The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 98

Irresistible incentive Bids me humbly kiss your hand; I'm your service most attentive-- Most attentive to command!

(Aside with frantic vehemence) Wild with adoration!

Mad with fascination!

To indulge my lamentation No occasion do I miss!

Goaded to distraction By maddening inaction, I find some satisfaction In apostophe like this: "Sangazure immortal, "Sangazure divine, "Welcome to my portal, "Angel, oh be mine!"

(Aloud with much ceremony) Irresistible incentive Bids me humbly kiss your hand; I'm your servant most attentive-- Most attentive to command!

LADY S. Sir, I thank you most politely For your grateful courtesee; Compliment more true and knightly Never yet was paid to me!

Chivalry is an ingredient Sadly lacking in our land-- Sir, I am your most obedient, Most obedient to command!

(Aside and with great vehemence) Wild with adoration!

Mad with fascination!

To indulge my lamentation No occasion do I miss!

Goaded to distraction By maddening inaction, I find some satisfaction In apostophe like this: "Marmaduke immortal, "Marmaduke divine, "Take me to thy portal, "Loved one, oh be mine!"

(Aloud with much ceremony) Chivalry is an ingredient Sadly lacking in our land; Sir, I am your most obedient, Most obedient to command!

(During this the Notary has entered, with marriage contract.)

RECITATIVE--NOTARY

All is prepared for sealing and for signing, The contract has been drafted as agreed; Approach the table, oh, ye lovers pining, With hand and seal come execute the deed!

(Alexis and Aline advance and sign, Alexis supported by Sir Marmaduke, Aline by her Mother.)

CHORUS

See they sign, without a quiver, it-- Then to seal proceed.

They deliver it--they deliver it As their Act and Deed!

ALEX. I deliver it--I deliver it As my Act and Deed!.

ALINE. I deliver it--I deliver it.

As my Act and Deed!

CHO. With heart and with voice Let us welcome this mating; Leave them here to rejoice, With true love palpitating, Alexis the brave, And the lovely Aline!

(Exeunt all but Alexis and Aline.)

ALEXIS At last we are alone! My darling, you are now irrevocably betrothed to me. Are you not very, very happy?

ALINE Oh, Alexis, can you doubt it? Do I not love you beyond all on earth, and am I not beloved in return? Is not true love, faithfully given and faithfully returned, the source of every earthly joy?

ALEXIS Of that there can be no doubt. Oh, that the world could be persuaded of the truth of that maxim! Oh, that the world would break down the artificial barriers of rank, wealth, education, age, beauty, habits, taste, and temper, and recognize the glorious principle, that in marriage alone is to be found the panacea for every ill!

ALINE Continue to preach that sweet doctrine, and you will succeed, oh, evangel of true happiness!

ALEXIS I hope so, but as yet the cause progresses but slowly. Still I have made some converts to the principle, that men and women should be coupled in matrimony without distinction of rank. I have lectured on the subject at Mechanics'

Inst.i.tutes, and the mechanics were unanimous in favour of my views. I have preached in workhouses, beershops, and Lunatic Asylums, and I have been received with enthusiasm. I have addressed navvies on the advantages that would accrue to them if they married wealthy ladies of rank, and not a navvy dissented!

ALINE n.o.ble fellows! And yet there are those who hold that the uneducated cla.s.ses are not open to argument! And what do the countesses say?

ALEXIS Why, at present, it can't be denied, the aristocracy hold aloof.

ALINE Ah, the working man is the true Intelligence after all!

ALEXIS He is a n.o.ble creature when he is quite sober. Yes, Aline, true happiness comes of true love, and true love should be independent of external influences. It should live upon itself and by itself--in itself love should live for love alone!

BALLAD--ALEXIS

Love feeds on many kinds of food, I know, Some love for rank, some for duty: Some give their hearts away for empty show, And others for youth and beauty.

To love for money all the world is p.r.o.ne: Some love themselves, and live all lonely: Give me the love that loves for love alone-- I love that love--I love it only!

What man for any other joy can thirst, Whose loving wife adores him duly?

Want, misery, and care may do their worst, If loving woman loves you truly.

A lover's thoughts are ever with his own-- None truly loved is ever lonely: Give me the love that loves for love alone-- I love that love--I love it only!

ALINE Oh, Alexis, those are n.o.ble principles!

ALEXIS Yes, Aline, and I am going to take a desperate step in support of them. Have you ever heard of the firm of J. W.

Wells & Co., the old-established Family Sorcerers in St. Mary Axe?

ALINE I have seen their advertis.e.m.e.nt.

ALEXIS They have invented a philtre, which, if report may be believed, is simply infallible. I intend to distribute it through the village, and within half an hour of my doing so there will not be an adult in the place who will not have learnt the secret of pure and lasting happiness. What do you say to that?

ALINE Well, dear, of course a filter is a very useful thing in a house; but still I don't quite see that it is the sort of thing that places its possessor on the very pinnacle of earthly joy.

ALEXIS Aline, you misunderstand me. I didn't say a filter--I said a philtre.

ALINE (alarmed) You don't mean a love-potion?

ALEXIS On the contrary--I do mean a love potion.

ALINE Oh, Alexis! I don't think it would be right. I don't indeed. And then--a real magician! Oh, it would be downright wicked.

ALEXIS Aline, is it, or is it not, a laudable object to steep the whole village up to its lips in love, and to couple them in matrimony without distinction of age, rank, or fortune?

ALINE Unquestionably, but-- ALEXIS Then unpleasant as it must be to have recourse to supernatural aid, I must nevertheless pocket my aversion, in deference to the great and good end I have in view. (Calling) Hercules.

(Enter a Page from tent)

PAGE Yes, sir.

ALEXIS Is Mr. Wells there?

PAGE He's in the tent, sir--refreshing.

ALEXIS Ask him to be so good as to step this way.

PAGE Yes, sir.

(Exit Page) ALINE Oh, but, Alexis! A real Sorcerer! Oh, I shall be frightened to death!

ALEXIS I trust my Aline will not yield to fear while the strong right arm of her Alexis is here to protect her.

ALINE It's nonsense, dear, to talk of your protecting me with your strong right arm, in face of the fact that this Family Sorcerer could change me into a guinea-pig before you could turn round.

ALEXIS He could change you into a guinea-pig, no doubt, but it is most unlikely that he would take such a liberty. It's a most respectable firm, and I am sure he would never be guilty of so untradesmanlike an act.

(Enter Mr. Wells from tent)

WELLS Good day, sir. (Aline much terrified.) ALEXIS Good day--I believe you are a Sorcerer.

WELLS Yes, sir, we practice Necromancy in all its branches.

We've a choice a.s.sortment of wishing-caps, divining-rods, amulets, charms, and counter-charms. We can cast you a nativity at a low figure, and we have a horoscope at three-and-six that we can guarantee. Our Abudah chests, each containing a patent Hag who comes out and prophesies disasters, with spring complete, are strongly recommended. Our Aladdin lamps are very chaste, and our Prophetic Tablets, foretelling everything--from a change of Ministry down to a rise in Unified--are much enquired for. Our penny Curse--one of the cheapest things in the trade--is considered infallible. We have some very superior Blessings, too, but they're very little asked for. We've only sold one since Christmas--to a gentleman who bought it to send to his mother-in-law--but it turned out that he was afflicted in the head, and it's been returned on our hands. But our sale of penny Curses, especially on Sat.u.r.day nights, is tremendous. We can't turn 'em out fast enough.

SONG--MR. WELLS

Oh! my name is John Wellington Wells, I'm a dealer in magic and spells, In blessings and curses And ever-filled purses, In prophecies, witches, and knells.

If you want a proud foe to "make tracks"-- If you'd melt a rich uncle in wax-- You've but to look in On the resident Djinn, Number seventy, Simmery Axe!

We've a first-cla.s.s a.s.sortment of magic; And for raising a posthumous shade With effects that are comic or tragic, There's no cheaper house in the trade.

Love-philtre--we've quant.i.ties of it; And for knowledge if any one burns, We keep an extremely small prophet, a prophet Who brings us unbounded returns:

For he can prophesy With a wink of his eye, Peep with security Into futurity, Sum up your history, Clear up a mystery, Humour proclivity For a nativity--for a nativity; With mirrors so magical, Tetrapods tragical, Bogies spectacular, Answers oracular, Facts astronomical, Solemn or comical, And, if you want it, he Makes a reduction on taking a quant.i.ty!

Oh!