The Lawgivers: Gabriel Part 14

But head abandoned her as soon as head deposited her herea"without a word or a backward glance. aI donat know who to believe anymore,a she said finally. aAll I know is that it wouldnat have hurt so much if Iad never found Maura again. Iave lost her twice. And now I have no one.a The urge to tell her she had him was so strong, hit him so abruptly, that it was a struggle for Gah-re-al to prevent himself from uttering it. Distrust of the impulse kept him silent. He didnat know whether to be glad or sorry for his restraint when she turned and left him abruptly.

The sense that he was falling into a dark pit he would never escape swept over him, the feeling that he would deeply regret it, forever, if he didnat say something. But he couldnat bring himself to stop her even while everything inside of him screamed at him to do so.

When shead vanished from sight he realized it was cowardice that had kept him silent, not wisdom, not caution. He was afraid shead reject him, fling it in his face.

He didnat think he could handle that.

No, he knew he couldnat.

As long as he didnat push it, didnat force her to reject him outright, there was a chance that she would think it over and come back to him.

Anger sp.a.w.ned by a strong sense of mistreatment wasnat long in coming. She obviously had no clue of how much head risked to see her! And it wasnat just his career that was on the linea"although that d.a.m.ned well wasnat unimportant. It was his livelihood. Head be d.a.m.ned lucky if they only fined him and busted him down in rank to the lowest echelon! He could be facing imprisonment. They might decide to ship him to a combat position on another colony.

Although they might not need to go to those lengths to put him in harmas way.

The commander had been furious about their losses in the skirmish with the natives. Head wanted to declare wara"and probably would have except for the politicians. Theyad been angry, as well, but more inclined to dismiss it as an isolated, if unpleasant, encountera"something to be expected now and then given the fact that humans were such savages.

He could see their point in a way. It wasnat as if no lawgiver had ever been killed in the line of duty. Head been appointed, himself, to replace a lawgiver whoad lost his life.

There were two problems to turning a blind eye to the incident, though. It was the first time so many lawgivers had lost their lives in one engagement. It was the first time the humans had attacked as an organized group. And he, for one, thought they were completely wrong in thinking it was over and done with.

Even the social workers were becoming uneasy with the tension that seemed to be building. They hadnat expected the humans to be grateful or to embrace them. They hadnat expected them to be able to see the abig picturea and realize that it took work to build a civilization but would be worth it in time.

But they also hadnat expected the humans to begin to hate them instead of fearing them and more than one had expressed their opinion that that was the case.

He thought Mauraas verbal attack was a very bad sign. No one had dared to contradict them or argue with them, and certainly not accuse them a before. To him, her boldness seemed an indicator that theread been a radical shift in the perceptions of the natives.

Of course, Lexa had been p.r.o.ne to argue with him from the start. He supposed it might simply be a family trait, but head never sensed the hostility in Lexa that head sensed in her sister.

Possibly, that could be explained away by her loss, but he was far less inclined to dismiss any sign of rebellion than he wouldave been a few months before.

His speculation about the restlessness of the natives didnat occupy his mind long, unfortunately, before it went back to worrying over the encounter with Lexa. The sense of being ill used mounted. He didnat suppose head actually expected a warm reception considering head left without telling Lexa he would be back.

Mostly because when head left head had no intention of coming back. Head been ordered to stay away from her and as much as that p.i.s.sed him off he hadnat thought scratching his itch with her was worth throwing away a career head worked d.a.m.ned hard for.

Head managed to convince himself of thata"almost. Head thought he had anyway.

Justice Mer-laine had planted a seed that had jolted him to his core, thougha"the possibility that he had planted a seed.

That hadnat once crossed his mind until the justice had pointed it out. He supposed it was because he wasnat accustomed to having to worry about that particular problem. Everyone used birth control. Everyone that wasnat human. The natives had no birth control, however.

He didnat know why the h.e.l.l he hadnat thought about that while he was condemning them for breeding so indiscriminately, but the fact remained that he shouldave known that was the root of it. They had no way to prevent pregnancy except abstinence, and who in the h.e.l.l wanted to do without? Particularly when one considered the misery of their existence.

He supposed head also a.s.sumeda"arrogance again!a"that they were too different for that to be an issue.

He wasnat as convinced it couldnat happen as he wanted to be anymore, not since Justice Mer-laine had pointed out the possibility.

The mere thought of it was enough, for a while, that abstinence wasnat a problem for him. All he had to do was think about it and his genitals shriveled. Nothing in his life had terrified him as mucha"not even his first few battles.

After a while, though, head realized it wasnat exactly fear that made him feel sick to his stomach when he considered the possibility. It was his own childhood, the sense of abandonment that had never left him, his anger that the man whoad fathered him had never come to claim him even though he had to know that his mother had died.

And it was the life that Lexa had had and still faced.

And it was the fact that any child he might have fathered on Lexa would face far worse than either of them had.

That was what had finally driven him to seek her out. He had to know that he hadnat done anything that unforgivably stupid! He had to know if head f.u.c.ked up his life, Lexaas, and condemned a child to abject misery worse even than the misery head known as a child.

And yet the moment head seen her all he could think about was f.u.c.king her again!

G.o.ds! Head lost his mind!

Lexa was too miserable to notice much beyond her misery. Shead spent a near sleepless night after the encounter at the streama"and many more after that while everything replayed over and over in her mind endlessly. When she wasnat reliving the horrific revelations of her meeting with her sister, she was going over and over the fight with Gabriel and in between both she was turning everything shead said and done over and over in her mind trying to figure out how she couldave done things differently and what she should have done instead of what she had done. The war going on inside her mind didnat leave room for anything else for days.

She didnat even know how much time had pa.s.sed until she was shaken out of her self-absorption as she headed back to the building site with yet another heavy basket filled with damp clay and a man stepped out of the trees along the path to block her. She jolted to halt, dropping the basket from suddenly nerveless fingers. Before she could do more than leap back and pivot on her heels to run, the man grabbed her. She managed to clobber him with her fist before he could grab her wrist.

aLexa! Itas me, d.a.m.n it! Kyle!a Lexa gaped at him, wondering who the h.e.l.l Kyle was, but it slowly penetrated her mind that he knew her and when he did nothing but hold her to prevent her from fighting him, she focused on his face. A choking sense of suffocation swept over her as she took in the details of his face and realized he looked like Sira"except far younger.

His face twisted into what was more of a grimace than a smile. aLittle snot.a A somewhat hysterical bark of laughter burst from her lips before she even knew shead felt the urge. aI never called you that!a He chuckled. aOh yes you did! Every time I s.h.i.t my pants, you called me a little snot.a Lexa abruptly burst into tears. aI never meant it!a she wailed. aI loved you more than anything.a She watched his Adamas apple bob as he swallowed and then he engulfed her in an embrace so tight she thought he would squeeze the life out of her. aYou left me,a he muttered.

Lexa wailed harder. aI didnat mean to! I didnat want to! Please, Kyley! Donat believe that!a His arms tightened even more before he slowly eased his grip. aI know that now. I understand now. All I could think at the time, though, was that youad left me.a Lexa pulled away to search his face, hoping against hope that he meant it. To her great relief, all she saw in his expression was love. Sniffing, she smiled at him. aYouave gotten so big!a She released him long enough to tug at his scraggly beard teasingly. aYouare turning into a long beard.a He looked offended briefly, but she saw his eyes were gleaming with suppressed laughter. Head always been a happy, loving baby. It was of the things that had most endeared him to hera"his sunny disposition. ah.e.l.l no, I ainat! All growed up, though.a aGrown,a Lexa corrected, smiling faintly. aI donat think mama wouldave approved of aainata either.

His eyes darkened. He released a heavy sigh. Letting go of her, he stepped back. aI donat remember her.a It made her hurt to think he didnat. Beyond the memories of her little sister and brothers, the only comfort shead had for years were her memories of their mother. Thinking of Maura, unfortunately, not only dulled her pleasure but produced the fear that she was going to lose Kyle just as she had Mauraa"just as soon as he discovered what shead done.

aI already know,a he said quietly. aMaura told me.a He shook his head. aSheas too grief-stricken right now to listen to reason, but I donat let other people make my decisions for me. I wanted to hear it from you.a A mixture of grat.i.tude and guilt and anger flickered through Lexa. She wanted Kyle to believe shead only told Gabriel because shead thought it would be for the best for them. Partly it had been selfishness because shead missed them so much, but she truly had believed Gabriel when head told her the udai would teach them how to make better lives for themselves.

She was certain Gabriel had believed everything he was telling her was the truth, too. She didnat believe head lied to her when head told her he would try to find them for her or that head meant to harm them. Theread been no reason to lie to her then, nothing to gain.

None of that made her feel less guilty about it, though.

Kyle took her arm. aCome on. Weall find a place without the prying eyes and talk.a Uneasiness slithered through Lexa for the first time and she studied him doubtfully. He winced at the look on her face. aHas it been that bad for you, Lexy? You donat even trust me anymore?a Truthfully, she didnat know who to trust anymore. Her life had been safer and far less complicated when she didnat trust anyone at all.

She wanted to trust Kyle, thougha"desperatelya"and she allowed him to lead her deeper into the forest, wondering if he did mean to harm her.

Shead rather be dead, she thought abruptly, than to live with the certain knowledge that no one at all cared whether she lived or died, not even the people she loved.

She thought she might get her wish when head led her deeply into the woods and another man stepped out of concealment. Recognition was far easier that time. He hadnat changed nearly as much as Kyle hada"not physically anyway. She glanced from her brother Kyle to Will questioningly. Kyle settled a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it lightlya"she thought to rea.s.sure hera"and then stepped away, leaving her to face a hard-eyed stranger.

Will looked her up and down a.s.sessingly. aI need to know if youare the big sister I remember, or someone I canat trust. Are you with them? Or with us?a Lexa lifted her chin at the tone more than the words, at the accusation in them and, quite suddenly, everything was clear to her when it hadnat been before. aYou got Mauraas man killed.a His face darkened with anger, his lips forming a thin, tight line. aNo, you got him killed when you betrayed us.a Lexa felt her face blanch at the bald accusation but anger revived her.

aShe did what she had to to survive, like we all do,a Kyle said angrily. aIsnat that so, Lexy? Tell him.a She looked at Kyle mournfully, realizing that they meant to force her to chose between them and Gabriel, to betray them or him. She swallowed with an effort. aIn the beginning, yes.a Kyle reddened, looked like he might cry.

Will looked like he wanted to spit on her. aThatas all I needed to know,a he said tightly.

Lexaas heart jarred in her chest painfully when it looked as if he meant to surge toward her. Instead, he turned his back on her. aHeas a good man,a she said shakily, unwilling to give up without a fight. She didnat want to have to choose between them! She loved them, too!

Will whipped his head around and sent her a look of disgust. aHe isnat a man.a aHe is!a Lexa said angrily. aHeas honorable and decent and a heas been good to me, better than any man ever was! They may be different from us in some ways, but theyare still people.a aGood!a Will spat with venom. aShould make him easier than I thought to kill.a Cold terror went through her at that. aWill! You wouldnat! Please tell me you wouldnat do that!a aI will make you one promise, big sister, and one only. I mean to kill as many of them as I can. I mean to drive them off our world if I can. They donat belong here. This is our world! They call us savages and scavengers? What the f.u.c.k are they but a bunch of vultures a picking over our corpses and taking the best of whatas left for themselves?a Lexa stared at him. aWhy do you hate them so much? They havenat done us any harm! I donat know what happened any more than you do, but I know it happened a long time before they came here. So we either did it to ourselves like Sir said, or it was something that fell from the sky like the udai think.a aThey couldave stayed the h.e.l.l out of our business!a Will snarled.

Anger made Lexa incautious. aLeft us to our own business? You mean left us to the monsters that were running things? Itas easy for you to say! You arenat a woman! You donat know what itas like to have no one to protect you, to have any man that looks at you and decides he wants you beat you half to death and take what he wants!a Kyle looked like he wanted to throw up. Will only glared at her. aDonat I? Well what do you think those men wanted with me and Kyle?a Horror washed over her. It wasnat as if she hadnat seen such things with her own eyes, but shead deliberately blocked that possibility where it concerned her sweet little brothers. She mastered the urge to be violently ill. aThe lawgivers are trying to stop that! Someone had to!a aWe needed to!a Will said furiously.

aBut no one could or did!a aI did,a Will growled. He moved toward her, stopping only when he was towering over her. aAnd I will.a Head as much as admitted that he was the one whoad led the attack Gabriel had told her about. She knew that was what he was saying. She didnat doubt for a moment that he was completely capable. He was nothing like the little brother shead known.

In a distant part of her mind, she was proud of him, proud of his strength and his determination to stop the strong from preying upon those weaker than them, but she couldnat agree with his hatred of the udai. She didnat like them. They were arrogant a.s.sholes, but they werenat evil. Misguided, maybe, but not willfully malicious. aThey mean well,a she said a little weakly. aI truly believe that.a aThen youare a d.a.m.ned fool, Lexa! The only reason they brought us here was to make it easier to exterminate us. Thatas what the round up is all abouta"finding all of us so they can make sure!a Lexa blinked at him. aWhy do you think that? It doesnat even make any sense, Will! If that was what they wanted to do, they couldave at any time! They donat need to round us up!a Something flickered in his eyes. Doubt?

aThey couldnat be sure they got all of us any other way. I have a friends. I know what the plan is.a Lexa studied him, going over what head said. aUdai? One of them told you this?a His lips tightened. aBreathe a word about any of this and sister or no sister a.a He left the threat hanging between them.

Lexa gaped at him in disbelief and dawning anger as he turned and strode away.

aYou coming, Kyle?a he called back from the shadows.

Kyle looked at her miserably. aLexy a.a aKyle!a Lexa flinched when Will bellowed again. She swallowed with an effort. aYouad better go.a Willas face darkened with anger. aComina!a he called. He looked at her again, hesitated, and then grabbed her, hugging her tightly. aI love you, Lexy.a * * * *

Gah-re-al knew it wouldave been far better not to linger in the anew citya as the social workers referred to the sprawling encampment theyad a.s.sembled, but he also knew that there was no telling how long he might be on the trail when he left and he was reluctant to leave without trying to smooth things over with Lexa if possible.

Truthfully, head become uneasy about leaving her at all. Given the hostility her own sister had exhibited toward her, he wasnat convinced that the social workers and guards together were watchful enough to prevent her from being harmed. Up until that incident even though he had no longer been able to ignore the fact that the group head brought with Lexa were antagonistic toward her because of her liaison with him, head still believed she was safe enough. There might not be anyone looking out for her specifically, but they were all well aware of the propensity of the humans toward violence and the guards were alert for any signs of an eruption.

Those thoughts occupied his mind as he stood on the rise to the south of the field, watching Lexa whenever she came into view and waiting for an opportunity to speak to her alone.

He debated the advisability of mentioning his concerns to Phil-a-shee given their recent history, but she was in charge of the field operation and if he spoke to anyone at all it would have to be her. He certainly didnat want to go to Maya about it and, in any case, although Maya was technically in charge of the entire operation, she disliked sullying her hands. As far as he knew she hadnat been within sniffing distance of her pet project since shead approved the chosen site. She wouldnat do anything beyond relay the message to Phil-a-shee a if she felt like it.

Lawgiver Raphael joined him after a while.

Irritation flickered through Gah-re-al. Theyad grown up together in the orphanage and had become more like brothers than just close friends over those hard years, forming a bond that had weathered the years since then when theyad been separated by the circ.u.mstances of their careers. Despite that, theyad both changed a good deal, and he wasnat as certain as he once had been that they still saw things eye to eyea"not everything anyway.

More specifically, he doubted Raphael would approve of his interest in Lexa any more than any of the othersa"if as much. It had been Raphael more than anyone whoad influenced his views on the humans to start with, he realized abruptly. A few years older than him, head been in the habit of looking up to Raphael as a child and youth and, since Raphael had arrived at the colony before him and had been appointed as a lawgiver a full year before he was, he hadnat questioned Raphaelas views on the natives. Head considered that Raphael must know what he was talking about.

aYou could always just march boldly down there, arrest her, and haul her off for a few hours of intensive aquestioninga,a Raphael drawled suggestively, amus.e.m.e.nt threading his voice.

Gabriel sent him a sharp look, trying to a.s.sess from his expression whether the comment had been threaded with sarcasm, and certain knowledge, or if Raphael was simply fishing. aI could,a he responded after a moment, abut then my objective isnat to make her more of a target for the malice of the others.a Raphael drew his gaze from the field and met Gabrielas gaze a.s.sessingly. aIn that case Iad suggest that you wait until everyone is sleeping tonight, drag her scrawny a.s.s out of the tent, and haul her offa"regardless of her objectionsa"to a safer place. This one isnat a safe.a Gah-re-al didnat especially like Raphaelas reference to Lexaas scrawny a.s.s. In fact, it p.i.s.sed him off, but he was distracted by the sense that Raphael was referring to more than the fact that the natives were opposed to one of their own fraternizing with the udai. aSkinny or not, she has a d.a.m.ned fine a.s.s and Iall thank you not to cast aspersions,a he said evenly.

Raphaelas expression lightened. He chuckled. aThereas a lesson. Never make judgments before you know the facts. My apologies. I simply a.s.sumed she was scrawny since most of them are half starved.a Gah-re-al frowned. aYou havenat actually seen her then.a aNo, but Iave heard an earful.a aAnd?a The humor vanished from Raphaelas features. aShe isnat safe a here. Honestly, I donat know if she would be safe anywhere, but she d.a.m.ned sure isnat safe here.a aSooo a youare suggesting I haul her off a To where?a Raphael studied him a.s.sessingly for several moments. Apparently, he decided he still trusted him. aI have a place.a Surprise flickered through Gah-re-al. Actually, it wouldave been more accurate to say that he was stunned. aYou have a place?a Raphael chuckled again, but Gah-re-al wasnat sure if it was because of his surprise or if something else had prompted it. aYes. Me.a He shrugged. aAs it happens Iave been considering what it might be like to live like everyone else for a while.a He lifted his head and looked around. aIam thinking this isnat a bad place to give it a try. Reminds me of my home world.a aSo you carved out a place for a homestead? Iam guessing it isnat close to any of the colonies?a aNope.a aAnd youare offering to let me take Lexa there?a aYes a until you can build your own placea"a.s.suming youave got that in mind.a Gah-re-al frowned. He hadnat gotten that far in his thinking, but he realized as soon as Raphael suggested it that that was the source of a good bit of his restlessness of late. He was weary of soldiering, tired of wandering endlessly. The orphanage hadnat been much of a place to encourage anyone to settle down, but it had been a home of sorts and he was tired of not having one. aYouave got a woman,a Gah-re-al guessed.

Raphael grinned abruptly. aPretty little thing. Mean as a snake, mind you, but things are never dull,a he said with a wry chuckle.

Gah-re-al frowned thoughtfully. aWhat makes you think shead welcome Lexa?a Raphael shrugged. aI think they can rub along well enough, keep each other company.a He paused for a significant moment. aClaireas human. And sheas pregnant.a Gah-re-al suddenly felt as if the ground had dropped out from under him.

Chapter Seventeen.

Despite his fear that that was a very real possibility, Gah-re-al had managed to convince himself that it wasnat likely, whatever the justices thought. They hadnat actually done any studies to see if the humans were close enough to the udai to breed, but they were worlds apart. What were the odds?

aYours?a he croaked.

Raphael glared at him furiously. aWhat the f.u.c.k do you mean by that?a he growled.

Gah-re-al was dimly aware that head angered Raphael with the question, but his mind was too focused on his own concerns to warn him of the danger. aYouare saying itas possible? I mean, Lexa could be pregnant?a Abruptly amused at the look on Gah-re-alas face when he realized Gah-re-al hadnat intentionally insulted Claire, Raphael relaxed. aThat depends,a he drawled.

aOn what?a aIf youave been poking her.a Gah-re-al felt his face redden.

aIall take that as a yes,a Raphael drawled wryly.

Gah-re-al glared at him and Raphael laughed, throwing up his hands in a warding-off gesture. aHey, donat kill the messenger. I never suggested you should.a The comment irritated Gah-re-al, enough so that it redirected his mind from one concern to another. aShe wouldnat be safe here if she was,a he said thoughtfully, anot when everyone in the group I brought with her is already certain a uh a thinks a.a Raphael held up his hand. aI hate to be the bearer of bad tidings here, but thereas been a lot more jaw flapping than you think. It isnat just everyone in the group that came with her that thinks it. Pretty much everybody thinks it.a He frowned. aYou wouldnat think with the stupid social workers driving them like slaves that theyad have time to do a lot of talking, but itas almost like theyare telepathic. One of them hears or sees something first thing in the morning, all of them know it by dusk.a He frowned, all humor vanishing. aThereas something in the wind here, Gah-re-al. Iam not sure what it is, but Iave heard rumors. Thatas one of the reasons I took Claire away.a aCan you be more specific?a Raphael shook his head. aI wish I could. Worst case scenario, Iam thinking. From some of the things Iave overheard, I get the impression that they have a leader and theyare gearing up for war.a Gah-re-al stared at him in angry disbelief. aThey canat possibly think they have a chance in h.e.l.l of winning!a Raphaelas lips thinned. aSomeone has convinced them they do.a Surprise flickered through Gah-re-al. aThis leader?a Raphael shrugged, frowning. aMaybe. But I think thereas a strong possibility he, whoever he is, got the notion because one of ours convinced him.a Gah-re-al gaped at him in total disbelief. aOne of our people?a Raphael uttered a disgusted grunt. aOr some. Hard to believe, I know, but think about it. From the start, there were some that thought the best solution to the problem of the natives was exterminationa"not many, granted, but they argued long and loud against everyone else when the khabler insisted the natives were the remnants of the builders, that theyad once had a great civilization and could rebuild given enough time. The social workers argued that time wasnat what they needed but rather interference in the guise of guidance and protection because theyad been thrown so far back by the conditions on the planet that they were in danger of exterminating one another in their battle for survival. They couldnat recover without some help because theyad lost too much of the knowledge theyad once had and there was no order that would allow for rebuilding. There were no leaders among thema"just tyrants determined to retain control by ensuring that everyone was totally dependent on their whims for survival.

aThatas when the ruling body decided to form the lawgiversa"for minimal interference. They thought the lawgivers could bring the order needed to allow the natives to rebuild.

aIt didnat work,a he added dryly, abecause no matter how many of the b.a.s.t.a.r.ds we killed there was another hopeful waiting to take up where that one left off.a aI wasnat here when all that took place,a Gah-re-al reminded him pointedly. aI got the short version.a He paused. aI got the distinct impression that you agreed with extermination.a Raphael looked uncomfortable. aThere was a time when I dida"to a degree. I never thought they should, or that they would, but I was convinced that nothing we could doa"short of thata"would change things. It never helps to do things for people. They have to do it for themselves. They have to make up their minds that it needs to be done and then they have to do ita"especially when the people are like these natives. Theyare some hard headed b.a.s.t.a.r.ds and the more you push the more determined they are to push back. If wead confined ourselves to merely guarding our interests as we did in the beginning, I donat think they would ever have become more, or less, of a problem. We would simply have had to accept that that was the cost of colonizing here. I donat think any of our people ever understood that and I think itas going to come back to haunt them.a aAll of us if thereas anything to what youave heard and what you think will happen,a Gah-re-al said grimly.

Raphael studied him. aExcept Claire,a he agreed. aIave taken steps to keep her as far from this as I can. My offer stands if you want to remove Lexa from whatas probably going to be a battle zone sooner or later.a His lips tightened. aIf nothing else I can protect Claire from enduring the constant slights from both sides for accepting me as her man. Lonely is better than being a pariah. And if the tension keeps building the natives might not stop at slinging insults.a Since that was what Gah-re-al feared, that comment hardened his resolve. He was going to remove Lexa whether she wanted to go or not.

Of course, if she didnat, he was going to have his work cut out for him in keeping her there, he thought angrily. aThanks. I think Iall see what I can do to persuade Lexa,a he muttered.

Raphael chuckled. aGood luck on that. My advice would be to remove her and then persuade her.a aI donat suppose you also have some advice on how to persuade her?a Gah-re-al said dryly, then added uncomfortably. aSheas pretty p.i.s.sed off at me at the moment.a Raphael grinned. aAs a matter of fact I do. Nesting. If sheas pregnant, her prime consideration is going to be to find a safe place for the baby.a aAnd you know this because a?a Raphael shrugged and turned to go. aThat was the only thing that convinced Claire.a Gah-re-al watched his departure, wondering how Raphael could be so d.a.m.ned cheerful about it when the idea scared the h.e.l.l out of him. He didnat believe the Raphael head once known almost as well as he knew himself would have been, but then time changed people, he reminded himself.

And apparently some women could completely change a manas views on settling and having a family.

He didnat think his own views had changed, but then again a lot of what Raphael had said on the subject was true of him, he realized abruptly. Head thought his impatience and his weariness was just that, the certainty that he was making no headway and no appreciable difference in his mission to bring order. Maybe that was only part of it, though? Maybe not even the biggest part of it? Maybe most of it was because he, too, had reached a point in his life when wanderl.u.s.t had ceased to have the appeal it had once had and the constant battling had none?

He didnat have to examine those thoughts hard to realize that the discovery that Raphael had built a homestead appealed to him far more than the hazy future head been looking at. He didnat know why, now, that he hadnat thought of it himself. He didnat consider that he was past his prime, but he d.a.m.ned well wasnat young anymore. If he was going to take another path, now seemed a better time than latera"particularly since head become increasingly convinced that he was going to run out of luck if he continued.

The skirmish in Mauraas village had brought that home as nothing else had before.

Unfortunately, Gah-re-al didnat know whether Raphaelas suggestion would work for him or not. He didnat know whether or not Lexa was pregnant or if she even knew if she was, and he was d.a.m.ned if he knew how to pry the information out of her even if she was pregnant and knew it. Perhaps more to the point, he didnat know if he could accomplish it if she wasnat or even if he wanted to accomplish it if by some miracle he hadnat managed to impregnate her already.

And he thought it would be a miracle if he hadnat. It had been his experience in life that fate was contrary like that. If one wanted something to happen, it didnat. If one didnat want it to happen, it did.

That thought cheered him insensibly. The goal at the time hadnat been to get her pregnant, therefore it must have happened!

He considered that for a few moments and realized two thingsa"he did want it to happen, which meant it probably hadnat, but it also meant that head already made his decision even before he talked to Raphael.

He wasnat completely easy in his mind about it, but he became more firmly convinced as he turned once more to study the encampment and his mind began worrying over some of the other things Raphael had said. The encampment seemed peaceful enough from his viewpoint, but for the first time he really looked at the sheer ma.s.s theyad gathered together and began trying to calculate just how many there were. Head brought several hundred himself. If he multiplied that by the number of lawgivers, there were thousands of humans gathered below him.

And maybe fifty to a hundred guards and a similar number of social workersa"who were also armed.

Strategically speaking, it was a disaster, he realized abruptly, just waiting to happen. It would take no more than a spark to set off a b.l.o.o.d.y war if the tension head already sensed wasnat pure imagination, and he didnat think it was.

Lexaas parting with Kyle had soothed her wounds and lessened the raging guilt she felt for having been responsible, inadvertently or not, for Mauraas grief. It had also helped to harden her resolve to at least attempt to interfere despite the disastrous results of her prior interference in their lives.

It still took a while for that resolve to form. She was too distressed at first and too fearful of making things worse, not better, to convince herself even to try, but she realized that trying was all that she could do. Shead failed them beforea"twicea"when shead been a child and too afraid to do anything at all to try to protect them and when shead asked Gabriel to help her find them.