The Etiquette of Engagement and Marriage Part 8

{71}

CHAPTER XII

_Marriage--Fixing the Day--Preparations--Selecting the Bridesmaids and their Dresses--The Wedding Gown--The Trousseau--Invitations._

Marriage.

The aim of all true Courtship is marriage, which should take place as soon as an engagement has lasted long enough to serve its purpose, and when other circ.u.mstances are propitious. When the man's financial position is sufficiently secured, and the woman is willing to renounce her freedom for bonds that should be blessed, he asks her to "name the happy day."

Fixing the Day.

In foreign countries there are many superst.i.tions as to the fitness or unfitness of days, times, and seasons; but in England May appears to be the only month supposed to be unlucky for weddings. The reason for this does not seem clear. The couplet

"If married in Lent You are sure to repent,"

is an echo from the days when Church discipline was stricter than it is now, and the time set apart for spiritual sorrow was not considered suitable for the crowning of earthly happiness. Even in the present day very few marriages are celebrated during the season of Lent.

There are many people and things to take into account when fixing the important date. If the bridegroom elect is not his own master a time must be chosen when he is sure to be at liberty. It was said of the late Sir Walter Besant {72} that he was so overwhelmed with business that he hardly had time to be married. The bride's father has also to be considered, and if any particular church dignitary is required to perform the ceremony his engagements will have to be taken into account.

When possible it is well to let a good interval elapse between the final decision and the day itself. A month or six weeks is none too much; more than this is often allowed.

The Bride's Burden.

There is a great deal of mental wear and tear for the bride-elect to go through in the few weeks immediately before her marriage, and it is a pity that it should be so. The fuss and display at an up-to-date wedding make it a thing to quail before. Dress has become so extravagant and absorbing that in the matter of her clothes alone the girl has her time pretty well taken up. Instead of being able to prepare calmly and restfully for the most vital step in life, she is kept in a ceaseless whirl of mental and physical excitement till she is well-nigh worn out. In any case care should be taken to avoid a rush at the last. Let her have at least a few days of peace and quietness in which to prepare for the great event. How can she realise the solemnity of the vows she is going to make, or the gravity of the responsibility she is taking upon her shoulders, if she never has a moment to think and is being hurried from milliner to dressmaker, from jeweller to shoemaker, from furrier to glovemaker, day in day out?

The Choice of the Bridesmaids.

In some families this is a difficult matter, and may be the cause of much friction. The bride's sisters, if she has any, take precedence.

There may be a dear friend who has been promised this office since she and the bride were at school together, but then _his_ sisters expect to be asked, and they may be neither attractive nor very young. When the desired number is but small, the problem is sometimes solved by having two or three children and forswearing all adults. This is certainly a prettier and less expensive arrangement, for children look more picturesque as bridesmaids than the {73} average half-dozen grown-up girls who cannot be chosen for their appearance. Elderly bridesmaids in youthful frocks and girlish hats are ridiculous to the unthinking, but pathetic to those who look below the surface.

Wedding Frocks.

"Married in white you have chosen all right," says the old rhyme, and the "ivory d.u.c.h.esse satin" seems to have come to stay. There should, however, be some regard for the future social position of the bride in choosing the wedding gown. The girl who is marrying a man with a small income, and who is prepared to begin housekeeping on a simple scale, is not likely to want a magnificent satin dinner-gown with a court train. A much less expensive frock would answer her requirements far better, for, with the ever-changing fashions, the costly material would have to be cut up and altered many a time before it was worn out. It is a pity to weigh down a young girlish bride with heavy brocades and silks that stand alone. Her freshness and beauty will stand a simpler setting, and look all the sweeter in it. There are so many soft, diaphanous fabrics made now, which fall into graceful draperies, that I would like the young bride clad in some of them.

The Bridesmaids' Dresses.

The choice of a costume for the bridesmaids is not an easy matter. You can find one that will suit two sisters to perfection, but there are the others, with possibly such colouring as to forbid the very thing that another will look her best in. White is taken as being generally safe and becoming, but when worn unrelieved in the daytime it is very trying to some. There are also the height and build of the various girls to be considered, so altogether the matter demands much care and taste.

Expense.

The question of cost should not be ignored unless the bride is in a position to give all the dresses, then she may be as lavish as she thinks fit.

It is hardly fair to expect her friends to go to the most {74} expensive house and to buy the most costly hats and frocks, which will perhaps be of little use to them afterwards, merely for her personal gratification. This is especially the case where two sisters are asked to be bridesmaids. A girl may long to attend her friend to the altar, and yet be obliged to decline because her parents cannot afford the outlay necessitated by the extravagance of the costume. If one has her frock made by an artiste, the others must follow suit or the picture is spoilt.

The bride who is married in her travelling dress does not have bridesmaids but attendants, whose dresses should harmonise but not eclipse her own. Due regard should be paid to the time of year in the choice of materials. White gauzy frocks look chill and comfortless in mid-winter, even if the wearers do not shiver perceptibly and are not afflicted with red noses; but soft, thick fabrics like white cloth or velvet trimmed with touches of fur, suggest the warmth that lies beneath the snow. The flowers of the season may well provide schemes of colour, for Nature is the prince of artists. Primrose and daffodil tints for the spring, the warm tones of the chrysanthemum for the autumn, while summer sunshine makes everything look well.

The Trousseau.

A young friend of mine who was going to be married last year said to me: "Oh! my things are so lovely! I never knew how delightful it was to be able to have all the beautiful things you want." This sentiment will be echoed by most of the fairly-well dowered brides of to-day.

There is generally a fixed sum set apart for the trousseau, and the amount must necessarily control the extent of the purchases. The _lingerie_ and underwear can be obtained from about ten guineas, with prices varying according to the number and quality of the garments, up to forty or fifty guineas. Dresses, boots and shoes, and all out-door wear, including hats, must be added on to this outlay.

Few people buy many dresses at once now, on account of the changeful whims of fashion; but the great point is to have the few gowns of good material and excellent cut.

There are a hundred items, only known to a woman {75} or her maid, with which the bride should be well stocked. It is a disgrace to don a costly opera-cloak when you have not a decent dressing-gown, or to load yourself with finery when your stockings are in holes. Feminine attire is so dainty and fascinating in the present day that there is a danger of setting more value on the tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs and make than on the quality of the material. Let the bride-elect try to picture her pretty things when they emerge from the ruthless hands of a laundress, and she will realise the value of quality. Where anything like regular or hard wear is required, it is always good economy to buy the best. All garments that need to be marked must have the initials of the bride's married name upon them. All women are supposed to love shopping.

Surely no expeditions can be so delightful as going to buy the trousseau with a well-stocked purse!

Invitations.

These are sent out by the bride's mother, or whoever acts in that capacity. Any good stationer will have plenty of printed cards, such as are generally used, from which a choice may be made. Simplicity of design is always a mark of refinement. The wording would be as follows:

Mr. and Mrs. Carstairs

request the pleasure of

Captain and Mrs. Boyd's company

at

_the Marriage of their Daughter_

Gladys

with

Mr. Sydney Boroughs,

at

S. John's, Beckenham,

_on Wednesday, April 17th, at 2 p.m.,_

and afterwards at the Grange.

R.S.V.P.

Any friend who has sent a present before the invitations are out must be invited. The general feeling seems to be that {76} an invitation to a wedding involves a present, and that is rather a tax. It also takes away from that purely voluntary spirit which is the beauty of a gift.

In some cases friends are only asked to the church, the reception at home being confined to members of the two families.