The Exception: A Novel Part 43

I very much hope that the world will become a better place. And if it does, our grandchildren may look at us the way young people today regard the generation who collaborated with the n.a.z.is. Theyll say, I do not understand you. We will explain that life simply was the way it was. Famines came and went and no one did anything about it. People died of hunger to provide us with cheaper coffee. Well have to admit that we knew but chose to do nothing about it.

Malene feels uneasy but cant figure out why. She wants to pull her hand back, but doesnt. She has an impulse to say, You old Socialist, and tease him, but knows she shouldnt.

The kids will hate us because they have never been in our situation. They will turn on us and say, You mustve been so different back then. How could you watch a film or eat in a restaurant when you knew that the money you spent might have saved a childs life? They will say, I dont get it. I could never do anything like that.

Gunnar looks expectant, waiting for her response. Malene realizes whats making her feel uncomfortable. Its his manner of speaking: the manic rhythm of his words, and his complete absorption in his subject. He reminds her of Iben.

Malene feigns exhaustion, but Gunnars energy is undiminished. She asks him if he slept on the plane.

Not much, he says vaguely, and begins on a subject that has fascinated Iben these last few months: the psychology of evil.

Ignoring the small flash of doubt in yourself that is what evil is. n.o.body thinks of himself as evil, but that deception is part of evils nature. And you cant lie to yourself all the time. Once in a while, theres that moment when you question if you are doing the right thing. And thats your only chance to choose what is good, to do the right thing. And the moment lasts maybe fifteen minutes every other month, maybe less.

Most people will immediately decide not to act. The implications of having to change their lifestyle are just too overwhelming, and then it doesnt take long before they forget that there is another option. Theyre stuck in their old ways good or bad.

Malene wonders about Gunnar. Why do you feel so strongly about this?

Because I know what its like to be caught up in evil. Quite a long time ago, I was a hard-core member of the Communist Workers Party. I spent years fighting for the ideology of people who were responsible for more ma.s.s killings and genocides than the n.a.z.is. In effect, we were sustaining those dictatorships. I knew the truth of course I did. At least, every once in a while.

Malene has never heard Gunnar speak so openly about his early life.

He interrupts her thoughts. But I have no more to regret than todays neoliberals. Socialists arent responsible for as many people dying as those who support the policies of the U.S. and Europe, policies that reinforce poverty and economic dependency. And it is happening here and now.

It is pitch black outside the kitchen windows. Malene begins to put the food away. She sees how Gunnar loves to turn arguments on their heads. Iben too. For years now Malene has enjoyed listening to him and to Iben.

The true source of her discomfort is the thought of how well Iben and Gunnar would get along together.

chapter 44.

in the morning Malene is tired. Gunnar set the alarm for six because he has an early meeting. She would have loved to call in sick, but doesnt dare to not when the office is in such a state of flux. Instead she sleeps until nine, then calls the office with a story about a dental appointment and says sh.e.l.l be in by eleven.

Camilla, who answers the phone, begins to apologize. She goes on and on. I know I shouldnt have left like that, without a word, but I you know, being in a cla.s.sroom brought back things that happened to me at school. And I felt terrible about Dragan Jelisic.

Malene is lying on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket. You really didnt know what kind of a person he was then?

No, I didnt. But, Malene, Ive been so stupid. I should have told you about him right away. I do realize that. It was wrong and Im annoyed at myself. Please forgive me. I hope youre not too angry?

No, no. Not at all. Malene means it. If she had learned about Camillas indirect connection to Mirko Zigic a month ago, she might have been much angrier. But now she is much more concerned about how sh.e.l.l manage her life without Rasmus, as well as preoccupied with Gunnar and her crumbling friendship with Iben and the possibility of losing her job. Theres no room to be terrified of some Serbian ma.s.s murderer who might might have sent them scary e-mails. She knows its different for Iben.

When Malene arrives at the Center, Iben is going full steam.

She spent last night phoning people again. First she called Camilla to pump her for more details and persuade her to call Paul and tell him everything about her Yugoslav contact. Then she called journalists and genocide experts all over the world. Listening to the women talk, Malene learns that Anne-Lise has also been finding out more about Jelisic.

I should have checked in on Iben last night, Malene tells herself. Instead Anne-Lise must have called her to commiserate.

They seem to have already discussed the likelihood of Zigic still having ties to Camillas ex-lover and a.n.a.lyzed various options for finding out more about Jelisic. Clearly they have been sharing their fears with each other.

It isnt long before Malene wants to go back to bed. When Rasmus died, Paul told her she could leave the office whenever she needed to. Only she doesnt want to be alone. It would be great to phone Gunnar for sympathy, but thats impossible now, after having just spent the night together.

She takes her mug of coffee and sits down opposite Iben. Hows it going? they ask each other. Iben briefs Malene on her Jelisic research and talks about how scared she is of him.

Is this her oldest, dearest friend? She cannot believe how much things have changed between them and that shes losing her just when she needs her most. Still, she must face up to the fact that Iben has changed, possibly for good. How can Iben be so cold and calculating, especially after Rasmuss death? But it seems Malene has become an obstacle in Ibens pursuit of both Gunnar and a new career in the DIHR. Why bother being sentimental over the past? Regardless of the Iben-shaped void in Malenes life?

She listens as Iben calls the Belgrade office of the International War Crimes Tribunal and is pa.s.sed from contact to contact without learning anything new. Malene looks at the familiar details: the broken spring on Ibens lamp, the plastic troll on her own desk. Then she turns to the board with all its cheery photos of Iben and Malene posing with Tatiana in Prague, sitting next to Frederik and Paul at a dinner table in Odense, and standing around with academics at a conference in Oslo.

She is worn out. Malene gets up and goes to the kitchen. She refills her mug and returns. She prints some information and goes to get it from the central printer next to the library. On the way, she pops in to browse through the large collection of East European doc.u.ments. She looks for a couple of articles in the magazine boxes behind Camillas desk. Shed do anything not to be sitting opposite Iben, looking at her pale face.

Later while Malene is hanging out in the kitchen, eating cookies from an old plastic bag, Camilla comes bursting in, obviously not expecting to find anyone. She is visibly upset. Seeing Malene, she quickly tries to change her expression, but its too late. Malene asks her whats happened.

Camilla paces up and down in the small s.p.a.ce. They wont stop!

What do you mean?

Now theyre asking me about Dragans friends. Are any of them blond?

Really?

They started on the phone last night and they havent stopped all morning. I gave them a blow-by-blow account of every person I ever met with Dragan.

Malene looks incredulous.

Its Iben, really, Camilla explains. She is convinced that Zigic is in Denmark and that Ive met him without knowing it. She thinks hes here under a false name and shes doing everything she can to find out. But I had to tell her that none of the men Id met with Dragan looked anything like the pictures of Zigic! But still she picks and picks and picks on me. She says that I mustve met lots of former Serbian militiamen when I went out with Dragan.

Malene wants to soothe her and tries to take Camillas hand, but Camilla brushes her away. She rubs her hands on her blouse and keeps walking around.

She thinks Im lying, all the time. She now thinks it was me who was there on the staircase, with Rasmus!

Her voice becomes whiny. Malene, you dont think so, do you? Only Iben would dream up something like that right?

No, of course I dont. Not at all. Malene puts the cookies on a plate and offers one to Camilla. I do understand how youre feeling. Its totally crazy.

Camilla stops and shakes her head, staring down at the plate. No, I mustnt. But thanks.

It would do Iben good to sleep more than four hours a night, dont you think, Camilla? And not spend most of it reading books full of descriptions of psychiatric diseases or the murders of millions of people? It could help her, couldnt it?

This is the first time anyone in the office has heard Malene criticize Iben. They both realize that, starting today, all the old alliances are null and void. Unless Malene wants to become a lone wolf in the office, sh.e.l.l need to find a new ally: Camilla. She knows that theyre too different to become close friends, but that doesnt matter. After all, Anne-Lise will never become truly close to Iben.

Malene tries again to comfort Camilla. She tells her how she feels about the way Iben has behaved these last few days. But there are things about Iben that Malene wont give away. Right after her fathers death, Iben would apparently wander the streets in a state of deep depression. She acquired a profound aversion to people, and this antipathy caused such an overpowering reaction that on two occasions Iben had to spend the night in a psychiatric ward.

Now Iben is seen as a very competent person. Few would guess the hidden flaws that Malene knows so well. Or do the others sense something? Could this be the reason that everyone was so amazed by the heroic stories of Iben in Kenya?

When Malene returns to the Winter Garden, Iben still hasnt unearthed any more information about Jelisic. Nothing, that is, apart from the familiar Omarska stories that have already been circulated in the press and reported to the War Crimes Tribunal. Like the ones about how Jelisic and two other volunteer camp guards killed a couple of prisoners by forcing them to drink engine oil, and made fathers bite off the t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es of their own sons. Horrors of that kind.

Iben has no evidence as to where he is and what he is doing. Camilla insisted this morning that, unlike Zigic, Dragan is not a member of the Yugo Mafia, and says he is not in contact with Zigic any longer. But Iben cant hide the fact that she doesnt trust Camilla one inch.

Anne-Lise keeps coming in to tell Iben about her latest phone calls. Shes good at pretending that shes as scared as Iben. And when they walk from one computer to the other, Anne-Lise follows Iben like a lapdog an anxious one who glances nervously from time to time at Malene.

Malene tries to concentrate on reading an article about the expulsion of 3.5 million inhabitants from the German regions of Czechoslovakia. The plan is to publish an edited volume of the delegates papers about the fates of the 15 million ethnic Germans in Eastern Europe in time for the conference. When the Germans occupied Czechoslovakia they behaved with more restraint than anywhere else, except Denmark, but many of the regional Germans supported the occupation. So, during the war, the future Czech president said he would demand a radical and definitive solution to the German problem he envisaged a one hundred percent effective extermination of Germans. During the first postwar year, some 270,000 Germans were killed and more than 3 million expelled.

The phone rings. Camillas strange response to the call distracts Malene. Usually so friendly, she seems hesitant and at a loss for words. If I can see its from you yes. I suppose its all right if your name is on the back.

She catches Malenes eye and makes a face. I see. Then its not If I mustnt even mention it to Paul, then yes, but All right, Ill do that. Yes, I promise Ill destroy it. I understand. Ill get rid of it. Bye for now.

Baffled, Malene and Iben stare at Camilla. Anne-Lise turns up at the library door.

It was Ole, Camilla tells them.

Really?

All three of them are astonished.

Yes. You see, Ole wrote a letter to Paul, but now he says its vital that Paul does not get it. Im to take the letter from Pauls in-tray and shred it. Im not supposed to read it or tell Paul.

Its the sack! Iben blurts out. Ole got the support of the rest of the board for getting rid of Paul and yesterday he wrote the letter of dismissal. But why change his mind today?

They all agree that it probably means the boot for Paul. Malene tries to figure out the consequences for herself, but has trouble. Possible scenarios tumble around in her mind. She is too tired and weak to think straight. If the tension between herself and Iben reaches some sort of crisis and one of them has to go, Paul will keep Iben. But if Paul has to leave first and Frederik is still deputy chairman of the board, then the chances are he will have Iben kicked out. But if Frederik is no longer on the DCIG board by then and Gunnar has taken his place? Who would Gunnar prefer?

Malene realizes that before she arrived they must also have been discussing the awkward situation of Paul versus Frederik. Anne-Lise says that her husband has a great amount of experience in this because hes sat on so many corporate boards. In Henriks view, Pauls attempt to eliminate Frederik was such an outrageous maneuver that the board has no option other than to get rid of him.

They discuss who should take over as temporary leader of the DCIG Anne-Lise thinks Iben is the one who should be Pauls long-term replacement. They talk about what Paul would do next and if his departure would increase the likelihood of a merger with Human Rights. And, of course, they have to wonder why Paul seems so calm about everything, and where he has been these last few days.

Malene has many questions but she cant make herself talk to Iben or Anne-Lise. She cant bear even to meet Anne-Lises eyes ever since Rasmus died. Instead she turns to Camilla. Does she detect something? Something small. Tiny. As if Camilla is trying to avoid Malenes glance.

This will get worse, Malene thinks. Less than an hour ago, I comforted her when Iben had upset her. But in front of Iben, Camilla knows who is the strongest and has chosen sides accordingly.

Malene hates Iben for this too.

Malene catches a picture of herself in some suburban street back in Kolding, trotting around talking ineptly to groups of acquaintances, just like her mother used to do when Malene still lived at home. Now Malene is the ghost at the party, unemployed, dressed in some dull old sack of a dress and complaining, as her mother did: It feels as if my old colleagues wanted me dead and out of the way. How can people be like that?

It seems that nothing she has done or achieved has helped her to escape from her mothers shadow not moving to Copenhagen nor getting a university degree. And its Ibens fault.

They must get back to work. Malene is determined not to mention Gunnar.

No more than a quarter of an hour later, Malene smiles at Iben and speaks in the old confiding way, as if she has no idea that theres been a change in their friendship.

Iben, Gunnar spent the night with me.

Oh, he did? Iben manages to look friendly and curious, as if the previous week hadnt happened, as if Malene were talking about any man.

She then hurries out into the corridor, toward the restroom. Malene sighs. She relaxes and smiles at Camilla, who looks questioningly at her. Maybe later Malene will feel bad, but maybe not.

Iben returns. She looks paler than usual. A tiny muscle is twitching beneath the blue skin under her right eye. She sits down. They both carry on reading their articles.

After a few minutes Iben speaks. I cant concentrate with you staring at me like that.

Im not staring at you.

Yes, you are.

Im not!

Iben gets up again. I have a lot to do.

I know that very well.

So far Ive spent the whole day on Dragan Jelisic. I need to finish the Turkey issue.

I know.

And youre staring at me.

No, Iben, Im not.

Look, Im not trying to punish you or whatever it is you imagine. Its just that I cant get anything done when you just sit there and watch me. I a.s.sume that you cant concentrate with me here?

Iben is right, but Malene doesnt reply.

Well both do better if I work somewhere else. Im going to move to one of the readers desks in the library.

Malene stiffens and almost shouts, Youre going to sit with Anne-Lise?

Thats exactly how I didnt want you to take it. Im not going to sit with Anne-Lise. Im going to sit somewhere where you cant keep staring at me like youre doing now. Iben starts gathering up her papers.

Everything is happening so quickly. Soon the picture of office life will look utterly different.

Malene watches Iben as she marches off with her bundles of paper. Shes no longer prepared to fight to keep their old friendship.

Near the end of the day, Malene goes to the restroom.

When she comes back, Camilla has disappeared. Malene stops in the doorway, calling into the empty air: Camilla? Camilla?

No one answers.

In the silence, Malenes thoughts move unhindered. Is Camilla in the library? Is she joining the other two in there? Is the idea to exclude Malene?

Malene listens. She hears a murmur of voices coming out of the library but cant tell whether its two or three.

She goes to the middle of the Winter Garden and then stops. The light from the fluorescent tubes reflects off the large shiny leaves of the plants on the windowsills. She has looked after these plants for ages. She turns, but no one is standing behind her.

Again, she calls out: Camilla? Where are you? Camilla?