The Foolish Dictionary Part 17

h.e.l.l is paved with good intentions--also asbestos.

M

A fool and his wife are soon parted.

See Alimony.

=MAGAZINE= A receptacle for explosives, literary or mechanical.

=MAGNATE= One who can float capital in a considerable body of water. From Lat. _magnus_, great, and _nator_, to swim; a great swimmer.

=MAIDEN LADY= A term applied to an old maid by those who wish to avoid hurting her feelings.

=MALT= A humble grain which often gets into a ferment, cools off and becomes Stout in its old age.

=MAN= Something that "Goes first on four feet, then two feet, then three, but the more feet it goes on the weaker it be!"

=MAN-ABOUT-TOWN= One who is on speaking terms with the head waiter.

=MANICURE= The only woman who can beat a carpenter at soaking nails.

=MANNERS= A difficult symphony in the key of B natural.

=MARK= In Germany, twenty-three cents. In the United States, only Twain.

=MASCULINE= From Grk. _maskos_, girl, and _eukolos_, easy. Easy for the girls.

=Ma.s.sAGE= A touch, with intent to rub it in.

=MATRIMONY= A game for women, in which the unmarried half are trying to find a husband and the married half trying not to be found out by one. Both halves are eminently successful.

=MEAL= According to the Liquor Law, a minute bunch of crumbs entirely surrounded by booze.

=MEDIUM= A party with one ear in the grave but both hands on your wallet. "h.e.l.lo, Central! Give me Heaven!"

=MELODEON= An alleged musical instrument, popular at home, but unpopular next door. From Eng. _melody_, and Latin, _un_, without. Warranted without melody.

=MENAGERIE= From Fr. _melange_, mixture, and Ger. _riechen_, to smell. A mixture of smells.

=MESSENGER BOY= From Eng. _miss_, to fail, and Lat. _engeo_, to arrive. One who fails to arrive.

=METER= The gas man's trysting place. "Meet her in the cellar!"

=MIND= No matter. =MATTER= Never mind.

=MINE= A hole in the ground owned by a liar.

=MINSTREL= A footlight foul that makes its nightly lay in every city.