The Deipnosophists, or Banquet of the Learned of Athenaeus Part 66

This city honours Hercules exceedingly, And sacrifices to him in all the boroughs, And at these sacred rites it ne'er admits The common men, or parasites, or beggars; But out of all the citizens it picks Twelve men of all the n.o.blest families, All men of property and character; And then some rich men, imitating Hercules, Select some parasites, not choosing those Who are the wittiest men, but who know best How to conciliate men's hearts with flattery; So that if any one should eat a radish, Or stinking shad, they'd take their oaths at once That he had eaten lilies, roses, violets; And that if any odious smell should rise, They'd ask where you did get such lovely scents.

So that because these men behave so basely, That which was used to be accounted honourable, Is now accounted base.

37. And Axionicus, in his Chalcidian, says--

When first I wish'd to play the parasite With that Philoxenus, while youth did still Raise down upon my cheeks, I learnt to bear Hard blows from fists, and cups and dishes too, And bones, so great that oftentimes I was All over wounds; but still it paid me well, For still the pleasure did exceed the pain.

And even in some sort I did esteem The whole affair desirable for me.

Is a man quarrelsome, and eager too To fight with me? I turn myself to him; And all the blame which he does heap upon me, I own to be deserved; and am not hurt.

Does any wicked man call himself good?

I praise that man, and earn his grat.i.tude.

To day if I should eat some boiled fish I do not mind eating the rest to-morrow.

Such is my nature and my principle.

But Antidotus, in his play which is ent.i.tled Protochorus, introduces a man resembling those who in the Museum of Claudius still practise their sophistries; whom it is not even creditable to remember; and he represents him speaking thus--

Stand each one in your place, and listen to me, Before I write my name, and take my cloak.

If any question should arise to day About those men who live as parasites, I have at all times much esteem'd their art, And from my childhood have inclined to learn it.

38. And among the parasites these men are commemorated by name: t.i.thymallus, who is mentioned by Alexis in his Milesian Woman, and in his Ulysses the Weaver. And in his Olynthians he says--

This is your poor man, O my darling woman; This is the only cla.s.s, as men do say, Who can put death to flight. Accordingly This t.i.thymallus does immortal live.

And Dromon in his Psaltria says--

_A._ I was above all things ashamed when I Found that I was again to have a supper For which I was to give no contribution.

_B._ A shameful thing, indeed. Still you may see Our t.i.thymallus on his way, more red Than saffron or vermilion; and he blushes, As you may guess, because he nothing pays.

And Timocles, in his Centaur or Dexamenus, says--

Calling him t.i.thymallus, parasite.

And in his Caunians he says--

_A._ Will any other thing appear? Be quick, For t.i.thymallus has return'd to life, Who was quite dead, now that he well has boil'd Eightpennyworth of lupin seed.

_B._ For he Could not persist in starving himself, but only In drinking wine at other men's expense.

And in his Epistles he says--

Alas me, how I am in love! ye G.o.ds!

Not t.i.thymallus did so long to eat, Nor Cormus ever to steal another's cloak, Nor Nilus to eat cakes, nor Corydus To exercise his teeth at other's cost.

And Antiphanes says in his Etrurian--

_A._ For he will not a.s.sist his friends for nothing.

_B._ You say that t.i.thymallus will be rich, For as I understand you, he will get Sufficient pay, and a collection suitable From those within whose doors he freely sups.

39. Corydus also was one of the most notorious parasites. And he is mentioned by Timocles, in his The Man who Rejoices at Misfortunes of others, thus--

To see a well-stock'd market is a treat To a rich man, but torture to a poor one.

Accordingly once Corydus, when he Had got no invitation for the day, Went to buy something, to take home with him.

And who can cease to laugh at what befel him?-- The man had only fourpence in his purse; Gazing on tunnies, eels, crabs, rays, anchovies, He bit his lips till the blood came in vain; Then going round, "How much is this?" said he-- Then frighten'd at the price, he bought red herrings.

And Alexis, in Demetrius or Philetaerus, says--

I fear to look at Corydus in the face, Seeming so glad to dine with any one; But I will not deny it; he's the same, And never yet refused an invitation.

And in his Nurse he says--

This Corydus who has so often practised His jokes and witticisms, wishes now To be Blepaeus, and he's not far wrong, For mighty are the riches of Blepaeus.

And Cratinus the younger in his t.i.tans says--

Beware of Corydus the wary bra.s.sfounder; Unless you make your mind up long before To leave him nothing. And I warn you now Never to eat your fish with such a man As Corydus; for he's a powerful hand, Brazen, unwearied, strong as fire itself.

But that Corydus used to cut jokes, and was fond of being laughed at for them, the same Alexis tells to in his Poets--

I have a great desire to raise a laugh, And to say witty things, and gain a fame Second alone to that of Corydus.

And Lynceus the Samian repeats several of his sayings, and a.s.serts that his proper name was Eucrates. And he writes thus concerning him--"Eucrates, who was called Corydus, when he was once feasting with some one whose house was in a very shabby condition, said, 'A man who sups here ought to hold up the house with his left hand like the Caryatides.'"

40. But Philoxenus, who was surnamed Pternocopis, when it happened to be mentioned that thrushes were very dear, and that too while Corydus was present, who was said formerly to have prost.i.tuted himself--"I," said he, "can recollect when a lark (????d??) only cost an obol." (And Philoxenus too was a parasite, as Axionicus has stated in his Chalcidian. But the statement is thoroughly proved.) Menander too mentions him in his Cecryphalus, calling him Pternocopis only. And Machon the comic writer mentions him.--But Machon was either a Corinthian or Sicyonian by birth, living, however, in my own city of Alexandria; and he was the tutor of Aristophanes the grammarian, as far as comedy went. And he died in Alexandria, and an inscription to the following effect is placed upon his tomb--

Bring, O light dust, the conqueror's ivy wreath To Machon, who shall live beyond the tomb, Machon the comic poet; for you hold No dirty drone, but you embrace at last A worthy relic of antique renown These words from the old bard himself might flow, City of Cecrops; even by the Nile Is found at times a plant to all the Muses dear.

And surely this is equivalent to a statement that he was an Alexandrian by birth. However that may be, Machon mentions Corydus in these terms--

A messmate once ask'd Eucrates (Corydus) On what terms he and Ptolemy did stand.

I'm sure, said he, I cannot tell myself: For oft he drenches me like any doctor; But never gives me solid food to eat.

And Lynceus, in the second book of his treatise on Menander, says the men who got a reputation for saying witty things were Euclides the son of Smicrinus, and Philoxenus called Pternocopis. And of them Euclides did at times say apophthegms not unworthy of being written down and recollected; but in all other matters he was cold and disagreeable. But Philoxenus did not particularly excel in short curt sayings, but still whatever he said, whether in the way of gossip, or of a bitter attack on any of his companions, or of relation of occurrences, was full of pleasant and witty conversation. And yet it happened that Euclides was not very popular, but that Philoxenus was loved and respected by every one.

41. But Alexis, in his Trophonius, mentions a certain Moschion, a parasite, calling him "a messmate of every one," and saying--

Then comes Moschion, Who bears the name of messmate in the world.

And in his Pancratiast, Alexis, giving a regular catalogue of the dinner hunters, says--

_A._ First then there was Callimedon the crab; Then Cobion, and Corydus, and Cyrebion, s...o...b..us and Semidalis.

_B._ Hercules!

This is a list of dishes, not of guests.[381:1]

But Epicrates was nicknamed Cyrebion, and he was the son-in-law of aeschines the orator, as Demosthenes tells us in the oration about the False Emba.s.sy. And Anaxandrides, in his Ulysses, mentions such epithets as these, which the Athenians used to affix to people out of joke; saying--

For ye are always mocking one another; I know it well. And if a man be handsome You call him Holy Marriage . . . .

If a man be a perfect dwarf, a mannikin, You call him Drop. Is any one a dandy?

He is called Ololus; you know an instance.