The Deipnosophists, or Banquet of the Learned of Athenaeus Part 65

I sup with any one who likes, if he Has only got the good sense to invite me; And with each man who makes a marriage feast, Whether I'm asked or not, there I am witty; There I make others laugh, and there I praise The host, who gives the feast. And if by chance Any one dares to say a word against him, I arm myself for contest, and overwhelm him.

Then eating much and drinking plentifully, I leave the house. No link-boy doth attend me; But I do pick my way with stumbling steps, Both dark and desolate; and if sometimes I do the watchmen meet, I swear to them By all the G.o.ds that I have done no wrong; But still they set on me. At last, well beaten, I reach my home, and go to sleep on the ground, And for a while forget my blows and bruises, While the strong wine retains its sway and lulls me.

29. And the parasite of Epicharmus makes a second speech of the same kind. And a parasite of Diphilus speaks thus--

When a rich man who gives a dinner asks me, I look not at the ceiling or the cornices, Nor do I criticise Corinthian chasings, But keep my eyes fixed on the kitchen smoke, And if it goes up strong and straight to heaven, I joy and triumph, and I clap my wings; But it be but thin and moving sidewise, Then I perceive my feast too will be thin.

But Homer is the first person, as some say, who introduced the character of a parasite, saying of Podes that he was a beloved guest of Hector--

There stood a Trojan, not unknown to fame, Eetion's son, and Podes was his name,-- With riches honour'd, and with courage blest, By Hector loved, his comrade and his guest.[373:1]

For the word e??ap??? comes to the same thing as de?p???, on which account he makes him wounded by Menelaus in the belly, as Demetrius the Scepsian says; as also he represents Pandarus as wounded in the tongue, because of his having perjured himself; and it is a Spartan who wounds him, one of a nation very much devoted to temperance.

30. But the ancient poets called parasites flatterers; from whom also Eupolis gave this t.i.tle to his play, where he represents a chorus of flatterers speaking thus--

But we will tell you now The mode of life adopted By the whole flattering band, And listen ye, and learn How well-bred we all are.

For first of all a boy, Another person's slave, Attends us; and we are Content with very little.

I have two well-made garments, And always have one on; I hie me to the forum, And when I see a man, A foolish man but rich, I make my way to him, And if he says a word I praise his wit and laugh, Delighted at his jests.

And then we go to supper, My friends and I, pursuing Each different game so long As we can save our money.

And then the parasite Must show his wit and manners, Or out of doors be turned.

And one there was, Acestor, A branded slave, if I Am bound to tell the truth, And he was treated so.

For not one single joke Did he ope his lips to utter, And so the slaves expell'd And pilloried the knave, And gave him up to neus.

31. And Araros, in his Hymenaeus, uses the word parasite, where he says--

Why you must be a parasite, my friend; And 'tis Ischomachus who does support you.

And the word is constantly used among the later writers. And the verb pa?as?t??, to be a parasite, occurs in Plato the comic writer, in his Laches. For he says--

See how these youths do play the parasite.

And Alexis says that there are two kinds of parasites, in his Pilot, where we find this pa.s.sage--

_A._ There are two kinds of parasites, Nausinicos: The one the common one, much jested on By comic writers, we, the blackfaced men.

_N._ What is the other kind?

_A._ Satraps of parasites; Ill.u.s.trious leaders of the band; a troop Whom you may call the venerable parasites; Men who act well throughout their lives; Knit their brows gravely, win estates and legacies.

Know'st thou the kind of men, and these their manners?

_N._ Indeed I do.

_A._ Each of these men have one Fix'd method of proceeding, flattery; And as in life, fortune makes some men great, And bids the rest content themselves with little; So some of us do thrive, and some do fail.

Do I not make the matter plain to you?

_N._ Why if I praise you, you will ask for more.

32. And Timocles, in his Dracontius, hits off the parasite very neatly, and describes his character thus--

Shall I then let a man abuse the parasites?

No, surely, for there is no race of men More useful in such matters. And if company Be one of the things which makes life pa.s.s agreeably, Surely a parasite does this most constantly.

Are you in love? he, at the shortest notice, Feels the same pa.s.sion. Have you any business?

His business is at once the same as yours; And he's at hand to help you as you wish; Thinking that only fair to him that feeds him.

'Tis marvellous how he doth praise his friends-- He loves a feast where he is ask'd for nothing.

What man, what hero, or what G.o.d exists, Who does not scorn such habits and such principles?

But that I mayn't detain you all the day, I think that I can give you one clear proof In what respect men hold a parasite; For they receive the same rewards as those Who at Olympia bear the palm of victory-- They both are fed for nothing for their virtues; And wheresoe'er there is no contribution, That place we ought to call the Prytaneum.

33. And Antiphanes, in his Twins, says--

For look, the parasite, if you judge aright, Shares both the life and fortune of his friends.

There is no parasite who'd wish his friends To be unfortunate; but on the contrary His constant prayer will be, that all may prosper.

Has any one a fortune? he don't envy him; He'd rather always be at hand to share it.

He is a genuine friend, and eke a safe one, Not quarrelsome, ill-humour'd, peevish, sulky, But skill'd to keep his temper. Do you mock him?

He laughs himself; he's amorous or mirthful, Just as his friend is i' th' humour. He's a general, Or valiant soldier, only let his pay Be a good dinner, and he'll ask no more.

34. And Aristophon, in his Physician, says--

I wish now to inform him What is my disposition.

If any one gives a dinner, I'm always to be found, So that the young men scoffing Because I come in first Do call me gravy soup.

Then if there be occasion To check a drunken guest, Or turn him out by force, You'd think I were Antaeus; Or must a door be forced?

I b.u.t.t like any ram; Or would you scale a ladder?

I'm Capaneus, and eager To climb like him to heaven.

Are blows to be endured?

A very anvil I; Or Telamon or Ajax, If wounds are to be given; While as a beauty-hunter E'en smoke itself can't beat me.[375:1]

And in his Pythagorean he says--

For being hungry, and yet eating nothing, He is a t.i.thymallus or Philippides; For water-drinking he's a regular frog; For eating thyme and cabbages, a snail; For hating washing he's a pig; for living Out in the open air, a perfect blackbird; For standing cold and chattering all the day, A second gra.s.shopper; in hating oil He's dust; for walking barefoot in the morning, A crane; for pa.s.sing sleepless nights, a bat.

35. And Antiphanes says in his Ancestors--

You know my ways; That there's no pride in me, but I am just Like this among my friends: a ma.s.s of iron To bear their blows, a thunderbolt to give them; Lightning to blind a man, the wind to move one; A very halter, if one needs be choked; An earthquake to heave doors from off their hinges; A flea to leap quick in; a fly to come And feast without a formal invitation; Not to depart too soon, a perfect well.

I'm ready when I'm wanted, whether it be To choke a man or kill him, or to prove A case against him. All that others say, Those things I am prepared at once to do.

And young men, mocking me on this account, Do call me whirlwind--but for me, I care not For such light jests. For to my friends I prove A friend in deeds, and not in words alone.

But Diphilus in his Parasite, when a wedding-feast is about to take place, represents the parasite as speaking thus--

Do you not know that in the form of curse These words are found, If any one do fail To point the right road to a traveller, To quench a fire; or if any one spoil The water of a spring or well, or hinders A guest upon his way when going to supper?

And Eubulus says in his dipus--

The man who first devised the plan of feasting At other folk's expense, must sure have been A gentleman of very popular manners; But he who ask'd a friend or any stranger To dinner, and then made him bear his share, May he be banish'd, and his goods all seized.

36. And Diodorus of Sinope, in his Orphan Heiress, has these expressions, when speaking of a parasite, and they are not devoid of elegance--

I wish to show and prove beyond a doubt How reputable, and how usual too, This practice is; a most divine contrivance.

Other arts needed not the G.o.ds to teach them; Wise men invented them; but Jove himself Did teach his friends to live as parasites, And he confessedly is king o' the G.o.ds.

For he does often to men's houses come, And cares not whether they be rich or poor; And wheresoe'er he sees a well-laid couch, And well-spread table near, supplied with all That's good or delicate, he sits him down, And asks himself to dinner, eats and drinks, And then goes home again, and pays no share.

And I now do the same. For when I see Couches prepared, and handsome tables loaded, And the door open to receive the guests, I enter in at once, and make no noise, But trim myself, behaving quietly, To give no great annoyance to my neighbour, And then, when I have well enjoy'd the whole That's set before me, and when I have drunk Of delicate wines enough, I home return, Like friendly Jupiter. And that such a line Was always thought respectable and honest, I now will give you a sufficient proof.