The Man of the World (1792) Part 4

_Sir_ PERTINAX. [_Without, in great anger._]

_Sir Per_. Sir, wull ye do as ye are bid--and haud your gab, you rascal.-- You are so full of gab, you scoundrel.--Take the chesnut gelding, I say, and return to town directly, and see what is become of my Lord Lumbercourt.

_Lady Mac_. Here he comes.--I will get out of his way.--But I beg, Charles, while he is in this ill humour that you will not oppose him, let him say what he will--when his pa.s.sion is a little cool, I will return, and try to bring him to reason: but do not thwart him.

_Eger_. Madam, I will not. [_Exit_ Lady Mac.

_Sir Per_. [_Witbout._] Here, you Tomlins, where is my son Egerton?

_Tom_. [_Without._] In the library, sir.

_Sir Per_. [_Without._] As soon as the lawyers come, be sure bring me word, [_Enters with great haughtiness, and in anger_. EGERTON _bows two or three times most submissively low._] Weel, sir!--vary weel!--vary weel!-- are nat ye a fine spark? are nat ye a fine spark, I say?--ah! you are a-- so you wou'd not come up till the levee?

_Eger_. Sir, I beg your pardon--but--I was not very well; besides I did not think my presence there was necessary.

_Sir Per_. [_Snapping him up._] Sir, it was necessary--I tauld you it was necessary--and, sir, I must now tell you, that the whole tenor of your conduct is most offensive.

_Eger_. I am sorry you think so, sir; I am sure I do not intend to offend you.

_Sir Per_. I care not what you intend.--Sir, I tell you, you do offend.

What is the meaning of this conduct, sir? neglect the levee!--'sdeath, sir, you--what is your reason, I say, for thus neglecting the levee, and disobeying my commands?

_Eger_. [_With a stifled, filial resentment._] Sir, I am not used to levees: nor do I know how to dispose of myself,--nor what to say, or do, in such a situation.

_Sir Per_. [_With a proud, angry resentment._] Zounds! sir, do you nat see what others do? gentle and simple,--temporal and spiritual,--lords, members, judges, generals, and bishops,--aw crowding, bustling, and pushing foremost intill the middle of the circle, and there waiting, watching, and striving to catch a look or a smile fra the great mon,-- which they meet--wi' an amicable reesibility of aspect--a modest cadence of body, and a conciliating co-operation of the whole mon,--which expresses an officious prompt.i.tude for his service--and indicates, that they luock upon themselves as the suppliant appendages of his power, and the enlisted Swiss of his poleetical fortune;--this, sir, is what you ought to do,--and this, sir, is what I never once omitted for these five and thraty years,--let who would be minister.

_Eger_. [_Aside._] Contemptible!

_Sir Per_. What is that you mutter, sir?

_Eger_. Only a slight reflection, sir, not relative to you.

_Sir Per_. Sir, your absenting yourself fra the levee at this juncture is suspeecious; it is looked upon as a kind of disaffection,--and aw your countrymen are highly offended at your conduct,----for, sir, they do not look upon you as a friend or a well-wisher either to Scotland or Scotchmen.

_Eger_. [_With a quick warmth._] Then, sir, they wrong me, I a.s.sure you,-- but pray, sir, in what particular can I be charged--either with coldness or offence to my country?

_Sir Per_. Why, sir, ever since your mother's uncle, Sir Stanly Egerton, left you this three thousand pounds a year, and that you have, in compliance with his will, taken up the name of Egerton, they think you are grown proud;--that you have estranged yourself fra the Macsycophants--have a.s.sociated with your mother's family--with the opposeetion, and with those who do not wish well till Scotland;----besides, sir, the other day, in a conversation at dinner at your cousin Campbel M'Kenzie's, before a whole table-full of your ain relations, did not you publicly wish a total extinguishment of aw party, and of aw national distinctions whatever, relative to the three kingdoms?--[_With great anger._] And you blockhead-- was that a prudent wish before so many of your ain countrymen?--or was it a filial language to hold before me?

_Eger_. Sir, with your pardon, I cannot think it unfilial or imprudent.

[_With a most patriotic warmth._] I own I do wish--most ardently wish for a total extinction of all party: particularly--that those of English, Irish, and Scotch might never more be brought into contest or compet.i.tion, unless, like loving brothers, in generous emulation, for one common cause.

_Sir Per_. How, sir! do you persist? what!--would you banish aw party, and aw distinction between English, Irish, and your ain countrymen?

_Eger_. [_With great dignity of spirit._] I would, sir.

_Sir Per_. Then d.a.m.n you, sir,--you are nai true Scot.--Ay, sir, you may look as angry as you will,--but again I say--you are nai true Scot.

_Eger_. Your pardon, sir, I think he is the true Scot, and the true citizen, who wishes equal justice to the merit and demerit of every subject of Great Britain; amongst whom I know but of two distinctions.

_Sir Per_. Weel sir, and what are those? what are those?

_Eger_. The knave and the honest man.

_Sir Per_. Pshaw! rideeculous.

_Eger_. And he, who makes any other--let him be of the North, or of the South--of the East, or of the West--in place, or out of place--is an enemy to the whole, and to the virtues of humanity.

_Sir Per_. Ay, sir, this is your brother's impudent doctrine--for the which, I have banished him for ever fra my presence, my heart, and my fortune.--Sir, I will have no son of mine, because truly he has been educated in an English seminary, presume, under the mask of candour, to speak against his native land, or against my principles.

_Eger_. I never did--nor do I intend it.

_Sir Per_. Sir, I do not believe you--I do not believe you.--But, sir, I know your connections and a.s.sociates, and I know too, you have a saucy, lurking prejudice against your ain country:--you hate it;--yes, your mother, her family, and your brother, sir, have aw the same, dark, disaffected rankling; and, by that and their politics together, they will be the ruin of you--themselves--and of aw who connect with them.--However, nai mair of that now;--I will talk at large to you about that anon.--In the mean while, sir--notwithstanding your contempt of my advice, and your disobedience till my commands, I will convince you of my paternal attention till _your_ welfare, by my management of this voluptuary--this Lord Lumbercourt,--whose daughter you are to marry. You ken, sir, that the fellow has been my patron above these five and thraty years.,

_Eger_. True, sir.

_Sir Per_. Vary weel.--And now, sir, you see, by his prodigality, he is become my dependent; and accordingly I have made my bargain with him:--the devil a baubee he has in the world but what comes thro' these clutches-- for his whole estate, which has three implicit boroughs upon it,--mark--is now in my custody at nurse;--the which estate, on my paying off his debts, and allowing him a life rent of five thousand pounds per annum, is to be made over till me for my life, and at my death is to descend till ye and your issue.--The peerage of Lumbercourt, you ken, will follow of course.-- So, sir, you see there are three impleecit boroughs, the whole patrimony of Lumbercourt, and a peerage at one slap.--Why it is a stroke--a hit--a hit.----Zounds! sir, a mon may live a century and not make sic an a hit again.

_Eger_. It is a very advantageous bargain indeed, sir:--but what will my lord's family say to it?

_Sir Per_. Why, mon, he cares not if his family were aw at the devil so his luxury is but gratified:--only let him have his race-horse to feed his vanity--his harridan to drink drams with him, scrat his face, and burn his periwig, when she is in her maudlin hysterics,--and three or four discontented patriotic dependents to abuse the ministry, and settle the affairs of the nation, when they are aw intoxicated; and then, sir,:--the fellow has aw his wishes, and aw his wants--in this world--and the next.

_Enter_ TOMLINS.

_Tom_. Lady Rodolpha is come, sir.

_Sir Per_. And my lord?

_Tom_. Not yet, sir,--he is about a mile behind, the servants say.

_Sir Per_. Let me know the instant he arrives.

_Tom_. I shall, sir. [_Exit._

_Sir Per_. Step you out, Charles, and receive Lady Rodolpha;--and, I desire you will treat her with as much respect and gallantry as possible; for my lord has hinted that you have been very remiss as a lover.--So go, go and receive her.

_Eger_. I shall, sir.

_Sir Per_. Vary weel,--vary weel;--a guid lad: go--go and receive her as a lover should. [_Exit_ Egerton.] Hah! I must keep a devilish tight hand upon this fallow, I see,--or he will be touched with the patriotic frenzy of the times, and run counter till aw my designs.--I find he has a strong inclination to have a judgment of his ain, independent of mine, in aw political matters;--but as soon as I have finally settled the marriage writings with my lord, I will have a thorough expostulation with my gentleman, I am resolved,--and fix him unalterably in his political conduct.--Ah!--I am frighted out of my wits, lest his mother's family should seduce him to desert to their party, which would totally ruin my whole scheme, and break my heart.--A fine time of day for a blockhead to turn patriot;--when the character is exploded--marked--proscribed;--why the common people--the vary vulgar--have found out the jest, and laugh at a patriot now-a-days,---just as they do at a conjurer,--a magician,--or any other impostor in society.--

_Enter_ TOMLINS, _and Lord_ LUMBERCOURT.

_Tom_. Lord Lumbercourt.

_Lord Lum_. Sir Pertinax, I kiss your hand.

_Sir Per_. Your lordship's most devoted.

_Lord Lum_. Why, you stole a march upon me this morning;--gave me the slip, Mac;--tho' I never wanted your a.s.sistance more in my life.--I thought you would have called on me.