The Pacha of Many Tales Part 36

"Wallah thaib--it is well said," replied Mustapha, as the two disputants were removed from the presence.

"Now call Menouni," said the pacha, "for I am anxious to hear the story of Yussuf, and the future proceedings of the caliph; and a part of this bag of money will reward him for the honey which falls from his lips."

Menouni made his appearance and his obeisance; the pacha and Mustapha received their pipes from the Greek slave, and the Kessehgou then proceeded with his story.

The great caliph, Haroun Alraschid, had as usual held his afternoon audience; the court was dismissed. Haroun, whose whole thoughts were upon the bankrupt condition of Yussuf, and who was anxious to know how he had got on after the fetva had been promulgated, sent for his vizier Giaffar. "I wish to ascertain," said the caliph to the vizier, "if the unlucky Yussuf has managed to provide for his baccha.n.a.lian revels to-night?"

"There can be no doubt, O vice-gerent of the Prophet," replied Giaffar, "that the young man is seated in the dark, in a most dismal mood, without either wine or kabob, or aught to comfort him."

"Send for Mesrour, then; we will again resume our disguises, and pay him a visit."

"Let the humblest of your slaves," interposed Giaffar in a great fright, "represent at the footstool of your highness a true picture of what we may antic.i.p.ate. Doubtless this lion slayer of s.h.i.tan, being famished, will not forget our prophecy, and ascribing the fulfilment to our bad omens, will in his mood sacrifice us to his empty stomach."

"Your wisdom is great, Giaffar," replied the caliph "the man is truly a savage, and doubtless will rage with hunger; nevertheless we will go and see in what state he may be."

Giaffar trembled at the idea of being subjected to the wrath of such a fellow as Yussuf, but made no reply. He went for Mesrour and the dresses, and having put them on, they all three issued forth from the private gate of the seraglio. They had nearly reached the end of the narrow lane in which Yussuf's house was situated, when the strong reflection of the lights from the windows told them that, at all events, he was not lamenting his hard fate in darkness; and as they approached, the sound of his jovial voice proved also that it was neither in silence that he submitted to his destiny. As they came under the window he ceased singing, and e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed a loud curse upon all Moussul merchants, wishing that he might only see them once again before the devil had them. The caliph laughed at this pious wish, and taking up a handful of pebbles threw them at the jalousies of Yussuf's windows.

"Who the devil is there?" roared the water-carrier; "is it you, ye bankrupt vagabonds, who have annoyed me? Begone; or by the sword of the Prophet, I'll impale you all three on my broomstick."

"Dost thou not know us, Yussuf?" replied the caliph; "we are your friends, and once more request admission under thy hospitable roof."

Yussuf came out into the verandah. "Oh! it is you, then; now take my advice; go in peace. I am now in good humour, and peaceably disposed, but had I fallen in with you to-day, I would have twisted off your necks."

"Nay, good Yussuf," replied Giaffar, "we have heard of the unaccountable and mad decree of the caliph, and have called to know how thou hast fared, and if we can be of service to one so hospitable and kind?"

"You lie, I believe," replied Yussuf, "but I'm in good humour, so you shall come in, and see how well I fare. I am Yussuf, and my trust is in G.o.d." He then went down and admitted them, and they viewed with surprise the relics of the feast. "Now then," observed Yussuf, who was more than half drunk, "you know my conditions--there is my meat, there is my wine, there is my fruit--not a taste or a drop shall you have.

Keep your confounded sharp eyes off my sweetmeats, you black-bearded rascal," continued Yussuf, addressing the caliph. "You have your share of them."

"Indeed, most hospitable sir, we covet not your delicacies: all we wish to know is, the reason of this unheard-of decree, and how you have contrived to supply your usual merry table."

"You shall hear," replied the water-carrier. "My name is Yussuf, and my trust is in G.o.d. When the decree of the caliph came to my ears this morning, I became as one deprived of sense, but wandering near the hummaum of Giaffar Bermuki, a friendly servant of the baths accosted me." Yussuf then stated how he had gained his money, much to their amus.e.m.e.nt. "Now," continued he, "I will no longer be a water-carrier, but an attendant at the bath will I live and die. May all evil fall upon the cold-blooded caliph; but, thanks to Allah, it never will enter his head to shut up the baths."

"But," observed Giaffar, "suppose the caliph were tomorrow morning to take it into his head to shut up the baths?"

"Now, may all the ghouls seize thee, when thou visitest thy father's tomb," cried Yussuf, jumping up in a fury, "thou bear-whiskered rascal!

Did not I caution thee against evil predictions--and did not you swear that you would deal no more in surmises? The devil must attend you, and waft your supposes into the ear of the caliph, upon which to frame out his stupid fetvas."

"I heartily ask your forgiveness, and I am dumb," replied Giaffar.

"Then you are wise for once; prove yourself still wise and hasten away before I reach my cudgel."

Perceiving that Yussuf's eyes twinkled with anger, they thought it right to follow his advice. "We shall see you again, good Yussuf," said the caliph, as they descended.

"To the devil with you all three, and never let me see your ugly faces again," replied the water-carrier, slamming the door after they were out. The caliph went away much amused, and with his attendants entered the private gate of the seraglio.

The next morning the caliph held a solemn divan, at which all the mollahs, as well as the chief officers, were present, and he issued a decree, that every bath throughout Bagdad should be shut for three days, on pain of impalement. The inhabitants of Bagdad were swallowed up with wonder and perplexity. "How," exclaimed they, "what can this mean?

Yesterday we were ordered not to use the waters of the Tigris, to-day the baths are denied us. Perhaps, to-morrow the mosques may be ordered to be shut up," and they shook their heads, as if to hint to each other that the caliph was not in his senses: but they exclaimed, "In Allah only safety is to be found." Nevertheless, the decree was enforced by the proper officers, who went round to the different baths. First they closed the Hummaum Alraschid, next that of Ziet Zobeide, then the bath of Giaffar Bermuki, at which Yussuf had found employment the day before.

When it was closed, the master and attendants looked at the door, and they reproached the a.s.sistants who had befriended Yussuf, saying, he was a water-carrier, and the business was stopped by a decree. You have brought him to the baths, and now they are shut. In the meantime Yussuf was perceived striding towards the bath, muttering to himself, "I am Yussuf--my trust is in G.o.d. As an a.s.sistant at the hummaum will I live and die." Ignorant of the decree, he approached the door of the building, round which the servants were cl.u.s.tered, and accosted them.

"How now, my friends, do you wait for the key? if any thing ails the lock, trust to the strength of Yussuf."

"Have you not heard that the caliph has ordered the baths to be shut for three days, on pain of impalement?"

Yussuf started back with astonishment. "Now, may the graves of their fathers be eternally defiled--those confounded Moussul merchants! Their supposes always come to pa.s.s. I will seek them out, and be revenged."

So saying, Yussuf, who had come prepared with his brushes, razors, and soap, turned off in a rage, and hastened through the streets for an hour or two, looking at every pa.s.senger, to ascertain if he could find those upon whom he would have wreaked his vengeance.

After a long walk, Yussuf sat down on a large stone. "Well," said he, "I am still Yussuf, and my trust is in G.o.d; but it would be better, instead of looking after these rascals, if I were to look out for some means of providing myself with a supper to-night." So saying, he rose, went home, put on some clothes of better materials, and twisting up his red cotton sash for a turban, he took up his praying carpet, with a determination to go to the bazaar and sell it for what it would fetch.

As he pa.s.sed the mosque of Hosein, he observed several mollahs, reading and expounding the more abstruse pa.s.sages of the Koran. Yussuf knelt and prayed awhile, and returning to the door of the mosque he was accosted by a woman, who appeared to be waiting for some one. "Pious sir," said she, "I perceive by your goodly habit and appearance, that you are one of the cadi's law officers."

"I am as you please--I am Yussuf, and my trust is in G.o.d."

"Oh! my hadji, then become my protector. I have an unjust debtor, who refuses me my due."

"You cannot entrust a better person," replied Yussuf. "I am a strong arm of the law, and my interest at court is such, that I have already procured two decrees."

"Those are great words, O hadji."

"Tell me, then, who is this debtor, that I may seize him, and carry him before the cadi. Haste to tell me, and for a few dirhems I will gain your cause, right or wrong."

"My complaint is against my husband, who has divorced me, and notwithstanding, refuses me my dowry of five dinars, my clothes, and my ornaments."

"What is your husband's trade?"

"Pious sir, he is an embroiderer of papouches."

"Let us lose no time, my good woman; show me this miracle of injustice, and by Allah, I will confound him."

Upon this the woman unbound the string of coins from her head, and cutting off three dirhems, presented them to Yussuf. Yussuf seized the money, and tucking up his sleeves that he might appear more like an officer, he bade her to lead to the delinquent. The woman led him to the great mosque, where her husband, a little shrivelled-up man, was performing his duties with great devotion. Yussuf without saying a word, took him up, carpet and all, and was about to carry him off.

"In the name of the Prophet, to what cla.s.s of madmen do you belong?"

screamed the astonished devotee; "release me, do not crush my poor ribs within your grasp. Set me down, and I will walk with you, as soon as I have put on my slippers."

The people crowded round to know what was the matter. "Ho, ho, that will presently appear," replied Yussuf. "His wife is his creditor, and I am her law officer; my demand is, that you restore to her fifty dinars, besides all the gold jewels and ornaments she has had these last fifty years."

"How can that be," replied the little man, "seeing that I am not forty years old."

"That may be the case in fact," replied Yussuf; "but law is a very difficult thing, as you will find out. So come along with me to the cadi."

The party then proceeded on their way to the cadi, but they had not gone many yards, when the papouche-maker whispered to Yussuf, "Most valiant and powerful sir, I quarrelled with my wife last night, on account of her unreasonable jealousy. I did p.r.o.nounce the divorce, but there was no one to hear it. If we slept together once more, she would be pacified. Therefore, most humane sir, I entreat you to interfere."

"Was there no witness?" inquired Yussuf.

"None, good sir," replied the man, slipping five dirhems into the hand of Yussuf.

"Then I decide that there is no divorce," replied Yussuf, pocketing the money; "and therefore you are no debtor. Woman, come hither. It appears that there was no divorce--so says your husband--and you have no witness to prove it. You are therefore no creditor. Go to your husband, and walk home with him; he is not much of a husband, to be sure, but still he must be cheap at the three dirhems which you have paid me. G.o.d be with you. Such is my decree."

The woman, who had already repented of her divorce, was glad to return, and with many compliments, they took their leave of him. "By Allah!"

exclaimed Yussuf, "but this is good. I will live and die an officer of the law." So saying he returned home for his basket, purchased his provisions and wine, and lighting up his house, pa.s.sed the evening in carousing and singing as before.