power of attorney.

Besides, Pa will never go back to Tidewater, he knows that. He's been moved to a nursing facility in Charleston, where they can monitor his condition on a day-to-day basis. And Ma? Well, she and Sandy and the twins are staying with Joe and Alicia for the time being. She knew she and I couldn't go on living in the same house, and I guess, eventually, she'll get a place in Beaumaris.'

Joanna stared at him. 'So there's no one living at the house?'

'Only Ben.' Cole grimaced. 'And the staff, of course. Not forgetting Henry.'

'And-that's why you waited this long before you came to see me?'

'Yes.' Cole looked rueful. 'I wanted there to be no more misunderstandings. If-if you agree to marry me again, it'l be on your terms, not mine. I'm not much good at relationships. I always screw up.'

Joanna's lips quivered. 'I wouldn't say that.'

'I would.' Cole drew her even closer, and she revelled in the solid feel of his hard body. 'I've had plenty of time to think, and I don't care about anything so long as we're together. You're all that matters to me. You always were; you always will be.'