The Voyage Out Part 13

'One of the three,' he corrected.

Helen whirling past here tossed a fan into Rachel's lap.

'She is very beautiful,' Hirst remarked.

They were again silent. Rachel was wondering whether he thought her also nice-looking; St. John was considering the immense difficulty of talking to girls who had no experience of life. Rachel had obviously never thought or felt or seen anything, and she might be intelligent or she might be just like all the rest. But Hewet's taunt rankled in his mind - 'you don't know how to get on with women,' and he was determined to profit by this opportunity. Her evening-clothes bestowed on her just that degree of unreality and distinction which made it romantic to speak to her, and stirred a desire to talk, which irritated him because he did not know how to begin. He glanced at her, and she seemed to him very remote and inexplicable, very young and chaste. He drew a sigh, and began.

'About books now. What have you read? Just Shakespeare and the Bible?'

'I haven't read many cla.s.sics,' Rachel stated. She was slightly annoyed by his jaunty and rather unnatural manner, while his masculine acquirements induced her to take a very modest view of her own power.

'D'you mean to tell me you've reached the age of twenty-four without reading Gibbon?' he demanded.

'Yes, I have,' she answered.

'Mon Dieu!' he exclaimed, throwing out his hands. 'You must begin to-morrow. I shall send you my copy. What I want to know is - ' he looked at her critically. 'You see, the problem is, can one really talk to you? Have you got a mind, or are you like the rest of your s.e.x? You seem to me absurdly young compared with men of your age.

Rachel looked at him but said nothing.

'About Gibbon,' he continued. 'D'you think you'll be able to appreciate him? He's the test, of course. It's awfully difficult to tell about women,' he continued, 'how much, I mean, is due to lack of training, and how much is native incapacity. I don't see myself why you shouldn't understand - only I suppose you've led an absurd life until now - you've just walked in a crocodile, I suppose, with your hair down your back.'

The music was again beginning. Hirst's eye wandered about the room in search of Mrs. Ambrose. With the best will in the world he was conscious that they were not getting on well together.

'I'd like awfully to lend you books,' he said, b.u.t.toning his gloves, and rising from his seat. 'We shall meet again. I'm going to leave you now.'

He got up and left her.

Rachel looked round. She felt herself surrounded, like a child at a party, by the faces of strangers all hostile to her, with hooked noses and sneering, indifferent eyes. She was by a window, she pushed it open with a jerk, and stepped out into the garden. Her eyes swam with tears of rage.

'd.a.m.n that man!' she exclaimed, having acquired some of Helen's words. 'd.a.m.n his insolence!'

She stood in the middle of the pale square of light which the window she had opened threw upon the gra.s.s. The forms of great black trees rose ma.s.sively in front of her. She stood still, looking at them, shivering slightly with anger and excitement. She heard the trampling and swinging of the dancers behind her, and the rhythmic sway of the waltz music.

'There are trees,' she said aloud. Would the trees make up for St. John Hirst? She would be a Persian princess far from civilisation, riding her horse upon the mountains alone, and making her women sing to her in the evening, far from all this, from the strife and men and women - a form came out of the shadow; a little red light burnt high up in its blackness.

'Miss Vinrace, is it?' said Hewet, peering at her. 'You were dancing with Hirst?'

'He's made me furious!' she cried vehemently. 'No one's any right to be insolent!'

'Insolent?' Hewet repeated, taking his cigar from his mouth in surprise. 'Hirst - insolent?'

'It's insolent to - ' said Rachel, and stopped. She did not know exactly why she had been made so angry. With a great effort she pulled herself together.

'Oh, well,' she added, the vision of Helen and her mockery before her, 'I dare say I'm a fool.' She made as though she were going back into the ballroom, but Hewet stopped her.

'Please explain to me,' he said. 'I feel sure Hirst didn't mean to hurt you.'

When Rachel tried to explain, she found it very difficult. She could not say that she found the vision of herself walking in a crocodile with her hair down her back peculiarly unjust and horrible, nor could she explain why Hirst's a.s.sumption of the superiority of his nature and experience had seemed to her not only galling but terrible - as if a gate had clanged in her face. Pacing up and down the terrace beside Hewet she said bitterly: 'It's no good; we should live separate; we cannot understand each other; we only bring out what's worst.'

Hewet brushed aside her generalisation as to the natures of the two s.e.xes, for such generalisations bored him and seemed to him generally untrue. But, knowing Hirst, he guessed fairly accurately what had happened, and, though secretly much amused, was determined that Rachel should not store the incident away in her mind to take its place in the view she had of life.

'Now you'll hate him,' he said, 'which is wrong. Poor old Hirst - he can't help his method. And really, Miss Vinrace, he was doing his best; he was paying you a compliment - he was trying - he was trying - ' he could not finish for the laughter that overcame him.

Rachel veered round suddenly and laughed out too. She saw that there was something ridiculous about Hirst, and perhaps about herself.

'It's his way of making friends, I suppose,' she laughed. 'Well - I shall do my part. I shall begin - "Ugly in body, repulsive in mind as you are, Mr. Hirst - " '

'Hear, hear!' cried Hewet. 'That's the way to treat him. You see, Miss Vinrace, you must make allowances for Hirst. He's lived all his life in front of a looking-gla.s.s, so to speak, in a beautiful panelled room, hung with j.a.panese prints and lovely old chairs and tables, just one splash of colour, you know, in the right place, - between the windows I think it is, - and there he sits hour after hour with his toes on the fender, talking about philosophy and G.o.d and his liver and his heart and the hearts of his friends. They're all broken. You can't expect him to be at his best in a ballroom. He wants a cosy, smoky, masculine place, where he can stretch his legs out, and only speak when he's got something to say. For myself, I find it rather dreary. But I do respect it. They're all so much in earnest. They do take the serious things very seriously.'

The description of Hirst's way of life interested Rachel so much that she almost forgot her private grudge against him, and her respect revived.

'They are really very clever then?' she asked.

'Of course they are. So far as brains go I think it's true what he said the other day; they're the cleverest people in England. But - you ought to take him in hand,' he added. 'There's a great deal more in him than's ever been got at. He wants some one to laugh at him ... The idea of Hirst telling you that you've had no experiences! Poor old Hirst!'

They had been pacing up and down the terrace while they talked, and now one by one the dark windows were uncurtained by an invisible hand, and panes of light fell regularly at equal intervals upon the gra.s.s. They stopped to look in at the drawing-room, and perceived Mr. Pepper writing alone at a table.

'There's Pepper writing to his aunt,' said Hewet. 'She must be a very remarkable old lady, eighty-five he tells me, and he takes her for walking tours in the New Forest ... Pepper!' he cried, rapping on the window. 'Go and do your duty. Miss Allan expects you.'

When they came to the windows of the ballroom, the swing of the dancers and the lilt of the music was irresistible.

'Shall we?' said Hewet, and they clasped hands and swept off magnificently into the great swirling pool. Although this was only the second time they had met, the first time they had seen a man and woman kissing each other, and the second time Mr. Hewet had found that a young woman angry is very like a child. So that when they joined hands in the dance they felt more at their ease than is usual.

It was midnight and the dance was now at its heights. Servants were peeping in at the windows; the garden was sprinkled with the white shapes of couples sitting out. Mrs. Thornbury and Mrs. Elliot sat side by side under a palm tree, holding fans, handkerchiefs, and brooches deposited in their laps by flushed maidens. Occasionally they exchanged comments.

'Miss Warrington does look happy,' said Mrs. Elliot; they both smiled; they both sighed.

'He has a great deal of character,' said Mrs. Thornbury, alluding to Arthur.

'And character is what one wants,' said Mrs. Elliot. 'Now that young man is clever enough,' she added, nodding at Hirst, who came past with Miss Allan on his arm.

'He does not look strong,' said Mrs. Thornbury. 'His complexion is not good. - Shall I tear it off?' she asked, for Rachel had stopped, conscious of a long strip trailing behind her.

'I hope you are enjoying yourselves?' Hewet asked the ladies.

'This is a very familiar position for me!' smiled Mrs. Thornbury. 'I have brought out five daughters - and they all loved dancing! You love it too, Miss Vinrace?' she asked, looking at Rachel with maternal eyes. 'I know I did when I was your age. How I used to beg my mother to let me stay - and now I sympathise with the poor mothers - but I sympathise with the daughters too!'

She smiled sympathetically, and at the same time rather keenly, at Rachel.

'They seem to find a great deal to say to each other,' said Mrs. Elliot, looking significantly at the backs of the couple as they turned away. 'Did you notice at the picnic? He was the only person who could make her utter.'

'Her father is a very interesting man,' said Mrs. Thornbury. 'He has one of the largest shipping businesses in Hull. He made a very able reply, you remember, to Mr. Asquith at the last election. It is so interesting to find that a man of his experience is a strong Protectionist.'

She would have liked to discuss politics, which interested her more than personalities, but Mrs. Elliot would only talk about the Empire in a less abstract form.

'I hear there are dreadful accounts from England about the rats,' she said. 'A sister-in-law, who lives at Norwich, tells me it has been quite unsafe to order poultry. The plague - you see. It attacks the rats, and through them other creatures.'

'And the local authorities are not taking proper steps?' asked Mrs. Thornbury.

'That she does not say. But she describes the att.i.tude of the educated people - who should know better - as callous in the extreme. Of course, my sister-in-law is one of those active modern women, who always takes things up, you know - the kind of woman one admires, though one does not feel, at least I do not feel - but then she has a const.i.tution of iron.'

Mrs. Elliot, brought back to the consideration of her own delicacy, here sighed.

'A very animated face,' said Mrs. Thornbury, looking at Evelyn M. who had stopped near them to pin tight a scarlet flower at her breast. It would not stay, and, with a spirited gesture of impatience, she thrust it into her partner's b.u.t.ton-hole. He was a tall melancholy youth, who received the gift as a knight might receive his lady's token.

'Very trying to the eyes,' was Mrs. Elliot's next remark, after watching the yellow whirl in which so few of the whirlers had either name or character for her, for a few minutes. Bursting out of the crowd, Helen approached them, and took a vacant chair.

'May I sit by you?' she said, smiling and breathing fast, 'I suppose I ought to be ashamed of myself,' she went on, sitting down, 'at my age.

Her beauty, now that she was flushed and animated, was more expansive than usual, and both the ladies felt the same desire to touch her.

'I am enjoying myself,' she panted. 'Movement - isn't it amazing?'

'I have always heard that nothing comes up to dancing if one is a good dancer,' said Mrs. Thornbury, looking at her with a smile.

Helen swayed slightly as if she sat on wires.

'I could dance for ever!' she said. 'They ought to let themselves go more!' she exclaimed. 'They ought to leap and swing. Look! How they mince!'

'Have you seen those wonderful Russian dancers?' began Mrs. Elliot. But Helen saw her partner coming and rose as the moon rises. She was half round the room before they took their eyes off her, for they could not help admiring her, although they thought it a little odd that a woman of her age should enjoy dancing.

Directly Helen was left alone for a minute she was joined by St. John Hirst, who had been watching for an opportunity.

'Should you mind sitting out with me?' he asked. 'I'm quite incapable of dancing.' He piloted Helen to a corner which was supplied with two arm-chairs, and thus enjoyed the advantage of semi-privacy. They sat down, and for a few minutes Helen was too much under the influence of dancing to speak.

'Astonishing!' she exclaimed at last. 'What sort of shape can she think her body is?' This remark was called forth by a lady who came past them, waddling rather than walking, and leaning on the arm of a stout man with globular green eyes set in a fat white face. Some support was necessary, for she was very stout, and so compressed that the upper part of her body hung considerably in advance of her feet, which could only trip in tiny steps, owing to the tightness of the skirt round her ankles. The dress itself consisted of a small piece of shiny yellow satin, adorned here and there indiscriminately with round shields of blue and green beads made to imitate the hues of a peac.o.c.k's breast. On the summit of a frothy castle of hair a purple plume stood erect, while her short neck was encircled by a black velvet ribbon k.n.o.bbed with gems, and golden bracelets were tightly wedged into the flesh of her fat gloved arms. She had the face of an impertinent but jolly little pig, mottled red under a dusting of powder.

St. John could not join in Helen's laughter.

'It makes me sick,' he declared. 'The whole thing makes me sick ... Consider the minds of those people - their feelings. Don't you agree?'

'I always make a vow never to go to another party of any description,' Helen replied, 'and I always break it.'

She leant back in her chair and looked laughingly at the young man. She could see that he was genuinely cross, if at the same time slightly excited.

'However,' he said, resuming his jaunty tone, 'I suppose one must just make up one's mind to it.'

'To what?'

'There never will be more than five people in the world worth talking to.'

Slowly the flush and sparkle in Helen's face died away, and she looked as quiet and as observant as usual.

'Five people?' she remarked. 'I should say there were more than five.'

'You've been very fortunate, then,' said Hirst. 'Or perhaps I've been very unfortunate.' He became silent.

'Should you say I was a difficult kind of person to get on with?' he asked abruptly.

'Most clever people are when they're young,' Helen replied.

'And of course I am - immensely clever,' said Hirst. 'I'm infinitely cleverer than Hewet. It's quite possible,' he continued in his curiously impersonal manner, 'that I'm going to be one of the people who really matter. That's utterly different from being clever, though one can't expect one's family to see it,' he added bitterly.

Helen thought herself justified in asking, 'Do you find your family difficult to get on with?'

'Intolerable... They want me to be a peer and a privy councillor. I've come out here partly in order to settle the matter. It's not to be settled. Either I must go to the bar, or I must stay on in Cambridge. Of course, there are obvious drawbacks to each, but the arguments certainly do seem to me in favour of Cambridge. This kind of thing!' he waved his hand at the crowded ballroom. 'Repulsive. I'm conscious of great powers of affection too. I'm not susceptible, of course, in the way Hewet is. I'm very fond of a few people. I think, for example, that there's something to be said for my mother, though she is in many ways so deplorable ... At Cambridge, of course, I should inevitably become the most important man in the place, but there are other reasons why I dread Cambridge - ' he ceased.

Are you finding me a dreadful bore?' he asked. He changed curiously from a friend confiding in a friend to a conventional young man at a party.

'Not in the least,' said Helen. 'I like it very much.'

'You can't think,' he exclaimed, speaking almost with emotion, 'what a difference it makes finding some one to talk to! Directly I saw you I felt you might possibly understand me. I'm very fond of Hewet, but he hasn't the remotest idea what I'm like. You're the only woman I've ever met who seems to have the faintest conception of what I mean when I say a thing.'

The next dance was beginning; it was the Barcarolle out of Hoffman, au au which made Helen beat her toe in time to it; but she felt that after such a compliment it was impossible to get up and go, and, besides being amused, she was really flattered, and the honesty of his conceit attracted her. She suspected that he was not happy, and was sufficiently feminine to wish to receive confidences. which made Helen beat her toe in time to it; but she felt that after such a compliment it was impossible to get up and go, and, besides being amused, she was really flattered, and the honesty of his conceit attracted her. She suspected that he was not happy, and was sufficiently feminine to wish to receive confidences.

'I'm very old,' she sighed.

'The odd thing is that I don't find you old at all,' he replied. 'I feel as though we were exactly the same age. Moreover - ' here he hesitated, but took courage from a glance at her face, 'I feel as if I could talk quite plainly to you as one does to a man - about the relations between the s.e.xes, about ... and ...'

In spite of his certainty a slight redness came into his face as he spoke the last two words.

She rea.s.sured him at once by the laugh with which she exclaimed, 'I should hope so!'

He looked at her with real cordiality, and the lines which were drawn about his nose and lips slackened for the first time.

'Thank G.o.d!' he exclaimed. 'Now we can behave like civilised human beings.'

Certainly a barrier which usually stands fast had fallen, and it was possible to speak of matters which are generally only alluded to between men and women when doctors are present, or the shadow of death. In five minutes he was telling her the history of his life. It was long, for it was full of extremely elaborate incidents, which led on to a discussion of the principles on which morality is founded, and thus to several very interesting matters, which even in this ballroom had to be discussed in a whisper, lest one of the pouter pigeon ladies or resplendent merchants should overhear them, and proceed to demand that they should leave the place. When they had come to an end, or, to speak more accurately, when Helen intimated by a slight slackening of her attention that they had sat there long enough, Hirst rose, exclaiming, 'So there's no reason whatever for all this mystery!'

'None, except that we are English people,' she answered. She took his arm and they crossed the ballroom, making their way with difficulty between the spinning couples, who were now perceptibly dishevelled, and certainly to a critical eye by no means lovely in their shapes. The excitement of undertaking a friendship and the length of their talk had made them hungry, and they went in search of food to the dining-room, which was now full of people eating at little separate tables. In the doorway they met Rachel, going up to dance again with Arthur Venning. She was flushed and looked very happy, and Helen was struck by the fact that in this mood she was certainly more attractive than the generality of young women. She had never noticed it so clearly before.

'Enjoying yourself?' she asked, as they stopped for a second.

'Miss Vinrace,' Arthur answered for her, 'has just made a confession; she'd no idea that dances could be so delightful.'

'Yes!' Rachel exclaimed. 'I've changed my view of life completely!'

'You don't say so!' Helen mocked. They pa.s.sed on.

'That's typical of Rachel,' she said. 'She changes her view of life about every other day. D'you know, I believe you're just the person I want,' she said, as they sat down, 'to help me to complete her education? She's been brought up practically in a nunnery. Her father's too absurd. I've been doing what I can - but I'm too old, and I'm a woman. Why shouldn't you talk to her - explain things to her - talk to her, I mean, as you talk to me?'

'I have made one attempt already this evening,' said St. John. 'I rather doubt that it was successful. She seems to me so very young and inexperienced. I have promised to lend her Gibbon.'

'It's not Gibbon exactly,' Helen pondered. 'It's the facts of life, I think - d'you see what I mean? What really goes on, what people feel, although they generally try to hide it? There's nothing to be frightened at. It's so much more beautiful than the pretences - always more interesting - always better, I should say, than that that kind of thing.' kind of thing.'

She nodded her head at a table near them, where two girls and two young men were chaffing each other very loudly, and carrying on an arch insinuating dialogue, sprinkled with endearments, about, it seemed, a pair of stockings or a pair of legs. One of the girls was flirting a fan and pretending to be shocked, and the sight was very unpleasant, partly because it was obvious that the girls were secretly hostile to each other.

'In my old age, however,' Helen sighed, 'I'm coming to think that it doesn't much matter in the long run what one does: people always go their own way - nothing will ever influence them.' She nodded her head at the supper party.