The Legend of Ulenspiegel Volume I Part 62

Then taking by the bridle the Count's horse, rearing and kicking:

"Monseigneur," said he, "think that now you dance well on your horse and that your head dances also very well upon your shoulders; but the king, they say, means to interrupt this fine dance, to leave you your body, but to take your head and make it dance in a land so far away that you will never be able to overtake it. Give me a florin, I have earned it."

"The whip, if thou wilt not be off, evil newsmonger."

"Monseigneur, I am Ulenspiegel, the son of Claes, that was burned alive for his belief and of Soetkin that died of sorrow. The ashes beating upon my breast tell me that Egmont, the gallant soldier, might with the gendarmerie in his command oppose the thrice-victorious troops of the Duke of Alba."

"Begone," replied Egmont, "I am no traitor."

"Save the countries; you alone can save them," said Ulenspiegel.

The Count would have beaten Ulenspiegel; but he had not waited for this and fled away, crying:

"Eat lanterns, eat lanterns, Messire Count. Save the countries."

Another day, Egmont being athirst had stopped in front of the inn In 't bondt verken, the Piebald Pig--kept by a woman of Courtrai, a pretty piece, called Musekin, the Little Mouse.

The Count, rising up in his stirrups, cried out:

"Bring me to drink!"

Ulenspiegel, who was in Musekin's service, came up to the Count holding a pewter tankard in one hand and in the other a flask of red wine.

The Count, seeing him:

"Are you there," said he, "ill-omened raven?"

"Monseigneur," answered Ulenspiegel, "if my omens are black, 'tis because they are ill washen; but will you tell me which is the redder, the wine that goes down the throat or the blood that leaps out of the neck? That is what my lantern asked."

The Count made no answer, but paid and departed.

XVII

Ulenspiegel and Lamme, each mounted on an a.s.s, which Simon Simonsen had given them, one of the faithfuls of the Prince of Orange, went everywhere, warning the burgesses of the black designs of the king of blood, and ever on the watch to discover news coming from Spain.

They sold vegetables, being clad like country folk, and haunted all the markets.

Coming back from the Brussels market, they saw in a stone house, on the Brick Quay, in a low chamber, a handsome dame clad in satin, high coloured, well bosomed, and with a lively eye.

She was saying to a fresh young cookmaid:

"Scour me this pan, I do not like rust sauce."

Ulenspiegel put his nose in at the window.

"I," said he, "I like every sauce, for a hungry belly is no great picker and chooser among frica.s.sees."

The dame turning round:

"Who," said she, "is this fellow that interferes with my soup?"

"Alas! fair dame," answered Ulenspiegel, "if you would only make it in my company, I would teach you travellers' stews unknown to fair dames that sit at home."

Then clacking with his tongue, he said:

"I am thirsty."

"For what?" said she.

"For thee," said he.

"He is a pretty fellow," said the cookmaid to the dame. "Let us bring him in and let him tell us his adventures."

"But there are two of them," said the dame.

"I will look after one," replied the maid.

"Madame," said Ulenspiegel, "we are two, it is true, myself and my poor Lamme, who cannot carry five pounds on his back, but carries five hundred on his stomach in meats and drinks with the best will in the world."

"My son," said Lamme, "do not mock at an unhappy man to whom it costs so much to fill his paunch."

"It will not cost thee a liard to-day," said the dame. "Come within, both of you."

"But," said Lamme, "there are also two a.s.ses upon which we are."

"Pecks of corn," replied the dame, "are nowise lacking in the stable of the Count of Meghem."

The cookmaid left her pan and drew into the yard Ulenspiegel and Lamme bestriding their a.s.ses, which began to bray incontinent.

"That," said Ulenspiegel, "is the flourish for food near at hand. They are trumpeting their joy, the poor a.s.ses!"

And having both dismounted, Ulenspiegel said to the cookmaid:

"If you were a she-a.s.s, would you like an a.s.s like me?"

"If I was a woman," she replied, "I should like a young man with a jolly face."

"What are you, then, being neither woman nor a.s.s?" asked Lamme.

"A virgin," quoth she, "a virgin is neither woman nor a.s.s either: do you understand, big belly?"

Ulenspiegel said to Lamme:

"Do not believe her, 'tis half a wild girl and quarter of two she-devils. Her carnal tricks have already bespoken for her in h.e.l.l a place on a mattress to fondle Beelzebub."