The Peace Egg and Other tales Part 8

Well, how far have you travelled in doctorship?

DOCTOR. From the front door to the cupboard, Cupboard to fireplace, fireplace up-stairs and into bed.

FOOL. So far, and no farther?

DOCTOR. Yes, yes, much farther.

FOOL. How far?

DOCTOR. Through England, Ireland, Scotland, Flanders, France, and Spain, And now am returned to cure the diseases of Old England again.

FOOL. What can you cure?

DOCTOR. All complaints within and without, From a cold in your head to a touch of the gout.

If any lady's figure is awry I'll make her very fitting to pa.s.s by.

I'll give a coward a heart if he be willing, Will make him stand without fear of killing.

Ribs, legs, or arms, whate'er you break, be sure Of one or all I'll make a perfect cure.

Nay, more than this by far, I will maintain, If you should lose your head or heart, I'll give it you again.

Then here's a doctor rare, who travels much at home, So take my pills, I'll cure all ills, past, present, or to come.

I in my time many thousands have directed, And likewise have as many more dissected, And I never met a gravedigger who to me objected.

If a man gets nineteen bees in his bonnet, I'll cast twenty of 'em out. I've got in my pocket crutches for lame ducks, spectacles for blind b.u.mble-bees, pack-saddles and panniers for gra.s.shoppers, and many other needful things.

Surely I can cure this poor man.

Here, Slasher, take a little out of my bottle, and let it run down thy throttle; and if thou beest not quite slain, rise, man, and fight again.

[SLASHER _rises._]

SLASHER. Oh, my back!

FOOL. What's amiss with thy back?

SLASHER. My back is wounded, And my heart is confounded; To be struck out of seven senses into fourscore, The like was never seen in Old England before.

[_Trumpet sounds for_ ST. DAVID.]

Oh, hark! I hear the silver trumpet sound!

It summons me from off this b.l.o.o.d.y ground.

Down yonder is the way (_points_); Farewell, farewell, I can no longer stay.

[_Exit_ SLASHER.]

FOOL. Yes, Slasher, thou hadst better go, Else the next time he'll pierce thee through.

[ST. DAVID _stands forth._]

ST. DAVID. Of Taffy's Land I'm Patron Saint.

Oh yes, indeed, I'll you acquaint, Of Ancient Britons I've a race Dare meet a foeman face to face.

For Welshmen (hear it once again;) Were born before all other men.

I'll fear no man in fight or freaks, Whilst Wales produces cheese and leeks.

[_Enter_ TURKISH KNIGHT.]

TURKISH KNIGHT. Here comes I, the Turkish Knight, Come from the Turkish land to fight.

I'll take St. David for my foe, And make him yield before I go; He brags to such a high degree, He thinks there was never a Knight but he.

So draw thy sword, St. David, thou man of courage bold, If thy Welsh blood is hot, soon will I fetch it cold.

ST. DAVID. Where is the Turk that will before me stand?

I'll cut him down with my courageous hand.

TURKISH KNIGHT. Draw out thy sword and slay, Pull out thy purse and pay, For satisfaction I will have, before I go away.

[_They fight_. THE TURKISH KNIGHT _is wounded, and falls on one knee._]

Quarter! quarter! good Christian, grace of thee I crave, Oh, pardon me this night, and I will be thy slave.

ST. DAVID. I keep no slaves, thou Turkish Knight.

So rise thee up again, and try thy might.

[_They fight again_. THE TURKISH KNIGHT _is slain._]

[_Exit_ TURKISH KNIGHT.]

[_Enter_ ST. GEORGE.]

ST. GEORGE. I am the chief of all these valiant knights, We'll spill our heart's blood for Old England's rights.

Old England's honour we will still maintain, We'll fight for Old England once and again.

[_Flourishes his sword above his head and then lays it over his right shoulder._]

I challenge all my country's foes.

ST. PATRICK [_dealing with his sword in like manner, and then taking the point of_ ST. GEORGE'S _sword with his left hand_].

And I'll a.s.sist with mighty blows.

ST. ANDREW [_acting like the other_].

And you shall find me ready too.

ST. DAVID [_the same_].

And who but I so well as you.

FOOL [_imitates the Knights, and they close the circle and go round_].

While we are joined in heart and hand, A gallant and courageous band, If e'er a foe dares look awry, We'll one and all poke out his eye.

[_Enter_ SALADIN.]