The Complete Works of Josh Billings - novelonlinefull.com
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Care--Cat pizen.
Faith--The soul riding anchor.
Bliss--Happiness bileing over and running down both sides ov the pot.
Marriage--An alter on whitch man lays hiz pocketbook and woman her luv letters.
Quack--A doktor whoze science lays in hiz bill.
Hash--A boarding-hous confidence game.
Fuss--An old hen with one chicken.
Twins--2 mutch.
Boarding-School--A place whare wry coffee and flirtashun iz taught.
Experiment--Energy out ov a job.
Perfection--G.o.d in man.
Virtue--That ingredient whitch needs no foil, and without whitch nothing else iz valuabel.
Solitude--A good place tew visit, but a poor place tew stay.
Sloth--Life in a tomb.
Health--A call loan.
Memory--The shadow that the soul casts.
Politeness--Sixty day paper.
Poverty--The only birthright that a man kant lose.
Accidents--The dismay ov phools, the wize man's barometer.
Ease--Discounted time.
Wealth--Baggage at the risk ov the owner.
Trials--Whetstuns.
Fortune--The aggregate ov possibilitys; a G.o.ddess whom cowards count by stealth, but whom brave men take by storm.
Economy--A fust mortgage on wealth.
Enough--Jist a leetle more.
Dignity--Wisdum in tights.
Mischief--The maliss ov fun.
Cook--One who manufakters appetights.
Diseases--The whipping posts and branding irons ov luxury.
Drunkenness--Shame lost and shame found.
Cowardice--Pluck on ice.
Glutton--A man with a drunken appetight.
Examples--Foot prints in the wilderness.
Nunnery--Piety in chains.
Ignorance--Raw happiness.
Sin--A natral distemper, for which virtew haz bin discovered to be an antidote.
Friendship--One ov love's pimps.
Envy--A disease original with Cain, but which hiz brother Abel afterward caught, and died suddenly ov.
Belle--A female boss ov the situation.
Fancy--The flirtashun ov truth.
Sarcasm--An undertaker in tears.
Sulks--Deff and dum madness.
Courting--A hugg and kiss match, generally a drawn game.
Fiction--A lie with holiday clothes on.
Hen--A lay member.
Law--The shackels ov liberty.
Science--The literature ov truth.
Deceit--A ded wasp with a live tail.
Babys--Dividend.
Miser--A wretch who haz dug out hiz heart tew sto away hiz munny in.
