The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 75

We're homely ladies, as no doubt you see, And we have never fished for lover's love.

We smile at girls who deck themselves with gems, False hair and meretricious ornament, To chain the fleeting fancy of a man, But do not imitate them. What we have Of hair, is all our own. Our colour, too, Unladylike, but not unwomanly, Is Nature's handiwork, and man has learnt To reckon Nature an impertinence.

Princess: Well, beauty counts for naught within these walls; If all you say is true, you'll pa.s.s with us A happy, happy time!

Cyril: If, as you say, A hundred lovely maidens wait within, To welcome us with smiles and open arms, I think there's very little doubt we shall!

QUARTET (Princess, Cyril, Hilarion and Florian) "The World is But a Broken Toy"

Princess: The world is but a broken toy, Its pleasure hollow -- false its joy, Unreal its loveliest hue, Alas!

Its pains alone are true, Alas!

Its pains alone are true.

Hilarion: The world is ev'rything you say, The world we think has had its day.

Its merriment is slow.

Alas!

We've tried it, and we know, Alas!

We've tried it and we know.

All: Unreal its loveliest hue, Its pains alone are true,

Princess: Alas!

All: The world is but a broken toy, Its pleasure hollow -- false its joy, Unreal its loveliest hue, Alas!

Its pains alone are true, Alas!

Its pains alone are true!

Florian: Unreal its loveliest hue,

3 Men: Unreal its loveliest hue,

Princess: Cyr. & Flor: A- Hilarion: Un- Un- las! real its loveliest hue real--- Alas! Alas!

----- ---- its loveliest hue

All: Alas!

Alas!

Its pains alone are true.

(Exit Princess. The three Gentlemen watch her off.

Lady Psyche enters, and regards them with amazement)

Hilarion: I'faith, the plunge is taken, gentlemen!

For, w.i.l.l.y-nilly, we are maidens now, And maids against our will we must remain.

[All laugh heartily.]

Psyche: (Aside) These ladies are unseemly in their mirth.

(The gentlemen see her, and, in confusion, resume their modest demeanour.)

Florian: (Aside) Here's a catastrophe, Hilarion!

This is my sister! She'll remember me, Though years have pa.s.sed since she and I have met!

Hilarion: (Aside to Florian) Then make a virtue of necessity, And trust our secret to her gentle care.

Florian: (To Psyche, who has watched Cyril in amazement) Psyche! Why, don't you know me? Florian!

Psyche: (Amazed) Why, Florian!

Florian: My sister! (Embraces her)

Psyche: Oh, my dear! What are you doing here -- and who are these?

Hilarion: I am that Prince Hilarion to whom Your Princess is betrothed. I come to claim Her plighted love. Your brother Florian And Cyril came to see me safely through.

Psyche: The Prince Hilarion? Cyril too? How strange!

My earliest playfellows!

Hilarion: Why, let me look!

Are you that learned little Psyche who At school alarmed her mates because she called A b.u.t.tercup "ranunculus bulbosus"?

Cyril: Are you indeed that Lady Psyche, who At children's parties, drove the conjuror wild, Explaining all his tricks before he did them?

Hilarion: Are you that learned little Psyche, who At dinner parties, brought in to dessert, Would tackle visitors with "You don't know Who first determined longitude -- I do -- Hipparchus 'twas -- B. C. one sixty-three!"

Are you indeed that small phenomenon?

Psyche: That small phenomenon indeed am I!

But gentlemen, 'tis death to enter here: We have all promised to renounce mankind!

Florian: Renounce mankind!? On what ground do you base This senseless resolution?

Psyche: Senseless? No.

We are all taught, and, being taught, believe That Man, sprung from an Ape, is Ape at heart.

Cyril: That's rather strong.

Psyche: The truth is always strong!

SONG (Lady Psyche, with Cyril, Hilarion and Florian) "A Lady Fair, of Lineage High"

Psyche: A Lady fair, of lineage high, Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone by.

The Maid was radiant as the sun, The Ape was a most unsightly one, The Ape was a most unsightly one-- So it would not do-- His scheme fell through, For the Maid, when his love took formal shape, Express'd such terror At his monstrous error, That he stammer'd an apology and made his 'scape, The picture of a disconcerted Ape.

With a view to rise in the social scale, He shaved his bristles and he docked his tail, He grew mustachios, and he took his tub, And he paid a guinea to a toilet club, He paid a guinea to a toilet club-- But it would not do, The scheme fell through-- For the Maid was Beauty's fairest Queen, With golden tresses, Like a real princess's, While the Ape, despite his razor keen, Was the apiest Ape that ever was seen!

He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits, He crammed his feet into bright tight boots-- And to start in life on a brand-new plan, He christen'd himself Darwinian Man!

But it would not do, The scheme fell through-- For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey crav'd, Was a radiant Being, With brain far-seeing-- While Darwinian Man, though well-behav'd, At best is only a monkey shav'd!

3 Men: For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey crav'd,

All: Was a radiant being, With a brain far-seeing-- While Darwinian Man, though well-behav'd, At best is only a monkey shav'd!