The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 88

_Innk._ The Apostles were famous for Miracles; they heal'd the Sick, so that it is no Wonder how they liv'd every where, but you can do no such Thing.

_Con._ We could, if we were like the Apostles, and if the Matter requir'd a Miracle. But Miracles were only given for a Time for the Conviction of the Unbelieving; there is no Need of any Thing now, but a religious Life. And it is oftentimes a greater Happiness to be sick than to be well, and more happy to die than to live.

_Innk._ What do you do then?

_Con._ That we can; every Man according to the Talent that G.o.d has given him. We comfort, we exhort, we warn, we reprove, and when Opportunity offers, sometimes we preach, if we any where find Pastors that are dumb: And if we find no Opportunity of doing Good, we take Care to do no Body any Harm, either by our Manners or our Words.

_Innk._ I wish you would preach for us to Morrow, for it is a Holy-Day.

_Con._ For what Saint?

_Innk._ To St. _Antony._

_Con._ He was indeed a good Man. But how came he to have a Holiday?

_Innk._ I'll tell you. This Town abounds with Swine-Herds, by Reason of a large Wood hard by that produces Plenty of Acorns; and the People have an Opinion that St. _Antony_ takes Charge of the Hogs, and therefore they worship him, for Fear he should grow angry, if they neglect him.

_Con._ I wish they would worship him as they ought to do.

_Innk._ How's that?

_Con._ Whosoever imitates the Saints in their Lives, worships as he ought to do.

_Innk._ To-morrow the Town will ring again with Drinking and Dancing, Playing, Scolding and Boxing.

_Con._ After this Manner the Heathens once worshipped their _Bacchus_.

But I wonder, if this is their Way of worshipping, that St. _Antony_ is not enraged at this Sort of Men that are more stupid than Hogs themselves. What Sort of a Pastor have you? A dumb one, or a wicked one?

_Innk._ What he is to other People, I don't know: But he's a very good one to me, for he drinks all Day at my House, and no Body brings more Customers or better, to my great Advantage. And I wonder he is not here now.

_Con._ We have found by Experience he is not a very good one for our Turn.

_Innk._ What! Did you go to him then?

_Con._ We intreated him to let us lodge with him, but he chas'd us away from the Door, as if we had been Wolves, and sent us. .h.i.ther.

_Innk._ Ha, ha. Now I understand the Matter, he would not come because he knew you were to be here.

_Con._ Is he a dumb one?

_Innk._ A dumb one! There's no Body is more noisy in the Stove, and he makes the Church ring again. But I never heard him preach. But no Need of more Words. As far as I understand, he has made you sensible that he is none of the dumb Ones.

_Con._ Is he a learned Divine?

_Innk._ He says he is a very great Scholar; but what he knows is what he has learned in private Confession, and therefore it is not lawful to let others know what he knows. What need many Words? I'll tell you in short; _like People, like Priest_; and _the Dish_, as we say, _wears its own Cover_.

_Con._ It may be he will not give a Man Liberty to preach in his Place.

_Innk._ Yes, I'll undertake he will, but upon this Condition, that you don't have any Flirts at him, as it is a common Practice for you to do.

_Con._ They have us'd themselves to an ill Custom that do so. If a Pastor offends in any Thing, I admonish him privately, the rest is the Bishop's Business.

_Innk._ Such Birds seldom fly hither. Indeed you seem to be good Men yourselves. But, pray, what's the Meaning of this Variety of Habits? For a great many People take you to be ill Men by your Dress.

_Con._ Why so?

_Innk._ I can't tell, except it be that they find a great many of you to be so.

_Con._ And many again take us to be holy Men, because we wear this Habit. They are both in an Error: But they err less that take us to be good Men by our Habit, than they that take us for base Men.

_Innk._ Well, so let it be. But what is the Advantage of so many different Dresses?

_Con._ What is your Opinion?

_Innk._ Why I see no Advantage at all, except in Processions, or War.

For in Processions there are carried about various Representations of Saints, of _Jews_, and Heathens, and we know which is which, by the different Habits. And in War the Variety of Dress is good, that every one may know his own Company, and follow his own Colours, so that there may be no Confusion in the Army.

_Con._ You say very well: This is a military Garment, one of us follows one Leader, and another another; but we all fight under one General, Christ. But in a Garment there are three Things to be consider'd.

_Innk._ What are they?

_Con._ Necessity, Use, and Decency. Why do we eat?

_Innk._ That we mayn't be starv'd with Hunger.

_Con._ And for the very same Reason we take a Garment that we mayn't be starv'd with Cold.

_Innk._ I confess it.

_Con._ This Garment of mine is better for that than yours. It covers the Head, Neck, and Shoulders, from whence there is the most Danger. Use requires various Sorts of Garments. A short Coat for a Horseman, a long one for one that sits still, a thin one in Summer, a thick one in Winter. There are some at _Rome_, that change their Cloaths three Times a Day; in the Morning they take a Coat lin'd with Fur, about Noon they take a single one, and towards Night one that is a little thicker; but every one is not furnish'd with this Variety; therefore this Garment of ours is contriv'd so, that this one will serve for various Uses.

_Innk._ How is that?

_Con._ If the North Wind blow, or the Sun shines hot, we put on our Cowl; if the Heat is troublesome, we let it down behind. If we are to sit still, we let down our Garment about our Heels, if we are to walk, we hold or tuck it up.

_Innk._ He was no Fool, whosoever he was, that contriv'd it.

_Con._ And it is the chief Thing in living happily, for a Man to accustom himself to be content with a few Things: For if once we begin to indulge ourselves with Delicacies and Sensualities, there will be no End; and there is no one Garment could be invented, that could answer so many Purposes.

_Innk._ I allow that.

_Con._ Now let us consider the Decency of it: Pray tell me honestly, if you should put on your Wife's Cloaths, would not every one say that you acted indecently?

_Innk._ They would say I was mad.

_Con._ And what would you say, if she should put on your Cloaths?

_Innk._ I should not say much perhaps, but I should cudgel her handsomly.