The Deipnosophists, or Banquet of the Learned of Athenaeus Part 67

Does a man walk about all fat and heavy, Like Damocles? you call him Gravy Soup.

Does any one love dirt? his name is Dust.

Does any one bedaub his friends with flattery?

They call him Dingey. Does one want a supper?

He is the fasting Cestrinus; and if One casts one's eye upon a handsome youth, They dub one Caenus, or The Manager.

Does one in joke convey a lamb away?

They call one Atreus; or a ram? then Phrixus: Or if you take a fleece, they name you Jason.

42. And he mentions Chaerephon the parasite in the pa.s.sage which precedes this. But Menander mentions him likewise in the Cecryphalus: and in his Anger he says--

The man does not differ the least from Chaerephon, Whoever he may be. He once was ask'd to supper At four o'clock, and so he early rose, And measuring the shadow on the dial By the moon's light, he started off and came To eat his supper at the break of day.

And in his Drunkenness he says--

That witty fellow Chaerephon delay'd me, Saying that he should make a marriage feast The twenty-second of the month, that then He might dine with his friends the twenty-fourth, For that the G.o.ddess's affairs were prospering.

And he mentions him also in his Man-woman, or the Cretan. But Timocles in his Letters mentions him especially as having attached himself as a parasite to Demotion, who was an intemperate man--

But Demotion was one who spared for nothing, Thinking his money never could run dry, But dinners gave to all who liked to come.

And Chaerephon, that wretchedest of men, Treated his house as though it were his own.

And yet is not this a most shameful thing, To take a branded slave for a parasite?

For he's a perfect clown, and not in want.

And Antiphanes says in his Scythian--

Let us go now to sup, just as we are, Bearing our torches and our garlands with us; 'Twas thus that Chaerephon, when supperless, Used to manuvre for an invitation.

And Timotheus says in his Puppy--

Let us start off to go to supper now, 'Tis one of twenty covers as he told me; Though Chaerephon perhaps may add himself.

43. And Apollodorus the Carystian, in his Priestess, says--

They say that Chaerephon all uninvited Came to the wedding feast of Ophelas, Thrusting himself in in unheard-of fashion.

For carrying a basket and a garland When it was dark, he said that he had come By order of the bride, bringing some birds, And on this pretext he did get his supper.

And in his Murdered Woman he says--

I Mars invoke, and mighty Victory, To favour this my expedition.

I also call on Chaerephon--but then He's sure to come, e'en if I call him not.

And Machon the comic writer says--

Once Chaerephon a lengthen'd journey took Out of the city to a wedding feast, And on his way met Diphilus the poet, Who greeted him--"Take my advice, O Chaerephon, And fasten four stout nails to your two cheeks; Lest, while you shake your head in your long journey, You should put both your jaws quite out of joint.

And in another place he says--

Chaerephon once was purchasing some meat, And when the butcher was by chance, he says, Cutting him out a joint with too much bone, He said, O butcher, don't weigh me that bone.

Says he, The meat is sweet, indeed men say The meat is always sweetest near the bone.

But Chaerephon replied, It may be sweet, But still it weighs much heavier than I like.

And Callimachus attributes to Chaerephon a certain treatise, in the list which he gives, ent.i.tled, A Catalogue of all sorts of Things. And he writes thus:--"Those who have written about feasts:--Chaerephon in his Cyrebion;" and then he quotes the first sentence--"Since you have often written to me;" and says that the work consisted of three hundred and seventy-five lines. And that Cyrebion was a parasite has been already mentioned.

44. Machon also mentions Archephon the parasite, and says--

There was a parasite named Archephon, Who, having sail'd from Attica to Egypt, Was ask'd by Ptolemy the king to supper.

Then many kinds of fish which cling to rocks Were served up, genuine crabs, and dainty limpets; And last of all appear'd a large round dish With three boil'd tench of mighty size, at which The guests all marvell'd; and this Archephon Ate of the char, and mackerel, and mullets, Till he could eat no longer; when he never Had tasted anything before more tender Than sprats and worthless smelts from the Phalerum; But from the tench he carefully abstain'd.

And this did seem a most amazing thing, So that the king inquired of Alcenor, Whether the man had overlook'd the tench.

The hunchback said; No, quite the contrary, He was the first to see them, Ptolemy, But still he will not touch them, for this fish Is one he holds in awe; and he's afraid And thinks it quite against his country's rules That he, while bringing nothing to the feast, Should dare to eat a fish which has a vote.

45. And Alexis in his Wine-Bibber introduces Stratius the parasite as grumbling at the man who gives him his dinner, and speaking thus--

I'd better be a parasite of Pegasus, Or the Boreadae, or whoever else Is faster still, than thus to Demeas Eteobutades, the son of Laches, For he is not content to walk, but flies.

And a little afterwards he says--

_A._ Oh Stratius, dost thou love me?

_B._ Aye, I do More than my father, for he does not feed me; But you do give the best of dinners daily.

_A._ And do you pray the G.o.ds that I may live?

_B._ No doubt I do; for how should I myself Live if misfortune happen'd unto you?

And Axionicus the comic poet, in his Etrurian, mentions Gryllion the parasite in these words--

They cannot now make the excuse of wine, As Gryllion was always used to do.

And Aristodemus, in the second book of his Memoranda of Laughable Things, gives the following list of parasites--Sostratus the parasite of Antiochus the king, Evagoras the Hunchback, parasite of Demetrius Poliorcetes, and Phormio parasite of Seleucus. And Lynceus the Samian, in his Apophthegms, says--"Sila.n.u.s the Athenian, when Gryllion the parasite of Menander the satrap was pa.s.sing by in a superb robe, and accompanied by a great number of attendants, being asked who he was, said, "He is a jaw worthy of Menander." But Chaerephon the parasite, coming once to a wedding feast without being invited, and sitting down the last of all, when the gynaeconomi had counted those who were invited, and desired him to depart as having made the number of guests to exceed the legitimate number of thirty, said, 'Count us over again, and begin with me.'"

46. And that it was a custom for the officers called gynaeconomi[385:1]

to superintend the banquets, and to examine into the number of those who had been invited, and see whether it was in accordance with the law, we may learn from Timocles in his Litigious Man, where he says--

Open the doors at once, that we may be More in the light against the gynaeconomus Shall enter and begin to count the guests, As he is bound to do by this new law, A marvellous statute. It were better far That he should ask who are without a dinner.

And Menander says in his Cecryphalus--

Knowing that by some new law lately pa.s.s'd, The cooks who minister at marriage feasts Have given in their names and are enroll'd In the books of the gynaeconomi, So that they may the number learn of those Who are invited, lest a man should feast More than the legal number.

And Philochorus, in the seventh book of his history of the Affairs of Attica, says--The gynaeconomi used, in conjunction with the judges of the Areopagus, to examine the parties in private houses, and at marriage feasts, and at all other festivals and sacrifices.

47. And Lynceus records the following sayings of Corydus:--"Once when a courtesan whose name was Gnome was supping with Corydus, the wine ran short, on which he desired every one to contribute two obols; and said that Gnome should contribute whatever the people thought fit. And once when Polyctor the harp-player was eating lentil porridge, and had got a stone between his teeth, 'O you unhappy man!' said Corydus, 'even a lentil strikes you.'" And perhaps he is the same person whom Machon mentions; for he says--

It seems that once a wretched harp-player, Being about to build himself a house, Begg'd of a friend to lend him a few stones; And many more will I repay, he said, When I've display'd my art to all the people.

And once, when somebody said to Corydus that he sometimes kissed the neck, and the b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and even the navel (?fa???) of his wife, "That is very wrong," said he; "for even Hercules went from Omphale to Hebe." And when Phyromachus dipped a piece of bread into some lentil porridge, and upset the dish, he said that it was right that he should be fined, because he did not know how to eat properly, though he professed to. And once, at Ptolemy's table, when a ragout was carried round to the guests, but was finished before it came to him--"O Ptolemy," said he, "am I drunk, or am I right in thinking that these dishes are carried round?" And when Chaerephon the parasite said that he was unable to stand much wine, he rejoined, "No, nor stand what is put into the wine either." And once, when at some entertainment Chaerephon rose up from supper quite naked--"O Chaerephon," said he, "you are just like a bottle, so that we can see how nearly full you are." And when Demosthenes received that goblet from Harpalus--"This man," said he, "who calls other men hard drinkers, has himself swallowed a large cup."

And, as he was in the habit of bringing dirty loaves to supper, once, when somebody else brought some which were blacker still, he said, "that he had not brought loaves, but the shades of loaves."

48. And Philoxenus the parasite, who was surnamed Pternocopis, once was dining with Python, and olives (???a?) were put on the table, and after a little while a dish of fish was brought; and he, striking the dish, said--