The Exception: A Novel Part 42

Camilla doesnt answer.

Anne-Lise asks, Is he still in Denmark?

Camillas head is lowered. She pinches her arm in several places. I dont know.

But you believe that he sent these e-mails?

I dont know.

But you thought he had sent the one to you?

Camilla doesnt reply.

Iben takes over. Do you think that he was responsible for the blood and for exchanging the medicine?

Camilla looks down again. I get confused when youre like this, Iben. I just cant Its just that Do you think that he pushed Rasmus?

Stop it! Stop attacking me!

Anne-Lise looks undecided whether to try to comfort Camilla or keep her distance.

Camilla is still shouting. I want to go home!

Of course you do. I know this is tough for you, I can see that. Well help you find a taxi but first, just tell us this. Do we need to be careful? Will this man try something else? Would he really try to kill us?

Although Iben is speaking calmly, Malene detects a genuine underlying fear.

When Camilla repeats that she wants to go home, Iben gently replies: Well stop after a couple more questions. Cant you see that we are all in this together? We need to figure out as a group how we can best protect ourselves. Dont you agree?

Yes. Camilla peers at them. Yes, youre right. I agree. But I do need to go to the bathroom.

Of course.

After the door closes behind Camilla, Malene turns on the light.

The break was over long ago. Malene glances at Anne-Lise, taking in her broad, square-jawed face, her dark shoulder-length hair, and her dull, expensive clothes.

No one speaks.

Finally, Iben breaks the silence. When she comes back we must try to be kinder to her. Perhaps we were a little too hard on her.

The minutes pa.s.s, and after a while it becomes obvious that Camilla is not coming back.

Iben stands at the window, carefully scanning the gray buildings and bare trees, as if a Serb militiaman might be lying in wait for her. Malene knows this is exactly what is on her mind.

Anne-Lise goes and looks out the window as well. With the lights on, the faces of the two women, standing close together, are reflected in the large panes against the wintry background outside.

Malene also wants to do what Camilla did: simply slip away.

chapter 43.

he hums the ba.s.s line of an old Barry White number first: Daaaum daum daum da da. Then he starts the message.

You have reached Rasmus and Malenes answering machine. Where are we now? We dont know either. So, please leave a message after the tone.

Its evening now and Malene has lit only a few small lamps scattered around her living room. She listens tearfully to Rasmuss message. When shes heard the message a couple of times, she goes to the kitchen and takes a bottle of white wine out of the fridge. Drinking will ruin her night, but she doesnt care. Settling onto the large pale sofa, she plays the message again.

Daaaum daum daum da da. You have reached Rasmus and Malenes answering machine. Where are we now? We dont know either. So, please leave a message after the tone.

She finishes the gla.s.s, drinks another one, and then goes to get his pale blue T-shirt. He forgot to pack it because it was in the laundry basket. She hasnt washed it. She lies on her back on the sofa and holds the T-shirt to her chest.

Iben would find this beyond comprehension, she thinks, even though she wouldnt actually ask Malene why shes tormenting herself like that.

Daaaum daum daum da da. You have reached Rasmus and Malenes answering machine. Where are we now?

Her fingers are tingling. Its from all the crying. She wants some ice cream. Malene pulls herself together and walks in a reasonably straight line to the kitchen. She takes out a pack of vanilla ice cream with cherry swirls. The scoop has the right kind of broad, soft handle, but even so she should leave the ice cream to soften a little. Never mind. She stabs at it, hurting her hand in the process. She wipes a few tears away with her sleeve and returns to the living room.

She is back on the floor in the darkened room, listening to the message again and again. The bottle is empty. She knows she should stop, but instead fills a gla.s.s with rum, orange juice, and ice, and recalls what she said to Rasmus the last time they met.

They stood together in the hall. He was on his way to his new girlfriends place with three jackets slung over his arm. The twisted bra.s.s hooks point at the back of Malenes head. Her own coats and jackets hang from the other hooks, without shape or life, like carca.s.ses in a slaughterhouse. The fur collar on her green coat is unpleasantly close to her cheek.

She shouted at him, like she is doing now. So why dont you just leave! Leave! I dont f.u.c.king want you here anymore! Youre a liar! A f.u.c.king liar! Dont think for a second that Ill take you back when she throws you out! She hits out with her arms, as if he were there.

He tried to calm her.

Malene, Malene, please. Im so sorry Dont! You lost the right to say Malene like that! Just go. Liar!

He tried again. Cant we just This is so difficult.

She stamps the floor and strikes the green coat beside her. Youre a total s.h.i.t! Ill never have you back! Whatever happens to you!

Oh, Malene. Im so sorry.

Thats what he said. Hed said, Oh, Malene. Im so sorry.

Because he was carrying his jackets, he wasnt able to defend himself when she slapped him. Her hand hurt like h.e.l.l, but he didnt seem to feel a thing.

All the while she was certain that he would come back to her. He would have come back.

She was also certain that he would have turned around and never come back.

When she drinks some more, the words begin to change.

She stands in the hall. He is there. The empty hooks stick out, shiny and eye-catching.

Dont leave! Dont f.u.c.king leave! I want you here, I do! You liar. I want you!

Oh, Malene. Im so sorry.

Thats what he says. He has said, Oh, Malene. Im so sorry.

Its a mistake. A misunderstanding. You do want to stay with me!

Yes. I do.

They kiss. She reaches out. With one hand, she grabs hold of one of the short black legs of the coffee table, and with the other, the thick legs of the sofa.

She is still, her eyes closed.

Now that she is quiet, Malene can hear her neighbor in the apartment below making a racket. Hes banging on the pipes and howling, Shut up!

Its simply too much. He knows that Rasmus has died. Without moving, she screams, Shut up yourself!

She watches the pattern of light on the white ceiling. Her hands and feet are starting to hurt. She should take one of her strong painkillers.

She gets up slowly, holding on to the coffee table.

Standing doesnt feel too bad; shes not completely drunk. Her body feels odd, though, like a piece of meat thats been cooked for hours and hours until the flesh falls off the bones.

She moves slowly toward the bathroom; every step causes a burning sensation in one of her feet.

She swallows a pill.

Back in the living room she checks the time. Its only a quarter to eleven. Maybe sh.e.l.l even escape a hangover.

Her phone rings and displays Gunnars number.

She decides to answer.

Hi, Malene. Its Gunnar. Is this too late to call?

No. Not at all.

Are you sure Im not disturbing you? You sound slightly out of it.

No, Im fine. I fell asleep on the sofa and just woke up. Im pleased its you.

Im back from Afghanistan. I saw youd phoned me.

Well, I guess so.

I thought maybe we could get together?

Id like that very much.

Should we figure out a date now?

Malene thinks for a second. Do you want to come over? Tonight?

A pause.

Do you really think thats a good idea?

Itd be so nice to see you. You can tell me about Afghanistan. While everything is still fresh in your mind.

Okay. That sounds good. It should take me about twenty minutes.

Malene picks up the cushions and the wet paper towels, wipes spilled juice off the coffee table, and puts back the candlestick and the books that have fallen to the ground. She opens the windows wide to air the room and changes into a rather revealing dress. She knows she should behave properly, but just thinking about Gunnar makes her excited. Maybe its the combination of the alcohol and the painkillers.

When she opens the door to him, he glances quickly at her dress. A look of surprise crosses his face. Gunnar is tanned, which makes his eyes appear lighter. He has brought a bottle of wine. Smiling broadly, he hugs her and asks how things are.

Malene is about to start telling him but realizes it could ruin the evening. Oh, youll get the whole story, but not now. I want to hear about your trip.

Sitting on the sofa, he doesnt begin to talk about his travels instead he just looks at Malene with a certain amount of surprise. Does she seem drunk? She hopes not. Hes been laying siege to these walls for years, and now sh.e.l.l let the gate swing open after the gentlest of knocks. He pretends to reach for his winegla.s.s, letting his wrist touch her arm. She meets his gaze. It could be the expression on her face that makes him kiss her.

Hes good at it. His body feels warmer than Rasmuss.

She has never been with a man over forty, but Gunnar is more in shape than she thought and surprisingly seems to know her body better than Rasmus ever did. When her breathing deepens, she remembers when she was once far out at sea in a sailboat and had jumped naked into the ocean. The underwater sensation comes back to her now, the light pressure of the water all over her body, her hair streaming out and up around her. She comes up for air, gasping.

She and Rasmus used to swim naked and then surface together, spluttering, spitting salt water and laughing at each other.

She bursts into tears.

Gunnar holds her tight and lets her cry. Does this feel wrong for you?

No. No.

I know that you must you know, miss him. You must. But I thought that Gunnar, its all right. Weve known each other for years and Im so glad that youre here tonight. Im very fond of you.

Gunnar gets the wine and their gla.s.ses. They start to talk about Rasmus and Afghanistan. But their attention soon wanders back to each others bodies.

Its almost three in the morning. They discover how hungry they are and move to the kitchen. Malene takes out olives, bread, a couple of different cheeses, and fruit preserves, and then slips off to the bathroom for another pill. The first one is still doing its job; the second one is just in case.

Gunnar begins to reminisce about when he was younger than Malene is now. He was determined to make a difference in the world, to make it a more just society and improve conditions in the third world.

We all know that the bottle of wine weve drunk tonight could have paid for vaccinating twenty kids and saving the life of at least one. Were no different from the Germans during World War Two. They knew that Jews were being killed, but they ignored what it meant.

Malene is ma.s.saging the knuckles on her right hand. But it isnt quite the same, is it? The state killed them back then. Youre talking about aid for the poor.

I believe, in essence, it is the same. We put on shoes produced by a child who is being crippled by work. We drink coffee bought at starvation prices.

Gunnar leans across the table, takes her aching hand, and warms it between his hands.