The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 52

_Ma._ But I don't go to Sea.

_Pa._ But she has a Son.

_Ma._ Youth is not very formidable.

_Pa._ But he is very revengeful and resolute.

_Ma._ What will he do to me?

_Pa._ What will he do? That which I can't wish to be done to one I wish so well to. G.o.d forbid I should.

_Ma._ Tell me what it is, for I an't afraid to hear it.

_Pa._ Well, I'll tell you then; if you slight me that love you, and am no Way unworthy of your Love; I shall be much mistaken if he don't by his Mother's Order shoot you with a venomous Dart, and make you fall deeply in Love with some sorry Fellow or other, that would not love you again.

_Ma._ That's a most horrid Punishment indeed. I had rather die a thousand Deaths than to be so bitterly in Love with an ugly Man, and one that won't love me neither.

_Pa._ But we had a notable Example of this not long since upon a certain Maid.

_Ma._ Where did she live?

_Pa._ At _Orleans_.

_Ma._ How many Years ago was it?

_Pa._ How many Years! not ten Months.

_Ma._ What was her Name? What do you stick at?

_Pa._ Nothing at all. I know her as well as I know you.

_Ma._ Why don't you tell me her Name then?

_Pa._ Because I am afraid it is ominous. I wish she had been of some other Name. She was your own Namesake.

_Ma._ Who was her Father?

_Pa._ Her Father is alive at this Time, and is a topping Lawyer, and a rich Man.

_Ma._ Tell me his Name.

_Pa. Mauritius._

_Ma._ His Sirname.

_Pa. Aglaius._

_Ma._ Is her Mother alive?

_Pa._ No, she died lately.

_Ma._ What did she die of, say you?

_Pa._ Why of Grief, and it had like to have cost her Father his Life too, for all he was a Man of a strong Const.i.tution.

_Ma._ Mayn't a Body know her Mother's Name.

_Pa._ Yes, _Sophrona_, every Body knows her Name. What do you mean by that Question? Do you think I invent a Lye?

_Ma._ Why should I think so of you? Our s.e.x is most to be suspected for that. But tell me what became of the Maid?

_Pa._ The Maid, as I told you before, came of very honest Parents, had a good Fortune, was very handsome, and in few Words, was a Match for a Prince; a certain Gentleman of an equal Fortune courted her.

_Ma._ What was his Name?

_Pa._ Ah me, I can't bear the Thoughts of it, his Name was _Pamphilus_ as well as mine. He try'd all the Ways in the World to gain her good Will; but she slighted all his Offers. The young Man pines away with Grief. Presently after she fell deep in Love with one more like an Ape than a Man.

_Ma._ How!

_Pa._ Ay, so wretchedly in Love, that 'tis impossible to relate it.

_Ma._ Such a pretty Maid to fall in Love with such an ugly Fellow?

_Pa._ Ay, with a long-visag'd, scald-headed, bald-pated, hollow-ey'd, snub-nos'd, wide-mouth'd, rotton-tooth'd, stuttering, scabby-bearded, hump-back'd, gor-belly'd, bandy-legg'd Fellow.

_Ma._ You tell me of a mere _Thersites_.

_Pa._ Nay, they said he had but one Ear, neither.

_Ma._ It may be he had lost the other in the War.

_Pa._ No, he lost it in Peace.

_Ma._ Who dar'd to cut it off?

_Pa. Jack Ketch._

_Ma._ It may be his Riches made Amends.

_Pa._ Over Head and Ears in Debt. And with this Husband this charming Girl now spends her Days, and is now and then drubb'd into the Bargain.

_Ma._ That is a miserable Story indeed.

_Pa._ But it is a true one. It is a just Retaliation upon her, for slighting the young Gentleman.

_Ma._ I should rather chuse to be thunder-struck than ty'd to endure such a Husband.

_Pa._ Then don't provoke Justice, but love him that loves you.