The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 90

_Con._ When I consider the Force of Persuasion, I am almost ready to allow it. For if a Man would expose a Thief or a Murderer to the greatest Ignominy, would it not be a sufficient Punishment to cut off a Piece of the hinder Part of his Cloaths, and sow a Piece of a Wolf's Skin upon his b.u.t.tocks, to make him wear a party-colour'd Pair of Stockings, and to cut the fore Part of his Doublet in the Fashion of a Net, leaving his Shoulders and his Breast bare; to shave off one Side of his Beard, and leave the other hanging down, and curl one Part of it, and to put him a Cap on his Head, cut and slash'd, with a huge Plume of Feathers, and so expose him publickly; would not this make him more ridiculous than to put him on a Fool's Cap with long Ears and Bells? And yet Soldiers dress themselves every Day in this Trim, and are well enough pleased with themselves, and find Fools enough, that like the Dress too, though there is nothing more ridiculous.

_Innk._ Nay, there are topping Citizens too, who imitate them as much as they can possibly.

_Con._ But now if a Man should dress himself up with Birds Feathers like an _Indian_, would not the very Boys, all of them, think he was a mad Man?

_Innk._ Stark mad.

_Con._ And yet, that which we admire, savours of a greater Madness still: Now as it is true, that nothing is so ridiculous but Custom will bear it out; so it cannot be denied, but that there is a certain _Decorum_ in Garments, which all wise Men always account a _Decorum_; and that there is also an Unbecomingness in Garments, which will to wise Men always seem unbecoming. Who does not laugh, when he sees a Woman dragging a long Train at her Heels, as if her Quality were to be measured by the Length of her Tail? And yet some Cardinals are not asham'd to follow this Fashion in their Gowns: And so prevalent a Thing is Custom, that there is no altering of a Fashion that has once obtain'd.

_Innk._ Well, we have had Talk enough about Custom: But tell me now, whether you think it better for Monks to differ from others in Habit, or not to differ?

_Con._ I think it to be more agreeable to Christian Simplicity, not to judge of any Man by his Habit, if it be but sober and decent.

_Innk._ Why don't you cast away your Cowls then?

_Con._ Why did not the Apostles presently eat of all Sorts of Meat?

_Innk._ I can't tell. Do you tell me that.

_Con._ Because an invincible Custom hinder'd it: For whatsoever is deeply rooted in the Minds of Men, and has been confirm'd by long Use, and is turn'd as it were into Nature, can never be remov'd on a sudden, without endangering the publick Peace; but must be remov'd by Degrees, as a Horse's Tail is pluck'd off by single Hairs.

_Innk._ I could bear well enough with it, if the Monks had all but one Habit: But who can bear so many different Habits?

_Con._ Custom has brought in this Evil, which brings in every Thing.

_Benedict_ did not invent a new Habit, but the same that he wore himself and his Disciples, which was the Habit of a plain, honest Layman: Neither did _Francis_ invent a new Dress; but it was the Dress of poor Country-Fellows. Their Successors have by new Additions turned it into Superst.i.tion. Don't we see some old Women at this Day, that keep to the Dress of their Times, which is more different from the Dress now in Fashion, than my Dress is from yours?

_Innk._ We do see it.

_Con._ Therefore, when you see this Habit, you see only the Reliques of antient Times.

_Innk._ Why then, has your Garment no Holiness in it?

_Con._ None at all.

_Innk._ There are some of you that make their Boasts that these Dresses were divinely directed by the holy Virgin Mother.

_Con._ These Stories are but meer Dreams.

_Innk._ Some despair of being able to recover from a Fit of Sickness, unless they be wrapp'd up in a Dominican's Habit: Nay, nor won't be buried but in a Franciscan's Habit.

_Con._ They that persuade People of those Things, are either Cheats or Fools, and they that believe them are superst.i.tious. G.o.d will know a wicked Man as well in a Franciscan's Habit, as in a Soldier's Coat.

_Innk._ There is not so much Variety in the Feathers of Birds of the Air, as there is in your Habits.

_Con._ What then, is it not a very good Thing to imitate Nature? But it is a better Thing to out-do it.

_Innk._ I wish you would out-do it in the Variety of your Beaks too.

_Con._ But, come on. I will be an Advocate for Variety, if you will give me Leave. Is not a _Spaniard_ dressed after one Fashion, an _Italian_ after another, a _Frenchman_ after another, a _German_ after another, a _Greek_ after another, a _Turk_ after another, and a _Sarazen_ after another?

_Innk._ Yes.

_Con._ And then in the same Country, what Variety of Garments is there in Persons of the same s.e.x, Age and Degree. How different is the Dress of the _Venetian_ from the _Florentine_, and of both from the _Roman_, and this only within _Italy_ alone?

_Innk._ I believe it.

_Con._ And from hence also came our Variety. _Dominic_ he took his Dress from the honest Ploughmen in that Part of _Spain_ in which he liv'd; and _Benedict_ from the Country-Fellows of that Part of _Italy_ in which he liv'd; and _Francis_ from the Husbandmen of a different Place, and so for the rest.

_Innk._ So that for aught I find, you are no holier than we, unless you live holier.

_Con._ Nay, we are worse than you, in that; if we live wickedly, we are a greater Stumbling to the Simple.

_Innk._ Is there any Hope of us then, who have neither Patron, nor Habit, nor Rule, nor Profession?

_Con._ Yes, good Man; see that you hold it fast. Ask your G.o.dfathers what you promis'd in Baptism, what Profession you then made. Do you want a human Rule, who have made a Profession of the Gospel Rule? Or do you want a Man for a Patron, who have Jesus Christ for a Patron? Consider what you owe to your Wife, to your Children, to your Family, and you will find you have a greater Load upon you, than if you had professed the Rule of _Francis_.

_Innk._ Do you believe that any Inn-Keepers go to Heaven?

_Con._ Why not?

_Innk._ There are a great many Things said and done in this House, that are not according to the Gospel.

_Con._ What are they?

_Innk._ One fuddles, another talks bawdy, another brawls, and another slanders; and last of all, I can't tell whether they keep themselves honest or not.

_Con._ You must prevent these Things as much as you can; and if you cannot hinder them, however, do not for Profit's Sake encourage or draw on these Wickednesses.

_Innk._ Sometimes I don't deal very honestly as to my Wine.

_Con._ Wherein?

_Innk._ When I find my Guests grow a little too hot, I put more Water into the Wine.

_Con._ That's a smaller Fault than selling of Wine made up with unwholsome Ingredients.

_Innk._ But tell me truly, how many Days have you been in this Journey?

_Con._ Almost a Month.

_Innk._ Who takes Care of you all the While?

_Con._ Are not they taken Care enough of, that have a Wife, and Children, and Parents, and Kindred?

_Innk._ Oftentimes.

_Con._ You have but one Wife, we have an hundred; you have but one Father, we have an hundred; you have but one House, we have an hundred; you have but a few Children, we have an innumerable Company; you have but a few Kindred, we have an infinite Number.

_Innk._ How so?