The Internet Is A Playground Part 14

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9:26 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 9:26 a.m.

To: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Poster Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your e-mail and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all, what with thinking about Missy out there, cold, frightened, and alone ... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out, "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David From: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9:37 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 9:37 a.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:17 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 10:17 a.m.

To: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small, but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short.

As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & c.o.ke onto his white Wham "Choose Life" T-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled, causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug, and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker, resulting in a two-inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat. Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David

From: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:24 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 10:24 a.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:28 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 10:28 a.m.

To: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative s.p.a.ce.

Regards, David

From: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:33 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 10:33 a.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger and fix the text please.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:46 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 10:46 a.m.

To: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have a.s.sumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook, and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas as you are no doubt preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once, but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David

From: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10:59 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 10:59 a.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:14 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 11:14 a.m.

To: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:21 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 11:21 a.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:32 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 11:32 a.m.

To: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Subject: A Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week, but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean feces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently, I failed to put enough stamps on the package, and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, but people need to learn to let go. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David

From: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:47 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 11:47 a.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: A Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11:58 a.m. Monday 21 June 2010 11:58 a.m.

To: Shannon Walkley Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: A Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says, "I haven't seen your orange cat, but I did find a black-and-white one with its hind legs run over by a car. Do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a Ba.s.set hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident, and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighborhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse, I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.