The Etiquette of Engagement and Marriage Part 13

Any marriage that is legal in the country where it is contracted is valid in Switzerland. An Englishwoman marrying an Italian may be married in England according to the rites of her own church, but a copy of the marriage certificate must be sent to the nearest Italian consul, who forwards it to the authorities of the man's native town or place of residence. There should be no delay in doing this, as no marriage is legal in Italy if not registered within three months of its celebration.

There have been so many sad results from irregular mixed marriages that at the February meeting of the Lower House of Convocation at York a resolution was moved: "In view of the grave scandals arising in respect to marriages between English and foreign subjects asking the Upper House to consider the desirability of issuing an order to the beneficed clergy and the diocesan registrars requiring that when a foreigner gives notice of his intention to be married to an English subject the marriage should not be solemnised till a consular certificate was produced that the laws of the foreign country had been complied with."

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British Subjects Living Abroad.

No British subject, especially a woman, should agree to any form of marriage without having first applied to the British consul of the district, or to the emba.s.sy if there is one, for full particulars and instructions for the contracting of a legal marriage in a foreign country under the _Foreign Marriage Act of_ 1892. An Englishwoman takes the nationality of the man she marries.

A marriage that would be illegal in England is unaffected by any ceremony performed in the presence of authorised persons abroad should the parties return to this country. For instance, a man who wishes to marry his deceased wife's sister can go to a country where such a marriage is legal and be married; but if the couple return to England they are not man and wife in the eyes of the law.

Different Religious Persuasions.

Where there is a difference of religious faith and practice between the man and woman, there will not only be the marriage ceremony to arrange but there should be a clear, written agreement as to which faith any children that may be born are to be reared in. The Roman Church does not recognise marriage except when solemnised by her own priests, but if one of the parties is not a Romanist the ceremony may be afterwards gone through in an English church or Nonconformist chapel. A Jew in England can be married by a registrar, but probably the majority of Jews in England are married in a synagogue, in which case a registrar is in attendance.

Any one who marries a Romanist should bear in mind that the dearest aim of every faithful member of their Church is to bring others into the fold. Many Nonconformists are willing and even anxious to be married in the parish church of their district. It may be generally said, save in the above-named case, that the woman gets her own way about the religious ceremony. Where strong prejudice exists on either side the matter may be settled by a civil contract; but apart from the real question of religion, marriage before a registrar has not the {106} social prestige which still clings to the time-honoured custom of exchanging marital vows in the House of G.o.d.

Scotch Marriages.

The old law as to Scotch irregular marriages has been modified of late years, and Gretna marriages are no longer recognised.

Twenty-one days' residence since 1896 is required, but otherwise acknowledgment before witnesses is a legal marriage. In the year 1878 an Act ent.i.tled _An Act to encourage Regular Marriage in Scotland_ was pa.s.sed, and under it ministers may celebrate marriages on a certificate from a registrar, which is equivalent to the publication of banns. This certificate is issued by registrars on receiving notice of the intended marriage. The registrar posts the notice in the prescribed mode, and, if no objection is received, grants his certificate. The notice must be given to the registrar of the district or districts in which the parties have resided for fifteen days at least.

Marriage of Minors and Wards in Chancery.

If a minor who is a ward in Chancery marries without the consent of the Lord Chancellor (who takes care that proper settlements are made of the ward's property), he or she commits a contempt of court, and is liable to punishment accordingly. A minor who will inherit property can be made a ward by settling 100 upon him or her and making a proper application to the court. There is no law against two minors marrying, but the consent of parents is required.

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CHAPTER XIX

_Foreign Etiquette of Marriage--Quaint Customs and Strange Superst.i.tions._

Continental Weddings.

Many of the national, picturesque customs have disappeared from the weddings of the townspeople and the more educated cla.s.ses on the Continent; but many distinctive points of etiquette still remain, and we shall find that in matters of detail there is much that differs from our English ways.

In _Germany_ it is impossible for young people to marry without the consent of their parents or legal guardians, and unless certain prescribed forms are gone through, the marriage will be null and void.

So many certificates of birth, parentage, etc., have to be produced that, it is said, the working cla.s.ses can neither afford the time nor the money necessary for a legal marriage; so many of them do without it. The husband is the lord and master; his wife's property pa.s.ses into his keeping and is at his absolute disposal. He may compel her to work, and even if the pair be divorced he still retains her money. As German girls are brought up to expect this, it does not strike them as any hardship, and most of them are quite happy to be under the sway of their liege lords.

The chief festivity of a German wedding is the _Polterabend_, a somewhat hilarious party given the night before. The young friends of the bride enact charades, or give living pictures ill.u.s.trative of the chief events in her childhood and youth. There is much merriment, and, I believe, the breaking of crockery has a part in the proceedings. The bridesmaids are accompanied by an equal number of young men, called _Brautfuhrer_. The bridal wreath is always of myrtle, not orange blossom, and the bride and bridegroom exchange rings. Customs vary according to social station and locality.

{108} At a South German peasant's wedding there is wild rejoicing and much ceremony. The guests are invited by a messenger, who draws devices on the doorsteps of those he has to summon to the feast. There is music and dancing, processions are formed to and from the church, the bride is hailed with flowers, and all sorts of emblematical offerings are taken to church. The bridegroom stuffs his pockets with samples of what he hopes will const.i.tute his worldly wealth. If he never looks back between the house and the altar, the bride knows that he will never want a second wife. For those who have the leisure and opportunity to study these peasant marriages a curious compound of sentiment, superst.i.tion, and practical common sense will present itself.

In Norway

the bride who has preserved her maiden state untarnished--it is not necessarily expected of her--is crowned with a high, glittering crown inlaid with gems, which is the property of the church, and can be hired for five dollars. Special music is also performed in her honour by the rustic musicians. Wedding festivities are marked by unbounded hospitality. There is food and drink for all. When the procession is formed the bride walks last, clad in a gorgeous costume which also may be hired. There are both bridesmaids and bride-leaders, the latter being married women who lend their moral support to the bride. The couple kneel in the church under a sort of canopy made out of shawls and scarves held up by the bridesmaids. After the ceremony an amount of eating, drinking, and dancing go on that we can hardly imagine. The bridegroom has a last sort of romp with his bachelor friends, and has to be wrested from them by the married men. The bride dances off her crown, is then blindfolded and surrounded by a ring of her bridesmaids, and places her crown upon the head of one of them who is claimed as the next bride. Before the cake is cut each friend lays a coin upon it, and toasts are drunk with enthusiasm. In some provinces the bride has to run away and hide the day after the wedding. A grand search is then made, and she is carried home with much ado. This practice still prevails among some of the native African tribes and the aborigines of Australia.

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In Brittany

the bridegroom pretends to "capture" his bride. He makes a mock a.s.sault upon her house, which is carefully closed with locks and bolts against him. The besieging party take bagpipes to while away the time.

Much parleying goes on, and every female member of the bride's family is offered to the bridegroom by one of her male relations, who is the chosen tormentor. When she finally does appear the pair exchange sprigs of myrtle or orange blossom, and there is a dance. Before the party starts for the church they all kneel in prayer, and the bride takes a touching farewell of her parents. Feasting and revelry finish up the day.

In Italy

the bride becomes entirely one of her husband's family, and his mother is all-powerful. Before the marriage the couple, accompanied by three witnesses, must go before the appointed authorities, and a doc.u.ment is drawn up stating that they wish to marry. The witnesses sign this paper to show that there is no impediment to the marriage. The doc.u.ment is then posted up outside a stated public building for the inspection of the pa.s.sers-by. If no one makes any objection before the end of a fortnight, the couple may then make a legal civil contract, and nothing more is required. This arrangement was made to check the power of the priests, who manipulated marriages much to their own fancy under the Papal government. A youth must be eighteen and a girl sixteen before they can marry. There are many superst.i.tions about the lucky and unlucky days for marriages. Sunday is the favoured day.

There are hardly ever any bridesmaids at an Italian wedding, as girls are not supposed to be present on such occasions, so the married women accompany the bride.

In Russia

no man under thirty nor woman under twenty-five may marry without the consent of parents, but in the event of unreasonable opposition an appeal may be made to the law. Both bride and bridegroom must give costly presents {110} to the Church. The man comes to claim his bride from her parents, and she kneels before them to ask pardon for all she may have done to vex or grieve them. They raise her with a kiss of forgiveness, and give her bread and salt in token that they will never let her want. When she leaves her old home the door is left open as a sign that she may always return to it. Rich brides wear nothing but white and orange blossom; but pale blue and a coronet of silver ribbon are more in accordance with the national custom. The religious ceremony has all the ritual and grandeur of the Greek Church. The bride has to prostrate herself before her husband in token of entire submission. The best man attends the bride, not the bridegroom, and is chosen by her. Seven o'clock in the evening is the time for Russian weddings to begin. Mostly newly-married couples live with the husband's family, who greet them on their return from church with bread and salt. A dance follows, during which the bride has to change her dress as many times as she has different costumes in her trousseau. The supper is served at daybreak, after which the guests depart. In Russia the wife's name is always a little different from that of her husband, owing to the fact that the family name when borne by a male is a substantive and can be used alone, while in a lady's case it is only an adjective which requires completion to give it full meaning.

In Sweden

a rainy day is considered lucky for a marriage, as it foretells wealth. There is barbaric feasting at the wedding, and departing guests are given a bottle of brandy and a huge ring of wheaten bread with which to treat those they meet on their way home. The bride is dressed by her particular friend, or by the pastor's wife, and wears a black, beribboned gown, ornamented with mock gems, tinsel, and artificial flowers. She has a myrtle wreath or a crown like her Norwegian sister. Her shoes have some symbolical reference to possible motherhood. In the left one her father places a silver coin, while her mother puts gold in the right shoe. These represent the necessaries and luxuries with which they hope she will be provided. On her return from church her mother places a sweetmeat in her mouth to make her gentle of speech.

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In Spain

the bride always retains her maiden name attached to that of her husband, and both must be used together. Flowers form a great feature of Spanish marriages, and in each district blossoms have special significance. In Valentia the ceremony takes place at night, and there is a mock "marriage by capture." All the guests must leave by 1 A.M.

In Catalonia only the nearest relations of the pair are allowed to attend the service, but many guests are asked to the house, and each must bring a gift. It is an insult to refuse an invitation of this kind. The guests are divided according to s.e.x, and when the bridegroom is tired of the men he goes and throws sweets at the ladies, exclusive of his wife. Then dancing follows. The bride's father gives his daughter her house, furniture, and trousseau, while the guests are supposed to supply her dowry. In Andalusia no ring is used, but every married woman wears flowers in her hair over the right ear as a mark of her matronly dignity.

In Hungary.

A society has been formed in South Hungary to enable the bride to have her name joined with that of her husband, and it may be noted, in pa.s.sing, that in Germany and Austria the wife takes the t.i.tle as well as the name of the man she marries. She is Mrs. Dr. Braun or Mrs.

Sanitary Inspector Meyer, Mrs Colonel Schmidt, and so on. The day before a marriage in Hungary there is a grand display of the bride's presents and trousseau, and the more garments, household linen, and beds she has, the prouder she feels. Two matrons and six maids clad in white, each of the latter carrying a crown, escort the bride to church. After the service she goes to her husband's home, where the feast lasts for days with occasional intervals. Each guest may have a dance with and a kiss from the bride, for which payment is made in small coins.

In Switzerland,