The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 84

_Pa._ Because I found there were more Ceremonies than true Piety: And besides, I heard that there were some who were much holier, which _Bernard_ had enjoin'd a more severe Discipline, the black Habit being chang'd into a white one; with these I liv'd ten Months.

_Eu._ What disgusted you here?

_Pa._ I did not much dislike any Thing, for I found them very good Company; but the _Greek_ Proverb ran in my Mind;

[Greek: Dei tas chelonas e phagein e me phagein.]

_One must either eat Snails, or eat nothing at all._

Therefore I came to a Resolution, either not to be a Monk, or to be a Monk to Perfection. I had heard there were some of the Order of St.

_Bridget_, that were really heavenly Men, I betook myself to these.

_Eu._ How many Months did you stay there?

_Pa._ Two Days; but not quite that.

_Gl._ Did that Kind of Life please you no better than so?

_Pa._ They take no Body in, but those that will profess themselves presently; but I was not yet come to that Pitch of Madness, so easily to put my Neck into such a Halter, that I could never get off again. And as often as I heard the Nuns singing, the Thoughts of my Mistress that I had lost, tormented my Mind.

_Gl._ Well, and what after this?

_Pa._ My Mind was inflamed with the Love of Holiness; nor yet had I met with any Thing that could satisfy it. At last, as I was walking up and down, I fell in among some Cross-Bearers. This Badge pleas'd me at first Sight; but the Variety hindered me from chusing which to take to. Some carried a white Cross, some a red Cross, some a green Cross, some a party-colour'd Cross, some a single Cross, some a double one, some a quadruple, and others some of one Form, and some of another; and I, that I might leave nothing untry'd, I carried some of every Sort. But I found in reality, that there was a great Difference between carrying a Cross on a Gown or a Coat, and carrying it in the Heart. At last, being tired with Enquiry, it came into my Mind, that to arrive at universal Holiness all at once, I would take a Journey to the holy Land, and so would return Home with a Back-Load of Sanctimony.

_Po._ And did you go thither?

_Pa._ Yes.

_Po._ Where did you get Money to bear your Charges?

_Pa._ I wonder it never came into your Head, to ask that before now, and not to have enquir'd after that a great While ago: But you know the old Proverb; _a Man of Art will live any where_.

_Gl._ What Art do you carry with you?

_Pa._ Palmistry.

_Gl._ Where did you learn it?

_Pa._ What signifies that?

_Gl._ Who was your Master?

_Pa._ My Belly, the great Master of all Arts: I foretold Things past, present, and to come.

_Gl._ And did you know any Thing of the Matter?

_Pa._ Nothing at all; but I made bold Guesses, and run no Risque neither, having got my Money first.

_Po._ And was so ridiculous an Art sufficient to maintain you?

_Pa._ It was, and two Servants too: There is every where such a Number of foolish young Fellows and Wenches. However, when I came to _Jerusalem_, I put myself into the Train of a rich n.o.bleman, who being seventy Years of Age, said he could never have died in Peace, unless he had first visited _Jerusalem_.

_Eu._ What, did he leave a Wife at Home?

_Pa._ Yes, and six Children.

_Eu._ O impious, pious, old Man! Well, and did you come back holy from thence?

_Pa._ Shall I tell you the Truth? Somewhat worse than I went.

_Eu._ So, as I hear, your Religion was grown cool.

_Pa._ Nay, it grew more hot: So I went back into _Italy_, and enter'd into the Army.

_Eu._ What, then, did you look for Religion in the Camp. Than which, what is there that can be more impious?

_Pa._ It was a holy War.

_Eu._ Perhaps against the _Turks_.

_Pa._ Nay, more holy than that, as they indeed gave out at that Time.

_Eu._ What was that?

_Pa._ Pope _Julius_ the Second made War upon the _French_. And the Experience of many Things that it gives a Man, made me fancy a Soldier's Life.

_Eu._ Of many Things indeed; but wicked ones.

_Pa._ So I found afterwards: But however, I liv'd harder here, than I did in the Monasteries.

_Eu._ And what did you do after this?

_Pa._ Now my Mind began to be wavering, whether I should return to my Business of a Merchant, that I had laid aside, or press forward in Pursuit of Religion that fled before me. In the mean Time it came into my Mind, that I might follow both together.

_Eu._ What, be a Merchant and a Monk both together?

_Pa._ Why not? There is nothing more religious than the Orders of Mendicants, and there is nothing more like to Trading. They fly over Sea and Land, they see many Things, they hear many Things, they enter into the Houses of common People, n.o.blemen, and Kings.

_Eu._ Ay, but they don't Trade for Gain.

_Pa._ Very often, with better Success than we do.

_Eu._ Which of these Orders did you make Choice of?

_Pa._ I try'd them all.

_Eu._ Did none of them please you?