The Legend of Ulenspiegel Volume I Part 63

"Evil mocker," said the cook, "if your hairs were horsehair I would not have them even to walk on them."

"For my part," said Ulenspiegel, "I would like to eat all your hair."

"Golden tongue," said the dame, "must you have them all?"

"No," replied Ulenspiegel, "a thousand would suffice me melted down into one like you."

The dame said to him:

"Drink first a quart of bruinbier, eat a piece of ham, cut deep into this leg of mutton, disembowel me this pie, swallow me this salad."

Ulenspiegel joined his hands.

"Ham," said he, "is a good meat; bruinbier, heavenly beer; leg of mutton, divine flesh; a pie that one disembowels makes one's tongue tremble with pleasure in the mouth; a fat salad is princely swallowing. But blessed will he be to whom you will give to sup on your beauty."

"See how he rattles on," said she. "Eat first of all, vagabond!"

Ulenspiegel replied:

"Shall we not say the benedicite before the graces?"

"No," said she.

Then Lamme, whining, said:

"I am hungry."

"You shall eat," said the fair dame, "since you have no other care than for cooked meat."

"And fresh, too, as my wife was," said Lamme. The cookmaid became sullen at this word. All the same they ate copiously and drank in floods. And the dame that night gave Ulenspiegel his supper, and next day and the days that followed.

The a.s.ses had double measure of corn and Lamme a double portion. For a whole week he never left the kitchen, and he played with the dishes, but not with the cook, for he thought of his wife.

That angered the girl, who said it was hardly worth while to c.u.mber the world only to think of one's belly.

Meanwhile, Ulenspiegel and the dame lived in good amity. And one day she said to him:

"Thyl, thou hast no manners: who art thou?"

"I am," said he, "a son that Happy Chance had one day on Good Adventure."

"Thou dost not missay thyself," said she.

"'Tis for fear others may not praise me," replied Ulenspiegel.

"Wouldst thou undertake the defence of thy brothers that are persecuted?"

"The ashes of Claes beat upon my breast," replied Ulenspiegel.

"How goodly thou art there!" said she. "Who is this Claes?"

Ulenspiegel replied:

"My father, burned for his belief."

"The Count of Meghem is not like thee," she said. "He would bleed the country I love, for I was born at Antwerp the glorious city. Know then that he has accorded with the Councillor Scheyf of Brabant to admit him into Antwerp with his ten companies of infantry."

"I will denounce him to the citizens," said Ulenspiegel, "and I go immediately, light as a ghost."

He went, and on the morrow the townsfolk were in arms.

However, Ulenspiegel and Lamme, having left their a.s.ses with a farmer of Simon Simonsen's, were forced to hide for fear of the Count de Meghem who had them searched for everywhere to have them hanged; for he had been told that two heretics had drunk of his wine and eaten of his meat.

He was jealous, and said so to the fair dame, who gnashed her teeth with anger, wept, and fainted seventeen times. The cookmaid did the same, but not so often, and declared upon her share of Paradise and eternal salvation that she nor her lady had done nothing, except to give the remains of a dinner to two poor pilgrims who, mounted on wretched donkeys, had stopped at the kitchen window.

And that day there were shed so many tears that the floor was all damp with them. Seeing which, Messire de Meghem was a.s.sured that they were not lying.

Lamme dared not show himself again at M. de Meghem's house, for the cook always called him "My wife!"

And he was exceedingly grieved, thinking of the food; but Ulenspiegel always brought him some good dish, for he used to go into the house by the rue Sainte Catherine and hide in the garret.

The next day, at vespers, the Count de Meghem confessed to the handsome goodwife how that he had determined to fetch the gendarmerie he commanded into Bois-le-Duc before daybreak. The goodwife went to the garret to recount this to Ulenspiegel.

XVIII

Ulenspiegel in pilgrim's robes set out incontinent with neither provisions nor money for Bois-le-Duc, in order to warn the citizens. He counted on taking a horse by the way at Jeroen Praet's, Simon's brother, for whom he had letters from the Prince, and from thence he would go full speed by cross-country ways to Bois-le-Duc.

Going along the highway, he saw a band of troopers coming. He was sore afraid because of the letters.

But, resolved to set a good face against misadventure, he waited the troopers stoutly, and stopped in the way muttering his paternosters; when they pa.s.sed he marched with them, and learned that they were going to Bois-le-Duc.

A company of Walloons opened the march, and at the head was Captain Lamotte with his guard of six halberdiers; then according to their rank, the ensign with a smaller guard, the provost, his halberdiers and his two myrmidons, the chief of the watch, the baggage wardens, the executioner and his a.s.sistant, and fifes and tambourines making loud uproar.

Then came a Flemish company of two hundred men, with its captain and its standard bearer, and divided into two centuries commanded by the troop sergeants, and in decuries commanded by the rot-meesters. The provost and the stocks-knechten were likewise preceded by fifes and tambourines beating and squealing.

Behind them came, with bursts of laughter, twittering like warblers, singing like nightingales, eating, drinking, dancing, standing, lying, or riding, their women; handsome wild girls, in two open carts.

Some were clad like lansquenets, but in fine white linen low-necked, slashed on the arms, the legs, the doublet, showing their sweet flesh; with caps on their heads of fine linen edged with gold, and surmounted by handsome ostrich plumes floating in the wind. At their belts of cloth-of-gold touched off with red satin, hung the cloth-of-gold scabbards of their daggers. And their shoes, stockings, and breeches, their doublets, laces, and metal trappings were all made of gold and white silk.

Others were also clad in the fashion of landsknechts, but in blue, in green, in scarlet, in azure, in crimson, slashed, broidered, blazoned at their own caprice. And all wore upon their arm the armlet of the colour that indicated their profession.

A h.o.e.r-wyfel, their sergeant, would fain have made them keep silence; but by their captivating grimaces and speeches they forced him to laugh and never obeyed him at all.

Ulenspiegel, in pilgrim array, walked in company with the two troops, as a small boat might with a great ship. And he kept on murmuring his paternosters.