The Pacha of Many Tales Part 37

While Yussuf was thus employed, the caliph was desirous of ascertaining the effect of the new decree, relative to the baths. "Giaffar," said he, "I wonder whether I have succeeded in making that wine-bibber go to bed supperless? Come, let us pay him a visit."

"For the sake of Islam, O caliph," replied Giaffar, "let us forbear to trifle with that crack-brained drunkard any more. Already has Allah delivered us out of his hands. What may we not expect if he is hungry and desolate?"

"Your wisdom never grows less," replied the caliph "those are the words of truth: nevertheless, I must go and see the madman once more."

Giaffar, not being able to prevail, prepared the dresses; and they, accompanied by Mesrour, again sallied forth by the private gate of the seraglio. Once more were they surprised at witnessing the same illumination of the house, and one of the jalousies having burst open with the wind, they perceived the shadow of Yussuf, reflected on the wall, his beard wagging over his kabobs, and a cup of wine in his hand.

"Who is there?" cried Yussuf, when Giaffar, at the command of the caliph, knocked at the door.

"Your friends, dear Yussuf--your friends, the Moussul merchants. Peace be with you."

"But it's neither peace nor welcome to you, you owls," replied Yussuf, walking out into the verandah. "By Allah! if you do not walk away, and that quickly, I shall come down to you with my bone-polisher."

"Indeed, friend Yussuf;" replied Giaffar, "we have but two words to say to you."

"Say them quickly, then, for you enter not my doors again, you wretched fellows, who have ruined all the water-carriers and all the bath people in Bagdad."

"What is that you mean?" replied the caliph; "we are lost in mystery?"

"What!" replied Yussuf; "have you not heard the decree of this morning?"

"Gentle sir, we have been so busy sorting our wares, that we have not stepped out this day, and are ignorant of all that hath pa.s.sed in Bagdad."

"Then you shall come up and learn; but first swear by Moses, Esau, and the Prophet, that you will not _suppose_; for all you have imagined has proved as true as if it had been engraven on the ruby seal of Solomon."

These conditions were readily accepted by the caliph and his companions, and they were then admitted up stairs, where they found every thing disposed in the usual order, and the same profusion. When they had taken their seats in the corner of the room, Yussuf said, "Now, my guests, as you hope for pardon, tell me, do you know nothing of what has happened to me this day--and what the blockhead of a caliph has been about?" Haroun and the vizier could with difficulty restrain their laughter, as they shook their heads. "Yes," continued Yussuf, "that vicegerent of a tattered beard, and more tattered understanding, has issued a decree for closing the baths for three days, by which cruel ordinance, I was again cast adrift upon the sea of necessity. However, Providence stood my friend, and threw a few dirhems in my way, and I have made my customary provision in spite of the wretch of a caliph, who I fully believe is an atheist, and no true believer."

"Inshallah," said the caliph to himself, "but I'll be even with you some day, at least."

Yussuf then filled his cup several times, and was in high glee, as he narrated the events of the day, concluding with, "I am Yussuf--I put my trust in G.o.d. As an officer of the law I intend to live and die, and to-morrow I shall attend the ball of the cadi."

"But," said Giaffar, "suppose--"

"Suppose! by the beard of the Prophet, if you dare to suppose again in my presence, I will pound your fat stomach into a jelly," cried Yussuf, seizing his cudgel.

"No, no, my friend, I merely wished to say--"

"Say nothing," roared Yussuf, "or you never speak again."

"Then we will only think, my friend."

"That I will allow, and I also think as well as you. My thoughts are, that it will be wise for you to quit as fast as you can, for I have the cudgel in my hand, and am not in the very best of humours." The caliph and his attendants were of the same opinion, and took their leave of their irritated host.

At the next morning's levee, Giaffar entered the divan at the head of the chief officers of the law, and viziers of the different departments, and prostrating himself before the throne, he called down increase of years, and prosperity on the caliph. "Giaffar," replied Haroun, "issue immediate orders, under the imperial firmaum, that strict inquiries be made into those officers of justice who attend the halls of the cadis.

All those who have been lawfully selected shall be retained, with a present and increase of salary, while those who have a.s.sumed their name and office, without warranty or permission, shall be dismissed with the bastinado."

The orders of the caliph were immediately obeyed. In the meantime, Yussuf, who had fallen asleep over his wine, did not awaken till long after the sun was up. He immediately rose, dressed himself with care, and hastened to the hall of the cadi, and took his station among the officers of the law, who looked at him with surprise and displeasure.

At this moment the caliph's firmaum was delivered to the cadi, who, lifting it up to his forehead, in token of respect and obedience, caused it to be read to him. He then cried with a loud voice, "Bring in purses of gold, and let also the fellah and rods for the bastinado be brought in. Close up the gates of the cutchery, that none escape; and ye officers of justice, be ready to answer as your names are called."

Yussuf, whose eyes were wide open, as well as his ears, said to himself, "My G.o.d! what new event is now to come to pa.s.s?"

The orders of the cadi having been obeyed, the officers were severally called forward, and having proved themselves regularly appointed, received their rewards, and were dismissed. Yussuf's ideas were so confused by what appeared to him such an unmitigated destiny, that he did not perceive that he was left standing alone. It was not until the second time that the cadi called to him, that Yussuf moved towards him.

"Who are you?" inquired the cadi.

"I am Yussuf, and my trust is in G.o.d," replied he.

"What is your profession?"

"I am a water-carrier."

"Such being the case, why did you join the officers of the law?"

"I only entered upon the calling yesterday, O cadi; but nothing is difficult to me. Provided I gain but my six dirhems a day, I have no objection to become a mollah."

The cadi and bystanders were unable to restrain their mirth, nevertheless, his feet were secured to the pole; and when hoisted up, they commenced the bastinado, taking care, however, to strike the pole much oftener than his toes. Having finished, he was released, and turned out of the hall of justice, very much mortified and melancholy, but little hurt by the gentle infliction. "Well," thought Yussuf, "fate appears determined that I shall change my mode of gaining my livelihood every day. Had I not allowed those Moussul rascals to enter my house, this never would have happened."

As he said this, he perceived one of the _beeldars_, or officers of the caliph's household, pa.s.s by him. "That would be a nice office," thought Yussuf, "and the caliph does not count his people like the cadi. It requires but an impudent swagger, and you are taken upon your own representation." Accordingly, nowise disheartened, and determined to earn his six dirhems, he returned home, squeezed his waist into as narrow a compa.s.s as he could, gave his turban a smart c.o.c.k, washed his hands, and took a peeled almond-wand in his hand. He was proceeding down stairs, when he recollected that it was necessary to have a sword, and he had only a scabbard, which he fixed in his belt, and cutting a piece of palm-wood into the shape of a sword, he fixed it in, making the handle look smart with some coloured pieces of cotton and silk, which he sewed with packthread. Thus marched he out, swaggering down the streets, and swinging his twig of almond-tree in his hand. As he strutted along every one made way for him, imagining him to be one of those insolent retainers of office, who are supported by the great khans. Thus he continued a straight course, until he arrived at the market-place, where a mult.i.tude was a.s.sembled round two men, who were fighting desperately. Yussuf pressed forward, the crowd making way for him on both sides, either taking him for an officer of the household, or dreading the force of his nervous and muscular proportions. When he reached the combatants, they were covered with dirt and blood, and engaged so furiously, that no one dare separate them. Yussuf, perceiving the dread which he inspired, and that he was taken, as he wished to be, for a beeldar, first clapped his hand to the handle of his pretended sword, and then struck the combatants several sharp blows with his almond stick, and thus induced them to leave off fighting. The sheick, or head of the bazaar, then approached Yussuf, and making an obeisance, presented him with six dirhems, with a prayer that he would seize the culprits, and carry them before the caliph for punishment, as disturbers of the public peace.

Yussuf, securing the money in his girdle, seized up the two combatants, and carrying one under each arm, walked off with them. A great crowd followed, with many prayers for the release of the prisoners; but Yussuf turned a deaf ear, until another six dirhems were dropped into his vest, with a prayer for mercy. Upon this Yussuf consented to release them, and walked away, hardly able to contain his exultation. "I am Yussuf,"

cried he, "and I trust in G.o.d. As a beeldar will I live and die. By Allah! I will go to the palace, and see how it fares with my brother beeldars."

Now there were thirty beeldars in the service of the caliph, who attended the palace in rotation, ten each day. On reaching the court of the palace, Yussuf took his station where the ten beeldars on duty were collected together. He observed, however, that they were different from himself, very slight young men, and dressed in a very superior style.

He felt some contempt for their effeminate appearance contrasted with his own muscular frame, but could not keep his eyes off their handsome and stylish dress. Meanwhile the chief of the beeldars perceived him, and knowing that he did not belong to the palace, imagined from his appearance and his presenting himself among them that he must be one in the service of one of the great omrahs who were at Bagdad, who, having nothing to do at home, had come as a visitor to the palace. He remarked this to his brother beeldars, saying, "This fine-built stranger ought to be considered as our guest. Let us show him all courtesy, for he is of our profession, and therefore we shall not do ourselves credit if we do not prove that we have the power to serve him." The other beeldars agreeing with him, the chief went to the secretary of the treasury and procured an order of notice upon a rich confectioner, to pay into the treasury the sum of five thousand dirhems, due by him upon several accounts therein specified. The vizier's seal having been attached to it, he went with it to where Yussuf was standing. "What ho! brother beeldar," said the chief.

"I am Yussuf, and my trust is in G.o.d; I am ready to obey your commands,"

said the water-carrier, advancing with great humility.

"May I request, brother beeldar, that you will do us of the palace the very great favour to carry this paper, bearing the vizier's seal, to Mallem Osman, the great confectioner, and request the immediate payment of five thousand dirhems. You know your profession; of course the money is not expected, but whatever he may offer you for affording him a respite put down to the friendship and good will of the beeldars of the palace, and remember us when you feast in your own dwelling."

Yussuf, highly delighted, put the order into his cap, made a low salaam, and departed on his message. Deeming it beneath his new-fledged dignity to walk, he mounted one of the a.s.ses ready for hire at the corner of the streets, ordering the driver to hasten before to clear the way, and ascertain which was the dwelling of the confectioner. The house of Mallem Osman was soon discovered, for he was the most celebrated of his trade, and had an immense business. Yussuf rode up on the beast, which was not half as large as himself, and stopped at the shop where the confectioner was superintending his work-people. "I am Yussuf, and my trust is in G.o.d," said Yussuf, looking at the confectioner. The confectioner heeded him not, when Yussuf strutted into the shop. "I merely wait upon you, good Mallem Osman, to request that you will immediately repair to the palace, carrying with you five bags, each containing one thousand dirhems, of which there appears at present to be no chance of receiving an asper. This paper, sealed by the vizier, contains the order; and as you have the honour of being the caliph's debtor, you will do well to rise and accompany me forthwith to the palace, not forgetting the needful."

At this speech Mallem started up from his seat, advanced most submissively to Yussuf, took the paper and raised it to his head, addressing Yussuf with the most abject servility. "O most excellent, most valiant, and most powerful beeldar, how well doth the caliph select his officers! How favoured am I by Allah with your happy presence! I am your slave--honour me by refreshing yourself in my dwelling."

Yussuf then threw the driver of the beast half a dirhem and dismissed him, breathed as if fatigued with his journey, and wiped his brow with his sleeve. The confectioner placed him in his own seat, and sent hastily to the bazaar for a large dishful of kabob, spread a napkin before Yussuf, and slicing a pomegranate strewed it over with pounded sugar and placed it before him, along with some sweet cakes and some honey. "O chief of beeldars!" said the confectioner, "it is my prayer that you deign to break your fast in the house of your servant. Will you amuse yourself with these trifles while something better is preparing?" Here one of the shopmen brought a bowl, into which he poured sherbet of the distilled juice of the lotus flower mingled with rose-water. The master placed this also before Yussuf, and intreated him to eat; but Yussuf, affecting the great man, held his head up in the air and would not even look that way. "Condescend to oblige me by tasting this sherbet, O chief!" continued the confectioner; "or I swear by Allah that I will divorce my youngest and most favourite wife."

"Hold--hold, brother!" replied Yussuf; "rather than that the innocent should suffer, I will comply with your request; although to say the truth I have no appet.i.te, having taken my breakfast from the caliph's table in ten dishes, each dish containing three fowls dressed in a different fashion. I am so full that I can scarce draw my breath."

"I fully comprehend that it is out of compa.s.sion to your slave that you comply with my request."

"Well," said Yussuf, "to oblige you;" and taking up the bowl of sherbet, which contained some pints, to the amazement of the confectioner at one long draught he swallowed it all down. The kabob now made its appearance, wrapped up in thin cakes of fine wheaten flower. Yussuf swallowed this also with a rapidity which was astonishing to behold, nor did he cease eating till the whole table was cleared. The confectioner was amazed. "This fellow," thought he, "breakfasted upon ten dishes, each containing three fowls each. How fortunate for me! What would he have done had he come here fasting? Nothing less than an ox stuffed with pistachio nuts would have satisfied him. Would to Heaven that I were well rid of him!"

In the mean time Yussuf stirred not, but resumed his consequence. The confectioner requested to know if his highness would wait till a dinner was prepared for him. "Indeed, friend, that is a subject of small concern. My object here is, that you hasten with me to the treasury to pay in the five thousand dirhems which are due."

"Your indulgence, my aga," replied the confectioner; "I will return in one minute." Mallem Osman then filled a large bag with the choicest of his sweetmeats, and putting thirty dirhems in a paper, he approached Yussuf, saying, "My prince, I humbly beg your acceptance of this trifling present of sweetmeats, and these thirty dirhems for the expenses of the bath after your fatiguing journey hither. Deign also to favour me with your protection. Trade is scarce, and money does not come in. In a short time I will pay all."

Yussuf, who was aware that the order had only been given that he might squeeze a few dirhems out of the confectioner, then spoke with much civility. "My advice to you, Mallem," said he, "is, that you stir not out of your door to-day--there is no such hurry--nor to-morrow, nay, even a week, or a month, or a year. I may say, stir not at all, for you have my protection; and therefore be under no trouble of going to the palace at all."

It was near sunset when this affair was settled. Yussuf walked home with his hands full of presents, exclaiming as he went, "I am Yussuf, my provision is from G.o.d!" He reached his home full of pleasing antic.i.p.ations, and changing his dress took out his basket and pitcher, returning loaded more than usual, for having gained forty-two dirhems he resolved to indulge himself. "By Allah," cried he, "I will double my allowance, to the confusion of those rascally Moussul merchants, who are such birds of ill omen." He accordingly expended double the money, doubling also his allowance of wax tapers and oil, so that his house was in a blaze of light when he sat down as usual to his feast, more happy than ever, drinking more, and singing twice as loudly as he had ever done before.